itsmeviya

[itsmeviya]

I’m miserable person right now, I’m in my phase again in which I question my self-worth and lost the reason why I need to keep on going.

[itsmeviya]

It's a fucked up world when you keep on thinking how you hurt someone unintentionally and felt guilty about it.

[itsmeviya]

Sa panahon ngayon, napakahirap na hanapin yung totoong tao.

[itsmeviya]

I’m not the kind of girl that get fluttered in sweet words and promises then fall in love. It’s hard to trust those words unless it was put into action with commitment, honesty and respect. 

[itsmeviya]

"Yung tipong lalandiin ka lang pero hindi ka pipiliin."

Naranasan ko maging na-iwan at nang-iwan. Una, nilandi ako, pero hindi ako pinili. Nakaka-disappoint kasi nagsayang ka ng oras na tipong araw araw ka nyang kakausapin, ipararamdam sayo na special ka. Yung tipong pakikiligin ka, tapos yun pala hindi ikaw yung the one para sa kanya. Masakit, pero mas okay. Bakit? Mabuti na yung masaktan ka kagad kesa unti unti sayong iparamdam na hindi ka para sa kanya. Isipin mo na lang nasagip ka kasi kapag naging malalim lalo kang malulunod at masasaktan. Alam mo yun, lalo kang natakot pero dapat mong isipin na may deserve sayo at mas deserve mo yung ikaw ang pinili.

Ikalawa, linandi ko pero hindi ko pinili. Bakit? Hindi ko kagustuhan mangyari, i tried pero wala eh, hindi ako nahulog. Gusto ko pero hindi ko mahal, so bakit pa tayo magsasayang ng panahon, hangga't maaga, ayusin mo na dahil ano man ang mangyari may masasaktan din, bakit sinimulan? Akala ko kasi mamahalin ko eh, yung tipong nasa kanya na lahat ng hinahanap mo pero hindi mo maramdaman na siya na yung magpapatibok ng puso mo.

[itsmeviya]

I'm miserable person right now, I'm in my phase again in which I question my self-worth and lost the reason why I need to keep on going.

[itsmeviya]

https://allgroanup.com/adult/11-questions-every-twenty-something-needs-to-ask/

https://thoughtcatalog.com/molly-burford/2017/10/56-deep-questions-to-ask-yourself-in-your-20s-to-help-you-find-out-who-you-really-are/

[itsmeviya]

I don’t know now. Before, I felt lonely that I want someone to be with. Like I’m dying to be in a relationship. Now, someone came and trying to date me but here I am wanting to be alone. Do things I want to do without anyone.

I don’t even understand myself.

[itsmeviya]

Nowadays, I felt bad in everything I do. I need to strive hard to survive in reality but my dreams were found in fantasy.

[itsmeviya]

Portrait

Nung unang kita ko sa litratong 'to, nagulat ako. Hindi ito yung inaakala kong kalalabasan. Naisip ko sa sarili ko, "ang pangit ng kinalabasan".

https://www.instagram.com/p/CDxzIbWAdFL/?igshid=y0wriubiukn

[itsmeviya]

You have a wonderful and blessed rest of your life and make sure to continue on spreading the love and I hope down the line you get everything you ever wished for and more. much love. Hope you and your family are all doing well during this worldwide crisis 🙏

I didn't notice this because I rarely open my account here. Thank you for this. 🙏

[itsmeviya]

I'm so fucking annoyed.

Yesterday, a friend of mine kept on insisting on his opinion about my relatives and I, as if it was easy to be hard on them. It was never easy to me.

Today, my colleague said something about me being a people pleaser and asked me to learn how not to be too considerate to other people.

GUYS, I UNDERSTAND. YOU WANT THE BEST FOR ME. But things are not that easy. This frustrates me more that I can't do what I want to do. I can't explain what I feel. Pwede pa mura ng isa? PUTANGINAAAAA.

I'm not annoyed because of them but because of me.

[itsmeviya]

Pwede na magswimming, hindi na mainit masyado. I miss going out. Tumataba na tayo eh. I love my fats pero kailangan na kitang i-let go dahil nasasaktan na ako sayo!! #ditolangto #swim #beach #fats

[itsmeviya]

Pinush ko na mag vlog. Nag-eenjoy ako mag edit at mag take ng videos. It's been months nung sinumulan ko to pero ngayon lang ako nakatutok. My subscribers are not more than 100, it's stuck in 89 but aiming this october that it will be 100. Hopefully. 🙏

[itsmeviya]

Okayyyyyyyyy. Wala ako magpagkwentuhan kaya dito ako magkwe-kwento.

Ahm, paano ba? Hahaha biglaan lang 'to eh, nakakaloka.

So, yung kapatid ng dating kasama namin sa house sa Dubai. Nagkagulatan kami na parehas kaming nasa Abu Dhabi. Nakasama ko din sya sa bahay noon for a few months pero hindi kami close. Then, we decided to meet up para magchikahan. Walang malisyang nakipagkita ako. Kwentuhan lang. Bago umuwi, bigla siyang may inabot na paperbag na may chocolate (nakakahiya kasi mahal yung brand nung chocolate). I accepted it pero nagtataka. At the back of my mind, medyo hindi lang yata catch up ang peg pero ayoko mag assume. Mahirap na. 😂😅 Maybe mapagbigay lang?

Few days after, tumawag siya para malaman saan ako nakatira at may ibibigay siya. He went to my place just to give california maki na sabi niya nag dinner lang sya malapit sa place ko and he remembered na malapit lang ako. 🤔 Okay, maybe mapagbigay lang 😅 Mahirap na mag assume.

Fast forward, nag-aya siyang lumabas ulit at maglakad lakad. Nag chai at inabot ng midnight sa pagkwentuhan. It was fun. Naguilty pa ako kasi akala ko hindi siya nagutom, hindi ako nagdidinner kasi nag babawas ako ng timbang. Kaya sinabi ko, sige next time kakain ako.

Nag aya ulit siya, ngayon naman dinner na talaga. Kahapon lang, good place and good food. Parang pinas lang ang feel. I told him na split na lang yung bill kasi nakakahiya. Of course, hindi pumayag dahil siya daw nag aya.

Next day, he asked me na mag lakad lakad sa malapit na beach. Pero mag coffee muna daw kami. Sinundo niya ako at sinorpresa. Like, hindi ko alam ang irereact ko. 😂😅, syempre nag pasalamat at nag abala pa siya (mahal na naman to. Gumastos na naman siya 😅) but i did appreciate it. Gusto kong ipost sa stories, pero feeling ko dudumugin ako ng tanong na wala naman akong maisasagot. Now, i can assume he's up to something. Hindi pa lang siya nagtatanong. Kakaloka, ang bilis niya. I can't even process anything. Shet talaga. Kinabahan ako 😅😂

Thank you. 😊

PS. Pag ako sinulatan ng love letters nito baka mafall ako hahaha. 😂 Wait handa na ba ako??

[itsmeviya]

Still do.

I fucking sabotage myself whenever I have the opportunity.

[itsmeviya]

Yung parehas kayo ng bff mo na baliw. Hahaha 😂