itscorvusbitches

[itscorvusbitches]

I M P O R T A N T

idk who what when or why but IDK SOME BADASS VILLAIN OR HERO WHATEVER YOUR POISON IS JUST LIKE IN SOME HUGE GAME CHANGING FIGHT OR BATTLE AND THEY JUST get the hiccups :)) and the bitch on the other end is just like what are you doing and DUDE IS JUST LIKE I'M NOT DOING IT ON PURPOSE AND THEY'RE JUST UNCONTROLLABLY HICCUPPING WHILE TRYING TO BEAT ASS AND NO ONE CAN TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY AND EVERYONES LAUGHING AND :))))))

THIS JUST HIT ME WHEN I WAS DOING THE TAGS AND FUCKING VOLDEMORT GUYS GETTING THE HICCUPS IN FRONT OF HARRY IN FOURTH YEAR WHILE HE'S DOING HIS EVIL MONOLOGUE AND THE DEATH EATERS HAVE TO JUST 😐👂🚫 I do not hear

[itscorvusbitches]

literally no one:

Dumbledore: 163481 points to gryffindor

the hp game really got everything down pat

[itscorvusbitches]

Draco: that could've killed you! that was so dangerous-

Harry: to you.

Draco: YOU SWALLOWED LITERAL RUSTY NAILS, HARRY, THAT'S DEADLY!

Harry: TO YOU.

Draco:

Harry:

Harry: I've died once and I'll do it again, I'm built different.

[itscorvusbitches]

okay but post war fic where almost everyone lives and and

• sirius and remus get married as they should

• and then then tonks gets married to tulip! from that hp game cause there was definitely something going on there

• I feel like tulip would turn fucking Antarctica ravenclaw colors or some shit cause it's tulip

• and auror tonks would have to find who the fuck did that cause what the fuck

• and tonks is like ! I know you! and tulip is like ! wanna turn Greenland Hufflepuff colors and tonks is like ! I'm marrying you and that's what they do

• also Greenland may or may not be sporting Hufflepuff colors

• and and and remus and sirius want a kid and tonks being the doll she is agrees to be their surrogate because she's just that awesome what a gal

• and so then boom there's a teddy

• and and Harry falls in love with this adorable blue haired nightmare of a kid and sirius and remus make him Teddy's godfather and Harry doesn't stop crying for weeks

• the Weasley's + Hermione have to endure said crying Harry and contemplate giving him back to the hospital

• and then we have draco fucking malfoy, what a prince, who's trying to get his life back together as best as he can

• prince starts making amends and where better to start than the sane parts of his remaining family

• and he finds out his mother's Azkaban escapee cousin had a kid with a werewolf and probably passes out trying to wrap his head around it

• he floos over immediately

• Teddy's hair goes blond and his eyes go silver and draco cries. guess who falls in love with teddy? draco does!

• and then, then Harry goes over to play with his favorite godson and teddy is a baby version of draco sodding malfoy and what the fuck

• draco walks out of the kitchen and harry sodding potter is holding his Teddy

• they try to have a custody battle right in front of Teddy's parent's who let it slide because they know what's happening

• draco and Harry end up spending almost every day together just to be with teddy, or that's what they tell themselves

• and Hermione finds out and she has tea with remus, Sirius, tulip, and tonks and they talk about how cute draco and Harry are together as they fight in the next room over teddy

•one day teddy adopts green eyes and blonde hair and draco and Harry don't know what to do

• what does this mean???

•why does he have potters eyes???

• why does he have malfoys hair???

• because teddy is a little shit that's why

• he hears his parents talking about Harry and draco all the time and how in love they are and teddy just sees them fighting so he's playing matchmaker as he should

• and Harry can't help but notice how soft dracos hair is and he wonders how it would feel in his fingers

• and Draco can't help but notice how fucking green Harry's eyes are like damn he could stare at them all day

• and this is where they gay panic

• and then they start spending less time with teddy and more time trying to distance themselves because they hate each other and they could never happen

• but remus and sirius won't have it

• so they tell Draco that they need him to babysit teddy while they go to visit tulip and tonks and they tell Harry the same thing

• they may neglect to mention that Harry will be there to Draco and vise versa

• whoops

• and so they get there and their first thoughts are "fuck Sirius and remus I'm leaving" but then they see each other trying to leave and they're like no you have to stay and watch him

• and they keep going on like that until they both just end up staying

• and Harry cooks dinner for teddy and Draco while Draco reads to teddy in the sitting room

• and it just feels so domestic and they could get used to this

• and fuck they're in love and they don't know how to stop being in love so they just fall deeper in love with each other

• and they end up snogging during dinner in front of teddy when Sirius and remus get back

• and they don't know whether to be happy or horrified cause not in front of teddy

• and everyone lives happily ever after because fuck jkr

[itscorvusbitches]

if post my wolfstar and drarry hc's, will subway still hire me???

[itscorvusbitches]

I said that I make sandwiches on my thing so subway is obligated to hire me.