its-personal-bytch

[its-personal-bytch]

Fucking cockroach fell on me while i was in the bathroom! Gross gross gross

[its-personal-bytch]

4 am

Seriously, 4 o'clock in the fucking morning and i can't sleep. I'm losing my mind. My boyfriend's mad at me because i smoke and he doesn't want me to. Also because i don't have sex with him often enough. I don't have anyone to talk to right now and this really sucks. I just want him to love me for me, and he does, but not my smoking or dislike for sex. I was 19 when i lost my virginity, it wasn't anything special. And i had no romantic feelings for the guy. I wonder if there's something wrong with me. I've had sex with my bf before, but it hurts because i have a medical issue 'down there'. And he understands that, but he still gets mad. It's not like he's a bad boy friend, he really great. He takes me out to dinner and gets me gifts and he's even bought me cigarettes when i don't have any money. He's really great and i can't imagine being without him, but we want different things out of life. He wants a nice house with a wife two kids and a dog, you know the 'ideal' family. He wants to be main income, and be able to support his family. I can understand that, but that's not what i want. I want to be independent, living in a small apartment, working full time, maybe going to night school for business. A cat for company, but that's it, i just want to support me and my lifestyle. I've always thought this way, i never wanted his type of ideal. I don't know what to do. I love him with all my heart, but i'm stuck.

[its-personal-bytch]

Looking Back

Just reread the stuff I posted a while ago. Things have changed in that little span of time. I'm a bit happier now. Not a lot of motivation still except the fact I'll be suffocated in bills if I quit school. Money is my motivation for work. Other than that, not much else to do.

I got a boy toy now. He's my boyfriend (not just my usual sex buddie). He's a great guy: Smart, responsible, considerate, funny, motivated, upbeat, optimistic. And he really likes me. It's been about 3 months, took a bit for me to actually decide to call him my boyfriend. We were friends before the official "start date", and the way I've been in the past made me wary. But I think I'm past it.

The bills are piling up. Seriously. I'm so in debt! I'm working on it bit by bit. Kohls CC first, and then my Suncoast CC. I swear 600$ doesn't go very far these days. And neither does my 120$/week paycheck. But eh, I'll be working more hours once I graduate Cosmo School and start working on my career. 

Tried to quit smoking. Not working. My boyfriend wants me to quit, and so do all my friends, and I've pretty much gone down to a pack a month. But it's just that little bit I just can't give up. I've gone back to drinking coffee regularly. Keeps me going pretty well on my hectic schedule.

There's my update.. Read, ignore, your choice.

[its-personal-bytch]

The last straw

So before I had made a post about how I hate my father because he's taking the clothes I paid for. Well, he did it, he just went to far. He took my tarot cards. In my book, that is a BIG no-no.my cards are my life. They are my connection to everything I believe in. Without them I would be dead. They're my salvation (for lack of better terms). I love them. And the only reason I don't carry them with me is because they would get ruined or lost if I did. And he just took them. While I was gone. And for about an hour, while I was out I felt horrible. I was depressed, and moody, and very emotional. And now I know why. I am going to flip.

[its-personal-bytch]

I am literally shaking with anger.

So here's me: I have a million things to do daily, I have no motivation to do anything, I literally want to die, and my father is an ass hole. And here's the situation: I'm slowly revamping my wardrobe with more adult like clothing, using my OWN money. And my room is usually messy, laundry all over the place. And I am always tired and always busy and my only day off is Sunday. I devote my Sundays to my very small social life. I need it. So now I'm missing a few newer and very liked pieces of clothing. Come go find out my DAD has decided to take it upon himself to remove the clothes I had on my floor. Because my room isn't clean. The clothes I paid for. (Emphasis on the "I") Why this sucks so much: I've lost a little bit of weight and I bought a pair of jeans a size smaller than I usually wear. Yay me right? Well that pair of jeans, that makes me feel good and makes me look good, was in the bunch of clothing he decided to "confiscate". No fuck you dad. Why i don't feel bad about hating my dad: we recently got into an argument and he decided to scream in my face about how much he hates me and that he doesn't want to see my face anymore. So, fuck him.

[its-personal-bytch]

Day I don't give a fuck

Soooo, very recently, I have had sex with this guy. And he's not my boyfriend. But he is sooooooo hot! So yea, it was kinda sorta my first time, though I don't hold any emotional or physical value over that. And now he's not talking to me.. -_- I know he doesn't have any feelings for me, but coooome ooon, you can't be completely emotionless XD I mean, seriously, he bought a whooole fucking box of condoms. like 25 count or something like that, because I said I wouldn't have sex with him unless he used a condom. So yea. That's it XD

[its-personal-bytch]

Made it to Day 3

Congrats to myself. At least I can be consistent with this shit. My second day of my diet and I binged so hard. Like 2000 calories, I think (I didn't actually count them).

So yea, I will be resuming my diet as if I never binged today, so 300 calories for tomorrow. Woot.

School was today, I passed all my makeup tests and did some up-dos pretty chill stuff... yea. I'm studying to be a cosmetologist. Boo-yah, I'm gunna be a kick ass cosmetologist!

[its-personal-bytch]

Day 2, Hoes

Well look at this, day two of my awesome unpopular blog.

I started a new diet. It's pretty simple and I'll lose weight pretty quickly. It's not healthy at all, even the title is a warning sign. ABC Diet aka the Ana Boot Camp Diet. Well, if you didn't know that Ana stood for anorexia you'd think it's just your run-of-the-mill diet. Let me tell you this, It's not. It's a very low calorie diet that pretty much starves yourself and pushes your body to eat the fat it has stored away. So it's not like you're eating nothing, you're just not eating enough.

I also know a few other blogs starting it the same time I am, Tomorrow (10.22.12). I accumulated some motivational friends who will all be going through this together. Pretty neat. Also with me already being a vegetarian It'll be easier for me to eat low calorie foods. And my parents won't notice me not eating since I barely eat anyway.

Well, I think that's all for my Day 2 report. Ciao!

[its-personal-bytch]

So, Day 1 Bitches

Well, I'm starting this blog knowing no one will read this, and I don't care if anyone does. No notes, and no followers, best expectations any blog on this site has. Everyone here seems to want followers, but isn't Tumblr about self-expression? Where's the originality of it? I'm not trying to sound like a hypocrite, I do it too. But come on people. I follow whatever I think is interesting, "Tumblr famous" or not. The more colorful and original the better. Nudity also accepted. And sex. And butts. And abs. And art. Art. Art. Art. 

I'm a strange person. I think of lots of weird things. Like how weird is an exception to the rule I before E except after C, it's weird right.. Weird. A weird word. Different from the other words that follow the rule. I can't think of any at the moment, but I can definitely tell you how to spell them. 

Also, the rule that there's an exception to every rule, making the rule itself the exception. It's a paradox. Paradoxes amuse me, there' no way to figure them out. Like "This statement is a lie." Is it? Is it really?

I also think about death. Like what if every time we make a decision, our life splits into all the possible decisions we make, creating alternate universes where our different decisions are played out, and our current consciousness is just a possibility. For example, I was in a crash recently, and I got to thinking that maybe I had died, but this was an alternate universe where I live. and that in one universe my parents were crying and grieving my death. Or another that I was just injured and I was thrown into an incredible debt that ruined my life. These thoughts make me sad. 

Well this is where I'm going to leave this. Good night.