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update it was a sonia kaspbrak role play account?????????? crying.
unrelated but why do I seem to acquire a new hyperfixation when I’m on da verge on a mental breakdown?
joining a fandom 7 or 38 years too late is a wild experience. i can read the most insane, well-written reddie fic about eddie and stan dying but remaining tethered to the losers club as specters and having to navigate through the dreams of their living friends, and then turn around and read a tumblr post thirsting over henry and butch bowers
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joining a fandom 7 or 38 years too late is a wild experience. i can read the most insane, well-written reddie fic about eddie and stan dying but remaining tethered to the losers club as specters and having to navigate through the dreams of their living friends, and then turn around and read a tumblr post thirsting over henry and butch bowers
#never expected the pennywise fandom to have the most hilarious and heartbreaking fics ever I’m having a great time#I’m sorting by kudos and going one by one and everything I’ve read has been an absolute banger#if this leads to me becoming an snl fan tho I will kms#have I mentioned that I’ve started making them in the sims… that’s how you know it’s bad
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thhis special glue has me thinking about how i walked out on you when we could have been walking up and down anything. god this post sucks can i try again
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does anyone know if its worth the potential disappointment to have hope for a better tomorrow
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I miss my best friend
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worrying is like worshipping the problem
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is there something wrong w me 4 going from “o my anxiety is barely bad anymre ! it was nvr that bad anyway !” to like the most stomach clenching barf inducing head spinning anxiety 15mins later lololol
#I blame my family for this one#and my coworkers for letting me handle everything for a solid 2 hours#and my inability to ask for help when I need it
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I think that maybe things aren’t going to get better
#I’m 22 years old I’ve made zero progress towards being mentally healthy and at this point I don’t want to#god this is so cringe but all I can think of is that stupid spell in hp that alters memories and makes people forget you#and how much I wish I could that so I could die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Wow I really am out here rawdogging life huh, no prescription drugs no nothing just me, my weed and cigarettes and vaping and liquor and jacking off and eating food and cutting myself and burning myaelf, and gambling, and my coke zero !
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almost cried during lunch. can’t wait until this shift is over so I can cry on the way home.
#I got my discussion post done tho yay I guess#can’t wait to go home and work on two post labs#two prelabs#and pay my tuition out of pocket without knowing if I’m going to get reimbursed#happy friday
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classes tomorrow. I don’t want to do any of this anymore.
#I don’t want to graduate I don’t want to pass I don’t want to work I don’t want to babysit I don’t want to talk to people ever again#I don’t want to deal with my family issues I don’t want to deal with my family celebrations I don’t want to have bad days I don’t want#to have good days either#I’m just so tired every day to day life I’m exhausted I don’t want to pretend to be happy anymore#and I don’t want everyone to see how awful I am#can I please be done
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Y'know
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shooting myself in the back of the head so my suicide looks suspicious and i waste everyones time
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