insomniac-needs-a-fucking-nap - Tumblr blog

[insomniac-needs-a-fucking-nap]

Even funnier if Wes has the Cassandra curse lol

Wes: don't fucking go into the cursed woods! The crypdids will murderize you!

Random person 1: nah the woods look safe!

*dies*

Wes: god damn it forgot about the curse.

Person 2: suggest any good places?

Wes: the woods. Very safe. No crypdids to murder you.

Person 2: great! *goes into the woods and dies*

Wes: dude what the fuck????? I give up.

*Heroes in civilian gear appear*

Wes: Nope, not touching that. Find someone else, not the murder cult, tho. they died, I think.... Either way, I haven't seen them for like a week, so probably dead. We'll see. Oh, and fuck string bean. Mothman's chill, tho he just wants the unused LED bulbs.

Danny lives in a horror movie-DC x DP prompt

Based on my favorite book series "tales from the gas station"

Its not everyday a mission requires the league to travel to middle America in to obtain a highly cursed artifact but it certainly today.

Locating the Seal of Silent Ashes was a task usually given to Justice League Dark but Constantine was currently busy. So that meant it was left to the poster boys to get this done. They dressed in civilian attire to investigate the last location of the seal starting with the first building on the edge of town. A small dusty gas station near the wood.

The inside had an awful smell, like death and cleaning fluid. The lights gave off a greenish-blue tint. Rats could be seen out of the corner of your eyes. Most of the chip were offbrand and crappy.

Behind the counter was the teenage boy chewing gum. He looked up at the group before going back to reading his book. He had clearly seen better days but didn't show signs of caring about the state of his hair or bags under his eyes. He drank coffee.

The air felt off.

"Hey kiddo, do you mind giving us directions?" Clark started.

The kid narrowed his eyes as he popped his gum.

"Your not from here. That or you're from that cult in the woods. Listen I'm not joining. Seriously cosmic nihilism and fatalism sounds doomed. Hey wait-" the teen checked his notes " No, the cult killed themselves in that mass suicide 2 weeks ago. I forgot."

The teen didn't say anything else as he went back to his book.

The horrified look of the adults shared was almost hilarious. At least to the teen if he looked up.

"Oh, and stay out of the woods. I don't want the police to come back and ask about who saw you last. Seriously if whatever is in there tears you apart I won't feel bad. I put those signs out forever ago and if I get one more girl covered in blood running in her screaming about her dead friends I'll get a headache." The teen shrugged turning the page.

"What do you mean?! Why would-?! Who's killing people?!" Barry asked frantically as Bruce serched for more reports of missing people in the area.

"I don't know. Why would I know? If you want to go in the cured forest go ahead. I mean that's how they all die. It isn't my job isn't to stop you. My job is to sit here and watch this store." The teen huffed in annoyance.

Before anymore questions were asked the signal of the radio was disrupted and a demonic howl screeched through the radio.

"God damnit. That cunt is back. Stay here." The teen growled as he grabbed his bat from under the counter and walked out the back door. "String bean! Get off the fucking roof you bastard! You know that radio is all I have here!"

A chattering laugh like a death rattle was heard and the sound of 2 sets of feet was heard on the roof then they lept down.

"Come here so I can beat you to death!" The teen ran around the building towards the front of the gas station chasing-what the fuck is that!

It was like a human that was twisted to crabwalk on all fours backwards. Its face was contorted into a black stretched out smile with no teeth. It had no eyes just black sockets. All its limbs were stretched out to an extra meter in length. It was a skinwalker of some kind with chalk-white skin. It was skittering away from the teen who was swinging his batat its head.

"Stop running! I told you before what would happen if I found you fucking with me again!" The boy meant it as he finally landed a hit and began wacking it over and over it.

The skin walker screeched and tried to run for its life but couldn't.

After reducing the monster into a black puddle the black-stained teen came back inside to sit back down not paying anymore to the monster blood he was covered in.

"Sorry about that. Most of the freaks around here have learned to stay away from this place. That one is new and he doesn't listen. You'd think they'd learn but Sting Bean thinks he can torment me. Petty bastard." The teen sighed "anyways are going to buy anything or are you going to waste what oxygen we get in here with this shitty ventilation.

Diana couldn't help but admire the boldness of the boy. He had no hesitation or fear against the beasts of this area even if was crude.

"Does Constantine have a cousin or something? Just a more angry one" Hall whispered to Hal.

[insomniac-needs-a-fucking-nap]

"The Entity Known as Phantom has finally been Discorperated."

The rest of the broadcast faded to background noise as the Teen Titans sat in stunned silence. The pride from the announcer, in his all white suit and dark sunglasses, felt thick and oily and slimy as it made their hackles raise.

They'd heard of the G.I.W. a few times in passing, but even Phantom had brushed the group off as a non-issue, saying he'd been dealing with and evading them for three years. The group was supposedly as incompetent as incompetent got.

So then how? And when? It'd only been a few days since he'd said he was going to visit his sister. He wasn't even expected back for another week and a half.

How had they gotten their hands on Phantom, who could consciously control how physical he was at a given moment?

And how could they have "Discorperated" a ghost?

Would Phantom return?

Could Phantom return?

What, exactly, did they mean by "Discorperated" anyway?

Each member of the team was now looking at each other as thoughts swirled and unasked questions remained unanswered. The News was muted, though no one could quite remember who had hit the control. "Tense" wasn't quite the right word to describe the air, but it was awfully close.

Kon snapped his head to the side, however, breaking the silent group staring contest when he heard the nearly silent wet sniffle from behind the couch. Straining his hearing and every other power under his command didn't reveal anything else to him, however. He didn't hide anything when asked, and it gave them the slightest hope that, just maybe, their friend might still be around.

---

The Justice League had cracked down hard after one of their own, a hero, a child, had been hurt. Possibly permanently.

It only took Batman and Oracle a week to access the G.I.W. test logs. Find the video and written reports of the direct application of Ectoranium leading to "Destabilizing of the Concentrated Ectoplasm at the Core of the Entity."

Superman had cursed when those words were read at the next League meeting, his hands clasped tightly in front of his mouth as he trembled with barely restrained fury. He wasn't the only one, either. They all felt like they had failed.

---

There were riots, ongoing, demanding justice for the ghost, the boy, who'd saved so many people and never asked for anything in return. Everyone who knew anyone was speaking up, interviewing with talk shows, news broadcasts, podcasts, papers, and magazines. Word was getting out everywhere, and even other countries were having protests. After all, the League protected the world, and the Titans had gone just as far.

---

A Shadow seemed to have taken up residence in the Titan's Tower. A few weeks had passed now since Phantom had last been seen.

It didn't take long for word to spread, and now they were holding a small seance with Zatanna and Raven. An untouched Ouija board and radio set in the center of the small circle. Lit candles formed a loose circle around their circle of friends.

One of the candles briefly flickered a signature green as Zatanna led, offering the radio and board for whatever spirit was with them to use, but not to keep. The radio briefly lit green before sputtering and dying.

"Spirit with us, what is your name?" Names hold power, after all, and with a name they could banish the spirit if they need to.

The plamchet slowly moved across the board, pausing deliberately to spell D-A-N-N-Y.

"Danny, do you know the name, Phantom?" Words had to be very deliberate with unknown spirits, after all. Zatanna was more familiar with the rules, so she led for now.

The plamchet slid over to YES.

"Danny, does Phantom still exist in some way beyond memory and word and deed?"

YES.

"Danny, will you tell us how you know Phantom?" Indirect, with an opportunity to elaborate. Not every spirit would answer a question like that, but if the spirit was especially helpful, it just might.

YES. A-M. Hope blossomed for a moment, and in the pause, the plamchet continued. D-A-N-N-Y-P-H-A-N-T-O-M.

"Phantom's name is Danny? And you are Phantom, Danny? Is that correct?" The last thing they wanted was false hope, so better to clear everything up if they could.

YES. YES. YES.

Hopeful looks were shared around before excitement filled the room. Their friend was here, still. Zatanna gave a nod for the Titans to keep going.

"How are you feeling, P?"

W-E-A-K.

T-I-R-E-D.

"Is there anything we can do to help? We miss you, man."

There was a pause before it moved again. M-I-S-S-U-2.

S-T-A-R-S-?

"You wanna stargaze with us tonight, P?"

YES P-L-S.

"I'll get the blankets!"

[insomniac-needs-a-fucking-nap]

I’ve hinted at it in other posts I’ve made, but the idea that Danny is just a little to non-human for people’s comfort is a head cannon I love. Which is half the reason he ends up in Gotham.

Gotham is cursed. Like full on, cursed the land the city was built on it’s imbedded in the brick and mortar of the buildings, cursed. But it leaves all Gothamites with a certain level of tolerability.

So Danny, who had the police called on him 5 different times during a college visit in metropolis because he was just a little too uncanny and everyone felt a certain degree of uncomfortable around him, learned that gothamites still pick up on the uncanny, but they can ignore it. At most he kinda get’s side eyed when he passes by, but most of Gotham gives off an odd vibe so they take it at face value and move on. Danny is not a registered rogue and is also not actively holding them up and they have better places to be.

That doesn’t mean it’s always ignored though. After Danny is admitted to the aerospace engineering program at Gotham U a Twitter account pops up that’s just called “Local GU Cryptid sightings.” It’s just pictures of Danny sleeping in the weirdest fucking places or security footage of him that keeps bugging out because they learn that they can’t take pictures of the kid without the footage going a little buggy.

The students in Danny’s cohort use the account to gauge Danny’s sanity level. They were not afraid to ask what was up with him, and instead of saying he’s a ghost he admitted to essentially living above a radioactive portal that contaminated him. His eyes glow and he has sharper teeth and ears. Also digital anything cannot capture his likeness.

And this was fascinating to them. They started doing some research because they wanted to know why some images had more distortion than others. Turns out the more tired Danny is the more distorted the photo becomes. So every now and then you’ll see someone snap a photo of Danny and be like “go home!” (They refer it to it as Danny’s sanity level because one time he started laughing so hard they thought he’s been gassed, but turns out he hadn’t slept in a week).

Still, it’s sorta become a game. Like how there are accounts that post pictures of the campus squirrels. It’s just that but with absurd Danny sightings. Someone caught him asleep in a tree once. No one knows how he got up there but he was sleeping against a gargoyle in the middle of the night and for the life of them they couldn’t figure out why he wouldn’t just go home (he likes sleeping under the stars sometimes, even if he can’t see them through the smog). A teacher sent a student to retrieve something from storage. Danny was also down there, and can apparently see in the dark since said student turned the corner to a dark hall and glowing green eyes. (Geezus Danny you scared the shit out of me. Now don’t move. I need proof this happened or no one will believe me.)

It’s all pretty harmless. The first time Danny gets caught up in a rouge attack his teenage vigilante instincts kick in and he decks the leader in the face knocking him out cold.

Bruce is concerned because footage of the fight is distorted but both Jason and Tim take one look and laugh. “It’s just Danny. We already vetted him. He’s good,l. Remember the GCPD’s request about that kid who disarmed a bomb and disappeared? That was Danny. He was tired and likes to canabilize machines for his projects.”

Danny not a born Gothamite, but he certainly feels like one so they accept him into the fold easily enough.

[insomniac-needs-a-fucking-nap]

"Hey girl!" Phantom says nonchalantly on the shoulder of the fucking Ghost King. Ice cream in one hand, a pair of sunglasses on his face, and a smoothie in the other. "You're getting adopted!"

Raven stared at the scene incredulously. When Phantom had texted her saying that he had a surprise for her, this was not what she expected.

She then slowly, ever so slowly, looked at the expression on the Ghost King's face. The lack of annoyance or anger at the fact that Phantom was sitting on his shoulder. Then the clear space on his other one. Then to her phone. Then to the rest of her team who look just as shocked (because a man and his kid who they don't know busted into their home) then back to Phantom.

Who merely shook the smoothie in her direction.

...

You know what?

She flew up, grabbed the smoothie, then sat herself down on the Ghost King's other shoulder. Much to Phantom's delighted cackle as the Ghost King disappeared from the Tower in a shower of green flame.

"Don't forget these!" Phantom said, reaching around with his ghost physiology to shake a pair of sunglasses next to her face. Raven took them, then put them and leaned back, taking a sip from her smoothie.

[insomniac-needs-a-fucking-nap]

Cry me a fucking river

[insomniac-needs-a-fucking-nap]

Cannibalism!

So you know how fics have Danny reabsorbing his limbs and growing back the limb whenever one gets cut off, what if he ate it instead?

__________

During an altercation with a rouge Phantom had unfortunately lost one of his arms in a contraption, not that he seemed to care though, which should've been their biggest hint but they were too busy trying get him back to the watchtower to be treated.

They had been preparing what they needed to heal him when a loud snap caught their attention. The whole room watched in horror as one of their youngest member bit into his arm without a care in the world, biting through his arm with ease as if it was a piece of chicken, eating the bones and all.

"PHANTOM!"

The boy turned to the distressed hero smiling with his cheeks full and painted with his green blood. His smile fell a bit once he noticed the looks everyone was giving him.

"WhAe?"

The flesh in his mouth muffled his wording, they would tell him not to speak with his mouth full but right now they need to get him to stop eating his arm.

[insomniac-needs-a-fucking-nap]

need a polite way to say "im not engaging in a discussion on this topic with you because the conclusions you have reached are based on so many interwoven layers of misconceptions it would be easier to just like, hard reset your whole brain, just start over as a baby and try again"

[insomniac-needs-a-fucking-nap]

I’m so emotional about dinosaur stuffed animals,,, there are these creatures, extinct long before any of us were alive, but we found their bones and their eggs and their footprints. And we made drawings and models of what they could’ve looked like. And we made them into stuffed animals so we could hold them. We made them soft so we could love them. I’m sobbing

[insomniac-needs-a-fucking-nap]

My ancestors, watching me dump an entire stick of cinnamon, two cloves, an allspice berry, and a generous grating of nutmeg into my tea, sweetened with white sugar and loaded with cream, while I sit in my clean warm house surrounded by books, 25+ outfits for different occasions, and 6 pairs of shoes, in a building heated so well I have the windows open in mid-autumn:

Our daughter prospers. We are proud of her. She has never labored in a field but knows riches we could not have imagined.

[insomniac-needs-a-fucking-nap]

I feel like this concept would be a hit in America

New political strategy just dropped.

Taiwanese parliament member stole a Bill before it could get passed. 

@NFL Someone sign this man as a running back.

[insomniac-needs-a-fucking-nap]

This fake yarn is supposedly better for sheep.

Aimed at people who don’t know where wool comes from, it’s 100% plastic. Yes, plastic.

So any garment you wash will release microfibres into the sea. It’ll never decompose.

You’re supposed to believe that sheep shearing is violent and cruel. There are imbeciles out there that work in an unprofessional manner while shearing, but that’s not the case overall.

Sheep don’t suffer from having their fleece removed.

Left on, the fleece can become a home for fly eggs and the subsequent maggots which can eat the sheep. Chemical treatments are available to prevent that happening. It’s much better for the sheep, the land and the farmer to avoid chemical use.

Don’t be fooled. Wool is a sustainable material, one we should make more and better use of.

[insomniac-needs-a-fucking-nap]

An alien race rallies before Earth, demanding to speak to Earth's "Protector". While all heroes are arguing about who, exactly, they are talking about, the aliens get impatient and broadcast an image of...Daniel Fenton.

Everyone is very confused.

The aliens are getting angry and impatient and not willing to answer questions. No one knows why they think Daniel Fenton is the "Protector of the Earth", except perhaps Daniel Fenton himself, who looks very embarrassed.

John Stewart picks him up and forces him to the WatchTower, so they can put an earpiece in his ear and instruct him on how to be a diplomat.

They have Fenton all set up, in front of the giant screen broadcasting his face to not only the aliens, but all of Earth.

Except.

The aliens are chattering amongst each other in their own language, and Fenton goes from looking nervous to looking pissed.

"Oh that's real fucking rich coming from a bitchass pussy that looks like three day old dog shit, come at me you stupid motherfu-"

Three things happen.

First, Flash snaps himself out of his stupor and slaps a hand over Fenton's mouth.

Second, Fenton's parents, who were waiting outside of the room, immediately start shouting at him about his language and how grounded he is.

Third, the aliens are bothering their translator, who is refusing to translate.

They have no idea how Fenton speaks the alien's language, and given that he's actually struggling and escaping bit by bit, clearly using powers they hadn't been aware of previously, they're starting to think it might be a Young Justice situation.

A teen hero capable of going to other planets, who somehow made one of them think he was Earth's Protector, and who's parents have no idea.

Shit.

Or; The aliens get their information about other planets through a very complicated process that, without them knowing, goes through the Infinite Realms for a hot second. This means when they looked up "Great Protector" they got the name Daniel Fenton. Because of the Yetis. Danny, who can understand all languages but currently only speaks English and Esperanto thanks to ghost powers, overhears the aliens talking mad shit about his mom right before negotiations are supposed to start. Danny reacts accordingly.

[insomniac-needs-a-fucking-nap]

DP x DC Prompt.

Deadserious

.

>Danny had a problem. He thought he handled it well. He couldn't tell his civillian boyfriend of his half-dead status.

He definitely couldn't let him find out by being summoned by some culty wannabes who wanted to rule the world.

Easy solution: Volunteer to be the sacrifice, turn his eyes green, and act like a Royal prick and powerful being. Get rescued by one of Gothams 50 vigilantes. And claim no memory.

Boom, secret identity underwraps.

He didn't expect everyone to treat him so fragile after.

>

Damian also had a problem. That problem, being his civilian boyfriend, was obviously possessed by a spirit of the ghastly ghost king and was utterly clueless about it.

And it was all his fault.

Danny Fenton was the next June Moore/ Enchantress. Except he was hosting one of the most powerful beings in the universe.

And that lovable idiot had no damn idea about it.

[insomniac-needs-a-fucking-nap]

[insomniac-needs-a-fucking-nap]

DP x DC Prompt.

Deadserious

.

>Danny had a problem. He thought he handled it well. He couldn't tell his civillian boyfriend of his half-dead status.

He definitely couldn't let him find out by being summoned by some culty wannabes who wanted to rule the world.

Easy solution: Volunteer to be the sacrifice, turn his eyes green, and act like a Royal prick and powerful being. Get rescued by one of Gothams 50 vigilantes. And claim no memory.

Boom, secret identity underwraps.

He didn't expect everyone to treat him so fragile after.

>

Damian also had a problem. That problem, being his civilian boyfriend, was obviously possessed by a spirit of the ghastly ghost king and was utterly clueless about it.

And it was all his fault.

Danny Fenton was the next June Moore/ Enchantress. Except he was hosting one of the most powerful beings in the universe.

And that lovable idiot had no damn idea about it.

[insomniac-needs-a-fucking-nap]

DP × DC The Power of Names Coffee Shop AU

Coffee shops are notorious for misspelling peoples names to the point that it's a running joke and basically a forgone conclusion everywhere. Everywhere except this tiny coffee shop near Crime Alley. The new hire there, Danny, spells everybody's name correctly without having to ask. Whether it's "Carly" or "Karly," he always gets it right the first time. Heck, people give him their names in Chinese and Arabic, and he swaps to the correct alphabet, no problem (because Danny, being king of the dead, can speak all languages dead and living, so might as well be respectful).

It becomes a bit of a running joke in the community to give Danny the craziest names they can find to see if he can get them right. Some of the Bats even hear rumors about him and give it a go for fun. They make a game out of it to see who can find a language or alphabet that Danny can't get. That is until, while massively sleep deprived from a case involving cults and magic and getting nowhere, Tim accidently says one of the words that he'd been hearing in the cultist chants when he orders. Danny gives him an odd look but shrugs and writes something on the cup. It isn't until Tim has already left the shop that he realizes that the symbol written on his cup is one shown in the cultists scrolls he couldn't decipher.

Tim almost dropped his coffee. Danny wasn't just a human who knew a ton of languages, he must have been a meta with the ability to understand EVERY language. And the Bats desperately needed his help to crack this one before the cultist finished summoning whatever demon or disaster they had planned. But how to get the kid's help? From idle chatter while ordering, the Bats learned that Danny wanted nothing to do with the Gotham vigilantes. And Tim had already given his connection to this case away by spewing that word writen on his cup...

(I like to imagine the name Tim gave was something like "corn field" and that's why Danny looked at him funny and not because it's one of the languages of the dead)