insane-li

[insane-li]

“are you a fan of - ” you misunderstand me. i am not a fan. i am not a well-adjusted, casual media enjoyer. sports language could never describe how i feel about this fictional topic

[insane-li]

There’s something to be said, that even after twenty years, Penelope looks out the window, sees a storm, and says, ah yes, that must be my darling husband, pissing off the gods.

[insane-li]

Can you imagine being the siren who forgot to sink/hide the empty boat that Odysseus and his crew found and prompted them to put beeswax in their ears to resist the siren’s song?

Sirens, caught and tied up: oh my Zeus, how did this happen?

Odysseus: We found the empty boat and that’s how we deduced you were SIRENS! HA!

All the sirens stilling at once and then turning to one siren in particular. A chorus of hisses rises and in the cacophony you hear: Seriously Lorelei?! You had one job.

[insane-li]

Odysseus crying and pleading to Penelope that he is so different now and doesn’t really know who he is, is he worthy of her after everything he has done? Can she still love him? Does she even recognize him?

And Penelope really looked at Odysseus with an eyebrow raised and said “all right, if you’re so different from my husband get rid of the marriage bed.” Implying two things: one, she will accept how much he has changed and two, she will change their narrative if she must but she will still continue to love him regardless of whether he is the same man or not because their love endured.

But then this comment kind of goes over Odysseus’s head and he immediately gets mad and is like, “Are you CRAZY I MADE THAT bed for US! I carved it from the olive tree where we MET, are you crazy woman!”

And Penelope smiles and says, him having not only answered her question but solidifying what she already knew: “Only my husband would know that. Idiot.”

Odysseus, light dawning: Ohhhh. Oh.

Thank you to whoever related this to Solavellan because I thought I’d just be a casual fan but, yet again, love enduring consumes my soul.

[insane-li]

Dragon Age: The Veilguard

Elvhen artifacts

Tears of June

"Found at the bottom of a large well. Artifact will separate all nearby materials into constituent pieces when unstable. Materials can include people"

Sylaise's Firefly

"Found in the center of a large charred circle. Artifact will emit tremendous heat and light when unstable. Will melt stone"

Ghilan'nain's Binding

"Found in the ruins of an unnamed thaig. Artifact will combine multiple living creatures into one body when unstable. Causes immediate death in most cases"

(it's so good we all knew that when uncontrollably touched that damned eggs all the way through trespasser dlc, yay safety measures rock)

(also "living creatures"? it builds a bridge in trespasser dlc. stone bridge of the titans bodies pieces? ominous)

Dirthamen's Guidance

"Found on western edge of White Spire, buried in snow. Artifact will cause nearby objects to continue floating upwards indefinitely when unstable. Currently cannot be retrieved"

and one artifact to rule them all

[insane-li]

Something something “weak writing”.

hate solas or not romance him or not whatever like. i dont understand how he doesnt drive everyone CRAZY as a character.

like. have you ever just sat and thought about. what it must be like. the trauma. the shakespearean sadness of being the only person that remembers DEATH not being a thing.

and you feel so insane because youre going around telling people “no you dont understand the world as it exists now is fucking horrible people used to not DIE.” and theyre like “its fine as it is just let it be and let us live and die as we are”, desperate for you to acknowledge their personhood. Meanwhile your entire race is the victim of genocide and slavery and cultural erasure, what little magic remains in the world is shunned and mages are systematically imprisoned for being fucking born and people die of old age and its because of you. and now its your cross to bear to atone for ALL of that and justify to people that the world could be better but no one else knows anything different so they dont get it and just know they dont want to die.

And so the only way you can cope with the trauma of that is by treating the world and everyone in it like it’s a bad dream.

Its just so existential. It’s like what if you could talk to God and ask him why he made the world but he was just some vaguely pathetic dude and his answer was “it was a mistake and i regret it every day”.

[insane-li]

Ok but look at this picture I took in the game holy shit OP

“The failure was mine. I should pay the price…”

[insane-li]

Me, casually reading smut: you should not be having sex in that chair, that is so bad for your back. Ugh, why are you on the flag stones giving him a blowjob? Your knees are just gonna be torn up after this bby. You’re gonna have to wear the knee brace for like three days. Ice and heat on rotation. No thank you.

Me, staring at Veilguard romance scenes: why is everyone interested in having sex on this couch? A couch is not a bed. You can’t spread out properly. Your neck is going to hurt tomorrow in that position. GASP. Am I… a prude?

[insane-li]

Penelope “you’re always my husband” and Odysseus “next to my wife” of Ithaca everyone

I’m afraid they invented romance actually

[insane-li]

not the emperor sneak 💀

[insane-li]

Rook: *yawns*

Emmrich: I agree my dear, being beautiful must be tiring.

Rook: Then you must be exhausted.

Neve: Do you two mind? Some of us are eating.

[insane-li]

Listen, this song is a straight banger.

I know we yearn for together, always, but seeing Solas turn to see Rook having escaped from God Prison (I wish Rook would say “do I look like a fucking god to you?” When Solas says even he could not break from it. Ass.), and those little notes DROP as he turns towards Rook and makes his descent to their level, curious and assessing his situation and deciding it is now in his favor (ah yes, a wild Rook has appeared and can do my bidding with the lyrium dagger now.)

I know people are out here straight disrespecting Hans Zimmer and Lorne Balfe - which blows my mind, you guys realize there can be multiple amazing composers right? - in favor of Trevor Morris. I get it, I fucking do, but I also really fucking don’t. If someone could explain the audacity to me on why they hate the soundtrack, keep it to yourself, idc, it’s gold and just as good as inquisition bc I can enjoy more than one thing at a time, maybe try it some time.

[insane-li]

I was initially planning on being a casual fan, but then I thought, why not just let it consume my soul instead? 

[insane-li]

"datv solas is the real solas" both dai solas and datv solas are solas. he wants to give wisdom, not orders. the whole point of datv is we see him regress back into role of general, he actively manipulates the player to do his bidding (like he did the spirits of wisdom who died not knowing it would lead to their doom) and in dai he (if you have high approval or romance) embraces his purpose of wisdom once again, you can either antagonize him and push him further into his own beliefs this world is hopeless, or coax him back into his senses and embrace the wisdom and truth that the world is not the perverted cesspit he thought it was when he first awoke.

do you people have like worms for brains where narrative structures that characters contain multitudes and don't exist in black & white personalities (much like people contain multitudes) are lost on you? is it lost on you that solas isn't supposed to be a two-bit villain, you're supposed to take into account his behaviour in inquisition and apply it to veilguard is that it? that there is a reason when the atonement ending (you only get with mythal & inq there) happens he leaves, wearing the same clothing he wore in inquisition, the hobo apostate garb? not his evanuris haute couture? do you need me to explain this to you like you're five?

okay!

dread wolf = title!! a mockery he embraced when he rebelled against the evanuris at the behest of felassan because people need faith and someone to believe in to lead them!

fen'harel = his given name! no less foreign to his personality but a moniker he takes on as a shield since he's fully perverted into pride and has become apart of the hierarchy the evanuris have built.

solas = his (i guess, they never rly explain it) chosen name! no less foreign to his personality as pride but this name holds more sentiment to his nature as wisdom (i was solas first, before i was fen'harel. | and i wanted to stay with you, as solas.)

[insane-li]

I do not have one but I am desperate for one please read my resume:

I’m a romantic

I neglect my kids for fandom - here honey, have all the glue and eco-friendly sparkles you want. Our couch needs a touch up. Mommy’s gonna play her game.

I’m 35

i cannot emphasize how necessary it is to have a buddy to participate in fandom with. completely elevated experience. don't have a buddy? find someone you like and message them and be their friend. gush over every sketch and drabble and insane headcanon they have. live life to the fullest.

[insane-li]

David Gaider, personally ruining my day yet again. Bless him

[insane-li]

Hell yes

Yay, unsolicited advice time! Or, not really advice, more like miscellaneous tips and tricks, because if there's one thing eight years of martial arts has equipped me to write, it's fight scenes.

.

Fun things to add to a fight scene (hand to hand edition)

It's not uncommon for two people to kick at the same time and smack their shins together, or for one person to block a kick with their shin. This is called a shin lock and it HURTS like a BITCH. You can be limping for the rest of the fight if you do it hard enough.

If your character is mean and short, they can block kicks with the tip of their elbow, which hurts the other guy a lot more and them a lot less

Headbutts are a quick way to give yourself a concussion

If a character has had many concussions, they will be easier to knock out. This is called glass jaw.

Bad places to get hit that aren't the groin: solar plexus, liver, back of the head, side of the thigh (a lot of leg kicks aim for this because if it connects, your opponent will be limping)

Give your character a fighting style. It helps establish their personality and physicality. Are they a grappler? Do they prefer kicks or fighting up close? How well trained are they?

Your scalp bleeds a lot and this can get in your eyes, blinding you

If you get hit in the nose, your eyes water

Adrenaline's a hell of a drug. Most of the time, you're not going to know how badly you've been hurt until after the fact

Even with good technique, it's really easy to break toes and fingers

Blocking hurts, dodging doesn't

.

Just thought these might be useful! If you want a more comprehensive guide or a weapons edition, feel free to ask. If you want, write how your characters fight in the comments!

Have a bitchin day <3