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Hey! Guess what!

Lee Alexander FINALLY got married. That’s right.

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SWNT Karaoke at Lee & Davie’s

Fiona: Let the karaoke begin!

Davie: ooooo, I am first on the list! *stands up* And who is ready for some Michael Boltooooooon!

Caroline: Uh, hold on a minute Davie. Somebody crossed out your name and wrote in ...Fiona. *turns to look at Fiona, arms crossed*

Davie: Fi, you cant do that! That’s not fair!

Fiona: Life is not fair....take a seat, pretty boy!

Fiona: COME ON BROONETTES!

Jo Love, Lauren McMurchie, Emily Thomson, Nicola Docherty & Frankie Brown get up from their seats as Livin’ La Vida Loca starts playing;

Fiona: SHE’S IN TO SUPER STITIONS, BLACK CATS AND VODOO DOLLLSSS

Frankie: I FEEL A PREMINITION, THAT GIRLS GONNA MAKE ME FALLLL

Lauren: SHE’LL MAKE YOU TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFFF AND GO DANCING IN THE RAAAAAIN

Jo: SHE’LL MAKE YOU LIVE HER CRAZY LIFE BUT SHE’LL TAKE AWAY YOUR PAIN LIKE A BULLET TO YOUR BRAIN

Nic & Emily: COME ON!!

Everyone: UPSIDE INSIDE OUT SHE’S LIVIN LA VIDA LOCA, SHE’LL PUSH AND PULL YOU DOWN LIVIN LA VIDA LOCA

Fiona: HER LIPS ARE DEVIL RED AND HER SKINS THE COLOUR MOCHA

Nic: SHE WILL WEARR YOU OUT LIVIN LA VIDA LOCA

Emily: COME ON!

Jo: LIVIN’ LA VIDA LOCAAAA!

Everyone: COME ON!!!

Shelley & Christie Kerr (her daughter) walk into the room as the music stops.

Lee: Shelley...Christie...how long have you two been standing there?

Christie: Way too long....

-

Rachel: Okay I’m next!

Kim: Oh god....

Summer Nights from Grease starts playing

Everyone: Uh oh...

Lee: Is this—

Rachel: Yes it is —

Lee: I’m not sure I remember—

Lee: SUMMER LOVIN’ HAD ME A BLAST

Rachel: SUMMER LOVIN’ HAPPENED SO FAST

Lee: I MET A GIRL CRAZY FOR ME

Rachel: MET A *GIRL* CUTE AS CAN BEEE

Both: SUMMER DAYS DRIFTIN’ AWAY TO OH OH THOSE SUMMER NIGHTS

Scott Booth: TELL ME MORE TELL ME MORE DID YOU GET VERY FAR

The Girls: TELL ME MORE TELL ME MORE DOES LIKE SHE HAVE A CAR

All: UH HU UH HU UH HU

Music slows down, Rachel and Lee look at each other longingly;

Rachel: It turned colder...that’s where it ends....

Lee: so I told her...we’d still be friends....

Rachel: then we made...our true love vowwww...

Lee: wonder what....she’s doing nowwwww....

Both: Summer dreaaams...ripped at the seams...

Both: and...oh— *both laugh*

Both: those summer NIGHHHHTTTTTTSSSS....

The girls: TELLLLL MEEEEE MOOOOOOREEEE!

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Prompt: Claire Emslie, Little Erin, and Lisa Evans cause all sorts of terror at Scotland camp!

Kim: what’re you three doing?

Claire: nothing!

Erin: nothing!

Lisa: we’re going a walk down the river!

Kim: I see.

Claire: would you like to come with?

Kim: not particularly.

Erin: we could fall in the river and drown!

Kim: I could read in fucking peace then.

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jesus mary joseph and the wee donkey GOOD EVENINGGGG

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Rachel: What a shitehole.

Ruesha: Top of the morning and the luck of the Irish.

Rachel: That’s smashing, which part of Ireland are ye fae?

Ruesha: ...Springburn.

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Leanne Ross: ok, so. Once more. Where are we going?

Rachel: To Julie’s house.

Leanne: And why are you and Leanne here?

Leanne Crichton: We’re gonna talk Julie Fleeting into rejoining the team.

Leanne R: And why is Lee here?

Lee: I came up with the idea.

Leanne R: And why am I here?

Leanne Crichton: Because the streets of Glasgow are no place for three unescorted ladies.

Leanne R: ...Why are Sam & Jamie-Lee here?

Leanne Crichton: Because we couldn’t get Jo to sit for them.

Leanne Ross: Why is Nicola here?

Nicola: Because Fiona didn’t want to come by herself!!!

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A fuming Jo Love went past me tonight and god I would not want to be in the Glasgow City half time huddle at today's game

Hahahahaha she’ll be happier now, 8 goals in the second half 😂😵‍💫

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Rachel: What a shitehole.

Ruesha: Top of the morning and the luck of the Irish.

Rachel: That’s smashing, which part of Ireland are ye fae?

Ruesha: ...Springburn.

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I was meant to post this yesterday, but I forgot and although it’s not related to the SWNT it is related to glasgow city which gives me a free pass to post it because we all love city.

Please pre-order Clare shine’s new book “Scoring Goals in the Dark”! https://linktr.ee/clareshine

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Jo Love and Leanne Ross telling the rest of the SWNT what they get up to on their holidays.

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dilf feef

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Jo: Sophie’s doon the park kicking grans. 

Kim: She’s doing…WHAT?!

Jo: Put your hearing aid in Kimmy!

Kim: You…are older than me!

Rachel: I want to go help the German kick grans!

Claire: I can’t believe we still refer to her as ‘The German’

Caroline: Why? It’s just like us referring to Martha and Kirsty as Sassenachs.  

Kirsty: Don’t be rude.

Martha: You wouldn’t like it if we called you a Teuchter…..

Kim: I’m not sure this is what Shelley meant by ‘Team bonding’…And someone needs to go and stop Sophie from pushing grans aff busses!

Jo: I said nothing of her pushing grans aff busses!

Rachel: YOU CANNY KICK YER GRANNY AFF A BUSSSSS!

Caroline: Cause she’s your mammy’s mammy?

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Sorry if you already answered this. What do you think is the problem with the SWNT? They have decent players but somehow they don't play up to their potential

The manager.

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Rachel and Kim head back to Aberdeen for the weekend, walking up Union Street:

Rachel: Aberdeen...modernity beckons...

Kim: Aberdeen...tomorrows already here...

Both: Aberdeen....

Both: *looks at each other*

Both: ....SHITEHOLE.

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Were / are Hayley Lauder and Jo Love together?

They were together.

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My completely honest opinion on the SWNT.

Lee Alexander: Wonderful. You’re doing great, sweetie!

Jenna Fife: Also good. 

Shannon Lynn: Expected, basically part of the furniture now. Good for her. 

Chloe Arthur: Fantastic. Needs 24 hour supervision.

Jen Beattie: Will probably be Chloe’s 24 hour supervision. 

Rachel Corsie: Back again, are we? 

Hannah Godfrey: Practically English.

Sophie Howard: Das Ist Gut (she gives me nightmares though)

Hayley Lauder: YESSSS GONNNNN THE BIG YIN.

Emma Mitchell: Would deck her gran, fair play to her. 

Kirsty Smith: OCH AYE, she’s fae Edinburgher.

Rachael Boyle: her husband is hilarious and she’s from aberdeen…what more could you want? and her patter is quality x 

Leanne Crichton: surprised she’s allowed to take time off from the bbc… 

Lucy Graham: Eh.

Sam Kerr: The only Sam Kerr that matters. 

Christie Murray: Her gf liked my tweet yesterday….totally irrelevant to her football ability but she’s class

Caroline Weir: sneaks cocoa pops into pre-match meals

Erin Cuthbert: Wee Ez. Legend.

Claire Emslie: thinks she’s immune to heat cause she’s spend time in Australia. Shitebag. 

Lisa Evans: Her rightful place, aye. 

Abbi Grant: LEGEND ALL ROUND.

Jane Ross: Couldn’t kick her gran. 

Martha Thomas : She’s more English and American than Scottish. 

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Gonna start doing incorrect quotes again, so if you have any requests send them by way :)