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Em: Oh, sure. Blame the minority.

Alana: I'm black, gay, and a woman.

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Nabulungi, staring at Arnold and smiling lovingly: Hm, I wonder what he's thinking about.

Arnold: *Star Wars music*

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Em: Do you think horses get songs stuck in their heads?

Jared: Oh my god. I don't know, Em. Go to sleep.

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which muses you should fight according to me(l)

caroline: she's a sweet girl with a cheery smile, but she will fuck you up if you mess with her or anyone she holds dear and she has all of aperture's innovative technology at her disposal and she can make sure no one knows you ever existed. don't fight caroline unless you have absolutely nothing to lose.

glados: just like caroline, she has all of aperture at her disposal plus all of the new things that she's been upgrading since she seized control of the facility. fighting her is not a smart decision, but if you really want to don't let the turrets and neurotoxin stop you.

em: em is a manic-depressive nervous wreck who doesn't know how to handle emotional outbursts, so she'll either cry because you're fighting or kick your ass and take names as she does it. fight her if you catch her on a good day and you absolutely have to, but otherwise leave her alone. she suffers enough on her own.

alana: if you're not the murphys, or the hansens, or jared, don't fight alana. those six people are the only ones who have any right to be upset at her for putting "connor's suicide note" online. even then, probably only jared would actually try to fight her. the point is, don't. she was trying to help people not feel as alone as she is.

heidi: she's a single mother who's just trying to do right by her son and do her best to make ends meet. why would you even want to fight heidi?? just leave her alone.

heather: please for the love of god fight heather. she's the queen bitch and she can and will probably murder you in her sleep, but fight her anyway. suplex her.

nabalungi: are you satan??? why would you ever want to fight naba?? don't do it. her whole village lived in turmoil until arnold helped them find faith and it would be wise to leave them alone.

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Heidi (about Evan): For ten years, I have done the best I could to raise you. Have I been perfect? No. Do I know anything about children? No. Should I have picked up a book on parenting? Probably!

Heidi: Where was I going with this? I had a point.

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Alana: I guess I'm just too tough to cry.

Heidi: Just today you were crying about snakes.

Alana: [sadly] They don't have any arms!

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Nabulungi: He held my hand... Well it was a high five but same thing.

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Heather: I put the "bi" in bitch.

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Caroline: Oh, babe. I didn't want whipped cream.

Rick: Well let me fix it for you, babe.

Em: And this isn't soy.

Jared: Sucks to be you.

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Arnold: Awww, babe. You had a crush on me? That's embarrassing.

Nabulungi: We're married.

Arnold: Still...

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Em: I'm not ignoring you. There was a meme that was perfect for the situation and I can't find it...

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Jared: When you said 'magical in bed' this isn't exactly what I was exp-

Em, holding up 8 of hearts: Is this your card?

Jared, softly: Holy shit.

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Caroline: If it excites you and scares the crap out of you at the same time, that means you should probably do it

Jared: Time to fuck a blender.

Caroline: Wait no.

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Alana: I'm so done with all this talk of heterosexuality let's talk about dogs