This tumblr is just gonna be my inner thoughts. if you find it I am so sorry as it will mostly be just me complaining about my life. If you know me well, oof, this might suck for you.
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So days the insecurities just get hit in the face. And it hurts
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With all this stress and anxiety. I’m starting to make myself physically sick. I’m not fan. I don’t know how to turn it off though.
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I feel stuck between a rock and hard place. With no one to go to. I was told a secret. It’s not my place to tell the secret but I feel like at this point I’m going to lose no matter what. I feel like I either break and tell and lose the friend who told me the secret. Or I lose other one. So one is very mad at me. So I can’t talk to them. The other one I’m not gonna stress out more because they have their own thing they are dealing with. And to top it all off she got a call from a 3rd friend and I have no idea what about all I know was I got a text asking me to leave, that she wasn’t mad or upset with me but she wanted me to leave and she wasn’t gonna come up stairs and let me out. And now she’s not really talking to me. And I’m left wanting to scream and cry because I don’t know what to do or how to fix any of it even if I could.
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I hate when my insecurities are on full force and make me read far to into normal behaviors. And make me think hey things are good right now how can thinks get fucked from here. Like hey you’ve been in one place for 5 years. People must be getting tired of you by now. Or hey here’s I known ground. You should pull away and think that everyone hates you when they’ve given you no reason to think that.
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I had a bad day. And now I feel like people are upset with me and now im sad for two reasons
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My thoughts have been confirmed. And in helping my friends broken heart it appears that mine has shattered as well. I knew it was coming. And logically I'm fine. I'll move on. To who. Who the fuck knows. But my heart and feeling are just screaming why cannt I be enough... I'll be fine. I am fine. I'm just sad and trying to tape pieces back together. I won't lose the friendship but my heart is broken for a love that never was. And now I start the cycle of grief. And good lord. Is denial the worst. My heart says no its screaming that its not true but my brain. Says it's always been true. I'm just tired of being alone and put my heart out to people who don't want it. Any way sleep time.
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Its 2 in the morning and the negative thoughts have made there way in. I'm sure a lot has to do with my emotions being weird. But my feelings haven't changed and at this point I wish they would. It doesn't seem to be mutual. I thought at one point like 2 monthes ago Maybe things were going that way but then there seemed to be big shift and now im back to worrying that my touch bothers him. I just want them to go away. Maybe I need ti try and meet someone else. But like I dint go out so that would mean tinder and that won't work either. Maybe I just need to get used to being alone. Oh look I'm being over dramatic shocking. Fuck me. I'll just shove all emotion down. No liking, no feeling anxious, no feeling sad, just no feeling.. I'll put it in a bottle and hold the bottle close.
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He licked my face.. like 3 times. And im not gonna say I hated it.
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I hate ovulating. It always causes my insecurities and anxieties to hit 80x harder 😔😔😔😔
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Maybe I need to just stop talking to people about everything and make it just me
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Shove shove shove shove shove... I dont know anything im not sure anyone knows anything. So im just gonna shove.
Hes one of my bestfriends and I cant lose that so im just gonna shove.
I should leave him alone... maybe that would help. Getting out of town not texting him and see if he texts first... Fuck me I don't know what to do and now I wanna cry...
Some one help me...
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