iisabellaanne

[iisabellaanne]

Wife

It's been a while. Life got a little busy. 

I got married. Moved across Canada. Got a kitten. 

I'm back here because I have always needed to talk constantly about the thoughts in my brain- but not just in a journal. There is some driving force inside of me that desires to share. 

Today I am missing the people I have shared my heart with. These beauties in the picture below stood by me as I joined my heart with another. He is such a wonderful man. I have never felt more cherished. 

But I need woman to woman time. 

I love my new life in Hamilton Ontario. I love the two gentlemen I live with. (Husband and Kitten). I love that I have had a month of getting settled and reading, baking, cleaning and thinking. But I am ready to put down some roots.

Find my community. I am ready to be a part of something bigger. 

Except a lot of work has to happen before any of that gets set into motion. Someone pour me a heaping cup of motivation. 

[iisabellaanne]

Enjoying the adventures of 1844 in Paris. #dumas #classic #literature #muskateers #bookworm #cozy #read

[iisabellaanne]

December

I love December. 

A lot of good things always happen in December. For instance, gathering. Perhaps not everyone experiences the best times in said forced amalgamations, but none the less they take place. There's something truly lovely about a crowd of people who are strung together by small, but significant similarities.  A second good thing that often happens in December is reflection. If I think back to last December's reflection and compare it to this year's reflection I would say a monumental amount of growth took place. Perspective is a human's best friend. Though reflection, just as gathering, has it's downsides too. Sometimes reflection can cause one to ponder a little too long over regrets. 

But tough relationships and mistakes aside, it's been an incredible year. I don't know about you (dear reader) but one of the main reasons I believe with my whole heart in God is because when I look back on each year...I can not help but notice His divine handiwork in all occasions. I can not help but see the ways in which my life fell beautifully together. It is a miracle that life happens the way it does. 

And I don't just say that about the things that went well. I wouldn't call these last months a dream success wise. But as far as adventures go it's been splendid. 

I think I'd rather be adventurous than be successful any ways.

Cheers!  

[iisabellaanne]

Little things, big things and those other things...

Sometimes (or a lot of the time) I let life overwhelm me. And in those moments I choose to focus on the little things I know are certain. Like God. and flowers. I choose to see all the good little treasures. Like pretty things, candles, tea, blue skies, the sound of the rain, a silent, love filled embrace... 

And sometimes I feel like I have nothing to show for my nearly twenty one years of existence. And in those moments I focus on the big things I know. Like God. And love. Family. Being passionate to serve others. Hope. The beauty of creation. The joy of community and the refreshment of time alone. 

And those other things...like worry. Like stress. Like anger. Like confusion...

Well, they have no place in my life. They aren't a little thing, and they aren't a big thing. And so I choose to not give them power in my life. 

Being grateful is key to a full life. Having a good attitude is key to a joyful day. Choosing perspective is necessary to get you through every kind of thing out there. Little things. Big things. And those other things. 

[iisabellaanne]

Currently

Drinking: just finished a cup of earl grey tea. Reading: old journal entries (how enlightening) and Les Miserables!!!  Wishing: that it was easier to get a job and learn how to drive. Wanting: to get my TO DO list done. Seriously. Also, I want it to be Thursday. Loving: candles. Pumpkin Spice and Raspberry Lemon right now.  Also loving: my newest knitting project: making a pillow cover. Should be interesting.  Waiting: to get my life together. But that doesn't happen all on it's own...apparently... Disliking: how cold my toes are. Need wool-y socks. And applications. Urg.  Excited: to go to Ontario in December!! 

I'm sorry I have so neglected you "blog friends". I have no good excuses. Just straight up never have the motivation to write. However today is a small stepping stone in the right direction.

And really, I can't afford to ask much more of myself. 

B

[iisabellaanne]

Repotting

I finally had some precious time to attend to my plants today. I have a gardenia from my mom, which I got when I moved to college last September. And in April my sweet boyfriend got me an orchid. It's kind of funny because, upon quietly caring for my plants I realized they both stood as excellent metaphors for my life. 

The gardenia came to me as a small little plant, perfect for the corner of a window sill. As the year at college went by, it grew. Though a tragic moment of books falling tore off a branch and leaving it in the care of my roommate for a while left it with yellow sunburnt leaves...despite all this, today I had to repot it. And almost because of those hardships my little plant went through, it gained more opportunities to grow. It had grown out of the small white pot. It needed soil with fresh fertilizer.  It needed more space. The ability to take in more water. It no longer took a small corner, but rather it is now the focal point on my window sill. 

And that is exactly how I find my personal life. I grew in that year away. I had a few hard moments, due to things out of my control. But ultimately because of them, I gained. My faith doesn't fit in my life in a small way- It now has found it's way in every area of my life. I need to be fed more, watered more- I crave like minded people in my life. My faith is not just a little piece of me- it is the focus of my life. It is my core descriptor. 

And that orchid. I have always thought it was a beautiful and strange flower. My mom had a couple in our old home. I always wanted to be able to make a place look beautiful like my mom- and so when I got this gift from Atticus, I was both excited to get such a gorgeous flower but also to feel a bit...more grown up. I read a lot about that orchid. I wanted to know how to take care of it best. I couldn't give it too much water, or too little, it needed the right temperature, the right amount of sun and shade. What a finicky plant. It got sick once. Root rot it's called. When you give it too much of a great thing- water. It was spotted with these black dots and it didn't smell great. I had to cut away those long roots and hope the new growth would be healthy and strong. I had to watch it closely, not just once a day but a good three times. And today, I had to change the soil. It doesn't take dirt actually, but moss. I had to remove the yellow dead moss and fill it with new green moss. The roots clung to that moss, but I had to carefully pull out the dead to bring in the new. And while doing this I discovered a whole new leaf was growing! 

And this is perfect to describe my heart (or "love life"). Strange, but beautiful, love is. My main role model being the relationship my parents had. Given to me by Atticus. And my heart too got sick- it took the healing and pruning of the Lord to help me. I have had to be very intentional about my actions and how I treat love. What power I give it. What I let grow and what I must keep quiet. My roots sometimes seem to cling to my past- to the things that haunt me, but I find the more I let God in, the more he pulls that yellowed moss out of my life. Pulls out the dead to bring in the new. And a new leaf is and has been growing. A leaf of trust, self control, patience and joy. 

So there you have it. I think that I need a new plant to fill my little white pot. :) 

Blessings

[iisabellaanne]

yes. 

[iisabellaanne]

One of the greatest things about love are the moments where you just feel safe. In the arms of love you feel steady- the storms of life are dull and distant. You're at rest. 

I am always one to over think things- to worry about the future or if I am making the right choices today or what about the things that happened in the past?

But in this place- this place of love- I feel safe from all those things. And not only that, but I feel like I belong. My quest in life these days seems to follow a pattern- where do I belong? Where am I going?

And here, in these arms, I feel like I belong somewhere. And I don't care where I am going...as long as those arms aren't too far away. 

That's the magic of it all- love is feeling found, feeling safe, feeling a part of something bigger than just yourself, love is up-lifting in the hard times and love is close even in distance...love is thoughtful. Love is joyful. 

Love can be confusing too. It can be hard to love right. That sometimes is the biggest struggle. Because to really love someone you have to step out of your needs and into the heart of another. We have to learn how to put aside our own desires and pasts. And that's hard. Because we desire to feel safe and protected. And stepping out is not safe- it's dangerous. 

I won't lie to you- it isn't perfect, this whole love thing. But I can honestly say it's the best imperfect thing out there. And it's worth every cost. Because I believe the person I love is worth it- it's not the love its self that is "everything". It's not the feelings or the stuff or the whatever elses. It's that person who has his arms around me that is worth it.

How great is that? To really believe in someone else's dreams and who they are! And to know that someone feels the same way back. 

That's love. It's not the feelings. It's Atticus. It's being us. It's being safe, together- found, together. 

[iisabellaanne]

If you could take three months off from your current life and do anything in the world, what would you do?

I would travel. To Italy. 

I would write every day, not only on my blog but in my journal and in letters to people I love. 

I would learn how to do new things. 

You know what is sad about this question? Why is it so expected that we would all be doing something right now we absolutely didn't want to be doing? 

Is it perhaps just our deep desire for adventure? Or are we really all that unhappy with what we've ended up doing? By the time those three months end, will you decide to come back to doing what you apparently need to do...or will taking this break from life show you that in all honesty we never seem to live the lives we really want? 

If you could take the next hour off from life, what would you be doing? And why? 

For me- I am ironically in this very phase of life. I am not "doing anything with my life". I am visiting Atticus and friends...I plan on helping my Dad set up an office...learn to drive...learn how to do some wood work things...spend time with my family. Why is that not doing anything? There is both plenty of doing and things in that paragraph.  I guess the bottom line is, I am not doing what is expected of a young college girl.  I should be working, going to school, getting fit, being a perfect friend, getting a house, getting married, get some dogs, having children, and raising them devotedly while maintaining a career and a loving, sexy relationship with my husband and a hot body and then collapsing into a retirement home wondering where the years went and why I'm so wrinkly and who owns all these cats? 

It's funny because sometimes I feel angry that I don't know what I am doing next and that I have no plan [I am a plan girl. I need a plan] But then I have come to realize through answering this question that right now my plan is to have no plan and actually live. 

Just wake up in the morning and be alive. Experience. Learn. What an incredible blessing that I have a time like this in my life. Wrinkly future me will greatly appreciate it. 

[iisabellaanne]

Blogtember

There's this blog people thing going on right now called "blogtember". I was going to take part in this great idea- which is to write about the various blog prompts every week day of September- but I got stuck. 

I got stuck answering the first question:

" Describe where or what you come from. The people, the places, and/or the factors that make up who you are."

Not because I wouldn't know what to say, but rather because I was uncertain why I would answer this question. Why am I keeping a blog that I hardly write? Why am I taking part in this? It doesn't fit into my schedule because I no longer keep a schedule. I'm on vacation mode! 

I am just having one heck of a time transitioning right now. Because I am a goal oriented person and I need to have something to work toward. I need a purpose for this blog, interwebs. 

And then I thought I need to start somewhere. Let's answer the question. The people, places and factors that make me who I am.

1. I hail from British Columbia- Vancouver born and mostly bred, I have also lived in various places in this gorgeous province. Currently I am in the middle of trying to make Vancouver Island my home. 

2. Schooling: classic super ethnically diverse Canadian public schools... And once I graduated I went to Columbia Bible College and got my certification in Early Childhood Education. I didn't always get the best grade, but as I went through school I learned to take the most pride in how hard I worked. I think work ethic is extremely important. 

3. Family. I am a twin and we're the eldest of six children. I love my family very much- they constantly teach me and put up with me. I am so blessed to witness my parents fall in love with each other every day. 

4. Beliefs- I whole heartedly and most joyfully follow God. I believe Jesus lived and died for my sins and lives on. I LOVE my faith and it is who I am at my core. 

5. My heart. I am passionate. I enjoy creating, learning, exploring and teaching. I love a good laugh, copious amounts of tea, notebooks and the colour red. I am a girly girl. I adore animals, the outdoors, Chapters and sushi. I desire deep friendships. I believe in True Love (often to a fault) and in God and that a good cup of tea solves just about anything. 

I think from those answers my purpose can be created: 

I want to write about my faith. My interests. My experiences. I will write about my path to becoming a preschool teacher...or what ever I end uo doing with my career. I will write about falling in love. I will write about family and friends. 

I guess I just needed to remind myself that writing about my life is a good purpose. Sharing experiences with the world is a purpose. 

[iisabellaanne]

My sister is just so beautiful. #beautiful #legsfordays #iloveher #bestfriendsforlife

[iisabellaanne]

Home. #ronaldsqueezly #vancouverisland

[iisabellaanne]

Sister lovin' <3

[iisabellaanne]

Mr. & Mrs. Carbol #merin #married

[iisabellaanne]

Im going to miss these kids so much.

[iisabellaanne]

It's The Final Count Down...

Two more days of day care practicum... Four more days until M & E's wedding... Five more days until I see my family again... Twelve more days until I go home to the Island... Nineteen more days until Atticus returns to Abbotsford...

It's hard to be thankful for this moment when it seems like all the greatness lies ahead. But you know what I realized as I wrote that list? The reason all those things are so exciting are because of what lies behind them. 

All my hard work at day care is coming to and end- and boy have I ever grown! Weddings celebrate the growth of love between two people. I love my family for all the days they've been there for me and for who they have each become as we grow older. Being a student away from family has been an experience, but I am happy to be returning to a place where I get to grow new roots- because all the homes I have had before were amazing places with amazing people. And seeing Atticus again is proof that distance truly doesn't matter when two people step up to the plate and commit to communication. And I like him. ;D

So there. I shall be excited for the adventures ahead, appreciate where the past has brought me and love every moment of right now- because it's the best of both worlds. An amazing fusion of the past and the present. 

Live it up! 

[iisabellaanne]

Currently

Eating: Pringles. Who doesn't love making an actual duck face? Hah. Drinking: Water. So under appreciated. It's my cure all. Doing: procrastinating-y things. Like buying pringles. And I watched Heartland. And I took a middle of the day shower.  Should be: writing a paper. Or three. Can you say ZERO MOTIVATION. Wishing: It wasn't so grossly humid out.  Also wishing: I could jump into the lake. Wanting: the week that hasn't even started to be over. Deciding: to make a list, get some ice, "cowboy up" and at least finish researching. No. And finish writing. Me of tomorrow will thank me of right now.  Excited: for my friends wedding in six days!!!!  Hoping: that my mail gets here. So unhappy with Canada post. And the distance between here and Ontario. Lets swap Ontario with Alberta or something. ;P