iamleavingsoon

[iamleavingsoon]

Willow Street

What joy to walk and see a row of willow trees

Three of them together

For the first time

There they are

and have been

In this city where I've walked for years

Down streets named after them

After so many

Before we cut them and hid them

And commemorated them on street signs

Forgot

Didn't notice

What was left standing along the alley

This alley behind John Street

[iamleavingsoon]

Sometimes I wish I was just one of those cute animals that has another animal friend of a different species and they cuddle and waddle together and make someone a ton of money off of ads but they don’t care because what’s money

#meme #mememe #professionallycute

[iamleavingsoon]

When your cycle aligns with the full moon cycle 🧙 #witchlyfe #moon

[iamleavingsoon]

And what if one were "just" okay? And that was okay

[iamleavingsoon]

My journal used to be filled with reflections about things I experienced, creative outpourings of memories and snapshots of life made of event tickets, and souvenirs - so much care to document my life so I wouldn't forget the good times.

Now it's full of entries of to do lists and tarot readings so I don't fuck up the future.

[iamleavingsoon]

When work just wants more more more and you feel like there is no end in sight, no reward, just do do do. But at least you have a job. But you're so tired and sad all that time. But then you have one good day, or an easier afternoon, and you think, it's my mindset that's all, before you buckle again under new weight and throw a tantrum because your daily yoga practice didn't fix anything really.

[iamleavingsoon]

When he meets me.

When we walk toward each other, without a meeting spot. Our meeting spot is when we meet.

[iamleavingsoon]

Out of place

And I lay in bed heavy with uncertainty, demotivated. I got up to pee. He stopped me on the way out, and I shrugged, head down, fleeing eye contact.

"I just wish I knew I was on track. Lately it feels as if I'm not, everything is breaking."

And he held me in the kitchen, silently counting until it was enough.

And I then finally left for my mom's place, after he had left. It was raining, so I opted to drive, forlorn about the parking situation downtown. Countless times of driving around like a chicken without a head, searching, searching, searching.

And then I drove down, hit a few greens, took a left round her building, and low and behold, a spot; it felt like I was in the right place, at least for today.

[iamleavingsoon]

Mush

I lay there in the beach chair, limbs splayed out to all four sides feeling a buzz at the edges of my body, in my fingers and toes, subtle awareness of where I end. Then a mental sensation came across me, that the edges of the universe were in fact my limbs, that I extended everywhere... that I had just forgotten how to feel out there, in those mountains and clouds and green valleys, as my true self has been trapped to the confines of my skin.

[iamleavingsoon]

Love ache

When the person you love is behind a closed door

Throwing up

And you feel for them and ache

And just wish their pain would be over.

[iamleavingsoon]

And what if you decided to just do nothing?

[iamleavingsoon]

Always looking

But

What if there was nothing to be solved?

[iamleavingsoon]

He's so kind and thinks so highly of me. Says such good good things.

I wish it made me feel better.

[iamleavingsoon]

Med-itation

Today my meditation class was cancelled and I learned of it while on this bus there. I had braved the rain and winds to try and make it in time but alas.

I did meditate tho I realize. I wasn't pissy. I just got off the bus and back on again. I'm home now. I feel fine. Equanimity people! This is it.

[iamleavingsoon]

Cloud on the brain

It's hard to want kids when life doesn't feel like a gift.

[iamleavingsoon]

But the rut...

Ive been in a rut for some time, a month or so and today

I can distinctly feel how used to the negative thoughts I have become

I felt a tinge of happy

Of excitement tonight

And I observed myself try to push it down and away

Wtf

[iamleavingsoon]

Should we take up knitting?

"no because then we will start knitting and get a cat then wear all the sweaters we knit then we will start knitting little baby hats even though there are no babies in our life then before we know it we'll want to have babies to fill all those baby hats."

"so, no?"

"yah, that's a really serious question."