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I will never forgive the horror genre for turning psychosis and delusions into things other people associate with abuse and violence and murder.

It makes it impossible for people with delusions and/or psychosis to talk to anyone about them without knowing there's a chance they'll be scared of us.

A reminder to non-psychotics: people with psychosis are actually less likely to act violently and are more likely to be victims. If a psychotic person hurts anyone, it's most likely to be themselves rather than anybody else.

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Given how narrow the portrait of psychosis is in media, and how dismissed children's accounts of their own experiences are, I think that we can safely say that it's very likely that a large portion of psychotic children fly under the radar.

What's less clear to me is what the correct thing to do about it is. Psychosis is hugely demonized, and filicide is one of the major issues of the disabled community. I don't know if attempting to raise the issue of psychotic children would benefit them, or if it would result in psychotic children who currently are invisible to their ableist families being killed.

I wish that wasn't something that I have to consider.

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“Rabid”

If I am not allowed to be angry,

it can only mean that

a monster

unknown to me

lingers inside my body.

I fear that one day

he will push through my chest,

past my ribs, bones and breasts,

beyond where I can control

the collar and chain

around the beast’s neck.

And on that day,

rabid with thin ribs and bearing

razors past his lips —

Oh, how hungry he will be,

now that no muzzle can stop him

from consuming me.

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The billionaires are complaining that a billionaire tax plan singles them out. They are correct.

That is the whole point.

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Can you multitask

yes i can disappoint multiple people at once

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i just want to start throwing and punching stuff

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five feet of rage with five inches of depression on the side

balance

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sunday is just i have to set my computer on fire i have to do laundry i have to find god i have to make tea i have to quit my job and start a new life in a different state i have to be more honest with the people around me i have to clean my room i have to cut my hair i have to be more deliberate with my hobbies and downtime i have to make a doctors appointment i have to go back to therapy i have to start dating i have to make more friends i have to go on a long drive i have to spend 4 hours disassociating in a target i have to paint my nails i have to tell my mother i love her. but instead i will simply sit. 

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I was in a state which I well knew was close to a sort of madness, and yet I was not mad. Some kinds of obsession, of which being in love is one, paralyse the ordinary free-wheeling of the mind, its natural open interested curious mode of being, which is sometimes persuasively defined as rationality. I was sane enough to know that I was in a state of total obsession and that I could only think, over and over again, certain agonizing thoughts, could only run continually along the same rat-paths of fantasy and intent. But I was not sane enough to interrupt this mechanical movement or even to desire to do so.

Iris Murdoch, from 'The Sea, the Sea'

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Olga Tokarczuk, Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead (translated by Antonia Lloyd-Jones)

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I ask my self 48 times a day “am I being dramatic? Is this #toomuch?” the answer is always yes of course

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me, to other people: Talk to someone! It’s helpful to share your struggles and feel that others care and you deserve the support! Not everyone in the world is without compassion and you can find people who will care for you like your family should have cared. You deserve all the love you missed out on. Things will get better. I believe in you.

me, when I’m struggling: I will under no circumstances talk to anyone, ever, for the rest of my life. People are evil, have betrayed me before, and will betray me again. I am no fool to display myself when vulnerable just to make myself an easier target. Everyone in the world is a threat and needs to forever stay away from me and my 4 blankets.

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Anyone get that “my childhood was stolen and it’s not fair” kind of angry

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achievements of 2021:

???

?????

?!?!?!?!!!??!?!?!?

??

!!!!?

probably spent more time on the internet than last year