hunteromeachair

[hunteromeachair]

A new job, and new co-workers, is an internal minefield of deciding what to say and what to remind and what to insist on.

Can, or should, it be enough to be happy that a new co-worker asked if I preferred he \ him or if I used other pronouns, and then used them on our last shift together? Does it also have to be sad and complicated that he misgendered me with blissful unawareness the next shift we just finished working?

I feel just as positive about his ally-ship today as I did on our last shift. I am disappointed but also not surprised. We got to talk a lot today, just like last shift, and he is an incredibly open, curious, intentional person who values authentic connection and knows that he doesn't have anything figured out. He is respectful and I know that if I asked him directly to try to always use my pronouns, he probably would.

At work I am intentionally not pointing out my pronouns tattooed on my wrist, nor requesting that people use them, nor even wanting to tell people "officially". I guess the complications come from my own desire to not have to expend emotional energy in deciding what misgendering I'm ok with, and what I'm not.

If I have chosen to stealth, kinda, it means I can just kinda ignore every "he" and "his" and "man" and "bro" because I have a big beard and I am 5'10' and I am bald and I look like a man and I know that "man" is what people mostly see. My jewelry and my rainbow tattoo and my purse usually just land as "gay man", and the man part of that is the most important signifier for most everyone.

Sometimes I am seen as "faggot", a much broader and more dangerous category to be placed into. Disturbingly, I feel more seen by people who place me there. Their awareness that I fuck with gender gives me gender euphoria.

I am almost never ever seen as "woman", even though I am as much a woman as I am a man. I am seldom seen as "femminiello", which is what I actually am. And when I am it is only through choice - the default category for me is always man.

My new co-worker is an amazing ally in a real and practical sense. He started today by saying, "I didn't want to say 'Hey my guy' so I wonder if I can say 'Hey my gay' instead? And I told him fuck yeah he can!

Because I'm not too fussed that he called me "he" and "him" all day. He started today by telling me really directly he knows I'm not a man. And that feels the best: when people are clumsy or unsure or forgetful about pronouns but they make it clear that they know I'm not a man, I feel seen in a way that gives me little gender-gasms of delight.

New jobs suck. Being a complicated type of transgender person at a new job sucks, too. But like, not as much as I thought it would. At least not with the one co-worker I've actually spent time with. Maybe the rest are gonna surprise me too.

I wish it wasn't such a big deal that he made an intentional effort immediately upon seeing me that was validating and confirming that he saw me as who I am in such a simple way. I wish that it was just normal to be seen as who I am.

Even more than that, I feel incredibly lucky. Some guy at my work made a point of letting me know that I'm not a guy, and that's pretty fucking awesome.

[hunteromeachair]

I have always found French vampires annoying because it's redundant.

#vampire #frenchvampireislikeATMmachine

[hunteromeachair]

It's new kitten time

[hunteromeachair]

She soured on my sausage until I creamed.

[hunteromeachair]

Hey

Pronouns are they\them

Gender is feminiello (plural, feminielli). Those both may be spelled wrong but I can't be fucked to look it up at this moment. I love that feeling of hyper focus ADHD can give me. At least that's what I think that is.

Non binary, queer, bisexual (I like people of my own gender, and of other genders, including those outside of gender), transgender, faggot.

I hunt, like actually. I use as much as I can of what I kill. I do this often, and well. I do as much of the work as I can myself and with my family and friends and community. I have a lot of opinions about it as well. My opinions may surprise you. No, I don't want to talk about them.

I'm weird and very proud of that. I'm smart and beautiful and a robot android that is also a sack of meat and electricity. I love to write and take pictures and share art and beauty. And love and sex and all sorts of things.

My name is definitely not Hunter O'Meachair. "O'Meachair" is actually pronounced kinda like, "oh-MAHR", where the h is silent but shows you how to soften and roll the r. I remind myself how to write it properly by pronouncing it "owe me a chair" very flatly. I think about which parts of why I write the way I do are because of ASD and which parts are other aspects of who I am that have all sorts of labels. Poetry and words are in my soul. I had an amazing father, although he's dead and it's complicated. My mother literally never loved me (boo hoo, but like, it really sucks), and she was awful and cruel. I also have other family. And no, I don't want to talk about it.

Likely to languish

As I play with language

To soothe and to seethe

And to soar and to share

And settle, and soften,

And swoon, and lay bare.

Relishing the break

And the beat

And the shuffle,

I'm

Going to stop here because,

The moment paused and then not was,

And compelled to write final rhyme and set the tone

I type my thumbs and jab my bones

And fudge the rhymes and squash my words

And think about the spring birds

And stand here naked and open, love to await,

I'm the faggot and I get to keep this gait.

Also loves word play

[hunteromeachair]

Like seriously tumblr, wtf. Let me hashtag my own gender when I want to.

[hunteromeachair]

[hunteromeachair]

Hedonism Bot: I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered?

(said flatly, as a question, as an expression of desire to be told "No it hasn't, and you're going to do the scraping and buttering." and then to be flogged immediately afterwards)

Stage direction notes are my own

[hunteromeachair]

When I say nonbinary people can look like anything I am aggressively including nonbinary people who have beards, body hair, and who are assumed to be cis guys, firstly because that’s also me and secondly because we’re always overlooked or subjected to cringe culture. Nonbinary doesn’t just mean skinny, pale and absent of gender signifiers.

[Don’t be an ass in the notes, I can turn off comments if I have to]

[hunteromeachair]

Debated even making a post about this, but it really sucks that the oversexulization of trans women is treated like online micro-discourse. Transfeminity being seen purely as sexual is the basis fueling a HUGE percentage of the transphobia sweeping through the US and UK. Behind almost every single bathroom bill and legislation defining being trans as obscene is a politician saying something akin to “we need to protect womens spaces from dangerous biological males who will sneak in and sexually assault them.” People automatically assuming trans women to be sexual predators is exactly why groomer became the go-to insult on the right.

So of course trans women on tumblr get mad when you say “why are you posting about misogyny when we could be fucking? 😋” or respond to them asking you to be normal about trans women with a “YESSS I LOVE GIRLCOCK step on me tgirls 😍” It’s perpetuating the same problem in the other direction.

[hunteromeachair]

I'm not sure why the transgender lamp always looks at me so perturbedly; I so deeply envy their jewelry.

I admit to wanting to be her.

She is a different kind of feminielli than I, and I see them deeply in the feminiello that I am.

Cat ears, in case you were wondering. Those of Hashbrown, my possible deity. He is fierce and I seek to worship, adore, and to pour out my feelings upon his ear so as to receive the bounty of his wise advice for yay, verily, he is Hashbrown. His browns are always hashed most gokden, and his hash's are always most brown, and his ears and his listening and his wise mews are like unto none other, for he is Hashbrown.

[hunteromeachair]

It is core to the human experience to create joy and beauty by intertwining things in delightful ways.