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[hollyrawd]

I want to stay soft, but

this week I woke up feeling rather lost. I reminded myself that nothing had changed. That I had no reason to waste another beautiful day. The sun was still coming and going, the nights bled slow. Sleep felt like a refuge, the shower still smelled like soap. My dog loved me just as much, my dad called me about such things. Money was made and money was spent. Men bought me dinner and I…

[hollyrawd]

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Over the past few weeks, I’ve had this personal vendetta to start being alone more. It’s funny, the first few months post break-up, it kind of feels terrifying to be alone. Most days you wake up and feel like you’re in a cold-plunge. Everything you did with them, you now do alone. And worst, the memories wait for you into the shower, the bedroom, the morning coffee runs and even in your…

[hollyrawd]

This is a format test

Hello Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Egestas sed tempus urna et pharetra pharetra massa massa. Arcu non sodales neque sodales ut. In massa tempor nec feugiat nisl pretium fusce. Et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Ut sem viverra aliquet eget sit. A iaculis at erat pellentesque adipiscing. Diam ut…

[hollyrawd]

I want to stay soft,

but this week I woke up feeling rather lost. I reminded myself that nothing had changed. That I had no reason to waste another beautiful day. The sun was still coming and going, the nights bled slow. Sleep felt like a refuge, the shower still smelled like soap. My dog loved me just as much, my dad called me about such things. Money was made and money was spent. Men bought me dinner and…

[hollyrawd]

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had this personal vendetta to start being alone more.   It’s funny, the first few months post break-up, it feels kind of terrifying to be alone. Most days you wake up and feel like you’re in a cold-plunge. Everything you did with them, you now do alone. And worst, the memories wait for you into the shower, the bedroom, the morning coffee runs and even in your…

[hollyrawd]

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had this personal vendetta to start being alone more.   It’s funny, the first few months post break-up, it feels kind of terrifying to be alone. Most days you wake up and feel like you’re in a cold-plunge. Everything you did with them, you now do alone. And worst, the memories wait for you into the shower, the bedroom, the morning coffee runs and even in your…

[hollyrawd]

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had this personal vendetta to start being alone more.   It’s funny, the first few months post break-up, it feels kind of terrifying to be alone. Most days you wake up and feel like you’re in a cold-plunge. Everything you did with them, you now do alone. And worst, the memories wait for you into the shower, the bedroom, the morning coffee runs and even in your…

[hollyrawd]

Let's be clear,

I wanted to stay.    I was excited to watch you age;  to tell our little green-eyed bodies to go play in the shade.    You noticed things, that even I had missed. My smallest, ugliest details  you found funny  and often kissed.   So let this be closure to all the pain. I didn’t leave you, I loved you and   you  pushed                   me                away.

[hollyrawd]

It’s Monday night and I’m going to a concert

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had this personal vendetta to start being alone more.  It’s funny, the first few months post break-up, it feels kind of terrifying to be alone.  Most days you wake up and feel like you’re in a cold-plunge. Everything you did with them, you now do alone. And worst, the memories wait for you into the shower, the bedroom, the morning coffee runs and even in your…

[hollyrawd]

Let’s be clear

I wanted to stay.    I was excited to watch you age; to tell our little green-eyed bodies to go play in the shade. You noticed things  about me  that even I had missed.  My smallest,  ugliest details you found funny and  often kissed.  So let this be closure to all the pain.  I didn’t leave you,  I loved you  and  you pushed me away. 

[hollyrawd]

test here

loui is great

[hollyrawd]

Becoming; Women in Bathrooms

Time doesn’t exist here.  There are no clocks, no phones.  Here, beauty and smarts count for nothing.  You don’t have to be happy, in a relationship or even liked. You don’t need friends or flowers on Valentine’s Day.   In the bathroom, you are the audience and the show. What other place can you be naked and sing/dance, while being able to look at the parts of you? How they move, how they…

[hollyrawd]

Waking up to Change

Every morning, I start my day in the park. I love how the sun drenches you in that warm, golden glow. A reward for those who don’t lay in bed and who are usually accompanied by a 4-legged friend and a cup of coffee.  My body now wakes up around 6 a.m., an hour before the alarm. I don’t know why—I never fall asleep early. I’ve also noticed that I no longer want a glass or two of gin. The first…

[hollyrawd]

Trying

When he sees me, he laughs.  “ You look… like a married Jewish woman, ” he says shaking his head. “ More Jewish than you? ”  “ Most definitely,” he says, as we both giggle, up the stairs and past the men in bullet-proof vests and caps. “ And why… may I ask, are you wearing a wig? ”  “ Idk- I panicked! Isn’t the blonde mildly triggering because… you know… ” “ No, what?” He asks with a…

[hollyrawd]

Desire

I want kisses that curl the edge of my feet. I want looks that linger over weird-shaped glasses but never speak. I want to feel my hair bounce as it catches the breeze. I want to find the most beautiful views and never leave. I want to find new places that look like books. I want to take long walks and drink from Bubbling Brooks. I want to pick flowers and keep them in my hair. I want to…

[hollyrawd]

I want to be a Bird

As of late my mornings always start the same, somewhere in nature. The sun greets my mum and I like old friends, as reach the top of the lookout and then it’s just us and endless water. I remember it was so windy, I felt this strong urge to fly away. Like my soul wanted to be free yet my humanness kept me weighed down. I wonder if that’s what happens when we die- a part of us feels relief,…

[hollyrawd]

Unconditional Love

I loved you even after you made us a mess. After you slept with her, lied to me and got all depressed. I loved you in a way that cheating can’t stop. I loved you the minute I saw you, from inside the ice-cream shop. You were so stressed, in your cap. Clusters of curls, sneaking, leaking out. It was just a date, some girl; you watched as she inhaled two cups of Boysenberry Swirl. Then fast…