heyits-asher

[heyits-asher]

“Woah, yo. If you knew and worried about it being awkward, then why put us in the same room at the same table?” Asher laughs briefly, trying to hide the nervousness behind it. He thought he and Liza were on decent enough terms. He also would have avoided the party if he knew better. He didn’t take Liza for a gossip, but he isn’t going to ask the details shared or the context in which it was. 

It’s worth the effort to roll over the sudden elephant in the room, and he just acknowledges the food. “Yeah, sure! I’m excited to eat. And I got a card for you.”

@roxdelrosario

closed starter: @heyits-asher

where: neptune

when: february 28th, roxy's bday

"Hi! I'm so glad you came, although I hope you know that Liza's my bestie and she's here. I hope that isn't awkward 'cause of the... whole history you have with her husband. Maybe I'm making that weird. Is it weird? I hope not. Let's just eat good food and have fun, right?"

[heyits-asher]

Ash: im 28! Ash: no i can rent! we can afford that Ash: one step at a time dont wry about lending anything to us Ash: thx tho @jaredx

Jared: Yeah but you're like babies, it's hard for me to think of my little boy growing up and shit Jared: Renting big houses and what not Jared: Dude if you need money, I'm game for it. You know I could help you out? I've got savings that I'm not doing anything with.

@heyits-asher

[heyits-asher]

@thegillyxliang

[heyits-asher]

@ulyflynn

a beautiful feeling when someone tells you “i wish i knew you earlier”

[heyits-asher]

✄ - Has your muse cut some or all of their family off? Are they close to someone else as a surrogate?

"Once I walked out of the trailer I grew up in, I never talked to my sperm donor again. That's right, I won't call him 'dad'. He doesn't deserve it for being the free loading piece of shit he was that forced my ma to work to the bone, and for Val to grow up too fast.

Don't know where he is to this day. He could be dead in a ditch, and I don't care.

I didn't have much of a chose in the matter of my brother, he ditched us well before I walked out, too. I guess that's fine, because if we're talking 'surrogates' or whatever, that would be my boy, Uly. My brother from another mother and all! Love that guy."

@ulyflynn

[heyits-asher]

Ash smiles in appreciation. Leo's empathizing means more to him than words can express, and he hopes the relief on his face says enough on its own.

"Oh, so, uh... it definitely was my fault," he admits, taking the moment to pause and take another quick hit off of the joint Leo supplied. "We were going out to dinner at When in Rome. That fancy Italian place. I ran late for our reservation, so we lost the table."

Add that to him forgetting his phone at Surf's Up and needing to find a shirt for it after work hours, Gillian was left sitting at the front of the restaurant, alone, waiting for him. And if he never showed, she wouldn't have known. "It was more than that, though. I did a whole bunch of stuff not thinking. Left the freezer open and we had to throw groceries away, forgot to get laundry detergent so our dirty clothes piled up, and just stupid things that I shouldn't be forgetting. She had every right to be upset."

He passes the joint back to Leo.

"The hostess even offered her a drink because they thought she was stood up. It, uh.... must've not felt good being the person everyone thought was stood up. But we're doing okay now. I just worry about upsetting her again."

@leomlarson

"I hear you, man." Leo couldn't really empathize — his drive to near-constant stimulation was unmatched — but he could always sympathize and lend a friendly ear. And it was always nice to be reminded that breaks were good and sometimes necessary, even for someone as hyperactive as him.

He took the joint back and inhaled slowly as he listened to Asher. "Nah dude, that's not dumb of you at all. I can totally see how all of this might be, like, way too much when your brain is already too loud."

He grimaced a little at the thought of Pax being upset with him. It hadn't really happened yet, but Leo couldn't see himself coping very well if it did.

"What'd you guys fight about? If you don't mind me asking. And have things been, like, mostly normal since she came back?"

@heyits-asher

[heyits-asher]

To say he is startled about the revelation doesn't begin to cover it. Ash is left standing there and staring at with through a prolonged silence until he blurt, out of pure nervous energy, "Yo, that's something you like, keep locked away until you kill it. A mental pillow on its face until it stops kicking. And you told her?"

Asher more so means the bit about Wes not wanting it to stop, he's not sure he wants to really even touch on the part about rushing marriage or anything. He doesn't think he has a place to even comment on it. Marriage itself? It's a big thing, and he knows he isn't thinking about that anytime soon. It wouldn't be something to say that would help the situation.

"So, uh... you ever think of couple's counseling? Like, does Liza say anything about it feeling rushed, or is it just in your head? She always seemed happy when I saw her." And when he isn't avoiding her like the plague. Everything might be water under the bridge now, but Ash runs better than anything else he can do. "Because might be worth a shot. I don't think you regret your life with her, but sounds like you're afraid one of you will, and some unbiased professional source would be better than your buzzed ex-friend outside of the liquor store."

Truthfully, there is nothing Asher even cares to say to smooth this over. The blame has left him, and that's all he cared about. There is nothing cathartic about the tension between them or the cigarette smoke hanging in the air.

"It's not like you guys don't have the financial resources. Her family being like town royalty and such. Could afford the best of the best, and it might be worth is since you're also fathering a kid with her. Or just charge some credit cards and default if it's too expensive. What's a credit score matter at that point?"

@wesxevans

Wes had a nasty habit of pointing the blame sat anyone but himself, something that he seemingly picked up from his mother. It was something he acknowledged but didn't do much to fix until the damage was already done. His gaze followed Asher's movement as he stood, looking up at him through his curls as he took a long drag of his cigarette. Asher Ortiz was the last person he expected to open up to about this sort of thing, especially since it was about Asher himself.

"I didn't..." He paused and let out a deep sigh, trying to decide if he really wanted to make the confession to the man who broke his heart years ago. "I didn't want you to stop. That's how it nearly cost me everything. And for what? You never felt the same way for me as I felt for you. I can't blame you for what you feel or don't, it's nothing to be sorry for. Unless you're married and dumb and confused and wondering why you rushed everything to get married in the first place." It all came tumbling out of him before he could even think twice about what he was saying. Wishing he hadn't impulsively asked Liza to marry him or at least had taken time to think more before they ran off and got married. He'd left and stayed with his aunt after telling Liza he and Asher kissed, and the next day they were eloping. He knew it was ridiculous, and while he was happy with Liza, he often worried that one day they would come to resent one another because they were young and dumb and did everything backwards and too fast, just like his own parents, though Wes would never act the way his father had.

"It's stupid, I know. My life just changed so much and so fast right after moving here and sometimes I don't know up from down and I keep feeling like I'm a fuck up." His feelings were solely coming from his own fears and insecurities that Liza deserved someone better and one day she would see it.

@heyits-asher

[heyits-asher]

“Really? Damn. I was hoping they’d be my saving grace.” Asher almost pouts at the thought. Maybe that Nicorette gum can help out. “You got any other advice? I’ve been smoking since I was, like, sixteen. Maybe fifteen.”

It was when he got that cashier job. His first cigarette was when he was younger, and Ash found not everyone locked their trailers. All of their Marlboros and Newports along with Natty Ice and PBR were up for grabs. As for religiously smoking - morning to night - it began when he could steal cartons from that gas station.

It started as stealing to resell so he could help put food in their fridge, but it was too tempting…

Despite that, it’s a nasty habit he needs to kick. Or, “And see, if I cave every now and again, that’s fine, but I need to stop killing a pack a day.”

He fights the chatter of his teeth when the door shuts behind them. At least the tobacco is distracting, as is the question Tabitha presents. 

“It’s going good. I mean, we had a bump in the road, I was a total asshole, so yanno, she went and spent the night somewhere else for a weekend. But we’re, uh — yeah, we’re doing alright.” The nagging worry about messing up again sits heavy on his mind, but Ash keeps that to himself. “What about you? Got any updates in that category of life and all?”

@tabithaxking

Tabitha releases a knowing scoff. Nicotine withdrawals were something she'd had to overcome when she got pregnant. Being a moody bitch was something most people had gotten used to by then but the mixture of first trimester nausea, irritability from the lack of cigarettes and being scared shitless about raising a kid on her own, her moods were on another level. No amount of money could make her go back to that time. "Don't bother with those patches and shit," Tabitha advises. "Don't do shit."

Hearing that Asher wasn't going completely straight made her feel a sense of relief. "Oh good," Tabitha gave an over-dramatic response. "Can't have you breaking traditions like that."

The December air greeted her flushed cheeks and Tabitha hadn't realised how much she'd need a little break from inside. The air felt strange, like something was going to happen but no amount of overthinking would reveal it to her. "How's that all going, by the way?" She holds the cigarette between her teeth and lights it, blowing the first inhale out. "You and Gilly, I mean."

( @heyits-asher )

[heyits-asher]

Ash: we been together over a year now thats pretty serious isnt it? Ash: nah just gonna find a bigger place to rent. Idk about buying yet Ash: prob hard to get a mortgage on our salaries and i dont wanna buy a trailer. worked when i was a kid but i dont wanna live in another one @jaredx

Jared: So you're getting serious huh? Jared: Moving into your forever home? Jared: Do I hear wedding bells in the future?

@heyits-asher

[heyits-asher]

“And see, this is a burning of the exes, not a singles’ party, so I don’t see why we can’t look like we’re a couple. We can’t be the only ones.”

Or they could if actual couples didn’t have relics from relationships past to destroy. Technically, Gillian doesn’t either, but they don’t need to know that. Throwing out trash is throwing out trash no matter how it’s labeled. 

Asher unrolls the blanket to put in the sand. “Burn now, Burn, baby, burn! Get rid of that sh**. Then we can just chill and watch the offerings thrown in.” He might wander to the bar. It’s an afterthought when he spots it across the beach. He might need it if his vape will be meeting its untimely demise in that firepit.

( Should it even be thrown in? )

“Toss away, babe! I’m here for the show.”

@thegillyxliang

Gillian practically giggled in response to Asher's quick rebuttal of not holding hands and she just squeezed his hand in return, reassuring him that her hold wasn't going anywhere. "Okay, okay. No letting go." She even lifted their hands up and kissed along his knuckles as they walked. "Another thing getting tossed then." She told him as she snatched the vape away from him and tossed it into her bag so he couldn't easily grab it again before he was pulling her into him.

Another laugh slipped out of her, bright and easy and happy. Gilly had been happy with Asher for years now, both as friends and as more, but it felt different now in a way, better. It was like the fall had been a wake up call for them both and while Gillian never really had doubts about being with him, it was practically solidified for her now. "We're definitely obnoxious." She agreed as she grinned up at him, leaning into his side. "And I love it."

Getting to a decent spot on the sand that was close enough to the festivities while still keeping some distance, Gilly dropped her bag into the sand and turned towards him, leaning up on her toes to kiss his jaw as she wound her now-free arm around his waist. "Burn now, snack after? Or vice versa?"

[heyits-asher]

“What’s really funny, and it’s not me being under six foot, is that you could insult me for so many other things that are accurate, but you choose to call me a ‘hobbit’ even though I’m taller than you.”

Asher doesn’t know anything about hobbits or Lord of the Rings aside from that weird, gray creature that crawls around talking about a ring, but he knows what Lori is taking a stab at. He doesn’t openly hand her ammo, though, even if Ash believes she won’t be happy with any of the other options. 

“Anyway…” Now, to the point of their meetup. “What’re you feeling? We can go to Tejas for that nacho and enchilada appetizer special they got going on. And they have a new medusa ghost hot sauce I want to try.”

@lorelailewis

closed starter / @heyits-asher

location: town square

With classes finished for the afternoon and Lorelai's schedule wide open, agreeing to meet Asher in the town square for a bite to eat seemed like an easy enough way to spend her afternoon—even if most of their time together was spent with Lorelai shooting him exasperated glares.

"There you are," Lorelai said as she approached, shaking her head. "Somebody of your hobbit stature should really wear a hi-vis jacket or something."

[heyits-asher]

Ash: protein bars dont pay the rent for a bigger place Ash: but thx anyway homie @jaredx

Jared: Oh now you wanna come back do you? Jared: Well I'll have to see Jared: But you definitely get free lunch, I'll let you have those protein bars off of the counter

@heyits-asher

[heyits-asher]

“Bummer. I mean, if you’re looking for one. Or a guy, or anyone, really. If not, then cool.” It’s not his place to assume, either… “Yanno, that might be it. Your face kinda sorta looked familiar, I order from Fired Up all the time. That’s where you work, right?” 

Aside from a Pizza Hut and a Dominos, the only real pizza in town is there, and Ash has been known to shell out a few extra dollars for something that isn’t copy-paste corporate. Dominos definitely never threw an extra couple mozzarella sticks in the box just because they recognized his face.

“Asher, and you can find me at Surf’s Up. Or at some rando construction sites - my friend had a connection with a guy and got me in as an apprentice to hopefully get me somewhere more lucrative than a surf shop.”

@mackonestevie

"Whoa, a happy couple at one of these things? 'Tis a brave road you walk alone -- or, I guess not alone, technically, because you're with someone. Good for you."

The fire ignites at its new offering. Stevie takes a half-step backwards when the flames crackle to life to create some distance from the heat. Fake roses tend to warrant plastic vases, but they're not about to pretend they'd ever attended a science class in their damn life.

"Same, though -- minus a girl. I don't have one of those, and I also have nothing to burn here except some time because I am not going into work on a holiday Friday." Regardless, they hold out the Chex Mix box in solidarity. "Stevie Mackone, by the way. I deliver pizzas."

@heyits-asher

[heyits-asher]

I LOVE YOU. does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

"I don't rush it, but it's not hard for me to say, either. I'm not afraid to, and I might've been quick to say it with Gilly. To be fair, we hit it off in Sedona a few years ago, and we weren't, like, official or anything, but there was something between us. We sorta picked things up where they left off here, so yeah, I didn't wait long before I said it, and I meant it when I did."

@thegillyxliang

[heyits-asher]

O : ODE. does your muse have a way with words?

"No. I have a way of saying the wrong things, which also rolls right into me doing the wrong things. Definitely don't have a way with words. I think it's 'cause my mouth moves faster than my head sometimes, words just fall out before I realize what I'm saying. That's not to say my brain-to-mouth filter isn't useless, but it definitely needs to be on a P.I.P."

[heyits-asher]

sirène

— any tattoos? If not, do you want any?

"Two! One is a stick and poke sun on the inside of my middle finger. I got it at a party in Arizona with Gilly, so we match, then last year, on Valentine's day, we got matching cacti tattoos on the inside of our elbows! That's all I have though. I'm too broke for serious ink."

@thegillyxliang

[heyits-asher]

Asher stares down at the can in his hands, and the paper bag around it as it crinkles in his grip. It doesn't tighten, but he rolls it between his palms to fidget. There's something that doesn't quite make sense about it, and even his eyebrows pinch together when that confusion prevents himself from fully understanding.

"Okay, but here's the thing. It was my mistake, how did it nearly cost you everything? You were the innocent party in the equation, weren't you?"

That's what Asher thought, but now he wonders if there was something else under the surface. Liza never gave him any inkling of reason to consider her to be irrational. Asher kissed Wes, not the other way around. "Unless some other shit went down, my mistake was kissing you, not nearly costing you all of that. Don't get me wrong, I'm sorry for what I did, but there's something here I'm missing."

He takes a sip of his beer, even though it's definitely warmed by now, and then he stands because sitting close to Wes feels uncomfortable. "Unless you want to enlighten me, there isn't much I can feel bad anymore than I do, so... I won't take responsibility for anything more than I already have because I don't think that's fair. Like, I totally get it, I'm a fuck up. I just fuck shit up because I don't think, but I didn't try anything more than that stupid, impulsive decision."

@wesxevans

“You’re welcome.” Wes shrugged as he brought his cigarette to his lips once more, knowing damn well he was being a little shit and he didn’t care. The thing about Asher was that Wes didn’t even have feelings for him anymore, but Asher had been the first person Wes had ever fallen in love with. It was hard to forget your first love but mostly it was hard to forget the way Asher completely discarded him during that time. As soon as he was done with him, he tossed Wes away like he meant nothing and it hurt Wes deeper than he liked to admit. He didn’t do a great job at pretending he wasn’t bothered by it because he always had his guard up around Asher, was always short with him or had something sarcastic to say, and he even loved throwing it in his face that he had hurt him the way he did. Wes knew it was wrong and it was hurting himself to hold onto it more than any of his words or sarcasm could ever hurt Asher.

The worst part about being around Asher now was that it always reminded him of their last kiss. Asher had kissed him at a party, despite there being no feelings between either of them and the fact that Wes was married then. It nearly cost Wes his relationship and that was the most scared he’d ever been in his life. Forget all he’d been through going up, the mere thought of losing Liza gutted him. Another thing being around Asher did, though, was remind Wes how little he deserved Liza or the children she’d given him. It was all in his head but Wes had struggled often to believe he deserved anything good, and Liza was so good and kind that he couldn’t imagine a timeline where the universe truly meant to put them together to last, despite Wes wanting her for a lifetime and more. Wes believed, and feared he would always believe, that Liza deserved someone better than him. That no matter what he did to work on himself or to be something better, she would always deserve more than himself.

Being around Asher and knowing how he treated him and feeling as though he wasn’t good enough, it made Wes get in his head about it all over again. Did he deserve Liza? Would she one day regret having married him when they were only twenty-four and had no idea what they were doing with their lives? Would she wish she met someone else or would she one day serve him with divorce papers? The scariest question as to why she may want to leave him someday, was what if she couldn’t handle him anymore? Wes came with a lot of baggage and a lot of hurt, and it terrified him to think that she would grow tired of having to pick up the pieces of himself sometimes, as she was the only person he even felt he could be completely vulnerable with.

“No. It wouldn’t have.” Wes exhaled smoke and watched it drift from them. “It just…” he paused, debating if he should say it or not. “It almost cost me everything. Liza’s everything to me and so is my daughter and our child on the way. They’re my whole world and I’d be nothing without them, and I don’t know, the fact it meant nothing made it almost scarier. Because I almost lost everything for nothing. It makes it more insulting.”

@heyits-asher