hautemamainthecity - Tumblr blog

[hautemamainthecity]

it is never too late to be what you might have been.

george eliot

[hautemamainthecity]

the best way out is always through.

robert frost

[hautemamainthecity]

#hautemamas: the boy takes manhattan

last week my son was on spring break, so i decided to take him to nyc to see my bff. nyc also happens to be the perfect city to foster his love for his two favorite things: art and skateboarding. lately, he has been showing a strong interest - and some talent - in both subjects and i think it is important to support him and expose him to as much as possible. i have learned that children are fickle and lose interest easily, as this child has gone through many, many phases during his short life - ninjago, all things legos, transformers, spiderman, minecraft. one day he is utterly obsessed, and the next he is completely over it. i never know what he will still think is “cool” from day to day…lol. who knows what path he will take when he grows up, but i never want him to have had a genuine interest he did not get the opportunity to explore.

we also visited my bff at her job at cnn where she is a producer on the anderson cooper 360 show. i was mad excited about seeing the show live, but my son…not so much. he was bored silly. but maybe one day he will appreciate it :) although the tv studio visit was not much of a hit, he definitely enjoyed skateboarding all around the mean streets of nyc!  he also visited a super cool skate park under the mahattan bridge: 

we also visited the museum of modern art (moma) and saw an amazing jacob lawrence exhibition called ​"one-​w​ay ​t​icket: ​j​acob ​l​awrence’s ​m​igration ​s​eries​"​ about the multi-decade mass movement of ​a​frican ​a​mericans from the rural ​s​outh to the urban ​n​orth that started around 1915​. while some aspects of the subject matter may have been a little heavy for an 8-year-old, the paintings made it a little easier to explain.

he was also able to see some other really great art, learn more about banksy - a popular graffiti artist, and design his own tshirt!​​

​we did not get to see nearly enough of the museum, and there are many more streets and skate parks for him to explore, so i am looking forward to our next nyc excursion!​ go be great, goddess! you can do it :-)

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[hautemamainthecity]

...whatever man sends out in word or deed, will return to him; what he gives, he will receive...

florence scovel shinn

what goes around most definitely comes around...choose wisely...

[hautemamainthecity]

i believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade...and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

ron white

LOVE this 

[hautemamainthecity]

if you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.

theodore roosevelt 

own your sh*t then do your work!

[hautemamainthecity]

#whatiknow: are you bold enough to be the girl alone at the bar?

these last few years have been extraordinary, filled with many ups and downs. new and delicious friendships have emerged, while negative and hurtful ones have been miraculously eradicated from my life. and now that the dust has settled, one of the best gifts i have received is an increased awareness of my goddess status. i have learned that i am more self-sufficient than i ever realized, and with this comes the power to stand on my own no matter where i am.

it is so exciting to know that i no longer need the crutch of a friend in tow everywhere i go. sure it is great to have camaraderie and support, but it is also great to know that i do not need it. as an only child, i have always been fine with keeping my own company, but only as of late have i realized how comfortable i am spending time alone in public. i look back on how many opportunities i may have lost because i either did not have someone to attend a specific event with me. or i spent the entire time at an event in the corner gabbing with friends. of course, there are no mistakes, and everything has worked out as it should, but i love that i have learned this lesson.

i came across this super amazing article on elitedaily.com about this very subject, and i am in love! i identify with this so deeply! check out the highlights:

she’s fiercely independent. existing in an era, when the media constantly presents girls as hyper-needy, codependent, doe-eyed, waif-like damsels-in-distress, the girl alone at the bar serves as a very welcomed change. what’s so refreshing about her newfangled energy is the ferocity of her independence. she defies the negative, too-often-sexist stereotypes of the “parched girl,” DESPERATE for you to come swooping in to quench her thirst. self-sufficient vibrations radiate palpably from her body, as she picks up her own check and is satisfied with her own fascinating thoughts. she doesn't need your money, your company OR your opinion.

yes! yes! and yes! i am intrigued by the number of grown women who genuinely cannot function on their own. Whether it be financially or socially, I think it is very important to be whole enough on your own. There is this preoccupation with being a “boss” or being “bad” but the ability to be independent separates the girls from the women. #bloop

she’s confident as all hell. the girl alone at the bar has a seductive ring of confidence encircling her that’s both intimidating and sexy. (don’t you find “intimidating” to be synonymous with “sexy” anyway?) having the courage to go out by yourself means you attain real confidence, the type of self-assuredness that has roots deeply implanted within the earth’s fine soil. she’s unlike the surplus of transparently insecure girls, who perpetually surround themselves with a posse of obnoxiously trendy, superficially attractive, oh-so-popular “friends” in order to validate their very existence and place in the world. the girl who CHOOSES to fly solo knows she’s more than enough and isn't caught up in the vapid act of flaunting her social status to the ever-irrelevant outer world.

the bold portion touched my soul because i literally just realized this about myself. I no longer need to be a part of a crew to feel validated – especially when it is no prize to be a part of such a negative culture. i would much rather keep my own company…and the vibrations around me high. you attract what you emit…

she’s a fascinating vixen. there’s something so vivaciously vampy about a girl devouring steak frites whilst nursing a port alone. she’s the modern day vixen. a vixen is so very different from the endless supply of obvious “hot girls” over-saturating the bars and restaurants in cities and towns across the great expanse of the universe. while she’s most definitely sexy, a vixen stands out from the crowd because of her immeasurable brainpower, endless depth and natural complexity. a vixen is smart. she knows what the f*ck she’s doming and doesn't subscribe to the tired notion of “false modesty.” she understands she looks oh-so-fine in her crimson lipstick and chic, all-black attire. she’s aware of the power of her mystique.

omg. this is so perfectly stated. i have started to notice “common” behaviors in women, and because i am far from common, i have started to adjust all aspects of my life accordingly. and the moment i made the change, i ceased having common experiences and interactions with others. i am a f*cking goddess and i know it. i make no apologies to anyone who is uncomfortable with who i am…because i am finally okay with every inch of myself…and i also wear red lipstick and all black almost daily ;-)

she’s completely mysterious. take a moment and visualize the girl who indulgently takes up space in the bar, basking in the precious sound of her own silence while enjoying the symbiotic melody of the surrounding chaos. she’s not your rosy-cheeked, all-american girl-next-door — that i can boldly assure you. she’s a girl who has been through things. some girls just have a specific glint gleaming from within their deep-set eyes, a charming twinkle leading us to believe they've got a secret (or six). she’s borne witness to some troubling sights in her day, and going out alone is but mere child’s play in comparison. she leaves us ravenous for her story, flexing our imaginations as we play out her life’s plot in our heads. there’s just something so alluring about a woman with a past, don’t you think?

ummm, yeah…mother has lived. and i am proud of every single experience. i have said this before, but i have noticed that those who have not lived as much lack depth, perspective and compassion. i would not trade any of those traits for a quieter, uneventful life.

it is incredibly freeing to know that you have the power to spend your time any way you would like. it is okay if you want to gab up with 2-3 friends, or whether you stay at an event for 5 minutes or 5 hours. sometimes a goddess must stand alone, but the real power is in being comfortable with you regardless of who is looking.

go be great, goddess! you can do it :-)

please share your amazing thoughts in the comments section…i would love to know what you are thinking

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[hautemamainthecity]

in a gentle way, you can shake the world.

mahatma gandhi

[hautemamainthecity]

#vintagehautemama what i know: 42 rules to live by

this post originally ran on 1.17.13, and i think it is a great quick reference guide to life :) enjoy!

what i know more than anything, is that with age comes wisdom.  the following list was written by a 90 year old woman named regina brett, and you don’t get to be that old without learning a thing or two…(hopefully…i am always intrigued by old dumb people, but i digress…#lightandlove)

i have gotten to the point where i am really embracing my lessons and all of my experiences, because it is really preparing for the next stage of my life, and i am so very grateful.  the following list is overflowing with pearls of wisdom, so please #getinvolved…i have highlighted a few of my faves: 1. life isn’t fair, but it’s still good. 2. when in doubt, just take the next small step. 3. life is too short – enjoy it.. 4. your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. your friends and family will. 5. pay off your credit cards every month. 6. you don’t have to win every argument. stay true to yourself. 7. cry with someone. it’s more healing than crying alone. 8. save for retirement starting with your first pay check. 9. when it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. 10. make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present. 11. it’s OK to let your children see you cry. 12. don’t compare your life to others. you have no idea what their journey is all about. 13. if a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it… 14. take a deep breath. it calms the mind.

15. get rid of anything that isn’t useful. clutter weighs you down in many ways. 16. whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger. 17. it’s never too late to be happy. but it’s all up to you and no one else.

18. when it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer. 19. burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. don’t save it for a special occasion. today is special. 20. over prepare, then go with the flow. 21. be eccentric now. don’t wait for old age to wear purple. 22. the most important sex organ is the brain. 23. no one is in charge of your happiness but you. 24. frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘in five years, will this matter?’ 25. always choose life. 26. forgive but don’t forget. 27. what other people think of you is none of your business. 28. time heals almost everything. give time time. 29. however good or bad a situation is, it will change. 30. don’t take yourself so seriously. no one else does.. 31. believe in miracles. 32. don’t audit life. show up and make the most of it now. 33. growing old beats the alternative – dying young. 34. your children get only one childhood. 35. all that truly matters in the end is that you loved. 36. get outside every day. miracles are waiting everywhere. 37. if we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back. 38. envy is a waste of time. accept what you already have not what you need. 39. the best is yet to come… 40. no matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. 41. yield. 42. life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!  this made my day!  i feel energized and inspired

go be great, goddess! you can do it :-)

please share your amazing thoughts in the comments section…i would love to know what you are thinking

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[hautemamainthecity]

man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit.

bernard williams

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#vintagehautemama: is the “princeton mom” stuck in the 70s”

this is one of my favorite posts ever! it originally ran on 4.3.13, and sparked some lively debates about “finding” a husband.  

i have to admit, when i first heard the story about “princeton mom”, susan patton’s diatribe on how women need to find their husbands in college because they have a “shelf life”, i was uber annoyed.  there are so many things wrong with that ideology, i don’t know where to begin.  however, as i read the opinion piece in the daily princetonian that sparked all the controversy, i had to admit she made some interesting points, in theory, and really got me thinking about how much the world has changed.  please note that the opinion piece did not make any reference to “shelf life" (apparently she made those statements in an interview with cnnmoney) but mostly spoke to the benefit of utilizing the volume of viable young men one has access to in a college environment.  here is an interesting quote:

"for most of you…you will never again have this concentration of men who are worthy of you”

this is true.  i remember my father's complete frustration with the fact that i was not at all interested in college boys when i was in college!  lol, i get it now.  he is a parent just like susan patton, and parents want what’s best for their children.  they worked hard to raise their children and prepare them for the world as best as they could, and don't want to see them with anyone they don’t think is good enough.  of course, education alone is not a factor to determine whether or not a mate is "worthy"  but purely from a parental perspective, they want you with someone who is at least your intellectual equal.  especially for black women - it’s a numbers game.  it is a fact that there are not as many educated black men as women, and when you are in college, there is a whole crop of them at your fingertips! #getinvolved!

but alas, that is not how it always how life works.  meeting a 18-22 year old boy - especially the elusive, and almost endangered, educated black male - who knows he is much coveted, and getting him to commit to marriage at that point in life (without a pregnancy, lol) is almost impossible.  and never mind race - how many  males do you know that want to get married in their early-mid 20s?  not very many, that’s for sure.  and further, like most young women, i had no desire to marry at that point in my life.  it wasn’t on my radar, and that was not my goal.  i was taught, like most of us, to go to school and live life - there was plenty of time to have babies and get married.  the opinions expressed by patton are opposed to everything we have been taught as “modern women."

i recently wrote a post based on an article that offered an interesting perspective on whether it’s better for your career to have babies in your 20s, as opposed to your 30s - again, which is not what we were taught growing up.  no one knows anything!  lol!  this generation of women is a new breed, and so much of our experiences are trial by fire.

i agree that later in life, when everyone is ready for marriage and commitments, it is best to choose from your immediate social circle, but again, life doesn’t always work out that way.  interestingly enough, only two of my (happily) married friends’ husbands attended school with us.  a few met and dated men while we were in college, that didn’t go to college at all or were already out of school, and they are still together.  i have started to see more people who knew each other from college get married now, and that makes sense.  but entering college with the specific intention of finding a husband could be quite problematic.  it’s too much pressure (on you and your unassuming beaus), and there are so many other things you have to worry about.  it is totally feasible that it will (ultimately) happen organically, but i am not sure this is the responsible thing to teach young women.  the type of frantic energy that surrounds the charge of finding a husband within any specified time frame is a recipe for disaster.

the tone of her piece was also deeply colored by her air of superiority for having attended princeton, so i am sure she doesn’t think that her thoughts apply to those who went to *gasping* state colleges! (she actually references state colleges as lesser institutions of learning) but in a way i can relate, because i went to a well-respected women's college (spelman) where we were constantly told that we were special, elite, and an excellent "catch” - while this wasn't expressly taught, it was consistently implied.  across the street was an equally revered men’s college (morehouse), full of young, bright future leaders who thought just as highly of themselves.  which brings me to my next favorite quote:  

“men regularly marry women who are younger, less intelligent, less educated. it’s amazing how forgiving men can be about a woman’s lack of erudition, if she is exceptionally pretty. smart women can’t (shouldn’t) marry men who aren’t at least their intellectual equal.”

ain’t that the truth?  i have noticed that a lot of my male friends now date women in their 20s, and i have told the story of going on a date with one of the most beautiful men i have ever seen in my life, being utterly bored with his lack of intellect, and wondering how men do it.  nonetheless, she is right, but again, we are a new generation.  she graduated from princeton in ‘77, chile…the world is different.  i have been thinking a lot about the notion that so many of us are unprepared for romantic relationships, because our mothers cannot relate to our world - they didn’t “date" - they got married in their early 20s, and that was that.  and even if they did date, most came from an era where it was inappropriate to have frank and honest discussions with their daughters about relationships and sex when we were younger, and needed it most.  we are the first generation of its kind, and we are rewriting history in terms of overall gender roles and what it means to be a woman - and very few of our mothers can relate to our lives.  we work, raise families, start businesses, often make more money than our men, and do not apologize for living full and rich lives…it’s a new day!

now for the part of her piece that stings a bit:

”…men have a broader time frame in which to build a home and a family. women, on the other hand, have what she called a 'shelf life’…unlike the men on campus, these women have a time clock,’…that’s why she said she wouldn’t give the same advice to her two sons, both of whom are princetonians.“

i know we don’t like hearing it, but it is a biological fact that men can have kids older than women (although much evidence is pointing to the fact that older sperm,  NOT older eggs, is connected with higher instances of down syndrome and other birth defects, as was always implied #boom), but that doesn’t mean that women should grab the first willing co-ed they encounter and procreate.  i agree that as the mother of a son, i will tell him to wait as long as possible before he gets married, but that isn’t because of reproductive biology, as it is also a well known fact that women mature much faster than men.  i don’t want him entering into something so serious unless he is ready, and that often takes more time for men.

so, susan patton, while well-meaning, your ideals are somewhat outdated.  life is a journey over which we have no control anyway, so it’s best to just chill and go with the flow.  if you’re meant to meet your husband while in college, you will, that’s okay, and good for you!  if you are meant to meet him when you are 40, you will, that’s okay, and good for you!  focusing on your energy on living a life that makes you happy and at peace should always been our main goal - and believe me, achieving that state of being is not always synonymous with having a man.

#boom

go be great, goddess! you can do it :-)

please share your amazing thoughts in the comments section…i would love to know what you are thinking

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[hautemamainthecity]

put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. this is the secret of success.

swami sivananda

[hautemamainthecity]

#blackgirlin _____: hong kong

black girl in: ______ is a series i created in honor of the really fabulous trips and amazing experiences had by my amazeballs girlfriends. i don’t know if the world knows just how incredibly fabulous we can be, so i will use my voice to let it be known!

this week’s “black girl in:______” features the beautiful elizabeth blount of uniglobe travel designers and her amazing trip to hong kong! check out her pics and learn about her experience:

working in the travel industry, i’ve had the opportunity to attend events and conferences in some pretty amazing locations. my recent trip to the acte asia corporate travel conference in hong kong was certainly no exception. i went into the 4-day trip excited for what i would learn at the conference and who i would have the opportunity to meet, but also for the ability to explore this fascinating city.

i kicked off my trip in style, accepting an invitation from delta airlines, one of my company’s preferred travel partners, to try out their new, non-stop flight from seattle to hong kong. i flew business class, and i must say, it was wonderful. for long international flights, this is the way to go! from the delicious food, to the exceptional service and comfortable accommodations, it made a short trip to the other side of the world that much sweeter.

because of the dramatic time change involved (hong kong is 12 hours ahead!), we landed in time to go to bed and catch up on some much needed sleep. the next day was JAM PACKED with sightseeing. we used a fabulous tour guide, which i always recommend doing, especially in cities where your native language is not spoken, and had an incredible day. our guide did an excellent job of exposing us to all of the popular tourist attractions, while also letting us feel like one of the locals. the mtr (mass transit railway) is the easiest way to get around hong kong and we used it multiple times throughout the trip.

here’s a list of all that we saw and experienced…in just one day!

met our guide at the clock tower – a popular land mark in Hong Kong


took a ferry ride to hong kong island

took the mtr and the tung chung bus to visit ngong ping village, home of the giant buddha

walked up 268 steps to see the giant buddah – workout, check!

took a cable car to the little town of tung chung – great shopping!

took in the view from victoria peak, the most famous lookout spot in hong kong – truly breathtaking!

visited the amazing mandarin oriental hotel – a must see for me!

caught the mtr to see wong tai sin, a chinese deity with the power of healing

saw the wong tai sin public housing development

visited the sik sik yuen wong temple, which claims to make “every wish come true upon request” – here’s hoping!

visited tai sin temple, one of the most famous temples in hong kong

after our long day of sightseeing, we settled in for dinner at aqua, one of hong kong’s most notorious restaurants. the view was spectacular and we thoroughly enjoyed our dining experience.

the third and final day of my trip was spent attending the acte asia corporate travel conference. i had the privilege of meeting with key industry leaders from around the world and gained an amazing perspective, which will greatly aid our ongoing efforts in serving our clients.

i’d highly recommend putting hong kong on your future bucket list, although i’d suggest going for more than four days! the time change is challenging but the history and beauty you’ll experience will more than make up for it.

(hong kong's versions of the paris lovers bridge)

thanks for sharing, lizzie! i definitely want to visit asia some day! 

go be great, goddess! you can do it :-)

please share your amazing thoughts in the comments section…i would love to know what you are thinking

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[hautemamainthecity]

the lion takes its fierceness from your fear...walk up to the lion, and he will disappear; run away from the lion and he runs after you.

florence scovel shinn

[hautemamainthecity]

#hautehealth: 80 uses for coconut oil

i found this great list of 80 uses for coconut oil on facebook, and i am intrigued! i have been using coconut oil for years  – mostly on my hair, as a deep conditioner, and as lotion.  i have also found that eating a teaspoon (which is not very pleasant, if i am being honest) can boost your immune system.  whenever my son gets a little sniffle, i give him a bit, and it never materializes into a full blown cold. i also wrote a post a while back about coconut oil and acne scars –  apparently it works wonders.

here are some other uses i found interesting:

moisturizer – simply scoop some out of the jar and apply all over your body, including neck and face

eye cream – apply under the eyes to reduce puffiness, bags, and wrinkles...use on the lids in the evening

preshave – coconut oil will prep skin for the pending damage caused by shaving

deodorant – coconut oil alone can be used as a deodorant, but even more effective in combination with cornstarch/arrowroot powder and baking soda

toothpaste – there are numerous recipes out there but I just mix coconut oil and baking soda and dab a little of the mix on my toothbrush

makeup remover – use a cotton swab and a dab of coconut oil and you would be amazed at how well it works

nipple cream – works great to nourish cracked, sore, or dry nipples. apply to a cotton ball and leave on your nipples between feedings

diaper salve – very comforting on a rashy bum with no harsh chemicals. also safe for cloth diapers

body scrub – mix coconut oil and sugar together and rub all over! rinse off and your skin will be super soft! you can add in essential oils if you would like a specific smell

healing – when applied on scrapes and cuts, coconut oil forms a thin, chemical layer which protects the wound from outside dust, bacteria and virus. Coconut oil speeds up the healing process of bruises by repairing damaged tissues. plus, it smells a heck-of-a-lot better than anything from the pharmacy

digestion – the saturated fats in coconut oil have anti-bacterial properties that help control, parasites, and fungi that cause indigestion and other digestion related problems such as irritable bowel syndrome. the fat in coconut oil also aids in the absorption of vitamins, minerals and amino acids, making you healthier all around

fitness – coconut oil has been proven to stimulate your metabolism, improve thyroid function, and escalate energy levels, all of which help decrease your unwanted fat, while increasing muscle

nose bleeds – coconut oil can prevent nose bleeding that is caused by sensitivity to weather such as extreme hotness and extreme coldness. this condition happens when the nasal passages become dry because of cold or dry air resulting to burns and cracks in the mucus membranes so bleeding happens. to prevent this just put coconut oil in your nostrils. coat your finger with coconut oil and then lie down and coat your finger inside your nose. doing this will strengthen and protect the capillaries in the nasal passages. a vitamin c supplement will also help prevent nose bleeding.

cellulite – *for some reason the article doesn’t provide any addition verbiage on specifics, but I assume that daily use will improve the look of cellulite…and i will be involve…these thighs, chile…*

cooking oil – use 1 cup to 1 cup ratio when replacing other oils/butter in recipes with coconut oil.

nutritional supplement – melt and add to smoothies

insect repellent – mix coconut oil with peppermint oil extract and rub it all over exposed skin

chewing gum in hair remover – just rub some coconut oil over the stuck chewing gum, leave in for about 30 minutes, then roll the gum between your fingertip

leather products – use to moisturize and clean leather products

check out the full list for all 80 uses!

go be great, goddess! you can do it :-)

please share your amazing thoughts in the comments section...i would love to know what you are thinking!

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[hautemamainthecity]

each day provides its own gifts.

marcus aurelius

[hautemamainthecity]

#wisegals: 10 most #successful #women #entrepreneurs of the #decade

this investopedia article lists the most successful female entreprenuers over the last 10 years. of course, it includes the usual suspects such as arianna huffington, beyonce and oprah, but i was very excited to learn about some of these amazing hautemamas making history in the respective fields:

tory burch is the ceo of tory burch, a us-based clothing and fashion line that she launched in 2004. It has grown to 125 free-standing stores and a presence in 3,000 department and specialty stores. burch is also a philanthropist who launched the Tory Burch Foundation to support women entrepreneurs,

sara blakely, inventor of spanx undergarments for women and men, started with only $5000 of her own money, an idea, and pure drive. today, 15 years after the company began, spanx’s revenue is approximately $250 million. and like tory burch, blakely has started a foundation to help women worldwide.

leslie blodgett, ceo of bare escentuals, a mineral-based makeup company, took over this struggling company in 1994, paved the way for new marketing and distribution through the qvc channel, and eventually took the company public in 2006. this was followed by an acquisition by shiseido in 2010 for $1.7 billion.

katie rodan & kathy fields, co-founders of rodan and fields, makers of proactiv, felt so strongly about eradicating acne in all ages, they joined together to develop their flagship product in 1995. twenty years later, proactiv has annual sales estimated at over $800 million, and the makers have taken their dermatologic knowledge that helped them conquer the acne market to the anti-aging skincare market.

the remaining three entrepreneurs are zhang xin, co-founder of soho china (a real estate development firm in china that went public in 2007), kiran mazumdar-shaw, founder of biocon, an Indian biopharma company. weili dai, co-founder of marvell technology group, is the only female founder of a semiconductor company. it is always inspiring to see women doing great things - especially in nontraditional industries such as biotech, real estate, and technology. it just reminds us that what God has done for others, he can do for us, as well! be inspired!

go be great, goddess! you can do it :-)

please share your amazing thoughts in the comments section…i would love to know what you are thinking

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