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Calorie total today because of this was 1 471 calories.

Binged on 3 and a half donut holes and 2 chocolatines, that's 575 calories in one sitting somebody KILL me

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Binged on 3 and a half donut holes and 2 chocolatines, that's 575 calories in one sitting somebody KILL me

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Ruined forever one of my nice garments what if I kill myself actually

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Had 3 3cm by 3cm squares of caramel bars, a bowl of arroz caldo, and a Kirkland probiotic "cherry-berry" yogurt...

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1 Del Monte banana snack/lunch!

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Yay, breakfast! Today I had 3 tablespoons of white rice, 1 boiled gai lan, 1 tablespoon of Kirkland rotisserie chicken and marrow, and 1 small royal gala apple.

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I just want my cashews.

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Dinner: 2 vegetable leaves, 2 boiled baby potatoes, 3 tablespoons of white rice, and dessert of Kirkland probiotic strawberry yogurt.

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And it keeps happening. Middle school I was skipping dinner whenever I could. Pandemic I was working out whenever I could and refused anything unhealthy. Now I'm counting calories and navigating social outings foggy-headed and bizarre and sleeping everything away. God. I always come back to it.

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It's just out of the frying pan and into the fire, isn't it? I can't control my academic situation, I can't control my financial situation, I can't control my fuck-ugly wardrobe, I can't control my fuck-ugly face, I can't control my family, I can't control who wants to be my friends, I can't control so much, and so I try to control my body. My body, disabled and bisected and acne-riddled and bruise-covered and bug bite-marked and unevenly coloured. Under my influence, I can change its weight. It's something. But then when I change its shape, it shifts back in the same day to that unflattering soft rectangle shape, and I can't eat food, and I can't eat food, and I can't eat food. I'm chasing my own tail. I'm walking a circular groove into the ground.

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I have no control over my life.

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I had a Del Monte banana earlier at 12:10 as a lunch/snack.

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I had breakfast at 10 today, just didn't post then because I didn't feel like it.

I had a bit of pork and 3 tablespoons of white rice, and 1 small royal gala apple.

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Ok here's what I ate in a day since I couldn't log all my meals at the actual meal times!

Breakfast: 2 boiled eggs, 3 tablespoons of white rice.

Lunch: Del Monte banana and Dempster's whole wheat bread + Jif creamy peanut butter sandwich.

Dinner: 1 small royal gala apple and 5 Kirkland whole roasted and salted cashews.

Might eat later due to social obligations, but here's hoping I don't!

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A woman on the bus said my hair was beautiful! :''')

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Ah yes, I forgot! Today for breakfast I had 3 tablespoons of white rice and a bit of pork.

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I had my Dempster's whole wheat bread and Jif creamy peanut butter sandwich at around 3 today for dinner, not going to be eating any more tonight!