goawaymars

[goawaymars]

im hiding on tumblr rn

[goawaymars]

dont get me wrong i love being tall but sometimes my legs are built a 🇧​ 🇮​ 🇹​too different and i suffer

[goawaymars]

shout out to the fellow kurtistown and broski nation members! the government will never find us.

[goawaymars]

i told my friend that im pan/ace and she said "oh so your a pancake?" OMG MY LIFE HAS BEEEN CHANGED IMA PANCAKEEEEEE!!!!!

[goawaymars]

target bullshit

i started my job as a starbies barista at target and ima just tell ya the random stuff thats happened since our store opened a week ago

-a lady asked for 24 pumps of classic syrup in her tea

-my coworker put a cookie in the oven and it caught on fire

-5 different 70+ year old white people have come and yapped at us for not having seating

-watched ap (store security) rip a book out of some screaming ladies hands and walk away

-had several people drive over two hours just to check out the new target store

-store director held a drawing for all the team members who completed their training to win a mannequin since we had extras (my friend won one and keeps scaring the shit out of their boyfriend)

-met someone named isis

will update soon

ignore the quiz idk how to get rid of it

[goawaymars]

ARE COURTNEY AND SHANE ACUTALLY MARRIED IM CRYINC CHAIRS WHATS GOING ON?????????!!!!!!!!!

[goawaymars]

my entire feed everywhere is just fnaf, taylor swift and Britany broski and i could not be happier

[goawaymars]

i love job websites that want you to pay them a fee like why do you think im here i need money

[goawaymars]

IF JAIDEN HAS TO FIGHT CODE BOBBY IM GOING ON A VILLAN ARK

[goawaymars]

pan culture is having a crush on everybody in smosh pit

[goawaymars]

my sensory issues are t i n g i l i n g

[goawaymars]

i cant belive it

i spent 2 years without one positive test and now in the middle of the summer here i am

testing postive

for lgbtq+

[goawaymars]

we cant girlkeep gasboss gatelight our way out of this one bitches

[goawaymars]

some of you bitches dont know what the fox says and it shows

[goawaymars]

"why do you stay up late so much??" bitch 1 i need more time 2 i need an excuse foar my stupidity and"just being tired" is perfect for that

[goawaymars]

senior assasin day three

today... i shall assasinate my target

i show up outside of her house across the street from where her car is parked in my familes old van

i turn the car off and i am perched on the van floor with door slightly open so i can see across the street

i am sitting in the freezing cold ducked under the window

im there waiting for almost an hour

until

i see her 

shes outside walking to her car

she doesnt even notcie the van is there

i slide open the door and draw my water gun

i hop out the car

she doesnt even see me

i aim

I-

...

THE FUCKING GUN IS JAMMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HER MOM WALKS UP AND SEES ME AND YELLS AT HER TO GET HER ATTENTION

SHE SEES ME SCREAMS AND RUNS INTO THE GARAGE

THE FUCKING GUN STILL WONT UNCLOG

“DID YOU GET ME??”

“NO THE GUNS JAMMED”

I WALK OVER SO I AM STANDING BETWEEN HER AND HER CAR AND TRY UNLOCKING THE BACK OF THE GUN SO I CAN JUST SPLOOSH HER

SHES STILL GOTTA GET TO SCHOOL RIGHT!?

BUT THE BACK WONT COME UNDONE EITHER

HER MOMS JUST LIKE oh ill just drive you but good job that was cool :D AND THE TWO OF THEM DRIVE AWAY WITH ME STILL TRYING TO GET THE FUCKING GUN TO UNJAM

i cant decide rather to laugh or cry cause its hillarious that i managed to go full spy mode without even bothering to check my weapon or bring a backup but also I MANAGED TO GO FULL SPY MODE WITHOUT EVEN BOTHERING TO CHECK MY WEPON OR BRING A BACKUP

...

anyway i just found out my assasinator got out so im safe to walk around freely for now

i still have until tomorrow to get my target but now that she knows who i am, and theres no school tomrorow and ive got work pretty much all day i highly doubt i will live past tomrow (everyone that is still standing but hasnt gotten their target is elimated midnight tomorrow) i honestly dont think ill really try

oh well i wanted a funny story and i got one ill take it!

but still somehow

I LIVE ANOTHER DAY

see ya tomorrow tumblr!