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I know you’re tired bitch but keep fucking going

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Excuse me while I try find my panties, they seem to have fallen off

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What if humans are the only species with teeth?

Human: Struggling with wrapping on ration pack.

Alien: Do you require assistance human Andy?

Andy: (With a mouth full of plastic) Na I’ve got it.

Riiiiippppp

See?

Alien: Loses her shit.

*****

Alien looking at a caramel apple: Soooo you eat this?

Human: Yes we love them!

Alien: But they’re so hard. How do you consume them?

Human: Well yeah sometimes people do break teeth on them.

Alien: I’m sorry you can break your mouth bones on them but you eat them anyway!!??!

Human (Already biting into it): Mhuh.

*****

Evil alien: We have you now human!

Human: OH HELL NO YOU UGLY LITTLE SHITS YOU AINT GOT ME YOU THINK HUMANS ARE EASY TO KILL YOU’VE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING YOU…

Evil alien captain: Shut it up will you!

Evil alien: Yes sir OWWWW!

Evil alien captain: What just happened?!!? WHY IS THE HUMAN ESCAPING!!!?!!??

Evil alien: Humans have mouth bones.

Evil alien captain: ARE YOU KIDDING ME WHY DO HUMANS HAVE MOUTH BONES??!!!!???

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y'all are really missing out on this one

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may 2019 be the year you realize how beautiful, special, and worthy you are

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Countless studies: hot showers are bad for you!! They dry out and damage your skin!

Me: I Will Boil Myself Like A Lobster If I So Choose

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Beauty tip #26

Hyaluronic acid.

If you're ever so slightly familiar with skincare or have ever seen a cream ad on t.v., you've probably heard of hyaluronic acid. And for good reason, as it's one of the most hydrating ingredients to be found currently.

HA is natually produced by our skin and hydrophilic, which means it absorbs water and will make it sink into your skin; but it degrades with age, sun exposure, etc., as usual, so boosting it from the surface is not a bad idea.

This acid is kinda tricky to work with from all angles. Producing it is hard, because the biggest HA molecules are too big to actually penetrate the skin, so it will only act on the surface. To avoid this, make your research before purchasing any HA product (especially in serum form) and make sure they claim it includes different sized molecules of the ingredient. This way, it will perfom on various levels of your skin.

Also, as it attracts water, it can be difficult to get the desired results. If you live in a very humid place or have a humidifier always on at home, you'll probably have no issues with it. But if you're in a dry ass place (like me), you'll find the HA will attach to any water that's closest to it and use it to hydrate the surface of the skin mainly, giving it a plump appearance at first, but drying it overtime, as it is drawing the water from the deeper layers of your skin.

Fixing this problem is very simple. Just apply the HA over damp skin. When I find my skin's super dry, I just spritz a bit more water a couple times more, letting it dry down before spritzing again. You don't have to make your face dripping wet, just a little *moist*. I do this especially when I'm using serum HA, but I also like to dampen my face slightly before applying moisturizer, mostly if it claims to include HA.

Hyaluronic acid is now in many different products, but the way it's most effective is in serum form, as it is more concentrated and goes onto your skin before other heavier products.

HA is good for all skin types. It's not an ingredient to typically cause skin reactions (patch test first). All skin types, even the oiliests, benefit from a little hydration everyday. Also, it is very easy to find products that include HA and are also affordable, so no excuse not to take care of your skin!

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I made this and showed it to a friend. She said I should post it, so here we are.

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Sometimes you read tumblr and realize that the only reason some of the people on here aren’t Kathy Bates in “Misery” is because their favorite content creator hasn’t had a car crash outside their house

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*thor hands peter a mug of beer*

Thor: Exellent work in the mission man of spiders!

Tony: Thor no the kid is 15.

Thor: Oh!

*hands peter two mugs of beer*

Thor: You are a growing boy.

Tony: Thor no.

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a msg to u from the dog that finally learned how to give me the dang ball

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Can someone calculate for me the volume of loch ness in liters so I can figure out how many humans you’d need to drink it

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Accurate

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I can't breathe