geekysteven

[geekysteven]

my liege you cannot trust this buffoon. he doesn’t even begin every other sentence with “my liege.” he‘ll never whisper in your ear the way i do it, my liege. sire. your fuckableness

[geekysteven]

[geekysteven]

The reason American politics favors conservatives is because we all grew up playing video games where to win you have to go right.

[geekysteven]

Petition to rename "Missionary" position to "Spelunking" position for obvious reasons

[geekysteven]

even the top gets called a faggot

[geekysteven]

Like to charge, reblog to cast

I had a dream last night where some lesbian podcast was complaining about how Mrs. Claus doesn’t have any songs or stories about her

And then one of them freestyled a song on the spot called “I Fucked Mrs. Claus by the Pool”

And it became mildly viral on TikTok and Tumblr. At which point the right wing outrage machine zeroed in on it, about how the gays are destroying Christmas

This just made the song more popular. It topped the charts. It beat out Kendrick and T Swift. Michael Bublé did a straight cover of it. Radio friendly edits replaced All I Want For Christmas Is You at the mall

What sucks is I cannot remember anything about the song. It was like hiphop with some ska instrumentation.

[geekysteven]

My wife is the absolute best at gift-giving 🥰

[geekysteven]

It's really more a problem with the tongue, here I fixed it

There’s something morally wrong with Pikachu’s mouth. This is a sign of demonic possession and somebody needs to help him. 

[geekysteven]

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.

Give a man a Fishing Rod, he'll use it to get an Empty Bottle which he can store Red Potions in.

[geekysteven]

ermmmm thats pretty cringe stardust!

[geekysteven]

It's over. The plane has landed successfully, with no damage.

[geekysteven]

[geekysteven]

one time i went through the taco bell drive thru and when i tried to order a baja blast i said “mountain boo bah” and then i just left. couldn’t recover

[geekysteven]

*hits blunt*

How fucked up is it that the months all ended up in alphabetical order

[geekysteven]

barkeep I'll have another bedtime, I'm not driving tonight

[geekysteven]

Yeah, I'm kind of an outlaw. I ate a summer sausage in February

[geekysteven]

15 minute cities are the worst idea anyone has ever had, cities should last a lot longer than 15 minutes