g1xtchedartist

[g1xtchedartist]

*sees the icon of a mutual I literally never talk to* oh look it’s my Friend

[g1xtchedartist]

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

[g1xtchedartist]

Why is it that people who you think will be in your life forever seem to disappear and yet people who you meet as like a friend of a friend or peer and think you'll know for exactly one chapter of life become lifetime reoccurring characters like it's so interesting to me

[g1xtchedartist]

if you're ok with an incessant amount of boops reblog this so I can get those other 2 badges <3

[g1xtchedartist]

[g1xtchedartist]

your heart is a muscle the size of a rat

[g1xtchedartist]

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

[g1xtchedartist]

HEY GUYS!!

GUYS!!!

FRANCE HAS REACHED THE REQUIRED NUMBER OF SIGNATURES ON THE CITIZEN'S INITIATIVE AGAINST CONVERSION THERAPY IN THE EU!!

ONE COUNTRY DOWN, SIX TO GO!!

We also need still quite a few signatures in order to reach the one million required.

As to date, the six other countries with the most signatures are:

Spain - 38.72%

Finland - 30.31%

Ireland - 24.86%

Netherlands - 24.15%

Germany - 23.54%

Belgium - 23.09%

So yeah, still a long way to go, but we ARE slowly getting closer. Don't stop now! Don't let this stay within the community, either, if you have any friends or family who are open to queer rights, get them to sign, too!

[g1xtchedartist]

show you’re obsessed with + text posts...a household staple dare I say

[g1xtchedartist]

You guys want another stupid fucking idea?

Bruce on taskmaster.

Sure he’s not a comedian, but let’s just say that the network was struggling to find comedians that could fit taskmaster into their schedule idk. The batkids are fans of the show so when Bruce is like “what’s taskmaster and why are they asking me to participate?” They are like “YOU HAVE TO SAY YES!!”

Anyways, imagine the inner turmoil Bruce would be in. I hc him as very competitive, so he has to juggle being the ditzy playboy and actually wanting to win the competition. And the thing is he’s fucking good. Like as Batman he’s constantly thinking outside the box for villains like Riddler and Joker. He tries to downplay it but because he’s surrounded by heroes he kinda… forgets?

Like one time, he has to climb a tree for some reason, and he gets a good way up until he realizes… normal people can’t do that. So he has to fake falling down.

Also, for one of the prize tasks, they have to bring in an item that is precious to them. So Bruce brings in his mother’s pearl, complete with the evidence baggy. Greg is bewildered, the crowd is going crazy. “My back up was my children’s adoption papers.” Bruce says once everyone calms down.

There’s not a soul on that stage that is not absolutely terrified of Bruce Wayne from that point on.

[g1xtchedartist]

Happy indigenous peoples day!

[g1xtchedartist]

autisme

[g1xtchedartist]

Wilson breaks his leg or is otherwise injured in a way that means he temporarily needs crutches or a cane, and House spends the entire time challenging Wilson to running races

At first, House always wins because Wilson isn't used to having mobility aids, which House is incredibly smug and annoying about (it also means he can successfully run away from Wilson whenever he tries to have an earnest conversation about feelings). But then Wilson gets more comfortable moving around and it becomes an equal playing field. They are both massively competitive about it

It only stops when they get to work at the same time and House challenges him to a race from the hospital entrance to the elevators. Right as they start, House turns to sweep Wilson's crutches out from under him to trip him up. Meanwhile, Wilson was planning the exact same thing, so when House lunges at him, Wilson is lunging too and they end up smacking each other with their mobility aids and sending each other crashing to the floor in a heap, further fucking up both their legs (and potentially injuring themselves in fun new ways) in full view of Cuddy, who saw it all unfold from her office

[g1xtchedartist]

Hannigram

Based on this tweet:

[g1xtchedartist]

One of my favourite lines is when Hannibal says "I don't hide from God" before eating the ortolans in Ko No Mono.

How Mads delivers it. The way Hannibal seems to be barely concealing his anger, his voice slightly trembling with grudge. God failed him, and he has a personal war going on to expose His hypocrisy. God kills, lets innocents die, and then has the audacity to set Himself up as judge of humanity while being the first to enjoy their suffering.

Hannibal feels entitled to do all kinds of wicked things, because he knows that no matter how hard he tries, he will never be as cruel as Him.

Hannibal refuses to cover his head, he wants God to be witness of his evil deeds, and once again, do nothing.

When Mischa died, where was God?

When she cried Hannibal's name, and he was too weak to save her - just a young boy scratching the locked stable door with his nails trying to reach her and stop her killers - was God enjoying the scene? Hannibal might be a monster, the devil himself, but he's nothing compared to his Creator.

This is one of the rare moments in which Hannibal slips out of his person suit, where he lets Will see him. Not his monster nature, but his vulnerability.

"I let you know me. See me."

[g1xtchedartist]

its such a shame that literally nobody talks about how good hannibal was at acting disturbed in this episode

[g1xtchedartist]

can’t believe i forgot to mention it but the word “the” is literally added to the end of a word.

the food = maden = foodthe

the table = bordet = tablethe

im learning this language entirely for myself, but what the fuck

im bored so im learning danish, as one does

all i gotta say is WTF IS GOING ON with this language???

there are two ways to say the word “a”??!?

“d” has an “l” sound?????

“r” sometimes sounds like a mix between “w” and “g”???????

im dying istg what how do you danes live like this 😭