fuuykinb

[fuuykinb]

who i like doesnt like me, and i dont like those who like me. what a funny thing

[fuuykinb]

i need to occupy my mind with many activities. to try to escape from what it seems to be myself. gym, music, movies, books, programming, writing, anything. i cant not be doing anything

[fuuykinb]

a few days ago, i had a sudden string of thought on how things would maybe be more ok in these following months. actually, i think it was more about how i would become a better person. today, i came to the conclusion that this will not happen so soon. i dont really have anything to hold on. i had some ideas, wills. it simply seemed to desintegrate. i have nothing besides my brain. my thoughts, my critique of the world and what i experience. it has no value. it is nothing. i dont feel human. i cant formulate anything. im just an idiot. dumb, stupid, acritical. i cant relate. i dont feel human. i am responsible for all my sadness and foolish suffering, and also responsible for my happiness. i cant blame anyone but myself for my smallness. i think i understand it. but i stay being miserable, and i belive people like me should not be alive

[fuuykinb]

Meaning

//

The universal experience

Grown from the primordial root,

Challenging our resilience

Of the human pursuit,

Our urge to fulfill the ego

That moves our motivations,

And gradually tends to show

How fragile are our inventions

To keep our feet on the earth,

But still denying our spot in the cliff,

How tragic must it be to live with

The incessant need to proof self worth?

Dear, there’s no need to wonder,

You just have to look deep within,

But not you singularly, see the other,

It’s foolish to think we are not part of the same thing.

The desire to be seen, validated,

Seeking metaphysical explanation,

The perfect partner in our imagination,

Seizing control of the systemic exploitation,

Or simply battling to not to die in starvation,

Resisting the desperate brutal temptation

Of falling to our own eradication,

It’s been hard not to be medicated.

And it’s somewhat curious, you see?

Doubting comes in season to season.

That’s why we say it’s a curse to be free,

Absence is our drive to search for a reason.

To the question asked since centuries ago,

What is the meaning of all of this,

It is simply a constant “to get to know”,

Showing to our hearts glimpses of bliss.

To get to know sounds, smells, tastes, theories and philosophies,

To get to know people and places, movies and novelties,

To get to know emotions and thoughts, songs and poetries,

To get to know animals and loved ones, comedies and stories.

If this world were fair, I would say, in my young and innocent soul,

If the abyss looked back and it’s swallowing you whole,

Stare at its eyes, it’s a gigantic black cat!

Slowly blink to show your love and that nothing will change that.

[fuuykinb]

Loop

//

Go ahead, put anything.

Make this disgraceful mind have a ring.

I'd suggest you to show the cards up your sleeves,

But I should know honesty is not one of your beliefs.

I refuse to regret making you the one,

You taught me to bear what we choose to begin,

So you'll continue compromising this curse to be gone,

Because it's your pleasure to never get things done.

Always has been.

Periodically, after making my heart broken,

I swear to myself to never leave my door open.

Time flies and I become a mist

That hopes it'll disapear and won't be missed.

And yet, when I'm alone,

Recovering the damage inside my brain,

You come back at me, once again,

And take me back to your zone,

As if all of this is in vain.

[fuuykinb]

The Day You Went Away

(inspired by Life is Strange)

//

The day you went away

Was an everlasting raining on a saturday.

Disbelief surrounding a collective single pray,

Supplicating for you to stay.

The day you went away,

I begged the greek gods this was just a huge play,

Or maybe like those happily ever after plot twists you would say:

“That’s such of a cliché.”

The day you went away,

My eyes saw your beautiful blue iris and hair fading to gray.

A gunshot and heavy breathing sounding in my ears on replay,

Is this now what I have to pay?

The day you went away,

Wandering inside my own mind like a stray,

I told myself that everything will be okay.

Tomorrow, overmorrow, someday.

But ever since you left our ship, already in decay,

I got shipwrecked and became a castaway

In a place I learned to love, but now I must convey

That I can no longer stay in Arcadia Bay.

[fuuykinb]

Unpreparedness

//

Mistaken are those who think they recognize

A mischievous entity who wanders so discreetly,

Waiting for an opportune moment to do a malicious surprise

And marking the lives of so many people permanently.

The unending decadence created by the mind itself,

Tormented and hopeless to what should be a believer,

Silently clamoring for the uninhabitable daylight’s fever,

A shame fabricated by the doubt of what those felt.

Graceful expectations for what would come and be,

Buried together with the one who conceived

Joys that don't come back and afflict the heart.

But when love never fades apart,

It is necessary to remember the marvelous moments you lived

Next to the star who gave you the honor of their company.