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[fredieblog]

What if in the end, everything doesn’t turn out to be ok? What would you do?

Perhaps it doesn't matter. It is what it is. I know deep down that I've always given my all. Even when I was young, I did my best. In grade school, despite having no allowance, I persevered. In high school, I was not able to finish my projects due to limited resources but it did not stop me from graduating. During college, even without my dream course, I pushed through. Now, I'm uncertain about my future, and my childhood dreams seem distant. My mother, a source of hope and inspiration, passed away before I could achieve those dreams. My father's gambling addiction and my brothers' struggles with gambling and alcoholism have added to my burdens. I want to travel, own a home, and escape my debts, but it feels out of reach. Exhausted and overwhelmed, I wonder if it's okay if things don't turn out as I imagined. Perhaps, in the end, peace will come from acceptance. I can't change them, and I'm drowning alongside them. I'm weary. Even if the outcome isn't ideal, I'll find peace in knowing that I once dreamed big and had hope. It may not be for me or my family, but I’ll be fine with that.

[fredieblog]

Dear Lord,

With a grateful heart, I thank You for the incredible career You've blessed me with. As I step into this challenging new phase, I place my unwavering trust in Your guidance.

Empower me with the wisdom and strength to lead effectively. Grant me the clarity to fulfill my duties with efficiency and excellence. May I rise to the occasion, honoring the bigger role You've entrusted to me.

I surrender to Your will, knowing You are always by my side.

Amen.

[fredieblog]

A Decade of Blessings

The world seems to move faster with each passing year, and sometimes it's easy to feel overwhelmed. For nearly a decade, however, I've been incredibly fortunate. A good job after graduation allowed me to travel to new places and support my family in ways I never imagined.

Looking back, I can't help but be grateful for the incredible people who have guided me. I wouldn't have been able to achieve so much without their support and God's divine intervention. A scholarship, which I never thought I'd qualify for, opened the door to college, and my amazing first job sharpen my English skills. These stepping stones led me to my current, fulfilling position.

Life throws its challenges, but reflecting on where I came from fills me with immense thankfulness. I'm blessed to be in a position to help myself and my family, even in small ways.

I'm grateful for the wonderful people who surround me – true friends who have enriched my journey. And to my mother, whose unwavering belief in me has been a constant source of strength throughout my journey. I'm eternally grateful, Lord.

[fredieblog]

My Dearest Future Wife,

Perhaps you're already here, a flicker of recognition in someone's smile, a spark in a chance encounter. Seven years have passed since I last felt this exhilarating pull, this blossoming of affection. Back then, a dear friend from college held that space in my heart. We made a pact, a silent understanding that my education came first. But life, as it often does, took a different turn. Graduation came and went, the words unspoken. She found love in someone who pursued her wholeheartedly, and I, a young man then, found myself heartbroken.

Time, however, has a way of healing. As we worked side-by-side, a truth emerged – our bond was one of deep friendship, not romantic destiny. I was her confidante, a shoulder to lean on during her relationship struggles. It became clear that my feelings were one-sided, and with that realization came a quiet acceptance.

Today, a similar warmth ignites within me. A childhood acquaintance, someone whose presence once filled my younger days with innocent dreams, has captured my attention. We haven't spoken much, haven't delved into the depths of friendship, but there's a spark, a possibility that excites me.

My pockets may not jingle with grand offerings, but my heart overflows with sincerity and the lessons learned along the way. The path to approach her remains unclear, but the journey itself holds a thrilling promise.

Until we meet, dear future wife, this letter serves as a promise – a vow to chase this spark with courage and honesty.

Wishing you peace, and hoping to see you soon,

Your Future Husband

[fredieblog]

Dearest You,

I see the strength you carry, the relentless pursuit of growth for yourself, your family, and those around you. You've faced battles alone, and for that, I am fiercely proud.

Remember, your faith is a personal journey. Trust in the unwavering presence of the Lord, a constant source of love and understanding. Let not the voices around you define your connection with Him. We are each unique threads in His grand tapestry, and He embraces us all, imperfections and limits included.

Believe in the unfolding of your purpose. Don't let emotions or anxieties build walls that block your dreams. God doesn't desire robotic obedience; He created you to be free – free from manipulation, judgment, and burdens that weigh you down. His love is unwavering, a constant in this ever-changing world.

Focus your gaze on your faith, not the whispers of others. Let your strength and resilience guide you, knowing that He walks beside you every step of the way.

[fredieblog]

Dear Younger Me,

Life hasn't been easy, has it? We haven't achieved all the dreams we had for Nanay, and her absence left a huge hole in our hearts. Tatay's struggle with gambling has only made things harder. But remember, you're incredibly strong. Even with a broken phone, you keep going.

It's okay to feel tired. Sometimes the weight of the world feels unbearable. But please know you're not alone. There are still good people who care about you, and their support, though it might not solve everything, shows there's still light in the darkness.

Deep down, that spark you had, the one that made you dream, is still there. It might be buried under layers of pain, but it's not gone. Maybe right now, the fight isn't for your grandest dreams, but for smaller victories – a good night's sleep, a kind word from a friend, the strength to keep going another day. These small wins matter.

I know things seem bleak, but remember, even the darkest night eventually gives way to dawn. There will be brighter days, and when they come, you'll be stronger for having weathered this storm. Hang in there, young one. You've got this.

With love and hope,

Your Future Self

P.S. Don't ever apologize for feeling overwhelmed. It's a sign you're human. And giving up isn't always quitting. Sometimes it's about taking a break, finding a new path, or waiting for the strength to rise again. Never lose sight of your worth.

[fredieblog]

There are times when the greatest solace lies in calmness. Not the validation of others, fleeting joys, or even grand experiences. Sometimes, the sweetest balm is simply the embrace of nothingness, a space for rejuvenation and inner peace.

fc.el.co

[fredieblog]

If I die suddenly

Burried my body near to Nanay's graveyard. Use my savings or benefits for my Funeral. Walang sugal during wake. (I know that my benefits will be enough for my Funeral) I don't have enough savings but I know God will provide for everything.

1. I would like the same service to Nanay. Lots of flowers and nice Casscette. Tuxido suod ko with bow tie, ayokonng barong. :)

2. Please walk, from our house to Garden of Love. This will be my last chance.

3. Everynight must have Bible Lesson about Jesus, Praise and worship too (Live sana)

4. Piliin nyo ung nice photos ko, lagyan nyo ng videos wag puro slide lang. (Yung parang edit ko kay Nanay)

5. Puro Christian music patugtugin. Mga hymnals din sana.

6. WALANG SUGAL

[fredieblog]

Dear Kua Boyong,

Thank you for being the best brother in the whole world. I pray that you'll give your life to Jesus. He will lead you to the path where life is better.

You've done best for our family. You're a good provider, you've done better than Tatay. Wiahing you all tge best.

[fredieblog]

Dear Queen,

Sorry if I can't provide everything for you. I can't guide you to the right path. Sorry if I'm not there to protect you everyday. Know that I love you and I want all the best for you.

Please study first and do your best to make your dream come true. Don't just be like me, be the best version of yourself.

I love you, Queen.

[fredieblog]

Dear Yunger Me,

Guess what? We're still broke. Nanay died early and I was not able to meet the dreams we have for her. I'm tired already and I don't know what to do. Tatay became a gambling addict after Nanay's death. ( now is worst, not just gambling for fun. He became different, he is always mad even to small things)

Life here is taugh. I'm not earning much, I can't even help myself to buy a new phone. (I'm using a broken one now, but it's still managable to use)

Sorry if I can't make it. I did my best, I tried everything. But I'm tired. I can't fight anymore. I'm so sad and I wanna die. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I've lost everything, the passion in my heart was gone, I don't feel anything, I don't care about my dream, I've lost all of my hope. Nothing I can do about it.

Ayoko na. Sorry kid I'm a quitter. Hindi talaga kaya, pagod na'kong lumaban. Ang hirap dito. Maging masaya kanalang jan.

There are still true people here, helping me but it's not enough. Sana matapos na 'to. 🥺😭 Sorry if susuko na ko. Sorry if I'm a failure. Sorry hindinko kinaya. Sorry kung kailan halos abot kamay ko na doon pa gumuho ang lahat.

Hindi na kinakaya ng paglaban, habang tumatagal pahirap ng pahirap. Salamat sa pangarap mo, sa pagiging mabuting bata at mapagmahal sa magulang at kapatid.

[fredieblog]

Since my Nanay died a year and 4 months ago, I've been asking God when is my time? I'm asking Him to take me too. I lose my interest to many things, playing online games, editing videos, making vlogs and blogs, writings and a lot of things.

Now, everything are still blured. I can't still see the future. I can't vision what I want. I've been pleasing pleople. I don't know who will love me anymore.

I know that life must go on, God is still there watching over me. I believe that one day, I'll be gone too. My life will end too. And we'll meet in paradise.

But since she left, I lose everything. I wanna give up, ayoko nang lumaban. I'm tired.

I pray that God will reveal to me the life He planned for me, the reason why I'm still here. I wanna know my purpose. I wanna live this life fully and freely. With His guidance and full of happiness.

Lord, forgive me for everything. :( I'm so weak and not brave. :( I can't do this without You.

[fredieblog]

I just said "No" to my brother about borrowing money. I don't know but I don't feel guilt about this anymore. I'm not quiet sure if it's right to do?

But, I have to be on my own now. I'll help my father, that's for sure. I'll not toleraring them anymore. I am faaaar to my goals and I am drowning in my finances because of my poor decisions and for spoiling them.

Now, I can't help myself. I'm tired and I don't know what to do. I can't do business because I have nothing. I can't travel anymore and do whatever I want. I can't buy myself good stuffs or something.

I can't even eat in resto that before is not an issue to me. Now, I can't help them and they can't help me either. Worst, I can't help myself too now. 🥹 I'm drowning and no one knows that I am drowning. I have business ideas but I can't implement it. I was earning from juay selling small items 'cause I can buy supplies even I can stock it I have money that I can use for myself and for my amall business.

Now, I can't but myself milk tea. I'm waiting for my paycheck just to pay my bills, but before I don't need to wait for that I can pay it right away.

I'm broken. Lord I'm broken and I can't help myself 🥹. Lord, I know this is my fault, I fail You. I truated myself much. Please flrgive me Lord for all my sins and shortcomings.

Guide me now in my next move and please help me to pay everything I owe. 🥹

#LordYouAreMyOnlyHope

[fredieblog]

I found a letter from my Tatay's cabinet.

He's writing letter to my Nanay. He misses her too, he is still sad. He is still longing to my Nanay. He really love my Nanay. I'm a living witness, he never raise his voice over my mother, I never hear them throwing things to each other nor throwing hate words to each other.

If I'll be having a family in future, I would do the same. I will never shout or will say words that will hurt my partner, I'll not raise my hand over her. I'll love her like how my father did love my mother. I'll do more and better.

[fredieblog]

I miss you too and I love you too. It's your choice to leave us, maybe you don't love us that much that's why you can leave us in that way. No goodbye, no kisses or hug. But I'll be alright, it's ok. At least now I know my limits. Thank you for a century of bondings. Now, I have to let you go.

Bye my Queen. I will miss you! 🥺 Maybe this is the best way for both of us, for me to focus on myself. And for you to be with your family. Bye may baby Queen! No more weekend bonding, no more away and good morning. No more hugs and kisses. No more bondings! 🤍

[fredieblog]

Our home is not that happy as before. It's unhappy. Maybe forgotten. Few visitors, few people. Unclean. And suoer sad.

I did try to revive it, I cleaned it. We celebrated some occasions, but you'll still see the saddness within. The smile of the member are fake, not interested. Sad. Not fine.

I wish that she's still here. She knows how to fix this. She makes our place happy and at peace.

[fredieblog]

My dream is to travel the world.

But I can't do that without money in my pocket.

Currently I have tons of bills that I need to pay and I can't meet it now. Even I'm working in a well known company for 6 years, I can't still buy things I wanted nor help my parents. I can't spoil them even my siblings.

I am far to what I'm dreaming when I was a child. I've been working for almosy a decade now, but I am still poor. 🥺

Lord, please help me. I can't do this on my own. I can't do this anymore.

I don't have my own privacy cause I have to share room to people I don't know. To be friend with them. I'm glad havibg them but I sometimes wanted to do things alone, and I am good working alone.

Lord, please bless me. 🥺🥺🥺🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Bless my family. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🥺🥺🥺

Amen!