#LetterForMySelf

[fredieblog]

Dear Yunger Me,

Guess what? We're still broke. Nanay died early and I was not able to meet the dreams we have for her. I'm tired already and I don't know what to do. Tatay became a gambling addict after Nanay's death. ( now is worst, not just gambling for fun. He became different, he is always mad even to small things)

Life here is taugh. I'm not earning much, I can't even help myself to buy a new phone. (I'm using a broken one now, but it's still managable to use)

Sorry if I can't make it. I did my best, I tried everything. But I'm tired. I can't fight anymore. I'm so sad and I wanna die. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I've lost everything, the passion in my heart was gone, I don't feel anything, I don't care about my dream, I've lost all of my hope. Nothing I can do about it.

Ayoko na. Sorry kid I'm a quitter. Hindi talaga kaya, pagod na'kong lumaban. Ang hirap dito. Maging masaya kanalang jan.

There are still true people here, helping me but it's not enough. Sana matapos na 'to. 🥺😭 Sorry if susuko na ko. Sorry if I'm a failure. Sorry hindinko kinaya. Sorry kung kailan halos abot kamay ko na doon pa gumuho ang lahat.

Hindi na kinakaya ng paglaban, habang tumatagal pahirap ng pahirap. Salamat sa pangarap mo, sa pagiging mabuting bata at mapagmahal sa magulang at kapatid.

[mariamarilag-blog]

For u Beloved,

[Hi! I really don’t know how to start my letter for my future self, it’s really hard to express my feelings because I don’t know what I’m feeling. It’s just that, I’m like stuck in the process of everything. How can I move forward? How can I focus on myself? How can I forget? How can I love myself? How?]

Beloved, as I can see, you know yourself as you are but you can’t accept yourself as you are. That. Is. Your. Biggest. Problem. You always said that you’re okay, you’re fine, you’re beautiful, you’re strong, you’re intelligent but you can’t hold on about what you’re saying. You always think that you’re different from what you say, you always seem to doubt yourself, you always put pressure on yourself. But it’s okay, you’re always on the process, you’re always on the move to be you.

I always believed that my insecurities are my biggest flaws in my life, I think that it will always be part of my life. I admit it, I've been insecure for these past few years. I always said that I've change but I think it’s not true. I still have this little place in my heart and my mind where my insecurities are. It is my weakness because I can't really accept myself as I am. I can't truly accept and love my flaws. I'm still comparing myself to others. I am conscious about my self. My skin color, my hair, my height and my weight. It is my biggest weakness because I consider it as an evil thing inside my heart and my mind. It makes me more unconfident about who I am. I looked confident on the outside but I’m so fragile in the inside. It is the one that is stopping me to do the things that I can do, the things that I want to do.

Beloved, you’ve been hurt, and that’s the most painful thing that happened to you. But trust me, it will also be the most wonderful thing that happened to you. Being rejected by someone you truly love is the most painful thing I could ever imagined. I know it broke your heart, you spent the whole day crying for that reason, you always think that you’re not worth it, you always asked your friends and yourself “Am i worthy?”, and lastly you sacrificed your skin care routine every night because you’re so dumb thinking that you don’t need it anymore (bad move, girl hmp). You simply just lose yourself because you lose someone, and that is not okay. Beloved, you spent too many days crying for someone who is not worthy of your tears. YOU ARE WORTH IT, it’s just that they can’t see your worth, and you’re not just worthy for that person, “when someone is not ready for you, for the glory of you, and the uniqueness of you, they are simply just not ready. —They are not ready for themselves. Which also means, you will never get the very best of them. And you, you deserve everything of the best”. Yes, you deserve the very best of everything and remember that you don’t deserve to be loved in halves.

I hope this time, you’re okay, real fine. Stop thinking about the things that can and will hurt you. Be kind and courageous at all time, don’t be afraid to try again, know that you are worth it and accept that some people are not meant to stay in our lives, some people came to our lives for a short period of time because God called them to be in our lives so they can make us better for the ones who are meant to stay forever. Always remember that you are enough, you are a conqueror, you can start again, love yourself, accept yourself and wear your flaws as your pride and armour.

Sweetheart, stop bringing the burden that is not yours. Let go of the pain, trust Him and the process. Welcome to the fight. A new season is arriving. Arise, beloved.

[takesandmistakes]

twist&turn

Tonight I want to write

I had a dream last night, passionate, vivid, spectacular dream

I woke up, exhausted, I was there, I am sure

I was thinking today,

How I work, as a human, I am a technical, nostalgic psychopath 

yet tender & soft as a clean, brushed cotton sheet

with ambition deep as an ocean

I will literally carve my way through to make my dreams come true

I operate on feelings

When I am over something, I don’t even remember what it first was

When I am into something, I will give it my all

I guess I am just either at one end of spectrum or the other 

A libra, that’s not even close to a balance,

I’m more like a constant recalibrating soul of many past lives

And you know what?

I fucking love my chaos, I love whirl-winding

Through my spellbinding, messy life

It’s like salted caramel, you can’t get enough of 

Finger licking, tongue biting, never ending joy ride

I burn what’s in my way, and drown what doesn’t serve

Lately I seem to transcend into this person

The person I imagined myself to be

And I am scared, toe tingling, hand shaking, throat choking kind of scared

Because I see the good, 

The good I never used to see before

Still lazy, I won’t lie, I only do and succeed only when ground starts shaking for deadlines

Like I said, the libra, that overworks or doesn’t work

Sucker for adventurous romance, and mind messing puzzle games,

Design that goes beyond limits, dimensions, space & time

I will totally ravage through obstacles, 

with oceans of tears and fists of anger if needed,

I will conquer, every little dream I have dreamt of

Even writing this, thinking this, 

Chest full of flies, butterflies, sugar lies

e. 20:53 11.07.17

[strongshellygirl]

TO MY LONG-LOST SELF

Hey. How are you doing?

Are you alright? I know it has been and it is very difficult, but look at yourself now. Isn’t it amazing that you are still trying your best to conquer all the battles that you are facing?

Do you still remember when you were young? You set your dreams too high because you found hope and purpose in life. You were so happy and your happiness radiates to everyone. I know that you are sad, disappointed, frustrated, and anxiety attacks you all the time. That everytime you wake up in the morning, you feel empty over and over again. You remember all your past mistakes and failures and I know it sucks. You still remember those people who hurt and wronged you and you still blame yourself for letting them do those things to you and now, you can’t move on. 

I know you struggled a lot. If you can just count all the jars of tears, I know you have thousands. You tried to close the doors of the past but you failed. You still blame yourself for everything that you’ve done in your life. You blame yourself for giving your heart and your trust to someone who doesn’t know how to take good care of it. 

If only you just knew it from the start. You would not dare to give it easily to others. But hey, you didn’t know. You didn’t know that those things will happen. You didn’t know that someone will take advantage of you in this cruel world. You didn’t know that you will fail from time to time even if you work hard. You didn’t know everything. So, don’t blame yourself.

It’s not too late. You got so much time. It’s not too late nor early to forgive yourself. You’ve done all you can to reach your goals. You were able to enhance your ability to work hard under a difficult and hell-like situation. You were able to start and finish your battle knowing that it has never been easy. You made yourself stronger because despite of that situation you didn’t give up. In the end, that’s what matters most. 

Your happiness depends on you, not on other people, not the material things in this world and not on your success.

You can still achieve your dreams. Maybe not now, but soon.

For now, focus on yourself. Enhance your skills and abilities and do whatever you can to grow. Do not get stuck on your failures because those failures are temporary. 

Just trust the process. Eventually, you will soon find peace and happiness.

You will soon find yourself. 

[senjayanghilang]

Untuk diriku,

Hei, apa kabar?

Bagaimana harimu selama ini?

Apa kau menjalaninya dengan perasaan senang? Tidak perlu menahan setiap perasaan, ceritakan saja kepadaku jika kau membutuhkannya. Aku akan menjadi pendengar baik untukmu.

Diriku,

Terima kasih sudah bertahan hingga detik ini. Terima kasih sudah berusaha untuk terus bersabar. Terima kasih sudah tidak sering menangis karena rumitnya kehidupan yang terlalui. Terima kasih sudah melukiskan senyuman. Terima kasih sudah tetap berusaha untuk bahagia walau terkadang ada batu kerikil yang menghadang. Terima kasih sudah selalu berusaha untuk belajar, memperbaiki diri dan menyadari kesalahan lalu bangkit kembali. Terima kasih sudah tetap ceria walau rintik hujan selalu menggema menghiasi hari.

Diriku,

Tetaplah jadi dirimu sendiri. Jangan minder akan apa yang ada dalam dirimu. Kau istimewa. Kau berbeda dan setiap orang memiliki kelebihan juga kekurangan dalam diri masing-masing. Aku bangga kepadamu.

Diriku,

Tetaplah melangkah, namun jangan lupa untuk sejenak berhenti untuk istirahat jika merasa lelah. Kau tidak sendiri. Ada aku dan Tuhan yang selalu bersamamu.

Diriku,

Aku menyayangimu. Aku mencintaimu. Dan aku akan berada di sampingmu untuk mendukungmu. Tetaplah semangat serta rendah hati.

Diriku,

Terima kasih ya sudah bertahan hingga detik ini. 😊😊😊

#suratuntukdiriku #myself #letterformyself #trustyourself #reminder

[mushroom-sockpuppet-blog]

My Saturn Return Mode

Saya masih tergakum-kagum dengan sesuatu yang berjalan dalam semesta yang menghubungkan seseorang dengan orang lainnya ini, sebut saja takdir. 

Saya masih penasaran apa gerangan di balik takdir bahwa saya dipertemukan dan terjebak di lingkungan pertemanan yang usia dan pengalaman nya jauh lebih banyak daripada saya. 

Bahwa saya harus cepat belajar banyak hal dari mereka. Belajar dari kesalahan-kesalahan mereka yang membuat saya memilih untuk bijak sebelum waktunya. Dan memilih untuk menghindari mengulang kesalahan, menekan hasrat berlebih untuk mencoba ini itu hanya agar tampak terlihat lebih "keren". 

Dan ternyata itu tidak selalu menyenangkan. Saya merasa terlalu cepat mengambil keputusan untuk menjadi bijak. Meski mungkin itu yang terbaik dan justru menyelamatkan hidupku. 

Tibalah saya pada posisi merasa cukup. Tapi ternyata menjadi cukup terlalu dini itu mudah menimbulkan kebosanan.

Setelah tahu bahwa kenyataan di balik kehidupan ini memuakkan, kemarahan tidak lagi cukup. Lalu harus bagaimana? Dan sialnya saya memilih untuk berpura-pura bahwa segalanya baik-baik saja. Bahwa tidak ada lagi yang spesial yang tersisa. Dan saya masih terjebak dalam peran berpura-pura ini, peran aman meski tak begitu nyaman. Ada banyak ketakutan yang harus kulawan.

Tapi apa yang betu-betul aman? Apa yang betu-betul nyaman? Apa yang betul-betul harus kulawan?

Semuanya bergejolak... 

Karena memuakkan, tak jarang saya memikirkan ingin segera mati saja. Terlalu payah untuk terus berjuang pada kehidupan seperti di pantai ini, ombak naik turun, kencang melambat. Akan selalu seperti itu... 

Lalu tibalah hari itu. Telah lama saya melupakan bagaimana rasanya momen merinding, jantung berdegub kencang, aliran darah mendesir, saat nyata menjadi bias. Sungguh itu membuatku mendapatkan hidupku kembali.

Seketika saya merasakan sesuatu yang benar-benar spesial. Ternyata masih ada yang tersisa. Betapa misteriusnya takdir ini. Saya tidak lagi peduli mengenai apa pura-pura itu. Yang kupeduli kini adalah memelihara rasa penasaran tentang kejutan kejutan apa lagi yang menunggu takdirku.

Saya tak ingin merasa cukup lagi. Sangat bersemangat. Ada banyak hal berkeliaran di kepalaku, ada banyak hal yang ingin kulakukan kini, demi menjaga detak jantungku berima, berbahagia. Meski tetap menyiapkan energi cadangan jika suatu hari kecewa. Tapi saya percaya tak perlu merasa kecewa jika sedari awal saya tidak merancang harapan untuk memiliki. 

Menahan hasrat untuk tidak memiliki sama beratnya dengan perasaan merelakan sesuatu yang diinginkan pergi. Sebelum dan sesudah. Naik dan turun. Benci dan cinta.

Dan saya akan terus di sini. Tak ingin merasa cukup tapi tak juga merancang apa-apa. Menunggu momen bertemu denganmu suatu hari, tiba-tiba. Lalu pada saat itu tiba, saya ingin mengajakmu kembali bercinta... buas seperti binatang.

Terima kasih telah membantuku menemukan hidupku, sekali lagi.

Ketika saya merasa berbahagia, saya mendoakan semua yang kusayangi semoga merasakan hal yang sama.

[babaengtangasayo]

Thank you sa nagbigay neto. Di ko ine expect yun gift mo sa akin. Bka yung pera mo nauubos na kabibigay mo ng mga luho ko. Hayaan mo babawi aq sayo. Sana hindi ka mag sawang mahalin ako. Pag down na down ako nag checheer ka na "L.E u can do it! " Salamat sa motivations. Tinuruan mko maging malakas kahit deep inside nasasaktan na aketch. Ikaw lang nkaka alam ng pain ko even though tawa lang aq ng tawa sa harap ng madaming tao. Alam mo. Ikaw nadin nag turo sakin maging matatag. Trabaho lang! Di ka mag kakapera kung iintndhin mo ang ibang bagay ma sstress lang ako. Hayaan mo bess , balang araw mkakabawi ako sayo. Mamahalin din kita. Unti unti lang. #letterformyself #loveyourselffirst #getupstandup

[idolovecatstoughidonthaveany]

Untuk seorang wanita.

Untuk seorang wanita yang sedang merasa begitu abu, sendu. Sabar ya, desember ini memang penuh hujan.

Untuk seorang wanita yang menatap malam dengan nanar, kubisikkan kata kata pengindah masa depan, yang semoga saja mampu menguatkan masamu, yang sekarang.

Untuk seorang wanita, pengagum kedewasaan yang sampai detik ini masih mencoba memahami arti menjadi dewasa, andai kau tahu betap ku memuja setiap langkah kakimu, kaki kaki yang meyakini warna masa depan tak mungkin semonoton putih dan hitam.

Kau bilang ceria adalah nama belakangmu. Nama belakang yang tak akan bisa hilang. Kau bilang setrong adalah kewajibanmu. Keharusan dan tameng otomatis yang sedia muncul, saat butir butir penghuni pelupuk mata terpaksa keluar. Untuk kamu, seorang wanita yang sedang dalam pelukan malam. Klise untuk mengatakan, tapi kuyakinkan engaku sayang, semuanya akan berjalan sesuai mimpi mimpimu. Semoga.

Desember ini rasa rasanya melegakan, ya ?

Tenang saja. Seperti 31 Desember yang merambat menuju 1 Januari, tahun pun berubah. Terlihat tak jauh beda memang, toh hanya suatu hari di akhir bulan berpindah ke suatu hari yang beda di awal bulan. Ingin ku memberikan keyakinan lewat tulisan ini, mencoba mengatakan bahwa semuanya akan baik baik saja. Mengatakan bahwa hurt dan heal adalah teman, yang kadang jauh dan akan dekat, pada waktu waktunya tersendiri.

Bukankah kau pernah terluka dibulan yang sama ? Sudahlah, ini akan membaik. Tenang saja. Kau masih dia, seorang wanita yang sama yang mengatakan bahwa semuanya akan membaik dan  baik baik saja. Dan kau memang masih dia, seorang yang rajin berucap bahwa tak ada yang namanya kebetulan yang berarti luka dan bahagia hanyalah moment sementara, penguat hati, pendewasa diri bagi manusia yang mau mengambil pelajaran darinya.

[rebecaagonzalez]

Carta para mi (lee esto cuando te sientas perdida como te sientes ahorita)

Querida rebeca Como estas? Aparte de perdida y sin rumbo. Déjame decirte que siempre has navegado sin rumbo y que siempre has hecho todo lo que quieres. Pero se que sientes que te falta algo, deja de buscarlo. Deja de querer encontrarlo porque sabes que no lo vas a encontrar fácil. Porque si todo fuera fácil esto no seria vida. Tampoco te voy a decir que el te va a encontrar a ti y que te quedes sentada sin hacer nada. Te voy a decir que es lo que tienes que hacer; tienes que reír, reír tanto que te duela el estomago, tienes que llorar, llorar tanto que se te hinchen los ojos y no veas, tienes que gritar hasta que no tengas voz, tienes que correr aunque no aguante mucho, tienes que comer y probar todo lo que no te gusta, tienes que querer, pero antes de querer a alguien mas te tienes que querer a ti primero, y después quiere a quien quieras, deja que te rompan el corazón, deja que jueguen contigo, experimenta, aprende y no tengas resentimientos y vuelve a querer. Tienes que intentar muchas veces aunque no veas algo claro hazlo, porque si no lo haces no sabes que pudo haber pasado. Tienes que buscar la manera de lograr eso que quieres. No sabes que quieres? No sabes que mas hacer? Has intentado de todo y sigues perdida. Pues piérdete mas, húndete, llora, deprímete. Pero levántate al día siguiente y continua y vuelve a caer; hasta que aprendas que caer ya no es una opción. Hasta que encuentres el camino que tanto buscas. Deja de preocuparte por cosas que no te van a llevar a ningún lado, absorbe todo lo bueno y lo malo tómalo como experiencia. Aprende de los demás, celebra sus logros, admira sus éxitos, aprende de ellos. Crece todo lo que puedas. Ponte unos tacones si es necesario, has muchas cosas, toma muchos cursos. Toma muchas clases. Sal, diviértete, disfruta. Y tienes que viajar, viaja todo lo que puedas. Viaja tanto que te hartes de viajar (aunque sabes que eso no pasara) viaja y conoce aprende y mejórate a ti misma. Se esa persona que sabes que eres y mas. Superate siempre y no dejes que nadie te de un no por respuesta. Recuerda que el dinero mueve y si lo necesitas para hacer todo y muchas cosas, pero es algo que con esfuerzo se gana y tu sabes como ganar dinero. Toda la vida has hecho algo por tener dinero sin depender de los demás, sigue así. No te pierdas, no te duermas, despierta!!! Espero que tengas que leer esto muchas veces, porque espero que te equivoques muchas veces. Así como tmb espero que de las ultimas veces que lo leas te salga una sonrisa de lo lejos que has llegado. Eres una gran persona y puedes ser todavía mejor! No te desanimes el mundo es enorme y te queda mucho por descubrir. Y lo mas importante, no estas sola, sabes que tienes mucha gente que te apoya! Se feliz, Rebeca.

[seketika]

Letter for Myself

....yang tidak lebih dari 2 tahun lagi berusia seperempat abad. 

How about your day. Tell me here. It's been so long we didn't meet each other, even talk. It's been a long way you didn't come for me with cuppa tea. It's been a long gone since I longing you too.

I miss your smile. Do you?

Are you forget how to walk alone. Just like few years ago? You walk with me and now you forget about us. I hope you find a way back to home. To me. To us

From Love,  Siska R Anggraeny

[takesandmistakes]

Dear 32 year old self,

I hope you have mastered ‘’waking up early and being really productive’’ thing everyone apart from me does. I hope you have travelled to all those beautiful places you dreamed about. I hope you have kept the promise about not wearing blue jeans. I hope the man by your side is still the same one that is by my side and he is the one who’s made your twenties so spectacular. I bet you’re still an adventurous dreamer, a hopeless romantic, with a heart as deep as the ocean and skin as thick as never before, but I hope all this hard work has paid off, all these messy days, this chaos, this tiredness. You must be a designer, promise me you did it : If you don’t do it, someone else will. Don’t wait for opportunities, create them. I hope your job makes you want to jump out of bed every morning and success is either already yours or just around the corner. More than anything I hope you’re the happiest woman alive. Remember why you started, I always will.