fool3

[fool3]

The world would be so much less interesting if it had a creator.

[fool3]

Lately I’ve been having some terrible anxiety thinking about what people really think of me. Not really strangers like people I pass in the hall, but more specifically my close friends. I don’t know why this happens. I should trust that my friends are actually my friends, they wouldn’t hang out with me if they weren’t. But I mean what if it was all an act? Everybody has a different version of me in their heads and what if even one person who I adore thinks I’m the most annoying person in the world? I’d never find out cause I’m not going to outright ask them that, that’d make me look like an insecure fool. But really I am an insecure fool and that comes in waves, and this wave is especially deep.

[fool3]

[fool3]

Tonight I am feeling pretty productive because I wrote 312 words in a book I'm writing. Now that is not a lot of words, like three paragraphs at most, but it's been forever since I've written as I've been so busy with everything in my life it's nice to just get even a little in.

I absolutely love writing. It's on the same level as drawing or painting but I think much deeper. I would say it's more difficult to actually sit down and do, but easier to sit down and learn how to do it.

I first starting writing like three years ago the summer after I read the Lord of the Rings, because my girlfriend had also started writing and those books inspired me to do the same. I don't know what got into me but immediately I started creating an entire fantasy world with dragon languages and gods and elves and new races I made myself. I reinvented things so many times, and I never actually got to the story part which is the whole point. But I excused myself by saying I needed the world to make the story in.

Eventually I baked, because I had been watching Brandon Sanderson's college lectures on writing and many other videos and quickly realized I was very much out of my limit, I should start with something simpler to practice. So of course I started creating another world, a much simpler one. A planet of sand, where alien kings and queens lived and built giant temples, and then for some reason I decided to create another world in that same story, where the two would battle in a giant space army. The other planet was green and full of giant slug people, with great technological advances.

Realizing I was stepping over a line, I deleted the second planet and changed the desert to snow, as to differentiate myself from Dune. There I actually brood up a story, where primitive yeti men were visited by AI robots and have to deal with the problems and such that they bring.

I abandoned this, I don't remember why. My next story was one on the familiar planet of Earth and was going to be horror. It opened to a drunk couple running from a party, where a young man takes his girlfriend to an abandoned house outside of the town, knocks her out, and starts to eat her flesh while she is tied down. He is then taken and killed by a long hand made of wood from the mouth of a face nailed to the floor.

Now this wasn't what I wanted, there wasn't a point it seemed and I didn't know where it was going. First I needed a theme or multiple, and at least an idea of a story. So now I have the one I'm working on now.

It's on Earth, in Maine, in Winter near Christmas. It's about a girl whose parents are hunters and they live in the woods, and the young daughter wanders into a hole in an old tree where her doll was taken (There's more but this is just the bare minimum). There her wildest dreams and nightmares come true. I'm possibly going to make it about poaching and hanging up animals for decoration, as well as- I actually don't know. Don't be surprised if I abandon this one too but I really don't want to, I have lots of things written down about it and I want it to work.

Ok post over.

[fool3]

Thinking about what I would and wouldn't keep as a pet, and the circumstances for them. Obvious ones: cats and dogs are a yes. Fish yes if they are under a certain length (probably six inches or under). Only birds would be parakeets. Larger parrots such as Macaws I am against owning as pets because they live up to 80 years, and it's sad when they're owners get too old to take care of them so they are given to a shelter.

Bunnies are a tough one. If you live in an apartment then definitely no. If you live on a farm then yes. If you have a rural house then maybe, don't keep them in a cage, bunnies should run around, if you're backyard is big enough and secure enough then sure. Bunnies are a no for me then.

Guinea pigs yes, ferrets yes rats yes mice yes. Lizards a foot and under yes, things like monitor lizards are a no.

Snakes are tough because they come in a variety. Really the only one I would own is a ball python. With a good enough enclosure. Tarantulas are a yes if you have a good enclosure, frogs yes if you have a good enclosure good enough enclosure, small turtles yes, tortoises no. Salamanders and geckos yes if you have a great enclosure. Lemurs, foxes, any cat other than a house cat no. Even if you have a farm. Horses, donkeys, cows, obviously yes (if you have a farm).

Not any primates at all. I think that's all. Anything else is a no. Scorpions yes if you have a great enclosure. No eels or sharks or crabs. Ok now that's it.

[fool3]

The real reason Frodo left Middle Earth is because he couldn't bare that the man he spent over a year alone with married a woman instead of him.

[fool3]

Today was my friend's birthday, and it's a Wednesday and we usually go to our local gym to workout and get ice cream afterwards. So, I thought it might be fun if I stead of ice cream I take them out to The Garage for some burgers and a good time.

I knew before going that my other friend was hanging out with the birthday friend at his house and they explicitly told me they were going to get absolutely stoned. They've done this before, I wish they didn't, but I'm not going to tell them what not to do because they wouldn't listen anyway.

I guess I was maybe stupid or should've seen it coming, but I spent ten dollars to go into the gym and they weren't there. I texted one of them and they proclaimed how high they were and wouldn't come, and after texting them I was gonna get them The Garage, I was not texted back. I got The Garage with just my mom and me.

In the past I had been invited to the birthday parties, if I was invited to this one I wouldn't try to stop them from smoking. Tonight I just feel defeated, like they chose drugs over me. Why do people do that? Especially teenagers. You've literally spent your whole life learning not to do it yet you do anyway. I know my friend's parents smoke, but my girlfriend's parents also smoke and she doesn't. Maybe being high makes you feel good, it escapes you, but other things do too, healthier things. I'm not shocked at all, that the friend I showed my favorite movie to talked and was on his phone through the entire time, that the friends who make fun of me everyday don't bother to even apologize when I wanted to do something nice for them but they're too busy at their high-party. I understand that you don't want to drive while high, but a 'sorry' would be nice.

I need new friends.

[fool3]

So yesterday I started Arcane cause the second season just came out, and a lot of my friends are talking about it. And I must say it is FANTASTIC. The story is incredible, I've heard a lot about how you really sympathize with the characters and it's sometimes hard to decide whose the protagonist and whose the antagonist, and that's very true. The animation is probably the best I've ever seen, only second to the Spiderverse movies (but nobody is surprised by that). I binged six episodes in one night and intend to do the same later.

Now today at school I was thinking about it and on Sunday I was watching Breaking Bad again, which I consider to be the best show I've ever seen, and I still stand by that, and this got me thinking about what my favorite shows are. In middle school it was a toss between Stranger Things and The Office, the latter I saw my dad watching as a kid and thought it was actually about what happened in an office and was bored as hell by it, I hated it. However my friend introduced me to it when I had grown up some and now I absolutely love it, it still is one of my favorite shows and it always will be. Stranger Things is different, I started watching it probably in third grade (much too young) because my dad put it on and I had an instant crush on Eleven's actor Millie Bobby Brown. This has since passed. The show itself is very good I think, there is better out there but to me it brings a great nostalgic feeling while also being fresh and better each season (except season two). Now either in early high school or late middle school my mom introduced me to Community, and I reluctantly obliged because it's my mom and what does she know. Just as always I'm surprised that my mom actually knows what I like and Community is one if not the funniest shows I've ever seen. It declines in quality I feel as it goes but seasons 1-3 is actually some of the best humor in television I've ever seen. I wouldn't say that was ever my favorite show though. Then in high school I watched Peaky Blinders and everything changed, this show is actually amazing. Ignore all the sigma and alpha edits of Thomas Shelby because he's actually a very well-written character, and the period sets and acting of the show is just as good. I watched it twice and really should rewatch it sometime soon (maybe after Arcane). Then the magnum opus of television, I'm glad I waited this long to start it because I don't know if I would understand it like I do now: Breaking Bad. I watched the first two episodes, which are a slow start I admit, but still not bad whatsoever, and got bored. I picked it up a few months later and powered through and my god was it the best decision of my life. I could talk about this show for hours, everyone should watch it. It has the best written characters I've seen in really any media out there, and acting is on the same level. Watch it. That's the best show I've seen. But I've been looking at my MacBook background for a bit, it's a moving wallpaper of fish swimming through a coral reef, and it calms me so much from the stress of everything around me, from my self consciousness, and from the stress from school. So I realized that though it may not be the best show I've ever seen, my true favorite show is Planet Earth. Rather Planet Earth Two, because holy shit they upgrade everything in that one. It really does give me a sense of calming nothing else can, it's like I am transported from the stupid state I live in to the plains of Africa, or to the Ice of Antarctica. It makes me realize I would rather be anywhere and doing anything else than air at my computer writing about what happened in the Texas Revolution.

[fool3]

I’ve only seen one episode of TOS but I assume it’s all like this.

[fool3]

Thinking about how vampires can never have garlic. No garlic bread, no garlic knots, not even garlic sauce. What a sad life.

[fool3]

A while ago I was asked by my friend the classic trolley problem, where the track is heading towards four people but you can pull a lever next to the tracks so the trolley doesn't hit the four people, but instead hits only one person. However, my friend switched out the four people with four lobsters and the one man with a cat. Now obviously many people would choose the cat, and I indeed thought about it much. And when I gave my friend the answer that I don't know, and I chose to pass, he was shocked that I didn't choose the cat. But I had many questions circling in my head, like why am I expected to choose the cat? It's not that I hate cats, I love cats very much, but why is the cat's life worth four times more than one lobster's? Just because we keep them as pets doesn't mean that they are worth more, or are you saying that humans can determine which life matters more by choosing them as our pets? I disagree that humans or anything at all can decide which life matters more than another's. And yes you can use the argument that I thought about, that we eat lobsters, so it's okay. But again, the only reason we don't eat cats is because we keep them as pets, and that is no way to measure why its life matters more. In countries such as China and South Korea people eat cats, and I still don't see why because we eat one thing over another, its life matters less. I can argue that one lobster matters more than one house at, because lobsters actually do something for their ecosystem while housecats are known for making whole species of birds go extinct. But I won't make that argument, because my friend never specified if it was a housecat or a wild one like a serval or lynx. Now you might be reading this and asking why I didn't choose to run over the cat, because it sounds like I hate cats, and that's because I absolutely love cats, and to have the knowledge that I killed one on my conscience would eat me. Now if the one random cat was switched with one of my cats I own at home, it would be a completely different story.

[fool3]

I prayed to God last night. For the first time in a LONG time. I don't even believe in God, but if he was real he would've heard me. So my friends could get married, so my friends don't have to stick a coat hanger inside of them, and so my friends don't kill themselves.

But I guess God prefers the prayers for a rapist pedophile to run a country.

[fool3]

The sun is my friend, a very good one too

He doesn't suspect, but my feelings are true

Through his beauty and light, he is but a sight

That has made my heart anew.

But when Spring turns to Summer

And I hope with light rain and thunder

The sun will leave.

Through August and November

I lay out of slumber

And contemplate, and grieve

As I rain.

For I love the sun, but he not me

Perhaps if I were one, he would love me.

[fool3]

Going through my journey of druidity I am reading my book and come to a peculiar question I have to ask myself. On page 46 of the book The Druid Path: A Modern Tradition of Nature and Spirituality by John Michael Greer it begins Chapter 4: The One Life. Here it talks about how life is not an accidental chemical process that is there in some and absent in others, and all things are connected through a life force called nwfre (noo-iv-ruh). This to me is very interesting, as I've thought in the past that life was an accident, that there is no real purpose to it, and that things like life energy was ridiculous. But perhaps I need to reshape my frame of mind. All of these things can still be true. There is biological life, where to live one must have order, response to stimuli, reproduction, growth and development, regulation, homeostasis, and energy processing. But spiritual life I guess is something different. The earth may not have biological life, but perhaps it has a spiritual one, that can speak or move my mind in ways. Same thing with rocks or water. But I still have questions. Does my water bottle have spiritual life? It's not nature. But in science, the law of conservation states that energy cannot be created nor destroyed, so perhaps we humans transfer some of our nwfre into the machines we make, and the machines into the objects they make. But also perhaps we humans cannot create life that is not of our own species, so I think that if it is man-made, it does not have nwfre. However I could be incorrect in this, for the book says, "All the ways you relate to the world of nature around you are, among other things, ways that you are in contact with the One Life. The air that you breathe, the water that you drink, the food that you eat, the material things that you interact with, and above all, the living things, human and otherwise, that are part of you're life." - Greer 52. So what I'm getting at is that all things have the energy of life, nwfre, but not all are alive, and that goes back to the biological side of things.

Part 3 coming soon.

[fool3]

This school year I joined a philosophy club and I enjoy it very much. It's just started and we're getting our feet in the ground, but we've already discussed basic topics like the famous trolly problem.

I find philosophy in itself very interesting, although I'm not exactly sure in which I believe in, identifying myself as a man of science I gravitate towards a combination of existentialism and nihilism.

All this to say that when thrifting yesterday with my friends we went to Vintage Stock and I found the book The Druid Path: A Modern Tradition of Nature and Spirituality by John Michael Greer catch my eye. It's small and has a simple artistic cover which I really liked, and there really wasn't any reason not to pick it up and read it. Even if I decided that it wasn't for me, it would be a nice experience.

So far as I've read about the ancient history of druids and what it's all about, I gather that there aren't a select set of commandments or beliefs you need to follow to be a druid. It doesn't have to be your religion, many druids treat it as a philosophy or idea more than anything. And best of all, it's all inclusive. Anybody can be a druid, and you get to decide what you believe. All they have in common is an appreciation for wisdom and nature, and the wisdom that nature can teach us, and the beauty of it. Ancient druids wrote poems, tales, and myths about their findings. This all gravitates towards me immensely, because while I am a man of science, I think that my love for animals and plants can be on a deeper side than just the biological.

That is all, but there will probably be updates on my journey.

[fool3]

As an artist, as someone who has drawn since he was two years old, I hate AI. Everyone should know why, you've probably heard this spiel before, but I invite you to hear it again. I'm very young, I'm not even an adult yet, I have no idea where I'll be in twenty years but hopefully one path I take is illustration. I don't want to toot my own horn but I think that I'm pretty good, I've worked a lot on my skill and I'm very pleased with how far I've come. But it's not about doing this for a job, or because I want to be good, drawing legitimately calms me, distracts me. It gives me a chance to feel good about myself and what I'm doing, and allows me to dive deeper into subjects I love. That being said a job at it would be a dream, but in twenty years what if there is no job to be had? I see almost everyday AI created images on Pinterest, and AI all over Google images. There are actual people who believe that using AI makes them an artist, and what they use AI to create is art and is THEIR art. It insulting to actual artists who have practiced for years, struggled with self doubt and self image about their creations, but still kept doing it despite it all to see people like those comparing themselves to us. What makes it worse is that companies and even art contests will indulge their fantasies, because AI will always be faster and will always be cheaper.

Now as a human, not just an artist, I still hate AI. I see videos on the Internet advertising for AI note taking and AI essay and book writing and I absolutely despise these and the students that use them. How about you pick up a pencil and a paper and listen, write down what is being said or whats in front of your eyes until your wrists hurt. LEARN something for christ's sake. Soon entertainment, school, and all that is creative and good will be taken over by computers made by the humans that actually learned so that they can relax and stop learning.

[fool3]

Climate change-a rant

Climate change should not be political. It is not something that can be morally debated like abortion (though many pro-lifers ignore the science behind it) or religion. It's not apart of the social sciences or economic sciences. There is a right and a wrong side of your stance on whether it is real or not. There is empirical evidence that supports that the earth and it's atmosphere is rapidly warming due to humans excessive use of burning fossil fuels and releasing greenhouse gases. I cannot actually believe that people refuse to look at the millions of articles and papers written by actual scientists with actual degrees. In my English class today my teacher was talking about an early environmentalist and said 'if you don't believe in climate change, that's alright' like WHAT. I'm sorry, I didn't know you could just not believe in actual facts because you're ignorant ass doesn't want to look something up. Teachers you can tell students that they are actually wrong when it comes to science. If I was a teacher and I had a flat earther in my class I would absolutely tell him that he is wrong, because it's not political, it's not my opinion, it is just plain and simple facts.