fiveacretruth

[fiveacretruth]

I wonder what it would have been like growing up normal. Having actual friends not people that molested me. Being able to trust. Being able to form platonic relationships. Being able to form relationships at all. Being able to have friends without my OCD, and Cluster A paranoid thoughts telling me they are only trying to sexually assault or exploit me. Something that devastated me was learning that children that are sexually assaulted are more likely to be assaulted again in the future because of the initial assault. It makes me wonder how things would have been. It makes me realize I never really had a chance. First SA, made it more likely, second SA, made it more likely, third fourth fifth it goes on and on. I wonder what it would have been like understanding consent growing up. I wonder. I would be so different. I wouldn’t hate being around kids, because it never would have happened to me. Whenever I see children I think, I had already been sexually abused at that age. I can’t bear to see children and wonder if they went thru what I went thru. Worrying about protecting them. I just can’t.

[fiveacretruth]

I already have trauma associated with my given name for many reasons. PTSD. Being screamed at with my full name. Being deadnamed after I told my mom my chosen name. But I recently was able to put into context the racist experience I had with my name at five acre. My dad helped me figure it out and understand. When I was at five acre, this kid (who turned out to be an alleged rapist) and his dad would purposely mispronounce my name. It was extra strange because they seemed to pronounce it with what I assume they thought was a Spanish accent. Which is insulting because 1. I was colonized by the Spaniards and 2. That’s not how you’d pronounce it in Spanish. Anyways, don’t call people of color with ethnic names the wrong name, don’t mispronounce our name, especially don’t do it on purpose. It’s hella weird. That’s not my name. This is a racist experience that will haunt me for the rest of my life

[fiveacretruth]

Every day I wonder how different life would’ve been if I had gone to public school. Maybe I would have still been molested maybe they still would have been racist but at least things would’ve been normal. Expected. Average. Nothing about five acre feels normal. It was hidden away. Everyone knows public schools are bad, but five acre got away with it because of their public image. No one would dare question their shining image.

[fiveacretruth]

I was just a kid. School was supposed to be a safe place for me. But there’s no such thing as safe when you’re a disabled indigenous gela’ låhi. Should I quote statistics to get y’all to believe how dire it is for us? 1 out of every 10 rape victims are male. American Indians are twice as likely to experience a rape/sexual assault compared to all races. 41% of sexual assaults against American Indians are committed by a stranger; 34% by an acquaintance; and 25% by an intimate or family member. 60-80% of women and girls in the Pacific Islands will experience physical and/or sexual violence in their lifetime. Of Asian and Pacific Islander men, 9% experienced some form of contact sexual violence, and 9% had non-contact unwanted sexual experiences during their lifetime. 83% of disabled women will be sexually assaulted in their lives. Approximately 80% of women and 30% of men with developmental disabilities have been sexually assaulted – half of these women have been assaulted more than 10 times.

[fiveacretruth]

It makes me feel so confused and jumbled. It feels so unfair that my indigenous familia was exploited to pay such expensive tuition and I wasn’t taught anything properly, I was honestly discouraged from learning because it was such a toxic and depressing environment. When you suppress Indigenous children and our expression and behavior you make us internalize the message that we are unworthy, annoying, badly behaved; it creates profound self esteem issues for us.

[fiveacretruth]

Five Acre School is a school built on racism and cultural appropriation. From African marimbas, drums, and kalimbas, the sacred Aboriginal yidaki/didgeridoo, to plays of white students portraying enslaved Africans and Indigenous peoples, this school’s history is rife with exploitation and appropriation of Black and Brown people and cultures. Throughout my nearly nine years as a student, Five Acre School's staff not only ignored and enabled the bullying, ostracization, and ableism I experienced, but they themselves actively participated in it. Furthermore, Five Acre Staff knowingly neglected to protect me from the sexual abuse, assault, and harassment I experienced at the hands of my white classmates. Teachers are often trained to see the signs of sexual abuse, which I certainly exhibited, yet when Five Acre's founders Bill Jevne and Juanita Ramsey held a meeting with my parents and explicitly asked if I was being sexually abused, no actions whatsoever were taken to protect me from the sexual abuse I experienced both on and off campus. Not only did Five Acre Staff miss the most obvious signs of sexual abuse, but they knowingly ignored the cries of myself and multiple other students that we were being sexually harassed and assaulted, and took absolutely no preventative measures to protect us when they witnessed the sexual abuse take place on school grounds. Five Acre School is responsible for perpetrating racism and ableism against me, one of the only Indigenous students, and knowingly neglected to protect me from and actively enabled the sexual abuse their white students perpetrated against me. As someone diagnosed with trauma and dissociative disorders, I recognize the profound affect my experiences with this school have had on me. I will carry the pain and trauma for the rest of my life, and my thoughts and beliefs are permanently shaped, if not scarred by them. Five Acre School is paraded as a caring, loving, community and nature-based environment, but it is nothing more than a cultural appropriation hub and facilitator of sexual abuse. This school's shining image appears impenetrable, but it is my goal to shed light on the harmful history of this school and be the voice I needed when I was a child. No school should ever put a child through what they put me through.

[fiveacretruth]

Hola! This blog is a safe space for me to tell my story. To tell the truth about my experiences with racism, ableism, and sexual abuse at Five Acre School. Please be kind and respect my boundaries! 🐢🪶

DO NOT INTERACT: racist, ableist, LGBTQAphobe, sexual abuse apologist, Five Acre supporters 🛑🚫

DO interact: if you want to learn about why Five Acre School is harmful to Black, Brown, and Indigenous people and CSA survivors and how they traumatized and harmed me📌