fellasohphii2

[fellasohphii2]

this blog is a side blog, i'm converting it to a main blog @felasohphii . okay? okay.

[fellasohphii2]

my dad will drive by you in the parking lot, immediately assume you're homeless, abusing drugs, and trying to scam people for money. if you're wearing a jean-jacket, or have any visible piercings, you're a hoodlum.

"nobody is judging you" wrong, my mother is seemingly always judging every single stranger she sees

[fellasohphii2]

you don't have to call me out like that, lol

The warrior cats kid to furry to therian pipeline is real

[fellasohphii2]

[fellasohphii2]

god i feel this

I want to be someone's special person. Like. I wanna be the one you tell everything to. The one you think off when you see stupid cute videos. The one you talk about when people ask you about your partner.

I want an emotional connexion. Not someone to be in love with. Someone that don't drain me. Someone that put me first the way i put them first. I don't care if it's a qpr, a relationship or a friendship.

I don't want to be scared that you'll leave for someone you're in love with.

[fellasohphii2]

That being said, if you're allistic and find yourself being mad at an autistic person because of something you haven't actually communicated to them because you feel that you "shouldn't have to say it" and that "they'd figure it out if they really cared to", then YOU are in fact the one causing a problem and the one who needs to work on improving your communication skills

[fellasohphii2]

Yeah

[fellasohphii2]

I created a pile of cats and then I colored the pride flags into it. Idk, enjoy. Don’t “steal” them ig, but like, you can share them, just don’t say you made ‘em. Whatever, my signature’s on it.

Yay pride month!

Update: there are more! I reblogged with the extras but I don’t think many people have seen, so here: https://www.tumblr.com/chanceofwhat/753498899252150272/dang-yall-love-this-thanks hope that link works lmao

[fellasohphii2]

i might try to align my chakras or smth. idk, i did like ten minutes of radical acceptance and i feel great though. i am using the atla version of chakras as well as the more complicated real life one. i'm trying to let go of fear.

i'm afraid of being left alone.

but i'm not alone. i'm surrounded by the universe. by people who love me. when they're gone, it will still have been worth being around them. when they might leave, it is thus still worth it to spend the time we have together well. when i am not, it will have been worth being. it is thus worth it to be, while i still am. i am worth it. every good and bad decision is worth it. every inhale and exhale, every day, every night, all of the atoms and their quarks, all of the corners of the whole universe, all the people and dogs and fish, every uncomfortable situation and every perfect interaction. worth it. every time i scroll on my phone instead of doing something productive is worth it. every time i do something productive instead of scrolling on my phone is worth it. every instance of virtue and depravity. every gust of wind. every bumper sticker. every flag and every prayer is worth what it brings to this world. every life and every death. every second. every toil. we're worth it.

i don't have to agree. i don't have to be perfect, or try to be perfect. i'm not invulnerable and i can live with that. i can fail and learn. i can be shit at art and talking to people and skating and cleaning and forgiving. i will do these things, because they're worth it.

living is worth it. you're worth it

[fellasohphii2]

one time my family went to a part of the country with a ton of fireflies. one evening we got a great big jar to collect them (we used mesh for a lid and released them all within an hour, don't worry). me and my siblings were like, 2, 8, and 10, and we just ran through the yard grabbing them gently and putting them in the jar. even the two-year-old. he toddled around opening and closing his hands randomly and got one. when we were done we gawked at them for a bit and then let them go. it was miraculous, and it was normal.

they're beetles that evolved a specialized chemical reaction that they can turn on and off instantly and at will, which they use to make up and memorize a little pattern, to communicate their identity to potential mates, who repeat it back to express interest. that's crazy

and they're just fucking, floating around going about their day. that's batshit insane.

they're really cool, is what i'm getting at. really really cool.

fireflies lighting up a rural Pennsylvania field at dusk

[fellasohphii2]

yesterday while my family was out of the house i felt like art, so i got out an eight color water coloring set and let the angst flow through me and out onto the page.

i had just re-watched abigail thorn's video about her experience trying to receive gender-affirming healthcare as a transgender person in the u.k., and i was filled with righteous indignation as someone in the u.s. who can't change the gender marker on my birth certificate until after undergoing a serious surgery. the world we live in should be less hostile to us.

anyways, i made a thing

i think it's pretty good for my first time touching water colors in like 9 years.

[fellasohphii2]

(I bring a sort of “Everyone has inherent worth regardless of their productivity” Vibe to every conversation that ableists don’t really seem to like)

[fellasohphii2]

having a crush on both of the people in a monogamous relationship is kind of scary cause they fluster me easily and one of them is really good at reading me and calling me out so i'm always scared that she'll realize i'm into her boyfriend and, as a joke, blurt out in front of all of our friends that i'm trying to steal him. at which point i will turn noticeably red and fail to refute her claim and probably inadvertently reveal my crush on her in the process and then die alone from embarrassment.

[fellasohphii2]

one time my mom said that i shouldn't use one of my aids because it was a crutch, and i had to tell her that some people just, y'know... need crutches and that’s okay. i still use that aid to this day. it's almost always on my person, and i use it, not constantly, but almost daily. because disability aids aren't some kind of vice that ruins us. it's just a normal part of many people's lives.

there's something about how disabled people are held simultaneously to the standard of the perfect patient and the perfect victim. a lot of people still ascribe to the moral model of disability where it's considered some sort of punishment for the person with it. an affliction. bad guys who end up disabled "got what they deserved" etc. people who become ill through any means that can be linked to their actions (like poor diet, drinking, drug use, smoking) "brought it on themselves". i think it's also why a lot of people kinda assume that disabled people they meet who they can't find the cause, will assume it was due to an accident. or something that happened to them. and why a lot of people are uncomfortable with people who are born disabled. and since this moral model is underlying the idea of disability for people, the only moral way to deal with disability is to be the perfect patient. follow all advice and treatments, be a "fighter" a "warrior", having disability aids is "giving up" because being disabled, to these people, is losing. and there's some sort of naive expectation that if you really did try your hardest you would get better. so obviously you aren't trying your hardest, which makes the disability your fault. again with the moral blame. when the protagonist in the stort has an accident they work super hard and then it's all fixed and that's because they're the good guy! (sarcasm)

so you're not allowed to have caused your own disability in any way but you're also not allowed to be born disabled because that's too uncomfortable, and you have to do everything you can to not be disabled, or as least disabled appearing as possible to others, and never complain or make mistakes or refuse treatment or help or their condescending attitude towards you. and like this is an impossible standard to be held to. it feels purposeful. it feels malicious.

[fellasohphii2]

[fellasohphii2]

that's why they're not viable evidence in court; and you shouldn't consent to have a "lie" detector used on you. you shouldn't consent to anything while in police custody. or say anything other thsn that you want a lawyer.

[fellasohphii2]

me: "after starting adderall i have an easier time focusing for the three hours when its in effect"

what my mom hears: "i'm medically fixed and now you can go back to calling me lazy at all hours of the day if i'm struggling to work"

Seeking help to make a disability more "manageable" does not:

Magically make the disability go away

Negate the fact that the person seeking help is disabled

Negatively "enable" people (???) (what??)

Mean that everyone who cannot/is not currently seeking some form of aid for their disability is a bad person

Give you the right to condemn the rest of the disabled community, even if you personally know someone in it

Disabled people can still be "awesome" whilst disabled.

Describing someone as disabled is not bad, insulting or negative unless you purposely use it in that manner. (which you shouldn't be anyway)

And just because you personally cannot understand how a certain action or exercise is helping someone manage their own condition does not give you the god damn right to insult them or insinuate they're "faking".

Grow up, learn some fucking respect, and find something better to do with your time other than trying to insult disabled people on the internet.