fate-foretold

[fate-foretold]

I turned him down to hang out today and he sends me this shit like stop trying to guilt trip me into hanging out w u

[fate-foretold]

so I f*cked c*nnor h*nning again (for old times’ sake? boredom? who knows) and I was under the impression that it was just a casual hookup w/e but like........he basically told me he liked me and he likes talking to me?? wtf dude I thought this was casual/meaningless LIKE ALWAYS and now you’re telling me that’s not how it is!!!!

he keeps texting me and I’m worried he thinks I like him too! nope sorry pal I just think you’re attractive and I am not even close to interested in Dating you :/  :/  :/

[fate-foretold]

I want to kill myself I want to kill myself I want to kill myself I want to kill myself I want to

[fate-foretold]

so like.......how do I work through the issues of my sexuality and identity w/o drawing attention to myself

[fate-foretold]

this cute boy I met in the orchestra last night already friend requested me

I was already planning on friend requesting him on tuesday after our next orchestra rehearsal so I didn’t seem too obvious but hey this works too

[fate-foretold]

and that makes two virginities I’ve taken

[fate-foretold]

I was feeling fine but now all of a sudden I feel lost and dead inside!!!

[fate-foretold]

how do you tell your parents that you’re probably suicidal and that you just can’t find a reason to keep living for the 60 years of life you supposedly have left

[fate-foretold]

sorry but I don’t think anyone understands/acknowledges how all of that affected me and my ability for form/maintain relationships with people. I lost someone who--at that point--had been the closest non-family friend I’d ever had. I was harassed and made fun of for having panic attacks over how distressed I was over the whole situation. I did nothing wrong and I came out of it with a severely damaged outlook on life and relationships and whether any of it was worth it. Over the past two years, I have isolated myself socially to the point where I feel I have no social support network, nothing to make tackling my deteriorating mental health seem feasible or even worth it, because who cares if I’m gone now? I was told by someone who I thought cared about me that I’m not good enough, that my personality is so inherently grating and awful that no one could possibly be my friend. I recently realized that I (subconsciously) considered all friendships and relationships to be temporary, that they’ll all end (likely horribly) and that putting in the effort is simply useless. So here I am, depressed and not having any support network to help me see a reason to get through it all.

I understand she is not responsible for my already established anxiety and depression. She cannot be held accountable for everything that happens to me. She apologized, I forgave her, and we’re fine. But I am still dealing with the repercussions while all of y’all forgot it even happened and no one acknowledges that how she treated me was not okay (not to me, at least) and it hurts to feel like no one has ever cared.

[fate-foretold]

I know we're good now and I'm okay but um

[fate-foretold]

I want to die. I’m alone and no one knows anything about me and I’m hopeless and a waste of space and there’s no point and if my family weren’t around anymore then I would kill myself because this weight is unbearable and I don’t know what to do other than leave

[fate-foretold]

I have no friends except for my immediate family and everyone who says they are my friend (no one) is a liar and I want to vanish because I’ll be alone and miserable forever I will never go to happy hour with someone or go on vacation or hang out and watch movies nothing nothing at all and the only way I stave this feeling off anymore is by feigning interest in someone so I can hook up with them then leave and I am too much of a loner and I just want this feeling to go away but I don’t know if it ever truly will

[fate-foretold]

why does some boy I’m only interested in for sex decide that 12:30 a.m. when he’s drunk is the right time to text me that he likes me

[fate-foretold]

even if I don’t cut for years, I’m always gonna be a cutter because it’s just in my nature to be self-destructive and I don’t see how any kind of therapy could get rid of that. I value myself and my happiness more and more each day but something will come along and I’ll slip up and think nothing of the implications of cutting myself and what that means for my mental health. like at this point it just feels like a thing I just do now and then and there’s no point in really dealing with it because it’ll never go away.

[fate-foretold]

I went 2.5 years without cutting myself and then it was every couple weeks and then every few months and I just ruined my 2-month streak

except it doesn’t feel like I ruined anything because I hadn’t actually committed to “staying clean” or whatever but god is this what the rest of my life’s gonna be like

[fate-foretold]

p*trick b*rnett used to be so much more attractive before he started dating RAKM (rape apologist k*ll* m*s*ck)

[fate-foretold]

I think I’m in a really really bad place rn ahahaha :-)