faerasphere

[faerasphere]

Strength card meaning also talks about a strong mental health. With her gentle strength, she can tame the lion, which means that she knows how on to deal with difficult emotions and feelings. Difficult / bad / negative emotions doesn't scare her. Even, she befriends them, befriends the lion and make it her best ally.

But of course, taming the lion is not easy. When our lion is untamed or wild, that doesn't mean we're weak. The card just wants to remind us to keep trying and remember our strength. Maybe it buried inside, somewhere, somehow. Maybe you need encouragement, appreciation, and support to be strong. The Strength lady believe that we can build a strong mental health. Just believe in yourself 💪

Shared in my Substack

[faerasphere]

If you're in the middle of confusion, unsure of your path, don't know what to do... That's normal! Knows that The Riddle is the natural part of life. Sometimes being lost is the part of the journey. And what happen when we're lost? We're confused! Yeah. That's obvious. If you know where you're going, that means you're not lost. It just sometimes we don't realize this simple logic. So, it's okay to be confused when we feel like lost... Because that's logical. After all, The Riddle of life is a part of human experience. We're not able to always able to know everything. We can only know what we're able to know. But of course, we can expand our ability to know more.

When you're in this situation, know that it's okay. Also, it's okay to be worried or frustrated. If any, that's a good thing, too. Means that your senses work well since your worries only want you to keep you safe. If the feelings arises, just accept it, and be thankful of it. Then, tell the worries or frustation that you will try your best to be gentle and patient to yourself. After all, The Riddles will unfurl in its own time. Life is full of mysteries anyway. Most often, the answer we seek will shows when we least expect it.

[faerasphere]

Brainspotting works for me!

So after a few years of talk therapy, I was referred to a brainspotting counselor. Now I'm about to enter the 7th month of online brainspotting therapy (1-2 times per month). I know, that sounds long, also, online? But trust me, that works really well. I feel significant improvement about my CPTSD. Each of the session feels cathartic... Cried so much, offloading my repressed emption, and doing part works. Phew. Indeed, sometimes my trauma flashbacks exploded. But I survived nevertheless.

The significant improvent that I feel currently is my fear and shame kinda melt away... Since back then I was really reluctant to open up about myself. But after several session, I become interested to join a support group (that I was loathed so much). Then I tried to reconnect with highschool friend (that was really triggering just because they remind me of my bad childhood), then joining several office after work activities (that I was adamantly avoid because I resented their "better" life). Yeah, I was pretty immature back then. But turns out, connecting with (the right) people in the support group and some mature friends and colleauges helps me to believe in myself. Because I get the attunement that I need, to feel understood, and validated. This helps me to express myself better without much fear of judgement. Recreating tumblr is also one of the result 🤪 haha. Telling my story feels relieving, you know?

But back then, the idea of telling my story really frightens me. I was very afraid that people will be turned off with my stories of difficult childhood and abusive parents. Because that's quite a sensitive topic... But then when some people, in the support group and people around me, said that they are understand, I feel so relieved. Whoa. Validated. I am glad to be able to tell my stories! I realized that turns out being authentic is not only about showing our skills and ability, but also include telling our story.

I also become less perfectionistic and start to embrace myself more, including accepting my chronic illness, narcolepsy. Also most importantly, I start to disattach myself from the shame-based productivity. I start to release the guilt of being "not good enough". Now, I feel more at ease... Even though if there is a work deadline. Haha. Sometimes I wonder... Is this feeling of ease is what people feel when they have a good enough childhood? This is so... Nice. (still, a bit sad that I just feel it now, but also grateful that I have the chance to experience ease 😇)

So, my mental health improves. But that either resulted from brainspotting or because I also take my narcolepsy medication. Because having a good night sleep really helps to improve our mental health! But wait, I indeed had taken medication before taking brainspotting therapy. That time, I'm still very closed off. So, I guess my improvement comes from both. Well, what matter is it works. Hopefully this condition can sustain in a long term 🍃

[faerasphere]

Back to tumblr :p

Coming back to tumblr kinda makes me feel "young" again since the last time I used it is like 15 years ago... I was a teenager back then. Oh well I'm old already!

[faerasphere]

We see "reality" based on our capacity.

[faerasphere]

This card is so me... I wish to live wholeheartedly in the world but I have narcolepsy. Literally sleeping through life. This makes me want to make the most during my (limited) wake time. But somehow that simple wish is already burdening... Although, I'm glad to find this tarot deck, Witchy Magic Tarot by 12cats. Because what makes it unique, The World in here is "sleeping"! Finally, a deck where I can feel resonate with The World card. I feel I learned so much from this. To live wholeheartedly with narcolepsy (or any illness or hindrance that you have) is also the meaning of The World, after all.