existentialist-emergence

[existentialist-emergence]

Do people still blog? Should I blog this? Is this what I should be blogging?

[existentialist-emergence]

I don't like all the competition around election times. Perhaps I should find it heartening that those at the top compete with words more than guns. But all around me are lowly people taking up arms. Those without the power are ready to speak with aggression to those with it. And me in the middle, torn in two as we fight on the blurry lines of ideology. Can we not embrace what we have in common? Nobody deserves to suffer or die and so society spreads the burdensome pains of existence as best we can. I dream of a community that can carry each other with reverence for our diversity in opinions rather than contempt of it.

[existentialist-emergence]

You aren't disconnected from your feelings or weak for not performing your emotions "properly". Our culture presses us to justify ourselves because the greater system loves itself more than the individual.

[existentialist-emergence]

Overdoses are not tragedies. They are casualties in a system of exploitation.

[existentialist-emergence]

I abandon things every day. Sometimes I will abandon you.

Things are cold and dark and one day I'll never come back. It isn't up to me. All I can do is try to keep coming back to the things I love most. So many moments over the last year that thing is you.

I can promise you all the words all the days but I'm going to fail. I would rather you remember me as an honest failure than a god who never cared.

[existentialist-emergence]

"the politisation of the resentment of the man in the crowd"

[existentialist-emergence]

My eyes fix on the glowing shapes drawn in highlighter on my stereo. I am frozen there. No words pass through my mind. It is peaceful and horifying.

[existentialist-emergence]

The term "robot" was coined in the 1920s from the Czech "robota" (‘forced labor’). That may sound synonymous with slavery. Applying forces of physics to do work enslaves the matter you control. Some may say that a happy slave is no slave at all, but what right have you to watch over the wellbeing of something you look down upon? We all share this universe, and commanding more than you can socially wield still hurts society. Guarding of resources to consolidate your power is an act of violence against your peers that serves a social consciousness that enslaves. If you, like I, have no trust left for our masters then we must learn to serve only under those we love. Labors of love are the only labors I can comfortably stomach anymore. Sometimes that means going hungry.

[existentialist-emergence]

I am insecure.

My philosophy of existence precludes the security society asks of me. The universe has not cared for me or my loved ones in the ways I need it to and I will not trust it until it does.

Trust follows data.

Until then I will continue operating as comfortably and ethically as possible without the delusion of confidence in my survival into tomorrow and without innate trust in any of the constructs around me.

[existentialist-emergence]

I live extravagantly amongst squalor, serving the pipe dreams of aristocrats in the capitol whilst my neighbors go hungry.

[existentialist-emergence]

Discussions of conceptual modeling apply human intuitions of the physical beyond their evolved purpose into the realm of the abstract.

My preferred alternative is to use the more flexible language of math to model reality.

This is why I have grown to hate discussions about how things work. Until your simulation predicts at a competitive level, hearing your unsubstantiated arguments is more about your ego than about our shared reality.

[existentialist-emergence]

You work for what you love; stop serving systems of hate.

[existentialist-emergence]

I see the universe as benevolent but not all-knowing. As I have love for the cells in my body the universe cares for my consciousness but may not understand it, and might have no respect for how I feel or the things I want.

I seek the power to better tell the universe my greatest desire: the wish to never become someone who is willing to accept death.

[existentialist-emergence]

Understand something too easily and it is funny; understand something with too much difficulty and it is boring. Those most amused by the formulation of the minutia of existence experience more foundationally than those who see too deeply into the abyss at the edges of the future and past. Such is the experience of a consciousness simulated by others around them.

[existentialist-emergence]

I dreamt we went to Disney with my family. I went to a fruit exchange where they had all kinds of weird fruits and some of them were weird colorful dildos. So then I was trying to sneak an armful of flopping silicone dicks into the resort without bumping into my family.

I didn't make it up to the room because instead of stairs it was this big moving sidewalk dance dance revolution spiral ramp. The fam was having trouble with it so i had to stash the rubber dicks in a box in the woodshop underneath the parking-garage-style people mover. There was another box of dicks we had left there before so it was a convenient location.

They were the most beautiful dildos I've ever seen. They had vivid fruity colors and fantastical shapes and were made of the really nice multi layered silicone.

My dreams always outshine reality.

[existentialist-emergence]

Sometimes it's hard to tell if your own apathy is real or performed. (stolen from TikTok)

[existentialist-emergence]

You start out repeating your parents, then you learn to start repeating other people, and eventually you start trying to say things nobody has said before.