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oh its getting so bad, youre showing up in my fucking dreams now just like he does

even sleeping im not free from my own goddamn feelings

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we’ll never talk about this, will we?

ah well

ill smile every time you show up anyway

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i dont care how bad it was for my body, i dont care how bad it fucked me up

id do it all over again, every single thing

if only just to be close to you like that again

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i know you dont want anything sexual

neither do i, you know i cant mentally handle that sort of thing, you had a whole conversation about that

but at the same time holy FUCK you are hot, like jesus christ

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i wish i had the confidence to ask for more attention from you

you were where everything started after all, and you were my first actual relationship in a long time

but im scared of annoying you or being needy

just know that i really do love you

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god help me the day i get high with her bc ill have to try SO fucking hard not to flirt with her

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FUCK i wanna stalk him so bad

learn all the little details like his coffee order, where he shops for clothes, the songs he plays while hes driving

and i wanna see what brand of cologne he buys so i can spray it on a hoodie and wear it when im pining

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i need to get blackout drunk and kiss you like we’re trying to make everyone else jealous of us

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im not scared of you in the dangerous way, im scared of you in the popular way

i feel perfectly safe around you but youre so cool that im scared of making myself look stupid and losing your respect

ill never understand what you see in me but im grateful that i have you all the same

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i dont know why i still love you so much when you made me do something so horrible. i really have no self respect huh. no wonder i ended up here

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i dont think you know what youre getting into being so sweet. i dont know how to love people without wanting to cling to them and never let go. im scared of being too much for you even though you tell me i could never because i dont know what kind of lover ill be when i stop repressing my emotions to be palatable. i love you so much, im sorry im like this

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holy fuck can you or your source or whichever incarnation of you it is stop showing up in my dreams im already gay enough as it is

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holy FUCK what i wouldnt give to get stoned as fuck with you and have you just kiss me out of nowhere without even asking

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god i know i hurt you so bad but i loved you more than anything

i know you shouldnt have forgiven me but you did and please god never take it back because i couldnt live with myself

i didnt live with myself

but now i have to

and im so so sorry

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fhdhdsgshsfk lovebomb me then crush me then leave me then come back apologizing just to get me back then repeat all that forever please

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pick your poison