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Your Sex Drive - Where Has It Gone?

At one time, the sex gremlins have visited us all. Exactly at the worst moment, those little voices pipe up. Like when you're in a swanky hotel, where you just forked out half of your salary and your partner's underwear were just ripped off by your teeth. She doesn't like you. He's not enjoying himself. Your sex drive's gone and you're dead inside! When our sexual appetite are no longer coming spontaneously, is all hope truly lost? We expect our sex drives to throw us straight into erotic Hollywood sex and be ever-ready at any given moment. So when we're unsuccessful in getting horny, we panic and feel like our sex drive is "gone". Emily Nagoski Ph.D., author of ‘Come As You Are’ and according to her, a total 'sex nerd', said that we're all going wrong in even using the phrase "sex drive".  

So What’s Driving Us?

A drive's job keeps the being at a normal baseline. It is a biological mechanism like thirst force and hunger where both needs to be fulfilled or we risk dying. By calling sex a "drive", we are indicating that we can't live without it. But as Nagoski so fervently points out, "nobody ever died because he/she did not get laid". Rather, she classified desire into two types - responsive and spontaneous. Spontaneous desire is like a sexual lightning bolt. It appears out of nowhere and BOOM, you're horny. This is how 70% of men experience desire. On the other hand, responsive desire is a desire that is triggered. By a slap on your ass, someone telling you their filthy fantasy, or by a simple dirty text. In short, it's a response. This is the primary desire mechanism of around 80% of women. So basically, desire won't always emerge like a humongous dildo falling from the heavens. Desire can be a fragile creature if you're a responsive type of person. One that needs to be coaxed and nurtured out of its little shell. And this can be a very subtle process, as Nagoski argues.  

Stop, Go, Go

Driving a car is what Nagoski uses as an analogy. We all have a brake and an accelerator. Receiving sexual stimuli from the things around you like touch, smells and, sexual thoughts gets you turned on by your "accelerator". Desire will come easy to you if your accelerator is sensitive. But, we also have a "brake system" where it assesses all the potential threats in a sexual situation. These could be fear that you yourself won't climax, fear of an unwanted pregnancy or even fear that you won't please your partner. The brakes get slammed on and you shut down if your brain perceives these as serious threats. No more fun and sexy time for you.

A good way to understand how and why you get turned off is by analyzing your brake system. If you take a time to look back at your past sexual encounters, specifically the unsatisfactory ones, what made you hit the brakes? What made you shut off? Did you feel unsexy? Did you worry about your performance? Or did you worry you wouldn't cum? You can learn what activates your brakes by asking these questions. But how do you stop your brake system? Changing your sexual goals and how you go about achieving them is a very useful tool. If your goal is to cum, change the goal to just enjoying the feeling of lying naked together or the touch of your partner. You might find your anxiety dropping if you lower your expectations of the whole situation (yes, even if you've just spent $300 for that hotel room). Focusing on your senses is another great tip. Focus on the sound of your partner's breath, the feel of your partner's skin or the sensation of a sex toy. Enjoying and focusing on simple sensations can help you stay in the moment. Your 'brake system' are less likely to kick into action and those anxious thoughts will start to disappear.  

Conclusion

Your partner may not have the same system as you, even if you're someone with almost no brakes and a sensitive accelerator. You'll both reap the rewards if you create an environment where desire can thrive. So next time that voice in your head asks where your sex drive has gone or demands to know why you're not horny, be easy on your partner and yourself. You might find that sex gets a bit sexier and those sex gremlins become a little quieter. Read the full article

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Feeling Pain During Sex? You’re Not Alone

According to Psychology Today, 20% of American women (15% before menopausal and 33% after), at some point in their lives, will experience painful penetrative sex. This is not something that a lot of women are comfortable discussing, but silence regarding this issue and female sexual pleasure can cause a lot of people to believe that this is normal or that women experiencing this are 'broken'. Visiting a gynecologist is, of course, the best way to diagnose why you're experiencing painful sex. I know we are sometimes tempted to self-diagnose by visiting WedMD, but getting a professional opinion is always the best way. Your sexual well-being is worth it - trust us! Oftentimes, the solution involves a change in lifestyle or diet or a round of medication. It's simple and effective but are better left to the discretion of a professional. But if you're assuming the worst and freaking out, take a look at our list of some of the most common causes of painful sex. And see your doctor right after!  

Lubrication & Sexual Positioning

Uncomfortable sex is, sometimes, an issue of positioning. It can be that some positions doesn't suit your anatomy or there may be mobility issues that make some positions painful. Deep thrusting can be uncomfortable for people born with a tilted cervix. Don't fret. This can be remedied by getting an adequate amount of foreplay (20 minutes+) because this will help lift the entire uterus. This is very helpful for women because right after their period and immediately following ovulation, the sensitive cervix will hang lower inside the vagina and harden. This makes it more prone to being bumped during penetration. However, even after warming up and lubricating, something still feels not quite right, try a different sex position - something that allows for more control over penetrative depth. The most common cause of sexual discomfort is inadequate lubrication. When your vagina is aroused, it is built to make sure that a penis can enter it comfortably. This includes the physiological prep of vaginal expansion up to 200%, lubrication and the fun feelings which we associate genital contact with. There are a few possible causes if you're not getting 'wet' enough during sex, some of which aren't very serious at all. But if you're really healthy, there is no reason why you should not incorporate a good and safe lube into your solo and partnered play.  

STIs

Sexually transmitted infections or STIs are commonly spread through contact with another person's sexual bodily fluids or genitals. But this doesn't mean that you're in the clear by strictly using condoms or if you avoid a partner's vagina or penis. Some STIs, like gonorrhea or herpes, can be spread from your partner touching their genitals and then touching you, or from mouth to genital contact. STIs irritate the tissue around the vulva and inside the vagina - that's how it contributes to painful sex. A topical cream coupled with prescription pills are generally enough to clear up infections. But it's really important to use barrier protection like dental dams, gloves and condoms with new partners. Also, you need to get yourself tested regularly. Even with 10/10 use of barrier (including oral sex) it is suggested that you get checked for STIs every 6 months.  

Vaginal Infections

If you've dealt with unwanted bacteria or excess yeast before, you know the painful effect it can have on your sex life (same goes for UTI or urinary tract infections). Your body has a sensitive balance of pH levels and good bacteria which can be disrupted by yeast infections, UTIs and bacterial vaginosis. This leads to burning sensations and uncomfortable itching. Even if you 'think' that it's just a UTI, you shouldn't ignore it because the itchy or achy tissues are telling your brain that something isn't 'right'. Just like STIs, a quick visit to a health professional and a prescription are oftentimes enough to kick the pain and itching within a couple of weeks (you should avoid sex during this time).  

Vaginismus

Sexual pain isn't as easy to diagnose sometimes. And if your doctor already gave you a clean bill of sexual health, it could be that you suffer from vaginismus. So what

is vaginismus? It happens during any type of penetration, from sexual intercourse to tampon insertion, where your vaginal muscles tightly contract, causing a tearing sensation and an intense pain. The potential causes for vaginismus are broad. It can be due to life changes such as menopause or childbirth, intense anxiety or fear about sex, or even a result of sexual trauma. Usually though, a combination of physical and mental factors causes vaginismus to occur, which is why it is often hard to diagnose. However, if you suffer from this condition, a combination of sex therapy or counseling in conjunction with vaginal dilators and kegel exercises can help you reclaim your sex life.  

Final Words

Sex should never be painful (with the exception to certain and consensual BDSM practices). If your partner is experiencing pain or discomfort, it's vital that you stop and get to the root cause of the problem so you can adjust your sexual practices as necessary. Read the full article

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Understanding Climax - The Basics of Orgasm

The way we enjoy sex varies, so as our motivations of doing it - from an increased health and well-being to a more fruitful career. Whatever our reason is for taking this wonderful journey, the destination remains the same and always gratifying - orgasm city. But when you come to think of it (really think of it), what is an orgasm anyway? Physiologically speaking, where do they come from? So pull up a chair, put on a pot of coffee and grab a pen and paper because we're going to find out together! To get the ball rolling, let's quote a few masters like Dr. Alfred Kinsey. He described orgasm by saying that it "can be likened to the crescendo, climax and sudden stillness achieved by an orchestra of human emotions and to... sneezing". Bless you! Now let's proceed to another masters - Masters and Johnson, which are famed researchers. In their 4-phase Sexual Response Cycle, they broke down the process of arousal to orgasm, which goes as follows:  

Phase 1 - Excitement

In less than a minute after sexual stimulation begins, this is when her vagina starts lengthening (on the inside), lubricating and expanding. Also, her inner lips, outer lips clitoris and sometimes, breasts start to swell. For the male, this is where the penis will start to erect and his nipples may stiffen as well. During this time, the breathing patterns and pulses of the couple will begin to increase.  

Phase 2 - Plateau

In this phase, the couple's reactions on the excitement phase will progress and intensify. The couple will display a "sex blush" or "sex flush" on their face and neck. And their muscles in the hands, hips, thigh or buttocks may begin to spasm. At this point, while her vaginal opening narrows and her clitoris disappears into its hood, her vaginal lips will continue to become puffier. As the male's penis becomes fully erect, his testicles will be drawn up into his scrotum.  

Phase 3 - Orgasm

You'd be mistaken when you thought that this would be the last of the four. I bet you did. Well, to rub it in further, this is the most short-lived phase, clocking in at just a few seconds. In this phase, the couple's blood vessel engorgement, muscle tension and blood pressure have reached their peak. Some people will have a muscle reflex which cause

their feet and hands to grasp. For the males, there is something that well call "ejaculatory inevitability". This is when they experience that feeling where they know they're about to burst. Actually, this is the feeling of seminal fluid collecting in his urethral bulb which means that he is really about to burst (man's intuition). For the females, they will experience a rhythmic contracting in their vaginal walls. Some women say they contract every eight-tenths of a second. But depending on the climax, this may vary.  

Phase 4 - Resolution

In this phase, your body will start to return to it pre-arousal levels. For women, this phase tends to take longer. The muscles will begin to relax in this phase and the swelling for the parts that expanded will start to reduce. The males will be in a 'refractory period' where their penis will become flaccid and they won't be able to orgasm again for a period of time. This varies, of course, depending on the fitness level and age of the male. Women don't have this refractory period which enables them to respond to more stimulation all the way up to orgasm again (lucky!). While Masters and Johnson unveiled more about human sexual behaviors and responses than had been done up to the time, what happens to the body during orgasm is widely known. But how about your brain? What's going on in there throughout the whole experience? Continue reading because we are going to take you even deeper into what makes achieve orgasms.   Orgasms Get on Your Nerves Your genitals is stuffed with a number of different kinds of nerves. These nerves send impulses to your brain where the stimulus are perceived differently depending on how and where you're being touched. We can now understand why vaginal orgasms feel different from clitoral orgasms. The clitoris has more than 8,000 nerve endings. Here are a few of these nerves and in what part of the genitals they transmit stimulus from: Vagus Nerve - the cervix, vagina and uterus. Pudendal Nerve - Penis and scrotum in men, and clitoris in women. Hypogastric Nerve - Prostate in men, and the cervix and uterus in women. Pelvic Nerve - Rectums for both sexes, and the vagina and cervix in women. An interesting note - the vagus nerve bypasses the spine when running through the brain but all the other nerves pass through it. This was discovered recently when women with severe spinal cord injuries (even paraplegics) could still feel stimulation and even reach orgasm. The stimulation is done in their cervices through the vagus nerve. Patients with these kinds of injuries used to be told that they would never experience orgasm again. Gracias science!   Your Brain During Sex Unfortunately, there hasn't been much research on women's brains to see what's happening during stimulation and climax. But during a side-by-side studies of both sexes, what's been found is that, both their brains, males and females respond in nearly identical ways.

The area of the brain just behind the left eye experience a complete shut down during climax - for both sexes. The part of your brain that controls behavior and reasoning is called the lateral orbifrontal cortex. This shuts down during orgasms because you literally lose control of everything, but in the best way possible. As a matter of fact, researchers that are viewing brain activity during orgasm said that the person's brain looks just like in the throes of a heroin high. Women's brains differ during sex - their hippocampus and amygdala greatly decrease in activity. These parts of the brain are responsible for dealing with anxiety and fear. The reason behind this, as researchers' theorized, is because women need to feel relaxed and safe to be able to enjoy sex. But, it's just a theory!   Faking Orgasms? The Science of it While viewing climaxing brains in MRIs, some studies asked female subjects to fake orgasms so they could also see what would happen to the brain. During the performance, the areas related to the pleasure circuit remained unchanged and the brain activity that increased are on the areas related to movement. I'm sure you've heard of the old method "fake it 'till you make it" - well, sad to say but this one is not based on science. Read the full article

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This'll Put a Smile On Everyone's Face - 6 Oral Sex Positions

Smiling is definitely not the best thing you can do with your mouth. So grab a Kit-Kat and take a break because with these 6 oral sex positions, be prepared to wow your partner!  

1. RECLINE & FEAST

DIFFICULTY (BLOW JOB): 2/10 DIFFICULTY (CUNNILINGUS): 2/10

What isn't there to like? You can get yourself into a comfortable position and your partner's weight is evenly distributed while your eyes are on the bounty and you can feast to your heart's content. If you want to explore those extra feel goods such as fingering, then this is the most effortless oral sex position. And if you want to take it to another level and get your partner's eyes rolling, then you can use vibrating sex toy to hit the G-spot.    

2. ON BENDED KNEE

DIFFICULTY (BLOW JOB): 6/10 DIFFICULTY (CUNNILINGUS): 7/10

Looks easy right? You might even say that these ratings are a little high for a go-to position. The reason for these ratings is that it can be a little hard to maintain when all you weight is on your knees. But it's totally worth it, trust us! To help with this knee problem, you can pop a pillow under you and let your hands roam free. Massage your partner's erogenous zones and take note of what part they are 'ahhhin' and 'oohing' to. If you and your partner's height are a little mismatched and you really want to eat the hell out of him/her, have them lean against a counter or wall so they can spread their legs.  

3. SIXTY-NINE (69)

DIFFICULTY (BLOW JOB): 6/10 DIFFICULTY (CUNNILINGUS): 4/10

There are times when it's the butt of our jokes and there are also times when we're at the butt of it. Haha! C'mon it's a good joke. Not really. I know it's awful, sorry. You either hate or love this position, but one thing's for sure, 69 is definitely a 'must try' (at least once). This position may be easier if you and your partner are lying on your sides. But doing the same position as above can also be simple. The smaller framed partner can face the other's feet, straddling his/her mouth and simply lean forward. If you're the on the bottom, slip you arm under your partner's thigh to get your hands free and play with those extra hot spots.  

4. SITTING ON THE FACE

DIFFICULTY (BLOW JOB): 6/10 DIFFICULTY (CUNNILINGUS): 3/10

Both of you will have an amazing view that's why giving head in this position is fantastic. Your hands are also in the right position to massage their balls and butt. But (with a single T), this can be quite taxing on your abs as you tilt your head towards the penis. So unless your plan is to get ripped while orgasm, we suggest that you only use this position when your partner is close to the finish line (close to orgasming). This position is great for receiver and giver alike if you're eating someone out. Your partner may want to let their cowboy side loose and control the tempo by riding you. Or they can let you work your magic and sit higher.  

5. WILDERNESS SPECIAL

DIFFICULTY (BLOW JOB): ∞ DIFFICULTY (CUNNILINGUS): 5/10

Unfortunately, it is impossible to give your partner a blow job from this position due to the laws of penis physics. But, if you want to give him an out-of-this-world hand job, then this is the right position. So, go and Carpe Diem! On the other hand, performing cunnilingus in this position allows you to hit your partner's G-spot perfectly. This also opens you to an entirely new angle so you can take fingering to the next level. Ask your partner to lean onto a couch or bed and have them tip toe to elevate their hips. A better position is if they can raise one knee onto the bed or couch because it'll give you wider view to feast upon. Bon appetit!  

6. HAPPY DRIVER

Difficulty (BLOW JOB): 10/10 Difficulty (CUNNILINGUS): 10/10

'Handle with Care' - this is a warning that comes with this position. But we're not saying that you don't try this at home. What we're saying is that this position needs serious strength from the person holding their partner. And the person being held needs serious trust. But since we know that you're a daredevil, then don't forget to clear away any breakables and in case one of you gets a bit tired, have a safe word. And to those who can boss this level of oral, accept this Oral Connoisseur Trophy!

  Conclusion These positions are sure bring the excitement to another level, whether you're the hungry giver or the very lucky receiver. Which one's your favorite? Or maybe your favorite position's not here? Let us know below in the comments! Read the full article

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Another Online Shopping Experience - Tinder

Is there really a difference between online dating and online shopping? As it turns out, there's none. As time goes by, relationships have been revolutionized. And just like retail, it became as simple as shopping for - forgive me - a mate. The positives and negatives of online relationship hunting and online retail are parallel, no matter what you may think of online dating.  

Advantages of Dating Apps

Convenience There are some days when you have to buy things that you need. And there are also some days when you just want to shop. Shopping days is just about getting out there - seeing what's on the racks. You know that you are not there (in the market) for anything. You are 'just in the market'. There are also days when you want to browse but you don't want to leave the house. And just like your favorite product's website, there is where Tinder stands out. While in your jogging pants and slippers, just open up the app and check out the 'hottest' new items while presenting the best version of yourself.   No Moolah? No Problem! Browsing is the most fun! Just like browsing the Zara winter/fall collection where you know that you won't be able to buy it all. It's pretty much the same with free hook up and dating apps like Tinder. Just keep on swiping and see what's out there. It's just a healthy, yet intense desire to see who's just a tap away - no pressure and no expectations.   Easy to Process Returns

Have you experienced the classic case of 'better in the photos?' I think we've all been there before. Like seeing a great pair of pants that looked perfect for you - it has a great cut, fantastic contouring and you love the style. But when it finally arrived and got your hands on it, you were disappointed. And same with Tinder, you can just fold it back up and return in to sender - no questions asked.  

    Disadvantages of Dating Apps

You Can’t Fit it First Even pro shoppers know that there's nothing more challenging than trying to figure out if an item is going to look good on you without fitting it first. Of course, you can predict which cuts are suitable for you, but trying it on the fitting room will put all questions to rest. Most, if not all, people in Tinder only share half of their story to the world. And that's what you are going to get when you check someone out on your phone screen. What you'll see may be good on paper but it may not be the case in real life.   You Just Have to Be There Every Now and Then

Let's admit it, some great items you're ever going to find are not online but on the racks. Examples are those second-hand and vintage shops which are full of gems which you'd never find online. So you really need to walk in to these shops to find it. Think of those that abstain from online dating as a rack of vintage clothes that you've got to dig through to find the good ones. Yes, it's exhausting but completely worth it when you discover one that you didn't even realize was out there for the taking.   Is it A Need? Shopping and dating online are so accessible nowadays. That's why sometimes we find ourselves making that impulsive purchase without much desire or need to do so. When all you need to do is tap or swipe, why the hell not? But we are also fine being alone, sometimes. A few right-swipes turn into texting conversations that leads nowhere. And you thought to yourself, "I could be doing anything else! I could be free and be happy alone or do online shopping!" There are no universal truths, of course. After all, Tinder has showed us a whole world of fun, whether we take the plunge and meet someone or just for browsing. Just keep this in mind, shop and swipe sensibly! Read the full article

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Does Size Matter When it Comes to Vaginas?

The focus is usually on the penis size when we talk about size and sex. This often causes a lot of anxiety to those who have one. In reality, though, concerns about size also worries many women. Try to visit maternity forums and you will realize that there are many concerns about having a vagina that is bigger or having one that is too small. We can positively assure you, dear reader, that we are neither too small nor too big, we are just right. And this has a scientific proof and not just a comforting lie - here's why.  

The Vagina's Size

When we refer to the vagina, what do we actually mean? Let's take a step back. In casual conversation, it's very common for people to use the term 'vagina' to refer to the genitalia as a whole, including the erogenous zones. However, in fact, the vagina is only the canal tasked to accommodate the birth of babies and the penis. The exterior part which includes the labia and clitoris are called the vulva. By the way, do you have a labia minora that is bigger than your labia majora (aka outie lips)? If you do and you're concerned about this, don't be. You're in good company because approximately 50% of women have this kind of vulvae. This canal that we're talking about is between 6 and 9 cm generally. It has dimensions that vary from person to person, just like the hands, the nose and the penis. It also has the ability to lengthen just like the penis.  

Under My Umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh

Vaginas can be better thought of like an umbrella rather than a tube. It has the ability to open up by up to 200% to accommodate the penis. But normally, it is folded

in on itself. Because of this, the penis' and vagina's size count for a lot less than we think. Why? Because in order to accommodate the anatomy of the penis, the vagina adapts. And that's the reality. Normally, penetration shouldn't hurt, excluding some medical conditions. If it is painful to have penetrative sex for the first time or to have sex with a larger penis, a lack of adequate foreplay is the culprit, much more likely. Foreplay ensures that the vagina is lubricated to help things go more smoothly and is expanded enough to adequately be penetrated. Although, there can also be situations where using extra lube comes in handy.  

Fundamental Training

You can do some exercises to tone vaginal muscles for better sex. Yes, vaginas are pros at contracting and expanding for sex, not to mention giving birth to whole humans, but doing exercises takes it to another level. The pelvic floor is a hammock of muscles that keep our organs in. You can do kegel exercises to recover loss of strength in that area. These muscles can be generally weak or be weakened, not just by vaginal childbirth, but also by pregnancy. Doing pelvic floor exercises help keep these muscles in shape but it doesn't modify the size of the vagina. Rather, it helps with incontinence brought by a weak pelvic floor. And in the case of sex, it can help you achieve extraordinary orgasms. Kegel exercises, when performed daily, can help achieve prolonged and even multiple orgasms!  

Conclusion

There are a lot of misleading fears about the vagina. Among them is the idea that having a baby or a partner with a gigantic penis will cause your vagina to lose its shape. These fears are absolutely misleading. Vaginas are elastic organs and it regains its original form over time - a few months after childbirth and a few hours after sex. To revert it back faster, it's important to have a toned pelvic floor muscles. So if you're concerned, just keep this in mind - lift and squeeze! Read the full article

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Bedroom Confidence - How To Boost It

Self-confidence has a big impact inside the bedroom just as it does outside of it. All of us, just like everyone else, are subjects to a confidence crisis now and then. Usually, in a brand-new relationship, a person finds himself/herself feeling insecure about getting intimate. Sometimes, they just feel like they are less than their best. If you are one of these people, keep in mind these tips to get you feeling your friskiest and finest self again.  

How to Improve Your Sexual Self-Confidence

Honesty: Still The Best Policy We are not saying that you take a long, hard look in the mirror, but if you're having a period of lowered sexual self-confidence, you need to talk to your partner about it before you're caught up in an awkward intimate experience. This will open the path for you and your partner to communicate and come up with a solution to your sexual setback. Also, this helps you avoid being pressured into doing something beyond your comfort zone. You need to be open with your partner because there are lots of ways to be intimate with one another.   Love Yourself Do you know what you want? Giving yourself what you want will help you 'know' what you really want. There are a lot of things that you need to learn about your partner, especially when you're with a new one. You need to learn how they prefer their pleasure and on your side, you need to know what gets you off and what you really want because it will make things much easier for the both of you.

You might be asking yourself now, "How do I figure it out? The kind of pleasure that I like best?". Of course, you can figure it out by masturbating! And if you're asking how to masturbate then you need serious help. Know what you want so you can also give what your partner wants.   Be Daring… or Don’t Everybody has their best bits and the not-so-best bits (something that they can't afford to show off). Examples are stretch marks, a touch of cellulite or flabs in certain spots that you'd rather hide. So by all means you can turn the lights off if it will help you feel better. We mentioned earlier that communication with your partner is very important right? So if you have this unexpected desire to always turn the lights off during sex with no explanation at all, it could feed into undisclosed insecurities your part has. Being open and talking about it with your partner is your best bet, trust us! It's normal - not showing absolutely everything. It can help you feel as comfortable as possible, especially in the early days of an intimate relationship. You can ask anyone in a long-term relationship and they'll tell you that what you feel is just an anxiety that you'll get over with quickly. How quickly? As soon as you realize that what you see as an imperfection is something that your partner sees as something that is naturally you.   Being Sexy - Feel It Do you have those dress that shows all your curves? Or those jeans that can make your butt look like WHOAH GIRL?! Get yourself dressed up in the duds you like the best. If you want to get sexy with someone else, then it's important that you feel sexy yourself.

You can try to change the scenery by going to a place that's completely new and detached from your usual social circles. Push yourself outside your usual routine. Ask your partner to go to a place where both of you don't know anyone. Doing your usual routine all the time with the same people gets you stuck in a cycle that comes cumbered with its own expectations. For a change, you need to break free of that. There may be an adventurous or daring aspects of your personalities that you didn't know about, so you need to get away from the usual faces and places that you know. This will allow you, both, to discover that. Both of you can dress provocatively or differently as you want without inciting questions or comments or raising eyebrows about your "new look". Meeting your partner in a 4 or 5 star hotels in your town, go to the bar and grab a drink, and see where the night leads both of you. Why a hotel bar? It has a perfect anonymous ambiance due to their regularly changing clientele. And of course, it's a little easier on the eyes compared to your local bar, that's why it's the perfect place for both of you to get out of the ordinary and into your element. You can even try a little role-play. Read the full article

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The Missionary Position - 6 Ways to Get More Out of It

Boring. That is the general thought that people have when we talk about the missionary sex position. For those of you that doesn't know what position this is (you're a rare breed), it is when the female lies on their back while the male is on top of them. Do you want to take the missionary sex position from static to fantastic? Some perks of this position may have been underappreciated, but we do know some modifications so you can add an extra bit of OOMPH to take this position to another level.  

1. MAKE IT DEEPER

A lot of sex positions can feel a little underwhelming, but this can be improved by switching up the angles. You can do this by raising your partner's hips. She can use her own muscles to raise her hips or you can use cushion or a firm pillow.  

2. MAKE IT A SHOW

The missionary sex position is great because it gives the female the extra external stimulation she needs to reach orgasm. This is one of the reasons why we love this position. The male can widen his legs to kneel at shoulder distance or more (up to a level where he's comfortable). He then pulls his partner towards him and up, giving the couple easier and deeper penetration. While doing that, either can give each other extra stimulation - the female can stimulate her partner's penis or the male can stimulate his partner's clitoris. The male's legs and arms can act as a support while the female can tease her partner with a sexy show by indulging in a little bit of exhibitionism!  

3. MAKE IT A 'BIT' KINKIER

The missionary sex position can be rough and kinky or it can be intimate, romantic and slow. While slow and romantic is good, we suggest the rough and kinky (with consent of course). To restrain the female partner, the male can use his hands or better yet a handcuff on the female's wrists or ankles. This allows him to submit her to all kinds of deliciously intense phenomenon!  

4. MAKE IT A 'LOT' KINKIER

Females don't worry, you don't need to play the submissive in this scenario. Even if the female is at the bottom, they can act as if they're on top. How? They can use their legs to wrap it around their partner's hips and their arms to their partner's neck. This allows them to control the depth and speed that the male partner is able to thrust. Do you do lunges or squats? With enough of these quad-busting exercises, the female can do a lot of teasing just by using their legs. The leg-locking technique can prevent the male from penetrating as deeply as he likes, not until the female says so. Who's your daddy now?! If the female is flexible enough, she can also put her ankles on the male's shoulders. Careful though, it may cause calf cramp the following day.  

5. MAKE IT MORE ACROBATIC

The couple need to be in this together because this position requires flexibility and effort from both of them. The female plants her arms firmly on the floor or bed and uses her ab muscles to prop up her pelvis. The male, which is the kneeling partner, will then lean forward with his hips. The male grabs his partner's feet (or ankles, is she's ticklish) and raise them up and out. To maintain balance, the couple needs to push against each other.  

6. MAKE IT STIMULATING ON ALL SIDES

Sometimes, you may want to stimulate other parts of your body by freeing up your hands. But sometimes also, you to want to be more of a giver than a taker. In this position, the female has her hips lifted for a marginally deeper penetration. Her legs are rested on her partner's shoulder. For support, the female will user her hands and wrap it around the back of the male's thigh. Depending on her size and flexibility, she can also use one of her hands to stimulate the male's testicles and perineum. This position can be tricky but if you've been listening to your yoga teacher and make use of your yoga membership, then I'm sure you'll hit the right balance. Read the full article

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Making it Last with Long-Distance Love & Lust

Nowadays, education and employment opportunities have taken people to far-flung places and farther away from their loved ones. For whatever reason, people find themselves away from their partner for a period of time much longer than they're comfortable with. If you are one these people then you should not let this distance determine the outcome of your relationship - whether you should be together or not. Take control of the situation and keep the relationship and the passion burning from afar.  

Maintain The Connection

Of course, this is a no-brainer. Are we suggesting a weekly Skype chat or FaceTime? Nope. That's not it. What we want is for you to keep in touch in real time. This is very affordable nowadays, with messaging apps like WeChat and Whatsapp. In addition to your typical face to face or screen to screen contact, you can always update each other on what's going on in your day. What's on your mind at the moment? What is it that made you think of him/her right this second? Share that with each other. Always be engaged in a running conversation. Keeping the passion alive tip: Be naughty every now and then. Spice things up by sending a 'remember when' message like "oh by the way you remember when we were on our rooftop during our 5th anniversary?". And add some details why that was a lusty experience. If you have a huge time difference on your hand, sending a message like this can be a sexy wake up text for your partner.  

Benchmarks - Create One

At some point, you need to work something out to bridge the distance if what you have is a long-term, long-distance relationship. There are hundreds, if not thousands of tips on how to keep a long-distance relationship going, but this only works so much. There will come a time when someone's absence results in hopelessness. And you feel like it's impossible to keep up a passionate relationship in this situation.

Make some plans to see each other. It can be that you meet somewhere in between, you come to them or they come to you. It's all up to you. What matters is you see each other from as often as possible. This can be something that both of you can look forward to and a very good reminder for the both of you on your commitment to the long-distance relationship. Also, this is the most favorable circumstance to release all that pent-up sexual desire in a spectacular fashion. Keeping the passion alive tip: Remember this - Anticipation is hotter than surprise. So don't surprise your partner by going to where they are and show up on their doorstep. Just don't.  

Get Used to a Camera

It can be a little awkward at first or you may have a hard time settling into it, but it's a 'must' when it comes to keeping the fire alive in a long-distance relationship. Yes, I'm talking about Skype sex. You may be right if you say that you don't have to do it. But how's your lusty letters or messages to your partner? Is it a James Joyce level? If not, then Skype sex is a necessity if you want to have an outlet for your sexual passion with your long-distance partner. Getting started is the difficult part. Just get on with it and preparing sexy movies beforehand can also be handy. Also, throw your insecurities out the window to get it started right. Let your body do the talking rather than acknowledging how weird the situation is. This will help you feel a little less awkward. Keeping the passion alive tip: Having a sexual experience via Skype or Facetime is not a normal erotic encounter so it shouldn't be treated as such. Don't say "should we start now?". That's not how it works in-person or in the online sphere. You and your partner should just east into the experience and the rest will follow. Read the full article

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The Dangers of HPV - Oral Sex & Cancer

The context of penetrative anal or vaginal sex and male condoms are usually referred to when people talk about safe sex. However, using protection is vital for all types of sexual activity. And here's why.  

HPV - What is it?

Human Papilomavirus or HPV is a group of viruses. Some reach the total of 100 which includes the 40 that affect our sexual organs. Most of them have no negative effects or symptoms and are harmless. But there are types which most likely to cause cancer of the penis and cervix and genital warts. These are the HPV-6, 11, 16, and 18. There is a vaccination which are generally given only to those under 25 - Gardasil. This protects the individual from the strains mentioned above. HPV is a very common type of STI. At some point during their life, approximately, 75 out of 100 reproductive-aged women will have a strain of Human Papilomavirus. A positive HPV screening is not that dangerous because it usually goes away on its own as your body passes the infection. For women over 30, HPV is more likely to develop into cervical cancer. But it's easy to catch with regular Pap smears. There is no approved HPV screening for men at present. Human Papilomavirus can pass from skin to skin contact. It means that it can be passed from oral sex, fingering, penetrative sex (even if you wear a condom) and blow jobs.  

How is it related to Oral Cancers?

For the past 10 years, there has been as estimated of four to five fold growth in the number of oropharynx cancers in the US. What is the oropharynx? It refers to the base of tongue and tonsils and back of the throat. 70% of oropharyngeal cancers in the United States are believed to be

caused by HPV where 60% of it is caused by the HPV-16 strain. The increase in the average amount of sexual partners is thought to be the reason why there is also an increase in oropharyngeal cancers in the US. It's also important to note that men are 3x more likely to have HPV on the throat than women. Smoking seems to have a link to this as well. Although there are an estimated 12,000 people in the US that have oropharyngeal cancers per year due to oral HPV, it doesn't necessarily mean that you'll get cancer. It's very critical to reduce your risk of spreading Human Papilomavirus.  

Safe Oral Sex - How can I practice it?

It is very difficult to pinpoint where you got HPV from and when because, after being exposed, it takes years to develop symptoms. A lot of HPV strains even have no symptoms at all. To prevent the spread of HPV and other STI's, using condoms and dental dams are the safest ways to have oral sex. Do you know how to use a dental dam? Continue reading to learn how to use one. Dental Dam - How to use it? You can find dental dams at most sex stores. It is just a thin sheet of rubber. One alternative for a dental dam is a condom. Just cut off the tip with a scissor and then cut it lengthwise. To show how stretchy a dental dam is, some sex ed teacher stretch it wide in front of their mouth. It's much more gratifying to use a dental dam like this when using it for cunnilingus: Use a lube and apply it to your partner's vulva, which is around the clitoris and the labia. Spread the dental dam over it and gently press into the crevices. Don't treat this as a chore but, rather, a sensual tease with your fingers. The edges of the dental dam needs to be held by either one of you. I suggest the pleasure giver to do it because it might distract the receiving partner.  

Conclusion

Putting an extra barrier seems like a bummer right? It may be the case but the biggest turn on, in my opinion, is keeping your lovemaking as safe as possible. Remember that disclosure to new partners is important, so as regular testing. And no method is 100%. Read the full article

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Airbnb Sex - Code of Conduct

Summer holiday travels come naturally with the summer holidays. And I'm sure you're looking for a long weekend holiday getaway to a distant and not-so-distant locales. I'm also sure that you're browsing through pictures of lovely Airbnb places with wood breakfast cubbyhole and straw-woven furniture and at the same time thinking "can I have sex on those?" The short answer you're looking for is yes, of course you can. Don't be shy. Go ahead and fool around on all that stuff. You paid for the place right? Just don't be a jackass about it. So before setting your bags down, meeting your host and taking the tour of the place, here are some pointers and explanations on the fundamental level of decorum you should be doing.   Your Hosts Is 'Big Brother'. They Know You're Doing It Because they are opening their houses to other people, Airbnb hosts know that these people are going to do people things - evacuate their bowels, eat, sleep and even

engage in sexual acts. After your stay, they know that they are going to be removing bed sheets - using only two fingers to pinch the sheets while holding them at arms length. Lol. Funny, but it's the logical way of treating sheets where other people have hibernated in. However, this doesn't give you dominion all over the place and make a damn mess. Think of their bed as your own and treat it properly. Are you the type of person that doesn't want to leave stains on your own sheets? Then extend that manner to your host. There are people who wakes up with their sheets stuck to them like a pigpen person. Don't be like that. But if you are, then treat your Airbnb bunk like a frigging throne, you swine.   Do It Yourself - Strip The Sheets It's a little tip that's neglected most of the time. Let's say you're not messing the sheets, you can still do the proper thing and remove the sheets yourself before checking out. Your host will appreciate this because it will lessen the effort and time that they need in cleaning up after you. They can just pick up the pile and throw it in the wash. Easy.   Bring Your Own Towels. Always. Though this is a valuable tip in this particular situation, I feel like this can be applied to every scenario where you want to have sex outside your own bedroom. You can use your towel in many ways like for clean up or you can use it to protect your venerated hosts' sheets when you want to lay down on the bed. This way, you can only use the nice fluffy bath towels your host provides when you take a bath.   Sssshh! Be A 'Minimal Moaner'

An Airbnb situation, ideally, will have you and your partner share a detached guesthouse or a private home all to yourselves. In most instances, however, you and your host will be sharing a house. And you know what will separate you and your host? It might only be a wall. So be polite and limit your noise levels, especially your moans. That's the least you can do. This includes the creaking bed springs and banging headboards.   No Unexpected Guests If you paid and checked in as a single tenant, don't disappoint your host by bringing an unexpected person, especially if you are in a shared house situation. Why? Because if you're a lone guest, they only expect you and no one else. They're expecting to clean up after you only and not with your unexpected hook up. You may end up paying extra if you randomly bring someone else (most host do this) into your booking. Read the full article

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Oral Sex Positions - The Power of the Tongue

Oral sex positions is one of my favorite things to write about. Why? Because there are so many possibilities. My creative juice just won't stop flowing. I'm not saying that the conventional position, where the receiver lies on their back, won't require sophistication, balance and strength. But it is half the fun right? Below are 3 of my favorite and grandiose positions for oral satisfaction.  

The Delicate Feedbag

Difficulty: 10/10  

"Handle with Care" - This warning comes along with this position. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you don't try this at home. In fact, I'm telling you to give this one a try. However, it requires serious strength from the one holding their partner. How about the one being held? Well, you have to trust your partner 00. If you really are that daring and want to give this a go, don't forget to clear the breakables. AND always have a safe word in case one of you gets tired. Also, rewards yourselves if you were able to do this like a boss.  

The Nod Down

Difficulty: 9/10

It so happens that performing cunnilingus is often less uncomfortable than giving a blow job. Seriously, the latter hurts your knees. Welcome the Nod Down oral sex position. Do you want to impress your partner with your hand-stand skills? (you can use a wall to make it easier) Then this is the right position. They are so impressed that they will have to "nod down " at your waist in respect. That is, before squandering you with oral bliss.  

The Yoga Feedbag

Difficulty: 6/10

This position has the receiving partner's bottom, firmly, in their partner's hands, thus giving them pleasure in both center and front. The downside is that the receiving partner will be more focused on how delicate her balance is and the soreness of her arms. This position is highly recommended on a bed. Putting a pillow on the lap of the bottom partner is also a good addition. Though a little difficult, but I'm sure your yoga teacher will be very proud on how open your shoulders are in this position. Read the full article

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How Not To Be "That Guy"

There has been a lot of internet outrages lately. Hopefully at some point in the future when you're reading this, there will be none of it. If you're reading this right now, then more likely it's on the internet, which can either be an indignation over something or maybe between indignation - if you're lucky. Anyway, now that we're here fellas, can we talk? Gather around and let's have one of those man to man talk. Now, this all goes back in the early March 2018 where one guy was pretty irked because of the fact that his girlfriend masturbates after their lovemaking session. How irked? Well, let's just say that he's pretty miffed that he even wrote to Pamela Stephenson Connolly, The Guardian's resident psychotherapist. He said that his girlfriend is insatiable. You know what Connolly's on-point response was? She simply told the guy that it's not necessarily about him. It's simply how her girlfriend takes her pleasure. What is it that we know about chaps on the internet? EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS ABOUT THEM. Take, for instance, the short story Cat Person, many of them "dudes" took personal displeasure at the thought of a woman having a contrasting gratification or experience of sex than the one that dwells in their own minds.  A lot of guys piled on. They added their own two cents and rationales on why the woman is to blame for this unnamed guy feeling a bit foolish. It seems that the Internet have been invented for a monstrous, concerted self-owning where this circumstance culminated.   We need to cut it out guys. We need to stop being "that guy", for crying out loud.

Everything is not about us. We need to consider that. When a woman knows how to take her pleasure, let's not go and pile on her. We need to accept that everyone (no exception) takes pleasure in their own ways. This is a personal thing. Do you get in a huff when you see your partner's pleasure doesn't involve you? Stop. Why? Because it doesn't mean that she's "insatiable" but it says more about your tiny ego. You know what? It's not only her. There are a lot of people out there who only get's off solo. If that's how they roll, then may the force be with them. It's completely normal to give yourself pleasure if no one else can do it for you. So before writing in to a psychotherapist in a universal forum, why not talk about it with your partner? Be the type of person that can talk about it directly and without any judgment. Are you one of the guys who has this type of girlfriend? The one who says "Begone servant! I need to take my pleasure into my own hands!" AWESOME! You have a girlfriend that knows what she likes. And there is nothing wrong with that. What else needs to be considered in this whole thing? This is something that is overlooked quite a lot. Orgasm. It doesn't need to be the goal of sex all the time. Making love with your partner can solely be about intimacy. It can bring us closer to our partners. How can we "practice" intimacy? We can do it by removing the goal of lovemaking. It means that you're not laying expectations on each other while giving in to pleasure. By the time you're reading this, I'm pretty sure that there are innumerable internet dog shites of male ego lifting their delicate heads. But with the help of understanding and communication, you can be sure that you will not be "that guy". Because you know what? F*ck that guy. Read the full article

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The Art Of Fingering

What's up straight guys? I hope you're wearing your summer attire now because here's a hot topic that you can sear a steak over it - women are not into being fingered as we think they are. Unbelievable! right? Now, I know you're asking the same thing as I do "Are you trying to say that all those accumulated hours, months and years of blindly darting and jabbing my poor fingers in and out of a vagina were all for nothing?" Well, sorry to say this big guy, but probably yes. So where did I get this? One source - a mysterious one - confirmed that, while getting fingered can be heavenly good, it also requires instructions and directions. "If I will guide a guy on how to do it and what to do to make it perfect, then it's worthwhile." "If not, then it's just a waste of my time." Another member of FA (Fingering Anonymous - just made that up) said that the "pushing in and out type of fingering" literally does nothing for her. "If that's all you do - no stimulation on my clitoris - then you're basically not doing anything for me. Next!" Guys, what I want you to know is this - your finger is not a dick so stop using it like one. They are not and will never be the same, not by a mile, so just stop it. Like a handjob for instance, is it meant to be a pussy replacement? It's not right? A handjob is an "art form" so you have to treat fingering the same way. There are things that your hands can do down there that your penis can't, so use it wisely. Or for crying out loud just use your mouth!  

FINGERING FOR DUMMIES

Okay fine, it's not all bad, guys. Though there are a ton of reasons why fingering just doesn't cut it for most women, they also pass along some great tips about making it a lot better.   WARM THEM UP! YOUR FINGERS I MEAN

C'mon fellas, this is a no-brainer right? Would you dare touch your dick with those cold and freezing hands? Heck no! So do what a hobo does in movies - stand over a fire barrel and blow into their mitts. Lol. Just warm them up to at least room temperature. And don't forget to trim those nails, Logan.   LUBE IT UP! A lube can be your friend in the fingering game if it's not a spontaneous affair. Trust me, lube can work wonders, especially if you're teasing around the clit which I believe you should do. Using lube also ensures additional comfort for her. Really fellas, just use lube more often. Okay?   BE CLIT-CIOUS (CLIT CONSCIOUS) Balance is everything. Don't just dart your fingers here and there. Aside from finger insertion, your finger should dance around and over her clitoris. Guys, your hand is already down there - the biggest source of pleasure for most women. So negligence is a no no.   CONTROL YOUR STRENGTH HERCULES

Are you pretending that your fingers are like several rigid dicks attached to a hand? That's why you're thrusting them in and out just like that? Duh! It doesn't do anything. Don't play with your hand's strengths, but rather on its sensitivity and bendability. There is a right pressure that your fingertips can do that your penis never can. So take advantage of it by curling your fingers and hit her G-spot. Read the full article

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Standing Sex Positions - 6 of 'Em That Will Keep You on Your Toes

Have you seen sex scenes in movies? Duh! of course, you did. But did you notice that when they do it standing up, it looks effortlessly amazing? However, when you do it with your partner it's fraught with difficulty. There are many aspects that can make or break a successful stand up sex. These things need to be considered - flexibility, strength and you and your partner's height. There are so many standing sex positions than the one that everyone has seen in The Notebook. It does take a bit of effort but it doesn't mean that it's not worth doing. And if you love a "quickie", then stand up sex is definitely for you. So, without any further delays, here are the 6 standing sex positions that have stood the test of time.  

1. THE UP AND OVER

Difficulty: 5/10 In this position, the division of labor between the couple is more equal. The male can assist his partner by grabbing one of the legs and hook it with his forearm under the back of the knee. This is less strenuous since the male need not support the entirety of the female's body weight. For an extra support, either the male or female can lean against a wall. Positive: This is a lot easier on the male who's the one doing the thrusting. And more of a trust exercise for the female, who's on the receiving end. Negative: To pull this one off, the couple needs to be of similar height. And if their height is not much of an issue, this position requires a little flexibility to prevent leg cramping.  

2. THE FRISK

Difficulty: 3/10 From the name itself, this is similar to a police body search. This is a very simple standing sex position. The female's stance is like this - bending slightly forward, hands against the wall and feet apart. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? This a great opportunity to do some dress up and role-play! Positive: This position works well in tight spaces like airplane bathrooms perhaps? or in closets too. It also gives the couple a sense of control because they can dictate the speed and intensity of the act. You want to stimulate your partner's G-spot? Then this is the right position for you. And if you want to take it to a higher level, you can also incorporate some spanking. Negative: Again, a significant height difference can be a factor in this position because it can be a little awkward. But this can be remedied if you're creative and do some experimentation or use furnitures as support. Just a reminder though, if you want to make "more realistic" and do it outdoor, please pick an isolated road. Lol!  

3. THE HANGING BASKET

Difficulty: 7/10 Are you the type of couple who wants to do it anytime and anywhere? Then this is for you. This position doesn't require any props or any furniture. The male lifts up his partner by the bum (a good bicep exercise) while the female wraps her legs around her partner's waist. To add support, the female wraps her arms or hands around her partner's neck. Positive: This position is beautiful and passionate, especially if done outside. It's very energetic and bold. It's also a great way for the male to take control and show off his upper body strengths. Negative: It requires hard work because this position needs the couple to stay balanced. The male needs to be really strong or the female needs to be lighter.  

4. WHEELBARROW

Difficulty: 9/10 The male stands on the floor and lifts up his partner's hips while supporting the weight of her legs under his arms. The female takes her weight on her hands. Her arms will be outstretched on the floor or on the bed. Positive: Are you the type of person who likes the feeling of being lightheaded after the blood rushes to your head? Then this position is for you. The angle of entry can also be switched up depending on how high the male partner lifts or what type of surface the female partner holds. If it's on the floor, the female can push and hold herself up for a better angle. Negative: Both, the male and the female, needs a lot of flexibility and strength for them to hold it for more than a couple of minutes. But you know what? What's great sex without sore muscles the following day right? But don't despair, this can be adjusted by making the male kneel. This way, it can be less physically taxing.  

5. REVERSE WHEELBARROW

Difficulty: 11/10 The female folds her arms backwards and put her hands on the ground as if forming a bridge. The male, then, lifts up her hips. Positive: Pretty much the same with Wheelbarrow but have a slight different entry angles. What's good, though, is that the female can look at something other than the floor. :) Negative: This position requires the female to have a great amount of flexibility in her arms and shoulders. It also requires a ton of strength to keep herself up.  

6. THE CHAIN

Difficulty: 5/10 The male, who is thrusting, is the only one standing in this position. While reclining backwards, the female will hang on the forearm of their partner. They will also put their legs on their partner's shoulders. Looks tough? This can be modified to have the female sit on a firm surface like a table, hood of a car or counter. Positive: When the female's body is supported as she wants it to be, this position can offer deep penetration. The sensation will be much more intense for the couple since this is a closed-legs position. Negative: Don't do it on the hood of the car because you will get butt prints on it. Lol! Read the full article

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10 Most Common Belief About Getting Back Into The Dating Game

When you have been out of the game for so long, it can be sometimes hard to get back into dating. If you are still getting over your last relationship, it can be overwhelming to go out there and meet new people. Don't be alarmed. Those post break-up thought patterns you're having? Most of us have been there. Are you ready to get your feet wet, again, in the dating pool? Here are the 10 most common belief that people have about getting back into the dating game after a long-term relationship.   1. I'm Not Sure If I'm Ready For This If you're recently out of a relationship, one of the many questions that you have about getting back into the game is "Am I ready for this?". Yes, it can be hard to start to move on but in the long run, this will help you. It's advisable to give yourself time and let everything heal after a breakup, but your readiness is ultimately up to you. You can't decide yourself if you are ready to get back into the dating pool and the swing of things.   2. I'm Afraid To Make The Same Mistakes Breakups are hard and "traumatic" sometimes. Even if the relationship ended harmoniously, it can still be difficult to endure. Once you go through a painful breakup, it's normal to feel the fear of making the same mistakes again. You cannot know for sure if you will make the same mistakes, but ask yourself this - "Am I aware of the pattern of behavior that I had in my previous relationship? The type of behavior that causes a conflict between me and my partner? If you are, and you're willing to deal with it now, there's a high chance that you won't be making the same mistakes again. Never forget, you can change. You have the power to do it.   3. I Feel That I'm Not Good Enough

This belief can muddle your mind for weeks or even months after a break-up. Most of the time, break-ups make people question their self-worth. Sometimes, they even feel that they are not lovable. Disregard those negative thoughts and put them aside. You will always be worthy - of love and of a relationship. No single person can take that away from you. And no one can decide that for you as well.   4. "I'm Always Thinking Of You" It's a 99.9% guarantee that you will be thinking of your ex when you're on the process of ending a relationship. Certain movies, food, even music might bring about a memory for you. It is a process because you are "mourning" a loss. Be true to yourself. Let yourself feel those feelings and sooner or later, it will pass. But never let those feelings consume you.   5. "Right Person" - Will I Ever Meet You? It's also common to think that you will never meet the right person, especially, if you are fresh out of a break-up. Some can't even imagine being in another relationship again. Don't panic. This is completely normal. Let time heal everything and eventually you will feel like yourself again. Remember, this is not a competition nor a race. Time will come when you're emotionally and mentally ready for it and you will see yourself dating again. Hopefully, you will meet the "right person" for you.   6. I'm Afraid To Date My Ex's Doppelganger Are you questioning your choices of the people you're dating? Don't worry, it's normal to feel this after break-ups. Some are even afraid to date again because they fear dating the same version of their ex. You can assess this yourself. Is there really a pattern? If there is, talk about it with your family or your friends. If you believe that there is a bigger issue at hand, it's never too late to consult a psychologist or a professional therapist. They can provide great help in breaking the habit.   7. I Want To Take Better Care of Myself. How Can I Do It?

The easier option is to stay in bed, wear the same clothes for a week, eat pizza for the entire month and hide from the world. Well, it doesn't sound healthy now does it? What you can do is set teeny-weeny goals for yourself when you're going through this difficult time. It can be treating yourself to a movie or special dinner, do things that lifts up your mood or meeting up with you family or friends that you've been hiding from for weeks. No one can do this for you. Only you can figure out what you need during this time and what's best for you.   8. I Want To Start Making The Choices For Myself. But How? People tend to question everything around them after a break-up. It puts them through the ringer, mentally and emotionally. That's why you need to take good care of yourself because this can take a physical toll on you. It's vital to get enough rest, exercise, surround yourself with supportive people and eat right.   9. What Causes Conflict In My Relationships? You will start to gain new perspective on your situation after some time. Going forward, you will be able to identify the different factors that is good and/or bad for your relationship. It can be that you are not a drinker or smoker, you have strong political or religious views, you are a vegan, etc. These may or may not be causes of conflict in future relationships. But now that you are clear about all of these, it can help your dating life in the future.   10. So What's Next? You need to know what you want next, now that you're starting to feel ready to go out and get back in the game. It's never a great idea jumping from one relationship to another. As a single person, find out who you are, again, and give yourself space to recover. This way, you can rediscover the things that tells you who you are and help you get a precise idea of what you really want as you go forward. Also, you'll be able to identify what kind of relationship you are after. Read the full article

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What Are Vaginismus & Anorgasmia. What Can You Do About Them?

These terms may be unfamiliar with you or even if you heard about them, you may not know the entire truth. But these two affect a lot of people more than you think. So what are vaginismus & anorgasmia? Continue reading to know our non-judgmental definitions and learn the ways in dealing with these sexual dysfunctions.

  Vaginismus: What is it?

It is a rare sexual disorder. It involves involuntary spasm of the vaginal muscles. This disorder makes penetration impossible and/or painful. A person with vaginismus may not have any issue when it comes to orgasm. They can enjoy other sexual acts like oral sex. There are two types of vaginismus - primary and secondary. If a person has not been able to be penetrated by a penis (or any other "thing" for that matter), she has primary vaginismus. But when the discomfort develops from childbirth, psychological issues, infection or surgery, she has secondary vaginismus. The psychological causes vary but mostly came from anxieties or fears which is usually caused by poor sexual education and/or cultural taboos.  

Anorgasmia: What is it?

Basically, it is the inability to attain climax. But the person can still have sexual arousal or enjoyment. 5 Types of Anorgasmia When a person did not experience an orgasm. Ever. That is called Primary Anorgasmia.

This person has experienced orgasm but, all of a sudden, stopped being able to have orgasms. It is called Secondary Anorgasmia. A person requires a certain condition to reach orgasm, like a particular position, only in your own room, listening to a favorite song, very noisy background, etc. This is called Situational Anorgasmia. Orgasm is attained with only a specific type of stimulation like manual stimulation. It's called Relative Anorgasmia. There is no possible method or situation where orgasm can be achieved. This is called Absolute Anorgasmia.

Are you suffering from Vaginismus or Anorgasmia? What can you do about it?

Vaginismus This is one sexual difficulty that mostly responds to sex therapy, contrary to what many women believe. The goal here is to have the vaginal muscles adapt, progressively, through the use of dildos which varies in thickness. This, of course, is with supervision of the therapist. It's vital to stress that this therapy is not exclusive for those that want penetrative vagina sex. This is very important because the involuntary impulse caused by the vaginal muscles can prevent a routine gynecological inspection. This impulse is very powerful and can also prevent the use of tampons and menstrual cups. Clinical experience shows that introduction of something foreign in the vagina is not a form of aggression. This only shows that the body is very adept when it comes to "learning". That's how traditional therapy can also be useful. This is also the reason why the adaptation needs to be slow and progressive. This treatment approach usually yields excellent and fast results. Anorgasmia Though anorgasmia can be derived from a psychological cause, one thing is pretty clear, a sexually mature woman may have a hard time reaching orgasm. This can be caused by some medications which make orgasm and/or arousal difficult. But mostly, it's because the person did not allow her body to react naturally to the orgasm's arrival.

Women should allow herself to have an orgasm. They must learn that. Many people, oftentimes, are having difficulty in understanding this, especially their male partners. A lot of women, when they reach a total or relative sexual maturity, are still having difficulty reaching orgasm, unlike most men. It is not something that is a "given" even if they are sexually matured. Orgasm doesn't happen spontaneously for them. They learn (or do not learn) to allow it to happen as they go through the course of shaping their sexuality. The mechanism of female enjoyment is a bit more complex than the male's. This is due to physiological and cultural factors. When assessed by a therapist, patients with anorgasmia are evaluated by identifying which type they have and its profile. Examples are women that have anxious temperaments and those that have a great need for control. Why? Because, though brief, orgasm is a perfect illustration of "uncontrol" and first orgasms need limitless amount of patience and calmness. Once the therapist identified the cause of anorgasmia and how many times it happens, their task now to assist the patient in the process of acceptance, of opening, to the adventure called orgasm. Sex toys that can stimulate the clitoris are good treatment for anorgasmia. But to achieve orgasm, one must stop with the negative thoughts about their own body and sexuality. And stop worrying about achieving it or not. Masters and Johnson have a term called "spectatoring". This is when, during the sexual activity, you are watching yourself from a third person perspective, instead of focusing on your partner and/or your sensations. This can have a detrimental effect on your sexual performance and can increase fears.  

To End...

It may be easier said than done, but in both cases, you have to "not exaggerate" these sexual problems. Also, don't be afraid to visit a sexual therapist. Most people that suffer from anorgasmia and/or vaginismus believe that they can no longer have a "normal" sex life. But what is "normal" in matters of sexuality? That is difficult to answer and can be very subjective. People tend to give too much gravity to sexual problems. Don't think that having either of these conditions is the end of the world. Removing this idea is already great step that will bring you close to a solution and you'll become more susceptible to therapy. Read the full article