emptiness-isthenew-black-blog

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My recovery transformation thus far. Been a long fucking road but I'm getting there!

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Remember when, awwww

Hi friends. I went to prom a couple of days ago. So here, enjoy a selfie.. Or two.

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So I haven't posted anything on here since I went into a residential treatment center for an eating disorder a little over 2 months ago. I just wanted to take the time to let everyone know that recovery is fucking hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do and probably will ever have to do. The progress I've made in the past 2 months is worth an entire lifetime and looking back at that person on the left of this photo, 3 days before I left for treatment, is terrifying. She isn't me. I am not her. So yea, this is just a little post to show you guys something I'm a little proud of. Two months of recovery and a lifetime of fight ahead of me!

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Tomorrow morning, I am taking the life altering, much needed and way overdue step in overcoming an eating disorder that i have been struggling with for 4 years now. I am going into a residential treatment facility for 4 weeks in the hopes that i can finally overcome this life long struggle. To say I’m scared is an understatement. There are no words in the world to describe how emotionally terrified I am right now and for the weeks to come. For so long, I did not want to get better. All I knew was my disorder, all I wanted was to fall deeper and deeper into it. I made a home in my depression and in my starvation. I literally did not know who I was without it. Tonight I am still beyond struggling with my demons, but for the first time in my entire life I actually am WILLING to travel into the unknown. That is really.. really fucking big for me. I’m not ready, not even a little. For any of it. But I’m willing. And, mark my words, I will overcome. I will be healthy again. I will finally have a life again, and better yet, I will finally have life back within me. My time starts now. I am not okay, but I will be. And in that sentence, I feel comfort. Please keep me in your prayers as I leave tomorrow for what seems like the hardest thing I will ever do. Small steps. Deep breaths. Please Lord, give me the strength. Give me the bravery. Give me the courage. I can recover. I will recover. 

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Omg I love your dress 😍😍😍 where's it from? Xx

Aw tysm sweetie! And I bought it from diane and company in New Jersey but it is Mac Duggal #81954

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There’s no way I was born to just pay bills and die.

(via bl-ossomed)

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So I’ve lost 10 full pounds since May 27th. I don’t know how I feel about this. 

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Hi friends. I went to prom a couple of days ago. So here, enjoy a selfie.. Or two.

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god willing, the great love of my life or husband or both is still out there and our story hasn't even started yet and that makes me really happy

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my mood immediatly drops when i find out i have to actually do something physical

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You are 18 years old, you do not have to be the same weight you were when you were 12

- lessons I’m trying to learn (via hope-dont-leave)

#22

(via darlings-and-demons)

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Okay so I'm just gonna throw this up because I've been struggling with my eating disorder so intensely recently and over the past few months, and for me to take this picture is sorta a huge deal, and with the highest of hopes, the very smallest baby beginning steps to my road to recovery. "May the next few months be a period of magnificent transformation." 🌸

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