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Breakups: How to Slowly Build Resilience

Breakups are never easy. Sometimes it can be overwhelming. It doesn’t matter how long you and your ex were together, it‘s never simple to let go and move on. But figuring out how to move forward is necessary. Building resilience is one of the most important steps in this process.  

Here are some tips on how to slowly build resilience and get back on your feet after a breakup:

Process and embrace your feelings

After a breakup, you might feel confused, upset, angry, relieved, etc., and all those feelings are completely valid. This is the moment to process and embrace those feelings, knowing that they are necessary to your personal development and to building resilience. Therefore, if you have to cry, scream, laugh, feel pain, or any other feeling: do it. It’s totally okay to feel all your feels.

Take your time to heal

A breakup is a loss, and like every loss, we have to experience the stages and take our time to heal. Being able to respect your time, whether taking a long time or not, is essential. When you get to the other side, you will feel how significant and worth it was taking your time to heal when you had to. In the end, you will become a more resilient person.

Hold on to your support network

It is normal to feel lonely when you break up a relationship. But instead of going for the next person only to fulfill a void or a need (that you may think you have right now), try to hold on to your social support network. Go out with your friends, invite them over and make a special dinner for them, spend time with your family, and try to experience things other than romantic relationships. In the end, you will understand that no matter what, you will always have your social support network to back you up.

Do things that make you feel good

Sounds obvious, but it needs to be said. Nothing sounds better than take a breakup period to rediscover yourself and learn some lessons. Being comfortable in your own skin and presence is essential, especially if you are hurting. Doing this will definitely help you understand some things, get back on your feet and become a better person, and who knows, be prepared for a new relationship. Enjoy this time doing things that make you feel good. Take a solo trip to rethink some aspects of your life, resume that hobby you had on pause, explore a new one, be grateful for what you have now, and take some lessons from the breakup. When you focus on yourself, you become more resilient and ready to face the new chapters of your life. But remember, this is a slow process, and you don't need to rush to get over the breakup. Slowly building resilience is the best way to do it, as you will create a solid, grounded balance.

Therapy or Support Groups

Breakups can greatly impact your confidence, self-esteem, and also make you feel lost and confused. The loss of attachment can create an intense feeling of vulnerability and make you feel exposed. Many people report that they feel they don’t know or recognize themselves anymore and are now on journey to find themselves again. All this can seem daunting to try to process this on your own. This would be a great time to reach out to a therapist that specializes in processing grief, loss, and relationships. Finding support groups that create a space for you to safely discuss your breakup experience is a powerful way to release negative emotions and feel less isolated.

Begin Counseling & Experience the Benefits of Therapy for Breakup Support

Yes! It’s true that breakups SUCK! Sometimes it’s not easy to start therapy or tap into being vulnerable and honest about how hard it has been to move on from your breakup. Group therapy is an excellent space to process those emotions, scream, cry, or just listen until you get the courage to tell your story. Group therapy may sound scary because you are sharing intimate feelings that scare you, make you feel shame, or embarrassed but this space is for you to know that you are not alone and that your feelings are valid and that you are valuable no matter how flawed you are. NEWSFLASH… We all are! You get to share your story and struggles, connect with other men or women (depending on your group) that may be experiencing the same challenges you are, and also benefit from their experiences. Group therapy offers an exclusive, close-knit community of people to heal, grow, and learn about and become a more authentic version of themselves.

You can begin getting the individual or group support you need by following these simple steps:

Reach out today and schedule a free consultation with me.

Setting up your client portal and booking an appointment

Begin meeting with me for group therapy or individual counseling, processing your emotions, and learning new ways to communicate, discuss difficult emotions, and learn the best way for you to cope.

Feel the freedom that can come when you are able to connect with other men who are dealing with similar challenges

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What Can I Do to Stop Avoiding My Feelings?

Many people today are encouraged to suppress their feelings and emotions for various reasons. You are expected to remain professional, and kids are taught that expressing emotions makes you weak. This avoidance, however, can cause feelings to fester and grow into serious problems, such as anxiety and depression. Here are some things you can do to address your feelings and work on not avoiding them.

Mindfulness

One of the best ways you can stop avoiding emotions is to be aware of them. Taking time out of your day to observe yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings are mindfulness. Being mindful will help you learn who you are as a person and how to accept yourself exactly the way you are. It can also teach you about how and why you feel certain emotions, and you’ll learn to express them properly instead of burying them within.

Meditation

The company, Headspace, defines meditation as training in awareness and getting a healthy sense of perspective. You’re not trying to turn off your thoughts or feelings. You’re learning to observe them without judgment. It is an easy and effective way to begin to confront your feelings and work through them by utilizing the regular practice of meditation. Research has shown that it can help with even more serious issues such as anxiety and depression. So, it’s time to engage in meditation so you can hold space for those thoughts and emotions.

Deal With Your Emotions Immediately (or At Least As Soon As Possible)

It is common to want to repress emotions. It can be a way of coping but it can also be a way to escape dealing with your emotions. The problem rarely ends up being dealt with it. This is why it is good practice to decide to work through your emotions when they come around. Emotions can feel heavy and unbearable but stuffing them away can create anxiety or anger. Thoughts and feelings that go unresolved or unchecked always seem to show up in the most unexpected places like your friendships, relationships, and even at work.

Overall, it can be a challenging task to make the decision to address your thoughts and emotions. With therapy, you learn to stop avoiding your feelings, process them, and find the root cause of them. In a therapeutic space, you can practice mindfulness and meditation in a way that will gradually help you be more comfortable with holding space for those uncomfortable feelings and get more comfortable with processing them.

If you’re struggling with running away from your feelings, therapy can provide a safe space to unpack those thoughts and emotions. I offer adult counseling and online support groups. Contact me today or schedule a free consultation session.

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Benefits of Group Therapy For Men

Group Therapy For Men’s Mental Health

Each day more, we understand the importance of talking about things we are going through right now or past experiences that caused an impact on our mental health today. For men, open up to a therapist alone can be difficult at first. Social roles men have to take on usually give them no space to speak freely about the issues they are going through. Group therapy can be this channel for men. Check in this article some ways group therapy can be beneficial for men:

Sense of Belonging

Most men who arrive in group therapy don't know that other guys like him are struggling with personal issues or are facing similar problems. Group therapy for men can create a sense of belonging for those men who think they have no support. It helps them realize they are not alone. Or even that, their problem is more common than they think, as other guys can be going through basically the same issues.

Self Expression of Feelings for Men

As mentioned before, men's social roles have made it hard for them to express their feelings genuinely. Many men struggle with anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues and don't know how and where they can open up to deal with these concerns. Group therapy can be a safe space where men can express, elaborate, and feel all the feelings they've been accumulating throughout life. And with that, help other guys too.

Network of Support for Men

Once men realize they are not alone, this can help them form a support network. Men group therapy can provide a space for guys to relate to other men's issues in healthier manners. They can speak freely and without any judgments, hear other guys and be heard in their concerns, and help one another elaborate complex feelings. Group therapy for men provides a community-like space for them.

Improve Interpersonal Communication

When you learn to talk about your feelings in group therapy, you become more prepared to communicate with other people in your life, like your partner, your family, your friends, your kids, etc. Group therapy helps you understand that it is ok to be vulnerable and open up to others you trust. Maybe you never knew how to approach and communicate your feelings or actions. Therapy groups can improve your interpersonal communication on many levels. Now that you know the benefits of group therapy for men, you can start searching for a group to attend to your needs. Therapy groups can happen online and be just as effective as in-person support group. Find the modality that best suits your interests. And do not be afraid to go out there to talk about your feelings and deal with mental health issues.

Begin Counseling & Experience the Benefits Group Therapy for Men

It’s not easy to start therapy or tap into being vulnerable and honest about what you may be struggling with. Group therapy may sound scary because you are sharing a therapeutic space with others but that is the greatest part of group therapy. You get to share your story and struggles, connect with other men that may be experiencing the same challenges you are, and also benefit from their experiences. Group therapy offers an exclusive, close-knit community of men to heal, grow, and learn about and become a more authentic version of themselves.

Group support for men or can help or you can begin getting the support you need through individual therapy by following these simple steps:

Reach out today and schedule a free consultation with me.

Begin meeting with me for group therapy, processing your emotions and learning new ways to communicate, discuss difficult emotions, and learn the best way for you to cope.

Feel the freedom that can come when you are able to connect with other men who are dealing with similar challenges

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4 Tips for Co-parenting with Maturity and Grace

Effective co-parenting is crucial for your child’s mental and emotional well-being. But that often involves navigating complex emotions. The early stages of co-parenting are often high-conflict, anxiety-inducing periods. It’s crucial that you overcome your negative feelings toward your ex when trying to establish a healthy co-parenting relationship. Here’s how.

Redefine Your Relationship With Your Co-parent

Putting aside your emotions about your break-up is a critical skill, especially in the early stages of co-parenting. Aim to establish a more neutral, businesslike relationship with your ex. Just like in business, it’s a nice bonus to be friends with your coworkers, but it isn’t always feasible and isn’t necessary to building a good working relationship.

Shift your mindset to see your co-parent as your partner – not in life or romance, but in rearing your child. It’s easier said than done, but it’s a good place to start.

Understand and Accept Your Child’s Love for Their Other Parent

It can be hard to hear your child talk positively about your co-parent, especially if you’ve had a rocky relationship with your ex. But never interfere with your child’s ability to spend time with their other parent (unless you have a concrete reason to suspect abuse or mistreatment). Resist the urge to talk badly about their other parent; this can damage your child in ways you might not even realize.

Never put your child in the middle or use them as a messenger. Never vent to your child about your co-parent. That’s what friends, therapists, and even attentive pets are for.

Make Room for Differing Parenting Styles

Transitioning from being the primary caregiver to your child and working as a team to having 2 separate households is a challenging shift for most parents. Give your ex the same respect you want from them, accepting your different parenting styles.

Pick your battles. If you home-make your child’s lunch every day and discover your co-parent sends your child to school with Lunchables or convenience foods, consider whether that’s worth an argument before you bring up your concerns to your co-parent. Your child will adapt to the different styles better than you think. In fact, some kids actually benefit from it.

Put Your Child’s Needs First

Co-parenting can feel far from ideal; most people never dream of co-parenting with their ex. But keep your child’s wellbeing at the forefront of your mind. Studies have shown that stressors and instability during the early stages of development can lead to children’s bodies overproducing the stress hormone cortisol, which changes your child’s brain structure, impact their impulse control, and can contribute to developing depression.

Now, this isn’t to scare you as a parent. It’s to remind you that your child’s physical and mental health come first. Although co-parenting can be frustrating, it’s still possible to raise a happy, healthy child whose parents don’t live together.

If you’re struggling with negative feelings about your ex or the particularities of co-parenting, therapy can provide a safe space to unpack those emotions. I offer co parent counseling and an online co parent support group. Contact me today to schedule a free consultation session.

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Coparenting During COVID-19 Outbreak

Schools and other places of business are shutting down let and right and that means that there could be potential coparenting disruptions for your family. These disruptions could affect childcare, job attendance, and/or visitation schedules. Before there the panic sets in let’s dig into what the coronavirus is and what you can do to minimize or ease the affect of its impact on your coparenting situation.

First, What is Coronavirus (COVID-19)?

The Center for Disease Control (CDC) defines the coronavirus as a respiratory illness that can spread from person to person. The virus that causes COVID-19 is a new coronavirus that was first identified during an investigation into an outbreak in Wuhan, China. The virus can grow easily in people’s noses and throats and may be transmitted before people are aware they are sick.

Yale Medicine states that while many people globally have built up immunity to seasonal flu strains, COVID-19 is a new virus to which no one has immunity. This speaks to why there is a wait or timetable for a vaccine there has to be testing and clinical trials what can be over a year or more to produce. The quarantine or community isolation has been implemented by many states in order to slow down the transmission of this highly infectious virus because there is no vaccine at this time.

SYMPTOMS

COVID-19 may present with slower onset of illness, mild headache and body ache and mild/absent fever. Symptoms may appear 2-14 days after exposure. Yale New Haven Health

CDC Reports COVID-19 illness ranges from mild symptoms to severe illness and death for confirmed coronavirus disease cases.

The following symptoms may appear 2-14 days after exposure.

Fever

Cough

Shortness of breath

If you develop emergency warning signs for COVID-19 get medical attention immediately. Emergency warning signs include*:

Difficulty breathing or shortness of breath

Persistent pain or pressure in the chest

New confusion or inability to arouse

Bluish lips or face

*This list is not all inclusive. Please consult your medical provider for any other symptoms that are severe or concerning.

DO THE FIVE: HELP SLOW THE SPREAD (FROM WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION)

HANDS Wash them often

ELBOW Cough into it

FACE Don't touch it

FEET Stay more than 3ft apart

FEEL sick? Stay home

Make sure you stay updated with the Coronavirus and do your research. This will limit any panic or anxiety because you will aware of any new developments.

COMMUNICATION DURING CORONAVIRUS OUTBREAK

With the coronavirus shutdown in full swing, it can impact you coparenting situation in a very real way. Many schools are closed and using digital days to maintain academics during the community isolation to slow down the virus. This is no need to panic but we do need to adjust.

It’s important to maintain communication with your coparent to keep them updated with schedule changes and visitation changes that they may not be aware of. Keeping them in the loop will lower stress and anxiety, arguments, and confusion.

Tips to maintain communication:

Make sure to check messages or return calls that coparent makes. They may have important information to give you

Confirm that coparent knows of closures or schools, sporting events, or other extracurricular activities due to the COVID-19 shutdown

Keep coparent updated if you notice symptoms in the child.

Don’t relay messages through the children. Use all modes of communication Text/Calls/Emails

If you need schedule accommodations because of school closures contact your coparent. If they are resistant contact a third party like an attorney, mediator, parent coordinator, or therapist to discuss upcoming needs.

Schedules and Parenting Time

Your parenting time is valuable but with the coronavirus affecting school and daycare closures it could impact drop off and pick up times. Parents may have their travel times impacted and may become ill themselves. It’s important to take that into consideration since the virus is highly contagious. Will the children stay longer with a parent that has been unknowingly exposed? Will you be able to agree on an alternate visitation schedule a parent or child is exposed?

Tips:

Be flexible (It’s likely that work schedules and visitation schedules will be impacted)

Clearly communicate changes, needs of child or parenting times

Don’t get sucked into a tug of war

Be mindful of parenting time and visitation schedule

Keep the child’s stress level at a minimum

If child can’t access other parent physically because of the coronavirus shutdown make sure that they can communicate with the other parent via phone, text, or video.

Make sure the family calendar is consistently updated

Health and Medical Issues

Many children have various types of illnesses that cause them to have compromised immune systems or are currently sick with the flu or common cold. It is important to make sure the coparent is aware of illnesses or doctor visits By doing this you eliminate viruses that may be on your hands and avoid infection that could occur by then touching your eyes, mouth, and nose.

It is important to keep the most vulnerable healthy. So here are some tips that will help you and your coparent deal with navigating the outbreak while protecting the children:

Don’t Panic it will only cause more stress, fighting, confusion,

Make sure your you and your kids follow the Five recommended steps- 1. wash hands frequently and use sanitizer if you don’t have access to water 2. cover your mouth when coughing and cough into your elbow to slow the transmission of droplets 3. Don’t tough your face especially if you haven’t washed your hands 4. Stay 3ft away from others if you have to go out. 5. If you or your child feels sick keep them at home.

Face masks will not help slow the spread of the virus only the sick should have the masks. If they are sick they should stay home

Clean and disinfect high-touch surfaces daily in household common areas (e.g. tables, hard-backed chairs, doorknobs, light switches, remotes, handles, desks, toilets, sinks) This will help as coparents who are trying to maintain visitation schedules and will lower the spread of germs from house to house.

Make sure the children take their prescriptions correctly and if they have the flu or any other seasonal illness, try to keep the other parent updated on medication changes and doctor visits.

Seeking Professionals

If there are issues with have difficulty navigating the changes that may occur with the Coronavirus you may want to seek legal or professional help to figure out how to successfully accommodate the children’s needs and the possible change in visitation schedules.

If you need to seek an attorney, parent coordinator, mediator, or therapist consider these tips:

To lower transmission of the coronavirus consider contacting the professional via phone, email, or video

To continue therapy sessions make sure that your therapist is equipped to see you virtually and that their virtual tools are HIPAA Compliant.

You may have to consider rescheduling if these professionals don’t have time in their schedule open or don’t have the right tools to see you virtually.

Again be as FLEXIBLE as you can even if your coparent is being difficult. If all else fails with communicating with your coparent just STICK TO THE PARENTING PLAN.

Begin Counseling & Learn to Co-Parent with a Narcissist

We can all get through this pandemic successfully, if we use common sense, not panic, and be considerate of others. If you feel like this situation has increased your anxiety use these 3 steps to get the help you need.

Coparenting Group support or individual therapy help or you can begin getting the support you need through by following these simple steps:

Reach out today and schedule a free consultation with me.

Begin meeting with me for individual therapy, processing how the outbreak is affecting you, your kids, and your coparenting situation.

Lower your stress and figure out what you can control and how you to be able to coparent with less stress.

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Help, My Coparent May Be A Narcissist!

Yes, I am sure that you have heard many coparents diagnose their out-of-control coparent as a narcissist. Especially, when that coparent has dealt with a mountain of manipulation and stonewalling for their toxic coparent. But what really qualifies a coparent to be defined as a narcissist. What does that look like?

First, What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

The Mayo Clinic defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder as one of several types of personality disorders. It is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

A narcissist, man or woman, is really a something to see because frankly it’s unbelievable the efforts they go to to gain control over a situation. This person definitely keeps you on your toes and in a permanent state of TWILIGHT ZONE. This personality type wants to be seen as a person that has it all together and their main mode of power and control is to negate and deny.

Narcissist Personality Traits In Coparenting. What does it look like?

Self-absorbed and indifferent- Coparents that exhibit this narcissistic trait often feel overly confident about their parenting. They are indifferent and dismissive to how you parenting style and can be very critical and make you feel incompetent. This type of coparenting has to preserve their sense of self by inflating their personality value and devaluing the targeted parent. This occurs because the narcissistic parent can’t tolerate or withstand any type of bruising of their ego like a child wanting to be with the other parent. When this occurs the targeted parent receives unprovoked attacks.

Charming and Persuasive- Narcissistic type coparents can seem charming to unsuspecting outsiders or even their own children. They use this tactic to manipulate and to create loyalty conflict within the child causing the child to dismiss and often demonize the targeted parent. They are careful not to allow the child to see them in a negative light so they can maintain the loyalty conflict and reject the targeted parent.

Lack Empathy- True narcissists lack the ability to empathize with others. When a coparent is exhibiting this trait they can’t seem to place themselves in a position to understand the targeted parent. Empathy requires the person to look outside themselves to truly gauge and comprehend someone else’s experiences. Narcissistic coparents would not be able to do this properly as it would disregard their own self-importance. In a coparenting situation, this would likely show considerable indifference and callousness towards the targeted parent.

Sensitive to Criticism or Perceived Threats- In this situation the coparent would lash out at the slightly perceived critical statement even if it was completely innocent. Ex. “I wouldn’t take Myles to the park today. He wasn’t feeling well at school.” The narcissistic coparent would see this as an attack on his or her parenting or perceive it as a threat to his or her parenting time.

How Narcissistic Coparent Makes You Feel

Dealing with a coparent that showcases narcissistic traits tend to make the targeted parent feel inadequate, devalued, alienated, or manipulated. Inadequacy shows up when the narcissistic coparent is consistently highlighting what the targeted parent is perceived to be doing wrong. Their way is right and the targeted parent’s way is 100% wrong. They attack parenting choices and can successfully persuade the child that the targeted parent is inadequate and convince the child to align a with them and verbally or mentally attack the targeted parent. Targeted parents are made to feel devalued by the use of antagonizing tactics, bad-mouthing, and false accusations. These things cause the targeted parent to second guess their decisions and cause them to back down or give in.

A targeted parent may feel out of control, distressed, guilt, or shame. In reality, the narcissistic parent is projecting onto the targetEd parent how they themselves feel. The targeted parent is made to feel like what the narcissistic coparent fears the most which is their own insecurities being discovered, rage, envious of the targeted parent, feeling unimportant or unseen, disregarded or ignored, and fear of losing the admiration or love of the child.

Tips to Deal With Your Narcissistic Coparent

When dealing with a coparent with narcissistic traits, first understand that they may not be properly diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) but are showing some telltale signs that you need to be aware of. It is always important that you as the targeted parent know that a narcissist’s main goal is to be destructive in your relationship as a parent, to gaslight you, to manipulate, target your weaknesses and hide their own, charm the child and others into submission, and maintain their own self-image and position by damaging yours.

Important Tips

Maintain IRONCLAD boundaries and don’t budge or give in.

Don’t seek validation from them

Stick to your guns (and the parenting plan). Don’t flip flop on decisions to accommodate the narcissistic coparent

Stick to the FACTS. Don’t allow the coparent to rope you in by gaslighting you.

Empathy is NOT their middle name so do share intimate details about your life. (It will probably be used against you later. They like to keep an arsenal to eventually blow up your life.

Don’t compete with a narcissist it feels like you are gaslighting them and they repay you by making your life a living HELL and will use the children to do it.

Once you are well versed on parenting with a narcissist you will be equipped to handle them without it consistently affecting your relationships, your image of yourself, or your mental health. To protect your mental health and the mental health of your loved ones, seek help from a therapist or psychiatrist in healing from your abuse. You and your children deserve peace of mind.

Begin Counseling & Learn to Co-Parent with a Narcissist

It’s not easy to coparent with your ex under these circumstances. You have to have contact because of the children. But you need to learn to communicate more effectively. You need support.

Coparenting Group support or Divorce Counseling can help or you can begin getting the support you need through individual therapy by following these simple steps:

Reach out today and schedule a free consultation with me.

Begin meeting with me for individual therapy, processing your emotions and learning new ways to interact with your ex.

Feel the freedom that can come when you are able to coparent with less stress.

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3 Co-Parenting Styles: Which Are You?

In Co-Parenting 101 by Deesha Philyaw and Michael Thomas, they created a simple explanation of 3 different types of coparenting styles. These styles are not based on how you parent your children but more about how you interact, communicate, cope, and coexist as coparents. Philyaw and Thomas define 3 different types of co-parenting styles as Super Friends, Business Partners, Oil and Water (I'm sure you can figure out what this one means). 

Super Friends are "parents whose co-parenting relationship is characterized by low conflict, flexibility, easy communication, and congeniality."  

Super Friends Co-Parenting Style display:

open respect for each other

ongoing communication

low conflict

all interactions and demonstrations are motivated by the child's wellbeing

Although this is an ideal situation, parents must be aware of and maintain boundaries so that children won't confuse respect and kindness with the possibility of a reconciliation between their parents. With all the god intentions of having a super-friends parenting style it still does not address or shield children from being hurt by the divorce. It is best to always keep communication open for children to express ongoing feelings about the effects of the divorce.

The business partners style is "characterized by the more formal interaction, strict adherence to schedules and written plans, and a basic civility." This is a "stick to the plan" style. These types of parents will have interactions that only that pertain to the parenting plan or keep to agreed upon schedules and they try to remain emotionally detached as it pertains to the other party.

Business Partners Co-Parenting Style display:

clear boundaries

emotions remain strictly in check

children's lives are not intertwined

minimum communication

The Business Partners style is useful for parents trying to get a specific message to and from the other parent without mudding the waters. This style can backfire and create a way for the child to manipulate or take advantage of minimum communication. 

Oil and Water coparenting style is defined as "a near and total breakdown of communication, high conflict, mistrust, and competitiveness." Just picture an all out nuclear war or a ticking time bomb.

Oil and Water Parents are:

a constant obstruction

verbal/physical altercation

unable to compromise

holding onto pain/anger/hurt from the unsuccessful relationship

An oil and water parent can be very reactive and find it very difficult to interact with each other. This is the most toxic of the three types of coparenting styles. It creates an atmosphere of inadequacy, insecurity, and fear for the child.

Creating a Positive Experience

In order to create a positive coprarenting experience, you have to decide to heal from the past and put your child first. Always strive to exhibit the behavior that you want for your relatipship as a coparent. Just because your ex is an oil and water parent doesn't mean you can't be a super friends parent.

Focus on:

always being positive

creating and maintain an open dialogue with your child

always exhibiting kindness and refrain from getting sucked into arguments

LOVE on your kid-ESPECIALLY if you have a particularly shitty ex

Be sure to create a safe space for your child

NOT talking shit about your EX around your child

Maintaining self-care, Love on yourself and Get help if you need it

Co-parenting can be rewarding and a positive experience. Having adequate support is crucial to having a successful co-parenting relationship. There are co-parenting groups like the one I provide, Quiet the Wars Co-parenting Group that are available to support parents through the transition of co-parenting by offering therapeutic support and referrals to legal professionals.

   Philyaw, D.,Thomas, M.D. (2013) Co-Parenting 101: Helping Your Kids Thrive in Two Households after Divorce. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger. 

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5 Important Things to Be A Stable Co-Parent

The reality of being a co-parent can be quite sobering but you can get through it if you focus on these 5 elements: Self-care, Level-Headed Support, Grieve Your Relationship, Make Home a Neutral Space, and Commit to Your Child's Happiness.

Self-Care

It is important for parents in a co-parenting relationship to not only nurture their children but to also nurture themselves. Self-care is the maintenance of your physical, mental, and inner self. How you treat yourself will speak to how you will be able to cope with the transition of your co-parenting relationship and life transitions in general.  Terri DiMatteo, LPC  of Open Door Therapy suggests that while it may seem counter-intuitive for divorcing parents to focus on themselves while in the throes of divorce or transitioning during to being a co-parent, in truth it is actually one of the healthiest things a divorcing parent can model for his or her child. By doing so, a parent is ‘saying’ (by example and in lifestyle) that during times of heightened stress and uncertainty it’s especially important to take care of oneself when managing the additional stress.

Level-Headed Support

We all require connections with friends or family to be a support through trials of life. When maneuvering through your co-parenting transition, separation, or divorce you may seek comfort and advice from friends and family. But all advice isn't good advice even from people we love. Sometimes confiding in others can make the situation worse because the people we have chosen to confide in are also emotionally invested in your situation and they can't always be objective. Seek a professional if you are looking to work through emotions, thoughts, and getting a better understanding of how to move forward. 

Grieving Your Relationship

Although you want to make sure that your children are okay and provide them a healthy environment, it is important to grieve what you have lost. Whatever that loss is for you, (the relationship itself, loss of the family unit, loss of finances, your dreams connected to your ex-partner) healthy grieving will help you deal with the emotions related to that loss and adequate support will help you reorganize your life based on your learnings about your relationship, yourself, and your experiences. You will most likely develop new values and perspectives on life, and you will naturally begin to think of new horizons that you may never have thought about before. 

Home: A Neutral Space

Your relationship with your ex can be in a constant state of chaos but you should always commit to having a safe, neutral environment for you and your child. This means being accountable to maintaining that space by:

making sure you don't speak ill of the dead (the old relationship that is)

not using your child as a confidant

encouraging your child to foster a relationship with their parent if they are comfortable doing so

respecting the child's relationship and love for their other parent

when they go low you go high-refrain from arguments and all-around nastiness especially in front of the child.

Committing to Your Child's Happiness

Committing to you child's happiness is the ultimate goal of your co-parenting experience. Your sacrifices to maintain control of emotions and creating a neutral, safe space for them is what they will remember in the end. Pay attention to your child's ques regarding how they are handling the transition and seek additional support or help if they are having an especially hard time adjusting. Stay the course, because your character and actions DO matter...and because the children are always watching. The time, thoughts, patience, laughter, fun, and love that you share with your child will have the most meaning.

  References:

1. Hart, Julie (2016, February 2). Grieving When Your Relationship Ends: The 3 Important Phases. The Hart Centre. Retrieved from http://thehartcentre.com.au/grieving-when-your-relationship-ends-the-3-important-phases/ 2. University of Washington. (n.d). Healthy grieving. Retrieved from https://www.washington.edu/counseling/resources/resources-for-students/healthy-grieving/ 3.Philyaw, D.,Thomas, M.D. (2013) Co-Parenting 101: Helping Your Kids Thrive in Two Households after Divorce. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger. 

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3 Steps for Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Many people struggle with abusive relationships. If you're stuck in an abusive relationship, you can feel scared and hopeless. Thankfully, even if you feel like you can't escape, there is a way out. Detailed below are three steps for leaving an abusive relationship.

Find the Courage

The first step in leaving an abusive relationship is to find the courage to go. This can be difficult, especially if you're not the only one in danger. Woman’s Divorce cautions that in many domestic violence cases, children are held hostage by the abusive partner. It’s okay to be afraid, but recognize that leaving will improve the lives of everybody involved. If you're having difficulty leaving, form a support network. Therapists, lawyers, friends, family-- anyone who can help you find the courage to break out and will support you in doing so. This will be a long process, but you can do it. Have faith in yourself.

Obtain Protection

Unfortunately, once you begin taking steps to leave the relationship, things will probably get worse before they get better. Milligan, Beswick, Levine & Knox points out that many domestic abuse victims find abusive relationships difficult to terminate. When a victim finds the courage to end the relationship or seek help, they can experience even greater abuse in the aftermath of making that decision, and the increase of abuse can often lead many victims to remain in abusive relationships because of their inability to safely terminate the relationship. To counteract the risk of domestic violence, reach out to your support network. Leverage them for protection. Use the resources you have to ensure your safety and the safety of your family, and inquire about finding trained professionals to provide you more protection. You may need them.

Receive Aftercare

Once you’ve ensured the safety of you and your loved ones, it is important to receive aftercare. Studies show that 68.3% of domestic violence victims experience Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD in domestic violence victims often manifests as depression, anxiety, or chemical dependency. This is why aftercare is so important. To protect your mental health and the mental health of your loved ones, seek help from a therapist or psychiatrist in healing from your abuse. Leaving an abusive relationship can be a scary and difficult process. In the end, the decision to leave will make life better for everybody involved. You and your family deserve safety and peace of mind. Have faith in yourself and don’t give up. Things can and will get better.

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3 Ways to Retrain Your Brain to Reduce Stress

You'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who'd argue that they want to experience more stress. However, it's often difficult for many people to reduce their stress levels. It can be futile to try to eradicate stress entirely as well as counterintuitive, as stress can be good. However, a brain fixated on stress isn't of much use. If you want to retrain your brain to reduce stress, these three methods will definitely help.

Cognitive Reframing

One way to not get stressed is to avoid stressful situations. However, that's beyond wishful thinking, as stressful situations are inevitable, and the more you try to avoid them, the worse they may become. Sometimes, the stress is not actually coming from the situations themselves. It's usually how we're viewing them. Cognitive reframing involves looking at a stressful situation from a different angle and seeing how you might be exaggerating a problem or avoiding a solution. Instead of just seeing what's bad about the situation, you look on the bright side, no matter how dim it might be.

Neurofeedback Therapy

Have you ever wondered why you think the way you do? Our brains are so fascinating, and we've barely scratched the surface in terms of understanding about its capabilities. Neurofeedback therapy provides insight on how the brain processes information, how decisions are being made, and where breakdowns are happening. In a session, you can get a better sense of your brain and what makes it tick. Should there be any alarming trends, you can work to retrain your brain for better functionality. You might think that you're stuck in a certain mindset for the rest of your life, but that is by no means the case.

Mindfulness

Stress is exacerbated by living in the past and future. This isn't time travel but an unwillingness to accept the present. Mindfulness is the act of keeping the mind fixated on the present moment. This has been shown to dramatically reduce stress and lead to happier and healthier people. It starts with putting your attention on a constant, like the rise and fall of breath. With enough practice, you can instinctually shift into mindfulness whenever stress arises. The less you identify with stress, the more freedom you can find. You can recognize stress, but you can avoid being controlled by it. Stress isn't inherently bad, but it can be a problem when we let it run amok. Do your best to confront stress and see how much better it makes you feel. For other ways to retrain your brain and reduce stress, individual counseling can help!

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3 Ways to Handle Negative Emotions After Your Divorce

Going through a divorce could be one of the most difficult things you can ever experience. Even if you initiated it, there's still likely to be all kinds of negative emotions running through you. These are some strategies for handling these tough feelings.

Find an Outlet

Negative emotions can't just be destroyed. Instead, they need to be redirected in a positive way. The Second Principle recommends using negative energy to fuel your creative ventures. All the time you spend feeling bad is time that could be spent on productive activities like working out, meditating, or spending time with friends. These outlets won't just make you feel better on their own. They'll require your full engagement in order for you to realize their benefits. It can take effort to feel better, but wallowing in your misery is no solution. When you have outlets for your negative emotions, you can be far less afraid of them.

Aromatherapy

Have you ever smelt something so wonderful that it immediately made you feel better? doTERRA explains how an aroma can hit the receptors in our noses and immediately go into the brain, changing our thought process and immediately changing our moods. Sometimes we tag a certain emotion, like feeling good, with a smell. When we are feeling bad and we reach for that smell again it brings us right back to feeling better because of that association and the immediate response our brain has to that smell. Essential oils can change our moods in a healthy and reliable fashion. Stock up on your favorite scents and have them available for when you're feeling upset or tense. Your negativity can be reduced, one smell at a time.

Self Love

The negative emotions you feel after a divorce might be directed at both your former spouse and yourself. Feeling angry towards yourself is understandable, but it doesn't have to be that way. When you find yourself criticizing yourself for anything, ask yourself if what you're thinking about or calling yourself is actually valid. Anderson and Associates recommends taking time to rediscover yourself. Marriage, children, divorce, and more have powerful effects on your self, and so finding who you are again is necessary. Then, find how you can bring self-love into your life. This could be reading a favorite book, calling a friend, or taking a bubble bath. Whatever you have in mind that's healthy is a worthwhile pursuit. Negative feelings might feel bad, but that doesn't mean they are bad. Often, you need to express your feelings in a healthy way to be able to move on. Your divorce can be a struggle to get through, but you can persevere. When you look back, you will be able to do so with pride.

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How to Partner with Your Coparent

Divorce and separation can have a negative impact on your child, especially when the conflict continues after the breakup. But there several ways you can parent with your ex in a positive and constructive way.

Plan with Purpose

One of the most important things to do with a coparent is to plan with purpose. Because you have a child together, you will have to plan how to parent as well as how you share custody. Children generally do better with consistent environments and rules, so it’s important to decide early on a shared set of rules, including when bedtime is, what punishments will be, what is off-limits, and so on. Setting a schedule can also help make things easier for all involved. Try to agree on a custody situation that benefits everyone, even though that may be difficult. In the long run, your child will benefit from knowing which parent they will be with at what time.

Communicate with Care

How and when you communicate with your former spouse matters, especially when it comes to raising your children. The one thing that you never want to do is use your child as a messenger. For one, that puts your child in a stressful, awkward situation. Instead, it’s important to communicate one-on-one with your ex about your child and their needs. Try adapting a business-like tone, imagining your ex as a work colleague. That gives you a bit of distance while also keeping your interactions positive and respectful. You should try and keep your communications focused solely on your child, so that you don’t bring up any hurt feelings or contentious subjects.

Heal Your Own Emotional Wounds

One of the best ways to develop a healthy relationship with your ex-spouse so that you can parent as a team is by healing your own emotional wounds. No matter the reason you are separated or divorced from your ex, the breakup of a relationship can have a negative impact on your mental health. Stress, depression, anxiety, or anger are all normal things that come out of the breakup of one of most important relationships in your life. But the last thing you want to do is take out those negative emotions on your child or use your child as a way to vent your emotions about your ex. Talking with friends can help to sort out your feelings, or you might seek professional help in the form of a therapist or therapy group for solo parents so you can work on healing yourself in a positive way. One result of your healing is you will be better equipped to interact and coparent with your ex. By employing these strategies, you will be able to partner with your coparent in way that is positive and constructive, which will make you and your child happier in the end.

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3 Simple Things You Can Do to Move on After a Divorce

Yes, divorce is difficult. But once they make peace with the process, most people agree that life after a divorce is much better than trying to coexist with someone who no longer wants to be in your life. The negative feelings that come with a divorce may seem never-ending, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Here are three steps you can take to reach it more quickly and move on.

Allow Yourself to Grieve

Even if you're the one who wanted the divorce, the process still marks the end of a relationship that played a large role in your life. You can expect your divorce to trigger the same stages of grief that the death of a loved one or another difficult life event would. The process is normal and necessary, so you'll need to let yourself experience it. Although you'll want to make sure you do so in a constructive way, you'll do yourself a favor if you let out your anger and tears, even when they arrive unexpectedly. Trying to control and fight the process only makes it take longer.

Deep Clean

If you're still living in the marital home, it's likely full of reminders. If you moved out, you probably took things with you that you ultimately won't need or want. You should deep clean your home and remove the clutter of personal items that cause you emotional pain. Get rid of things that remind you of your ex, rearrange the furniture and freshen things up with a new coat of paint. Doing this allows you to claim space for yourself that you're no longer sharing with another person or unpleasant memories of them.

Reach Out

Divorce can make you want to pull the covers over your head and stay in bed all day, but it's important that you reach out. There are compelling reasons to spend time with your family and good friends. Doing so gives you a safe place to vent your feelings and serves as a reminder that there is still plenty of love in your life. Make plans with the people who make you feel good and let them work their magic on you. Following these tips for moving on after your divorce can help make things a little easier. The process isn't a simple one, however, so don't be too hard on yourself if your divorce is taking a bigger toll than expected. Do what you can to help yourself and lean on your loved ones when you need them. If you feel you need more support, consider getting the help of a therapist. Individual and group therapy are great ways to process your feelings so you can move on to a happier life in a healthy way.

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Importance of Group Therapy & How It Can Help

There's often a negative connotation associated with group therapy sessions. Unfortunately, it's led to a lot of false views about what they're really like. The truth is, they can actually be the best place to be if you've had struggles in your life and need a little help getting back on track. While it is true that sometimes certain jobs or government programs require people to go to support group meetings, people can also go on the recommendation of a doctor, church leader or on their own. No matter whose recommendation sent you to group therapy, there are four reasons they can be very important.

No Prejudice

Often, people's problems can come with a rash of judgments and misunderstandings of what the person is going through, whatever their case may be. People in your support group have all been where you are, and they are all on the same journey you're on. Getting a chance to hear these people open up and be honest about their issues can help you do the same, letting you get started on your own path to a better place. The best feeling people get during this process is when they truly know they aren't alone.

Financial Reasons

Attending group sessions are far more affordable than individual therapy. Therapy in a group setting allows you to be more efficient with getting care and won’t hit your pockets as much as individual therapy. Group therapy fees can range form $45-80 whereas individual can range from $110-$200 (depending on your area). Those fees reflect out of pocket costs. Group therapy is covered by most insurance that cover behavioral or mental health and just require you to pay your copay fees.

Learning More About Yourself

As Dr. David Susman points out in this blog article, things you learn in support groups can help you better understand your own self and be more aware of what leads to different struggles. It can be a time of reflection and perhaps a time to think of how things like spiritualism and inner peace may benefit you. Often, people come to group support meetings not expecting much, but they leave with knowledge they might never have dreamed of getting.

An Opportunity to Help Others

As you stay in a support group and see yourself start to take control of your life again, you'll find that, along with addressing your problems, you'll eventually get to help others. Fewer things are as rewarding, or make you feel you've accomplished as much, as being able to say you were a friend who guided someone else to a better place. Often, people's struggles can lead them to try to hide themselves away from the world. By being where you can help others, you'll find yourself comfortable as part of a crowd once again.

The bottom line is group support networks are not punishment at all for what you've been through, but instead they are here to bring change in ways you probably didn't think was possible. Sometimes, being connected with a group of strangers is exactly the way to bring your problems to the front and hear new perspectives on them. More likely than not, you'll come away with new emotional, spiritual and even financial support than you ever had before.

The path of recovery can be hard at times, and it’s essential to create or join a group therapy network. See how we can help you in your personal journey to better mental health.

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3 Common Challenges That Come from Combining Households

When it comes to building a relationship, most don’t realize how deep the challenge goes. You’re doing more than just spending time with another person. You are, step by step, creating something completely new with them. Moving in with a partner or new spouse can be one of the most challenging transitions in life. Along with adjusting to the changes that come with giving up some of your solo-living habits, you will also be getting used to living with somebody new and dealing with the transitional issues that come along with that change.

Here is some practical advice on how to navigate the challenges that come when combining households.

Get on the Same Page About Finances

Financial disagreements are the most common source of conflict in many relationships. You can take steps to reduce the chances of money issues causing havoc in your household if you take the time to devise a solid budget plan from the start.

It’s wise to acknowledge, up front, that you probably don’t want to have this conversation. According to Marriage Name Change, “Even with all the financial advice out there, marriages are still strained due to fights over money. There are many reasons for this but the truth is many married couples today do not want to listen to vital advice on finance.”

Even so, money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce. If you want to maintain your relationship, you’ll need to have this discussion sooner or later.

When planning your budget, you will want to account for every dollar in and every dollar out. You will also need to discuss how the incoming money will be divided between household expenses and individual spending money.

When taking the time to devise an everyday budget, be sure to write some financial goals down on paper so that you have something to strive for. Lastly, you will need to determine who will be responsible for paying the bills.

Compromise on Material Belongings

It can be challenging to combine households because it means that somebody will likely have to give up some of their stuff if everything is going to fit in one home. The important rule to follow is to be willing to compromise on what belongings to keep and what to get rid of.

All Storage online explains that “adapting your lifestyle to fit with someone else’s is a learning process that requires a lot of compromise – key to a happy marriage. So before you begin the merge, a helpful tip is to have a conversation with your partner and decide what to keep and what to either toss or place in storage.”

Just remember that at the end of the day, these are only material items that you are debating about.

Divide Chores Early On

Once you have the budget settled and household items organized, it will be time to decide how to handle the everyday routines of cohabitation. Part of this routine involves establishing the expectations of responsibility around the home.

Successful relationships have set guidelines regarding who will be in charge of specific household-maintenance responsibilities. Chores to consider include cleaning, laundry, yard work and basic maintenance. By agreeing to the division of labor from the beginning, you can avoid arguments down the road.

Although this life transition is full of challenges and meaningful discussions, it can also be incredibly rewarding if it’s executed with the right intentions. With a little teamwork, willingness to compromise and sensitivity, you can ensure that you get off to the best possible start in your new life together.

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3 Pieces of Advice for Teenagers Transitioning into Adulthood

The transition from teenager to adult can be a challenge. Taking on the extra responsibility that comes with being an adult can be overwhelming for teens who aren't prepared. It can be helpful to provide teens with some basic information on dealing with everyday challenges that are common for adults.

Be Financially Responsible

When some teens and young adults begin getting paychecks of their own, they often make unwise spending decisions. It's important to help them make good choices when it comes to spending their money. Creating a budget that includes all their bills and necessary payments can help teens realize how much money they have left over for spending on those extras that fall into the "want" category. It may be helpful to introduce them to a budgeting app where they can easily put in the amount they have to spend each month and compare it to all their expenses. These technological tools can be extremely helpful to those new to budgeting their finances.

Plan for the Future

One of the most important lessons teens can learn is how to take care of their financial situation for the present and the future. Many young adults don't consider planning for the future to be as important as spending their money in the present. It's important to let teens know that one of the biggest financial mistakes is putting off enrolling in your employer's 401(k) due to the potential money you lose every year. Having a feasible savings plan will help set teens up for future success.

Be Wary of Credit Cards

College students and young adults in general are one of the most targeted groups when it comes to pre-approved credit offers. It's important to provide teens with information on how to build good credit without getting into debt using credit cards. Establishing credit through paying bills on time and possibly having one low-interest credit card that is paid off each month can also help with future finances.

Becoming an adult is a huge deal, the amount of responsibility that comes with it comes suddenly and can be difficult to deal with. Learning to navigate the world of adulthood can overwhelm teens who aren't prepared. By providing them with some basic information on ways to plan for their future and prevent many common financial issues, you help them start out on the right foot. Learning to save, budget, and make responsible spending choices can help teens prepare themselves for a successful financial future.

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What Can Parents Do to Help Teens Have a Healthy Relationship with Technology

Technological achievements have helped improve life in so many ways. Personal electronics like smartphones, computers, and internet platforms like email and social media have opened up communication around the world. They have also given people from many different backgrounds access to resources they wouldn't have been able to find in their local regions even a decade ago. Teenagers today have far more access to information, good and bad, than their parents did just a few decades ago.

These technologies have forced teens and their parents to confront many new challenges to their health and safety. A lot of parents struggle to stay up-to-date with ever-changing advancements and obstacles in their children's paths. That said, you can make certain that your teen understands the negative impact that technology can have on their health and life and how inappropriate online behaviors can haunt them into adulthood. To start teaching your teen today, consider following the steps outlined in this short guide.

Discuss Health Risks

Teens are highly susceptible to technology addiction. According to a variety of studies, teens have extreme difficulty putting away their portable devices and stepping away from entertainment systems like TVs and game consoles. They constantly feel a drive to check their text and instant messages and social media accounts and escape reality through games and other avenues. If they stop using these devices, they can feel withdrawal just like an alcohol or drug addict. Non-stop stimulation from so many online sources can also cause attention and focusing problems. In fact, this type of over-stimulation can result in children multi-tasking so much that focusing for any length of time on a single task can cause them to feel irritation, impatience, and anxiety, leading them to lash out.

Light from electronics also disrupts the natural human sleep cycle. The resulting non-restful sleep can cause attention- and mood-related problems. Any type of disruption to a child's health can also cause them to have a poor relationship with food that leads to excessive weight loss or gain. In addition, their relationships can suffer as they pull away from the offline world to exist primarily in the virtual one. Worse yet, a lot of modern technologies contain toxic materials that can damage your child's immune and nervous systems. Also, time spent indoors all of the time can adversely affect their vitamin D absorption and cause cognitive problems.

Print out materials related to all of these health effects and then sit down with your teen and explain how unrestrained use of technology might prevent them from one day pursuing their dreams or shorten their lifespan.

Limit Technology Usage

The boundaries that you create through rules and lessons can protect your child from future technology addiction that can lead to serious consequences later in life. Your teen won't automatically accept what you have to say about their relationship with technology. Most teens see their parents as out-of-touch people who don't understand how much they need their tech to get through their day. You must show your child that their technology is not an absolutely necessary part of every moment of their.

To start out, prevent your children from having any access to glowing screens at least four hours before their bedtime. Give them chores and hobbies that aren't screen-based to distract them from the loss of screen time. Keep in mind that they might experience severe withdrawal initially. You must plan accordingly by weaning them off their tech gradually. Limit their time on a phone or computer to one hour at any given time, then 45 minutes and eventually 30 minutes. This will help teach them that the instant elements of internet technologies don't accurately reflect the speed of daily offline life.

If you need a more concrete limitation, try to establish a sort of iPhone lock screen time where your teen is required to do other things for a certain amount of time. Make sure you are there to enforce this period of time.Focus all of your actions on cultivating an idea in their mind that modern technologies don't exist primarily to provide non-stop entertainment or create addiction, but instead their purpose is to make life easier and simpler.

Show Reputation Damage

Teenagers often make mistakes and have poor impulse control because their brains haven't yet reached the development stage required to make good decisions all of the time. Some teens believe that they can get away with inappropriate behaviors like excessively drinking, reckless driving, and performing outrageous stunts. Some simply act out of impulse and then regret it later. Microphones and cameras in their personal electronics, along with numerous programs designed to copy and store everything uploaded to the internet, have resulted in permanent records of these mistakes.

With a simple keyword search online, you can find countless examples of teenage antics harming the reputations of college students and working adults. Bookmark online pages that outline some of these examples; then, show your teen why they need to be more careful with their offline and online actions. Discuss with them methods for reducing risk. For example, create a list that outlines risky and inappropriate behaviors, such as their uploading or allowing someone they know to upload compromising pictures or videos, so that they have a reminder to guide them. Emphasize firmly that they need to think before they speak everywhere, especially while on social media. If they have difficulty controlling online outbursts, block them from using their social media accounts. If they lash out at you, confiscate their tech and keep trying to help them to understand that their statements as a teen might actually cause them serious losses as an adult and possibly even legal troubles.

Cover Security Concerns

Lastly, every parent should discuss the other types of safety risks caused by online technology. Create a secondary reminder list that outlines all of these dangers, the steps your teen needs to follow for protection, and instruction to report various incidents. For example, show them how to use password generators to update their account passwords on a regular basis. Talk with them about identity theft. Do more than say that a thief can create a false identity. Walk them through slowly all of the steps that you and they would have to take to report the theft to credit bureaus, police, governmental agencies and any companies pulled into fraud by someone using their name and to prevent additional events. Show them the steps they can take today to protect their data. Additionally, go over the many ways that bullies, predators, and stalkers use modern technologies to target teens and adults. Help them to understand how they should respond if someone targets them.

Your teen can have a healthy relationship with technology. They merely need you to show them the way. Since teens can have difficulty focusing, especially if overwhelmed with information, break up these topics into separate one-on-one discussions every week. Before a new discussion, quickly cover the previous week's topic highlights, go over any questions and then cover the next topic. This type of effort reinforces that you're focused on their health and well-being and that you're available to answer questions and help them. And if you feel a bit overwhelmed? That’s normal, and there are plenty of resources available for help.