emet-selch-apologist

[emet-selch-apologist]

You are strongly advised not to feed the ducks in this pond.

[emet-selch-apologist]

midgardsormr in the omega questline: hraesvelgr my weird humanfucker son I'm taking a nap that will last between 1 and 1000 years. Do you remember that guy you helped end the dragonsong war like a month ago. The one with the bunny ears? He is going to die in outer space. Hraesvelgr my weird humanfucker son can you like do me a solid and go pick him and his friends up in outer space so the bunny doesn't die I prommied hydaelyn I wouldn't let the bunny die

Hraesvelgr: :/ ok fine dad

[emet-selch-apologist]

[emet-selch-apologist]

i love heavensward: a series of bulletin points

your last ally in all the city-states is an elf who would unironically lick the sweat from your armpits in front of the entire congregation. he begs his dad to let you couch surf. one of his brothers admits to your face that he wished you would die

two members of the swiss guard arrest your children so you punch them in the neck until the judge says you're free to go. the pope personally calls you to apologize for the trouble

ilberd tries and fails to hotbox you to death

a hot elf wife takes you on vacation to a nest full of cool bugs

anytime there's a serious moment estinien challenges the tone of the scene by pulling a giant novelty eyeball out of his pants which is played 100% straight every single time. not a single soul questions this or reacts in surprise

the prettiest elf in the world gets arrested trying to yell at his dad

Occupy The Vatican Right Fucking Now!!!!

the pope stances on the deck of an airship and flies away into the sunset after his eunuch traumatizes you

the emperor of garlemald shows up to call you a dipshit, leaves, and then you don't see him personally again for 1.5 expansion packs

we summon a naked catgirl and the first thing tataru does is give her a pair of louboutins and put a bow on her little kitty tail. she is the most deadly serious person in the entire organization

you take a quick detour to visit the angriest woman who's ever lived who calls you and everyone you're with a pointless dumbfuck moron shit idiot (affectionate). then she gives you a gun she invented that sharlayan banned for being too cool

theres a flying allagan war crimes factory full of broken robots who think you're stupid. an entire legion of garleans are abandoned here to form a feral colony with the escaped lab animals. the robots make fun of them

the dad of all the dragons on the whole planet calls you his favorite in front of his real child who he hasnt talked to in 4000 years

an evil wizard tries to get revenge on you for killing his cousin but the pope loads his soul into a bong and takes the fattest rip. the next time you meet him you mostly learn about how much his wife bullied him

estinien picks up a second eyeball. surprise development!: there is an angry dragon ghost living in the eyeballs

thancred gets punched in the face

you watch two dragon brothers fight because one called the other's dead wife a foul and trifling hoe

you save your friend through the power of friendship, and littering. as soon as he feels better he jumps out of a window and doesnt talk to you for two years

the guy from the box art wont stop trying to kill you because he is actually john videogames: astral traveler

after 15 hours of wondering what happened to all the scions and learning just the ones you've been able to FIND were flung into the afterlife, you discover lyse and papalymo are fine. they werent even hurt. they have been playing desert dress up with the ala mhigans while youve been freezing your pussy off trying to end a multigenerational religious war with the dragons and depose a corrupt head of state. they tried to send one letter and then gave up

the consequences of littering catch up with you. in eorzea, the fine is $Giant Dragon

[emet-selch-apologist]

The symbology of the Convocation of Fourteen is just... one of my favorite details in ffxiv. And yeah, I know they have zodiac signs because Final Fantasy Tactics had zodiac signs and FF12 had zodiac signs, but 14's spin on them is inspired, and I don't think that gets enough appreciation.

Each of the Ascians is characterized to at least superficially match their sign. Emet-Selch seems like a Gemini, seemingly on both sides of every issue. Fandaniel seems like a Leo who wants to be the center of attention. Lahabrea, The Creator, seems like an artsy Pisces... just...y'know, a horrible one.

And it's not as if "terrible, messed-up version of Zodiac symbol" is new here. Tactics definitely had that already. The thing ffxiv adds to the trope is the presence of the Sun.

Azem's symbol being the sun and not a constellation tells us exactly what their role in the Convocation was supposed to be. The sun's path through the constellations is what gives all those signs their meanings. You can't be a Gemini unless the sun is in Gemini. The sun's passage through the zodiac is supposed to illuminate the best way forward. This is why Emet-Selch calls them both "Shepherd to the stars in the dark," and "Counsellor to the star's people." They're meant to inspire people to become their best selves. This is inadvertently what WoL does in numerous places and times across the game, (and one of the ancients in Elpis even comments on it) because apparently repeatedly dying at the hands of their coworkers and friends for eons did not get them out of having to do their job.

When the sun protested their unspeakbly terrible plan, they went all in on their hubris by casting it down forever. They never replaced Azem. They don't even want to remember they ever had a sun. They don't have the light that illuminates their best selves, their better future. So they can't find it anymore. They don't know how to be themselves anymore, in Azem's absence. In Elidibus' case, literally. He is so desperate for the guiding star he can't even remember having, that he constantly, instinctively, seeks out Azem in different forms. Wearing Ardbert's corpse, and wandering up to WoL for awkward chats, and looking back to the heroes of the past who were definitely Azem shards.

The sun, torn from the heavens, leads to the maker's ruin.

[emet-selch-apologist]

I love how beat up and sketchy the Forgotten Knight and it’s inn rooms are lmao they don’t even have any chairs (I assume they were all destroyed in bar fights and nobody cared to replace them)

I've always genuinely loved how aggressively shitty the inn rooms in Ishgard are compared to any other inn in the game.

[emet-selch-apologist]

This brings me no pleasure to report u_u

[emet-selch-apologist]

I told my friends that I didn’t know how to swap hot bars and that I just click most of my buttons with my mouse and I got roasted

[emet-selch-apologist]

This is how I imagine the Leveilleur family dynamic.

[emet-selch-apologist]

More doodlin cuz I got entire toilet paper of silly ideas and they all need to be made lol 80% of said silly ideas are those two but I swear I’ll make some nice illustrations with em too it’s just the silly stuff being more tempting to do 

[emet-selch-apologist]

Me, today, having to stay at work an extra two hours, just wanting to do the new raid

How am i supposed to focus on work when I could be playing CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED MMORPG FINAL FANTASY XIV WITH AN EXPANDED FREE TRIAL IN WHICH YOU CAN PLAY THROUGH THE ENTIRETY OF A REALM REBORN AND THE HEAVENSWARD EXPANSION UP TO LEVEL 60 FOR FREE WITH NO RESTRICTIONS ON PLAYTIME

[emet-selch-apologist]

The sigh that left my mouth when that man first stepped onto the screen lmao I just about melted, and my roommates (who’d stopped playing to watch my reaction) would not stop laughing

My favourite brand of post is the daily "have you seen this shit" in the Aymeric tag about how unnervingly beautiful he is from new players who need to offload all the screenshots they've accumulated over HW. I can't get sick of this type of post ever.

[emet-selch-apologist]

I got inspired.

[emet-selch-apologist]

Constantly torn between my love for Magnai and my love for viciously mocking him

[emet-selch-apologist]

another quality art from Twitter, you're welcome

[emet-selch-apologist]

You'll notice that people do this in multiplayer games for much the same reason!

[emet-selch-apologist]

obligatory Atlantis reference