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School is going Well, and Poetry

So School has been going really well. Thanks to all that time I put in for the school year, I can now actually do school normally. It has been great and I'm really happy with my performance so far. This does mean I don't have much time to write and things, but I still do have my usual of some poetry! I look out this window and what do I see? Possibilities? Opportunities? Some of my future? I wear this ring, I wear this bracelet with meaning, but only the meaning I give it. Only the meaning I can will on it. Only if I put forth the effort. The meaning of this ring and bracelet will fade away if I sit idly by. I look out this window and what do I see? The sun shining, the empty parking lot sparking out into the road. Yesterdays future means nothing without hope. Objects given significance by me, for what? Hope for yesterdays future, hope for my life. Again the window looks back at me and what do I see? Nothing but my reflection.

This one was really fun and has become one of my favorites. I have more and this one is old by now, but I still like it.

[ember-is-cool]

Omg so much time has passed!

Holy shit! I forgot I had a tumblr! Well, I got into school and I kinda have stopped doing most creative things lately. The new medication I got made be able to enjoy my special interest. You what that means! Minecraft. I have spent the last 3 weeks playing Minecraft. Putting about 150 cumulative hours into about 3 different worlds. I may have a problem. Either way school is going well, and I'm really enjoying myself. I saw friends, did work, have really cool classes, and feel like this is going to be great year. I'm really happy about how things are going as of right now. I plan to have more writing by tomorrow. Other than that I also plan to have my summer project done with the first phase of editing soon. I hope you all are doing well!

[ember-is-cool]

Hey guess what? More poetry!

I just started some new meds today, and I can tell they are working. Due to the first thing I did today was write some poetry. It's small and simple and gets my mind off editing. So here it is!

I look out this window and what do I see? Possibilities? Opportunities? Some speckle of my future? I wear this ring. I wear this bracelet. With meaning, but only the meaning I give them. Only the meaning I can will on to it. Only if I put forth the effort. The meaning of this ring and bracelet will fade away if I sit idly by. I look out this window and what do I see? The sun shining, the empty parking lot sparling out into the road. Yesterday’s future meant nothing without hope. Objects given significance by me. For what? My future, hope for yesterday’s future, hope for myself, hope for my life. Again the window looks back at me, and what do I see? Nothing but my reflection. 

I was at the gas station in my home town and thought of this. It again is simple, I like it. I hope all is well with you all. Back to my editing cave I go!

[ember-is-cool]

Summer project

So I've been editing the past few days and I have learned a lot. I don't think I'll be done any time soon. There is around 40 pages and there will probably be more later. I feel it is good and I really like the story. It is the second longest thing I have written I think. Other than that I feel the next time I will have something to show!

[ember-is-cool]

Summer Projects and school coming up

This has been a long summer, and it's not even over! I have been working hard with writing. Trying to develop my voice in writing, and learning grammar. English is my first language, I just have dyslexia. So that brings me to my next thing! My summer project! I have been writing all summer. Trying to make a story that maybe one I turn into a novel. It's around 30 pages and finishing up soon. I think its good and I'm going to have some friends look over it. The main idea is to use it to learn what I'm missing, understand mistakes, and know how to fix them. Once it's done I'm going to be editing a ton. I have been loving the story and will most likely post it to my Wattpad. Right now I only have one thing posted there, but if anyone knows a better platform for posting writing let me know!

[ember-is-cool]

Nature Walk

A while ago back when I was finishing my spring semester of college. I was being drawn toward nature. Of course I wrote something for it when I did. It was for a presentation night I had for creative writing club. Last night I was reminded of the writing I did for that night. I realized how good it was and I thought of posting it here.

I make my way to the trail. Paved over railway tracks, industry turned to public domain. The day is overcast, a small breeze blows against my body. The wind’s chill trying to get to my skin. I’ve been drawn here not by someone, but by something. A feeling I guess. My feelings are a bit too complex to put into words, though I will try. I'm happy with my life as it is now. Though an overcast day more matches my mood more than any sun shining overhead. There is still beauty on this cloudy day. My emotions may match the ever present sky overhead, but there is still beauty. 

Early spring is a time of rebirth. I feel I am doing the same as the buds on the trees. Growing new into something I can be proud of. A new life the way I want to live it. My dreams being the most important thing, no one else's. I have been depressed most of my life. I forgot - no - I never knew how to live my life for myself. Dreams, my own dreams for my life goals seemed unreachable. 

I can’t help but take out my phone and take pictures of hidden beauty. Rocks, flowers, trees in early bloom, all a part of this thing we call a world. A world I live in. At times the river’s edge becomes unwalkable and I find my way to the trail once again. Remnants of the past dot the edge of the trail and river. 

My thoughts are nearly incoherent now. A few deep breaths help to center myself back into my body. My ritualistic stopping and starting, taking pictures of anything I find. The emotions that wash over me start to form into something. A thought, a phrase. I know I'm happy, for my friends, family, and the unique life I get to live, but I still feel the clouds overhead. I feel happy though a dull gray permeates my thoughts at all times. 

The paved path turns to gravel, as I see rain dot the ground. Nature seems to want to take anything into her grasp. She would swallow me up too if I let her. Gentle vines would grow over my body, as grass spouts from my eyes, young trees from my fingertips. Again I find myself at the river. The water has patches of rapids that calm into slow moving stretches. Trash litters the water’s edge, a reminder of the effect we have on nature.

My problems are much smaller than something like climate change. Again that thought hits me. I know I'm happy, but why do I still feel lost? I’ve lived most of my life without purpose. A deer in headlights when faced with real life. No longer sheltered by childhood, as if I would even remember it. I can wake from my bed ready to start the day, but do so happily and conflicted. Still having that feeling of needing to run away from my life. Aren’t I happy with it? I know I am. 

My phone's camera seems to see more than I can. More light, contrast, and detail. An old power station retrofitted with new parts to feel new. “Refurbished”. The rusted metal still visible all imperfections on display. Though it’s still in use. Given purpose again. Nature blocked out by a sturdy wire fence. Still signs warn of the danger of high voltage. Dangers of getting too close to this old place. Trying to hide its rough and tarnished past with new parts. 

I am starting to question if I'm happy. What do I do with my life as it is? I have no one anymore. Just me. Independence in its full nakedness. With eras of my life defined by lovers, how do I live with just myself? Maybe I'm not happy. Maybe I need someone to be happy. Though this doesn’t line up with what I feel. 

A bench, a place to rest, a piece of some civilization. It has company. Tubes shoot from the ground with small trees inside. Once in their place were giants, trees of real magnitude. Now only sit the saplings and this bench. Like a living grave yard. These tubes were left as markers for those that used to live here. Their young planted here in their place. The river comes to greet me again as I walk along into “private property”.

A small marsh comes into view as I begin to make sense of my head. A feeling that sticks with me as I am now. A somber happiness. Feeling that is hard to describe, but feels right. A content happiness I guess I would call it. Something that lets you enjoy your daily life, but still holds you in a choke hold. A feeling that drives me here in these woods. A feeling of needing to escape the confinement of life, but still liking living in my cage. The cold ghost of depression is still falling close enough to give me a spine tingling chill. Though not close enough to kill me. Happy with this conclusion I start to make my way back as I end my nature walk.

I really really like this work. It was a lot of fun making it too. I did have a slide show that came along with it. The idea was I read this while the slide show was going. The presentation night was great and I hope you all like this as much as I do!

[ember-is-cool]

Hey it's again more Poetry

So this is the finally bit of poetry I have to offer. I will need to write more, but for right now this should be fine. I may do some of my shorter stories, but those need more refining to be any good.

Dreams, strange random signals in the mind. Before we believed we could have visions in our sleep. Though now the meaning of dreams has changed. Dreams, something we think of keeps ourselves going in a cruel world. Dreams, thinking of a better tomorrow. Dreams, something we wish to achieve in our lives. Dreams, plainly hoping for something better. You must achieve them, you must care about them. So that when we even lose hope we still have dreams to wish for. 

This one was more for my own sake. A few weeks ago I was having a bad day. I was having weird dreams at the time so I wrote this to inspire myself to keep going. It worked looking back on it. I like this one I think too. Pretty simple, but effective in it's point.

Again the next thing I post may be some short story, but it may be a while before I am comfortable posting something like that. Poetry is easier for me to post. Even though it has more emotions involved, it is easier to edit. Stories you have to think about more.

Until then, take care!

[ember-is-cool]

peeping the horror :3

[ember-is-cool]

Some more Poetry

Not much is happening today at work, so I thought I might as well post something. I still have some poetry to post from before. I am a writing blog after all. 

It’s Strange you know? Memories, that is, It is strange to move on from periods of your life, and look back on them. I’m sitting in the bleachers above a football field in my hometown. Birds picking for worms and the sun shining high in the sky. I look back on all the fall nights I would spend here. The now empty bleachers, full with parents, kids, and just so many people. I was in the band. Back then I was completely different from what I am now. Now looking back on this place it’s an odd feeling. It’s all still the same as I remember it, just my perspective has changed.  Everything has changed and yet nothing has changed. I’m still me, just what? Better? Mature? Really myself? I don't know, but I do know I’m finally happy to be here. 

This is something I wrote a few weeks ago. I was revisiting an old football field in my hometown. I was flooded with memories and I had to write something about it. Growing up is just strange, and when you only remember bits and pieces of your childhood it’s even stranger. There are times I find myself so immersed in old memories. That I didn’t even know I had. When I find myself there I just put it down in my journal. Then it ends up here. 

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Finally Back Home

I spent the past week or so on vacation! I had a fun time but I had to detransition for it. Safe to say I'm happy to be home. I would show pictures but I worry about people on the internet. So I will say on my Wattpad I have posted one of my works. It's a little romance and action I guess? I posted it a while ago and forgot to talk about it. I will be posting more when I get the chance and confidence to do so. Also I need to spend time editing my work. I hope you all are doing well, and I'm happy to be home again!

[ember-is-cool]

Finally Writing

I kind of forgot I'm a writing blogger. So here is something I wrote.

I’ve been walking, for all my life I’ve been chasing something. I’ve been running, for all my life I’ve wanted something. I’ve been falling, no matter how much I try I come up short. I’ve been crawling, though no matter how hard it is I don’t give up. I’ve been walking, I don’t know what drives me but I won’t stop. I’ve been running, more and more I’ve been living. More and More, I’ve been trying. No matter the challenge I won’t give up. More and more, I’ve been fighting for myself, my life, my happiness, for something I can be proud of. More and more I’ve been crawling, walking, running, trying to make a better life. 

It is a small poem I made a while back. I was going on a walk and was inspired to write something. I write most of my shorter stuff in my journal and I just put it in my Docs. I like this one a lot especially the ending.

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Today went very well. Though it was just me and my friends in a library playing silly games. My friends and I mainly played MTG and built Warhammer 40k minis. No one was really interested in DnD or YuGiOh. I am very very tired now, so playing some Minecraft sounds really nice now

Also if anyone plays MTG and plays any of the Fallout deck. There is a special circle of hell just for you :3

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Being a huge nerd today. At my public library I’m holding a hobby night with my friends helping. I hope it goes well, and people in my town seem excited for it. We are having DnD stuff, Warhammer 40k, MTG, and YuGiOh, plus other board games. My friends are really excited for it, so here’s to hoping it goes well!

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I feel like I’ve become a stereotypical English major. I work at a library, I’m some sort of queer, and I write poetry about my feeling in my little journal. Though I say it like it’s a bad thing, but really I’m happy like this. :)

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I’ve been writing a lot for summer project recently. Though I’ve been wanting to work on something with ship dynamics. This only comes from me finding pictures on Pinterest about different ships. They just seem fun to mess with. I love to write romance and interesting people so I may mess with them later.

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Welcome!

Hello and welcome to my page. Here I will post Somethings I write like poetry, short stories, and random thoughts I have.

I am dyslexic so creative criticism is very welcome. I love to learn and the most I learn the better I become.

I plan to post my projects on Wattpad what will be linked below.

Now for a little about myself!

I am 20 years old, going to college, and Transgender. I go by Ember irl and online. My favorite colors are pink and blue. I love videos games, books, and of course writing. My favorite video game of all time is Minecraft!