elsaismycat

[elsaismycat]

So sick of dog motif what about cat motif.

I love you but we don't love the same. I can't be near you when you want me to be. Your love is smothering and your need to keep me safe is trapping me. I'm my own person but I don't know how to show you that. I lash out and hurt you even though I don't mean to. I need you to move slowly around me or I'll bolt. I love you, even though I don't say it. If you stay still I'll sit next to you, and even though we don't understand each other we can be together like that.

[elsaismycat]

Found this really nice piccrew, so made wolfstar and starchaser!!

[elsaismycat]

You know how everyone has heard a slightly different version of the same Greek myth? Like there’s a version we’re Icarus falls in love with Apollo and there’s a version were he knows the wings aren’t gonna hold but keeps flying anyway and a version were he doesn’t hear his fathers warning. In one version of the story, Athena is punishing Medusa, in another she’s giving her a gift. There’s a story where Hades kidnaps Persephone and one where he helps her escape from her mother. All the same myths but told in different ways depending on who tells them and to whom. Slightly different morals to gain from them but always the same basic concept.

And I just think it’s so fitting that the same is happening with the pjo show. Details change! In this version, Annabeth’s dad loves her from the beginning. In this version, they enter Medusa’s house knowing who she is. And this changes the meaning to reflect the time in which the story is told, and the people who tell it. Myths are meant to be retold again and again, thats the beauty of them. It doesn’t mean that one version is better than the other. And I love that Rick Riordan said I’ve told this story before, but what do I want to say this time? And he squeezes so much meaning into it!

[elsaismycat]

figuring out whether or not you're really aro/ace or just a very aware and skittish person is like a special kind of hell. like i think purgatory might just be me having conversations like "well i think i'd be okay with having a romantic relationship and having sex with a hypothetical partner but i'm not interested in doing all the performative bullshit that comes with dating and it's exhausting trying to find anyone who's okay with someone so inexperienced and unsure and i have such a strange way of showing affection and nobody showed me what intimacy or flirting was when i was young which i'm simultaneously grateful for and resentful of because now i'm an adult who's never kissed anybody but at least i had good grades and friends in high school anyway yeah if the interesting guy from class decides to ask me out i'd say yes but i'd feel like throwing up the whole time so what does that say about me"

[elsaismycat]

Descendants and Marauders

My sister just forced me to see all three descendants movies, which got me thinking about the marauders and gang, and who would be their disney parents. So here are my head canons:

(In descendants, all the villains have been banished to an Isle, the Isle of the lost, where all the villains and Villain Kids (VKs) now live. The good people live in Auradon, where Belle and the Beast have been voted king and queen over everyone. Their son, Ben, shall shortly take over as king, and as his first proclamation, four children of the Isle gets a chance to live in Auradon, away from their parents)

James - he would be the equivalent of Ben, meaning he would be the prince, later king, of Auradon. But instead of having Belle and the Beast as parents (and them being king and queen), it is Snow White and her prince that are the Queen and King of Auradon and James’ parents. James is the reason that the VKs (only two in the first round) are coming to Auradon, and he feels like they should all get second chances, as they are not their parents

Remus - son of Belle and the Beast. He has inherited some of his fathers characteristics, and therefore sometimes turns into a beast. Remus has a hard time dealing with this (as his father never becomes a beast anymore, and kind of resents Remus for the memories he brings up when he turns). Remus feels like he too should be banished to the Isle with the Villains.

Sirius - Child of Maleficent. Part of the first round of children leaving the Isle, leaves Regulus behind. Sirius becomes friends with James quickly, and James promises that Sirius will never have to go back to his parents. Falls in love with the mysterious boy Remus, and perhaps they can learn something from each other about good and evil. 

Peter - Fairy godmother’s son. Old friend with James, but feels left out when James creates new friends with the VKs. They are evil after all, and he is good. Should you really trust the kids of Villains? But he too, comes around, perhaps after he himself becomes a bit of a villain and realising that second chances are for everyone.

Lily - Child of Anna and Kristoff. Dates James briefly, before they both realise they are no good match. Looks up to her aunt, Elsa, a lot as a strong independent role model. After James, she has no wish to fall in love (but then she meets Mary...)

Marlene - Mulan’s daughter. She, James and Peter are childhood friends, and they got to know Lily and Remus in school. Is hesitant to the V.K. at first, just as Peter, but soon becomes good friends with both Sirius and Mary.

Mary - Queen of Hearts’ daughter and childhood friends with Sirius. People think they are dating. Joins him in being the first two VKs to leave the Isle. Just as Sirius she quickly befriends James and Lily, who are very kind, while it takes a while to befriend Marlene, but once they do, nothing can separate the new friends. She and Lily are friends to lovers.

Regulus - Is also the child of Maleficent. When Sirius leaves, Regulus feels left behind with their abusive parents. He gets the chance in the second round of VKs leaving the Isle, and while Sirius went to Auradon with the mindset of finding a better future, Regulus wants to destroy and take over Auradon, both because it is the land that took Sirius from him, and because it would make his mother proud. Arriving in Auradon, he is not the little scared boy Sirius remembers leaving behind. Regulus meets James, who he hates, because he is the one that took Sirius from him. He enchants James to fall in love with him, to be able to use James to destroy Auradon and everything Sirius loves, and make his mother proud. However, instead Regulus falls in love with James, and the enchantment on James quickly stops working (without Regulus knowing), but James then falls in love for real instead (think Ben and Mal). 

Dorcas - Hades daughter. Enemies to lovers with Marlene, who while she now accepts Sirius and Mary, does not trust this new round of VKs. Dorcas, as one of Regulus’ best friends (but you would never hear him say it or accept it), also hates Auradon and everything it stands for, however, she leaves that mindset behind quicker than Regulus. 

Evan - child of Hans (from frozen). Grew up expected to be the perfect prince like his father, being able to take over the kingdom of Auradon one day. However, together with Regulus, Dorcas and Barty, he likes to wreak havoc on the isle, which his father does not agree with, as Hans feels like they are not real villains but rather princes (while Hans definitely is and behaves like a villain)

Barty - child of captain Hook. Together with Evan and Dorcas, part of Regulus’ new friends after Sirius left. They all join Regulus in the second round of VKs coming to Auradon. He and Evan become a couple during their time in Auradon (I would headcanon the Isle as more homophobic, but in perfect Auradon, you can date whoever. Takes a while for both to get rid of the internalized homophobia and get their shit together)

Pandora - child of Aurora, but is homeschooled by Flora, Fauna and Merryweather. Becomes Regulus’ first friend in Auradon (and Dorcas, Evan and Barty’s) and the first of the ‘good’ that they all trust. 

Of course, everyone gets their happily ever after <3

[elsaismycat]

29 May 2023

You died today. At five in the evening I had to say goodbye. I felt your touch for the last time. I saw you breathe for the last time. I held you while you fell asleep for the last time.

Today felt like any other day. Never would I have guessed this ending. You were getting better. You were getting better! You were getting BETTER. But then, bad news. Bad news. Bad news. Bad news. And I knew you would not survive to see the sun rise again.

The sun has now set without you, and time continues to pass. It is soon midnight, but I do not want to fall asleep. Correction. I do not want to wake up in a world without you. How does one do it? Wake up, and accept it. Accept that you will never again be a part of my day. How does one do it? Wake up, and accept it. Wake up, and accept. Wake up, and. Wake up. Like you never will.

[elsaismycat]

the gods are not dead. when men speak to me like i can’t read, i feel athena awaken somewhere in my bone structure. her mouth spits words i had forgotten i memorized, facts from the deep pockets of libraries. she revels in the way they stutter at the quickness of my tongue, whispers, here’s what it feels to be above the cities. i know demeter for the way i feel in dirt, i catch sunlight in my palms and beg people to be disgusted at girl unhaunted by pretty, my hair a mess and my legs hairy and my body thick. i’ve kissed aphrodite, i’ve met her not in lust only but in the girl who listens like she is tied to your soul. she comes out and we go dancing, unashamed of our sexuality. i have even been her, once or twice, on rare moons where the stars aligned. i know the rage of artemis. i hunt those who hurt my sisters, i slay demons, i run in night with red lips. and i am persephone, always, goddess of the spring, goddess of the pomegranate, of wanting, of riding her own horse to hades, of being two queens. when men take power from me, i hear her whispering. take it back, she says, tongue sweet, ambrosia in the blood stream, take back your city.

the gods are not dead. they live in women. they live in me.

[elsaismycat]

On the issue of the ‘q slur’...

So, yesterday, I got into a rather stupid internet argument with someone who was peddling what seemed to me to be a rather insidious narrative about slur-reclamation. Someone in the ensuing notes raised a point which I thought was interesting, and worrying, and probably needed to be addressed in it’s own post. So here we go:

The word ‘queer’ itself seems to be especially touchy for many, so let me begin to address this by way of analogy.

Instead of talking about “queer”, let’s start by talking about “Jew” - a word which I believe is very similar in its usage in some significant ways.

Now, the word “Jew” has been used as a derogatory term for literally hundreds of years. It is used both as a noun (eg. “That guy ripped me off - what a dirty Jew”) and as a verb (eg. “That guy really Jew-ed me”). These usages are deeply, fundamentally, horrifically offensive, and should be used under no circumstances, ever. And yet, I myself have heard both, even as recently as this past year, even in an urban location with plenty of Jews, in a social situation where people should have known better. In short – the word “Jew”, as it is used by certain antisemites, is – quite unambiguously – a slur. Not a dead slur, not a former slur – and active, living slur that most Jews will at some point in their life encounter in a context where the term is being used to denigrate them and their religion. 

Now here’s the thing, though: I’m a Jew. I call myself a Jew. I prefer that all non-Jews call me a Jew – so do most Jews I know. “Jew” is the correct term for someone who is part of the religion of Judaism, the same way that “Muslim” is the correct term for someone who is part of the religion of Islam, and “Christian” is the correct term for someone who is part of the religion of Christianity. 

In fact, almost all of the terms that non-Jews use to avoid saying “Jew” (eg. “a member of the Jewish persuasion”, “a follower of the Jewish faith”, “coming from a Jewish family”, “identifying as part of the Jewish religion”, etc) are deeply offensive, because these terms imply to us that the speaker sees the term “Jew” (and by extension, what that term stands for) as a dirty word.

“BUT WAIT” – I hear you say – “didn’t you just say that Jew is used as a slur?!?”

Yes. Yes, I did. And also, it is fundamentally offensive not to call us that, because it is our name and our identity.

Let me back up a little bit, and bring you into the world of one of those 2000s PSAs about not using “that’s so gay”. Think of some word that is your identity – something which you consider to be a fundamental and intrinsic part of yourself. It could be “female” or “male”, or “Black” or “white”, “tall” or “short”, “Atheist” or “Mormon” or “Evangelical” – you name it.

Now imagine that people started using that term as a slur.

“What a female thing to do!” they might say. “That teacher doesn’t know anything, he’s so female!”

Or maybe, “Yikes, look at that idiot who’s driving like an atheist. It’s so embarrassing!”

Or perhaps, “Oh gross, that music is so Black, turn it off!”

Now, what would you say if the same groups of people who had been saying those things for years turned around and avoided using those words to describe anything other than an insult?

“Oh, so I see you’re a member of the female persuasion!”

“Is he… a follower of the atheist beliefs? Like does he identify as part of the community of atheist-aligned individuals?”

“So, as a Black-ish identified person yourself – excuse me, as a person who comes from a Black-ish family…”

Here’s the fundamental problem with treating all words that are used as slurs the same, without any regard for how they are used and how they developed – not all slurs are the same.

No one, and I mean no one (except maybe for a small handful of angsty teens who are deliberately making a point of being edgy) self-identifies as a kike. In contrast, essentially all Jews self-identify as Jews. And when non-Jews get weird about that identity on the grounds that “Jew is used as a slur”, despite the fact that it is the name that the Jewish community as a whole resoundingly identifies with, what they are basically saying is that they think that the slur usage is more important than the Jewish community self-identification usage. They are saying, in essence, “we think that your name should be a slur.” 

Now, at the top I said that the word “Jew” and the word “queer” had some significant similarities in terms of their usage, and I think that’s pretty apparent if you look at what people in those communities are saying about those terms. When American Jews were being actively threatened by neo-Nazis in the 70s, the slogan of choice was “For every Jew a .22!″. When the American Queer community was marching in the 90s in protest of systemic anti-queer violence, the slogan of choice was “We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it!” Clearly, these are terms that are used by the communities themselves, in reference to themselves. Clearly, these terms are more than simply slurs.

But while there are useful similarities between how the terms “Jew” and “Queer” are used by bigots and by their own communities, I’d also like to point out that there is pretty substantial and important difference:

Unlike for “queer”, there is no organized group of Jewish antisemites who are using the catchphrase “Jew is a slur!” in order to selectively silence and disenfranchise Jews who are part of minority groups within Judaism. 

This is the real rub with the term queer – no one was campaigning about it being a slur until less than a decade ago. No one was saying that you needed to warn for the word queer when queer people were establishing the academic discipline of queer studies. No one was ‘think of the children”-ing the umbrella term when queer activists were literally marching for their lives. Go back to even 2010 and the term “q slur” would have been basically unparseable – if I saw someone tag something “q slur”, like most queer people I would have wracked my brains trying to figure out what slur even started with q, and if I learned that it was supposed to be “queer”, my default assumption would be that the post was made by a well-meaning but extremely clueless straight person.

I literally remember this shift – and I remember who started it. Exclusionists didn’t like the fact that queer was an umbrella term. Terfs (or radfems as they like to be called now) didn’t like that queer history included trans history; biphobes and aphobes didn’t like that the queer community was also a community to bisexuals and asexuals. And so what could they possibly say, to drive people away from the term that was protecting the sorts of queer people that they wanted to exclude?

Well, naturally, they turned to “queer is a slur.”

And here’s the thing – queer is a slur, just like Jew is a slur, and no one is denying that. And that fact makes “queer is a slur so don’t use it” a very convincing argument on the surface: 1) queer is still often used as a slur, and 2) you shouldn’t ever use slurs without carefully tagging and warning people about them (and better yet, you should never use them at all), and so therefore 3) you need to tag for “the q slur” and you need to warn people not to call the community “the queer community” or it’s members “queer people” or its study “queer studies” – because it’s a slur!

But the crucial step that’s missing here is exactly the same one above, for the word “Jew” – and that step is that not all slurs are the same. When a term is both used as a slur and used as a self-identity term, then favoring the slur meaning instead of the identity meaning is picking the side of the slur-users over the disadvantaged group! 

If you say or tag “q slur” you are sending the message, whether you realize it or not, that people who use “queer” as a slur are more right about its meaning than those who use it as their identity. Tagging for “queer” is one thing. People can filter for “queer” if it triggers them, just like people can filter for anything else. Not everyone has to personally use the term queer, or like the term queer. But there is no circumstance where the term “q slur” does not indicate that you think queer is more of a slur than of an accurate description of a community.

If I, as a Jew, ever came across a post where someone had warned for innocent, positive, non-antisemitic content relating to Judaism with the tag “J slur”, I would be incensed. So would any Jew. The act of tagging a post “J slur” is in and of itself antisemitic and offensive.

Queer people are allowed to feel the same about “q slur”. It is not a neutral warning term – it is an attack on our identity.

[elsaismycat]

feminism ≠ matriarchy. seriously fuck you for making everyone believe that feminists want "female dominant society" no bitch all we want, which in fact, is our birthright, is an equal fucking status. WE'RE ALL GODDAMN HUMANS DON'T YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND THIS VERY OBVIOUS FACT? THE SAME STUPID SPECIES YOU MF, HOW MUCH MORE EXPLANATION DO YOU WANT?

[elsaismycat]

A woman’s first blood doesn’t come from between her legs but from biting her tongue.

Meggie Royer, The No You Never Listened To

[elsaismycat]

You might be sexually attracted to that person if…

- You think sexual thoughts about the person out of nowhere

- You feel aroused upon seeing the person outside of a sexual setting

- You find yourself wondering what the person is like in bed and what their genitals look like 

- You want to have sex with that person because your body is screaming for sex with that one person in particular.

- Seriously though if you’re already horny and that person is there you will feel all hot and sexually aroused and might drool a bit and fantasies of doing X-rated things to that person will fly through your mind and your body will literally be screaming for that person to take you or for you to take that person. Even just thinking about that person while horny can do this to you.

- TMI but if you get off while fantasizing about you having sex with that person, the orgasms can be absolutely mind-blowing and may even give you leg cramps.

- You really do “just know.”

You might not be sexually attracted to that person if…

- You make a conscious effort to fantasize about sex with that person, mainly to see if you actually want to

- You feel aroused during a sexual situation, but that arousal has more to do with the activities instead of the specific person. Alternatively, you just don’t feel aroused at all.

- You feel aroused at random, but it’s directed towards no one

- You want to have sex with that person because you want to make them happy or are just horny and want to get off with a partner or want babies or want money or literally any other reason aside from your body screaming for sex with that one person in particular.

- TMI but if you try to get off while fantasizing about you having sex with that person, you may get bored and start thinking of other things. Or, you may start fantasizing about that person doing sexual things that don’t involve you in which case aegosexual might be worth looking into.

- You just don’t know.

If the “you might be sexually attracted” list boggles your mind, you are possibly asexual.

If the “you might not be sexually attracted” list boggles your mind, you are possibly not asexual.

If you can relate to the “might not be sexually attracted” list, but also feel like you’ve experienced some of the things on the “might be sexually attracted” list, it may be worth checking out some acespec identities.

(Disclaimer: This is strictly based off of my own experiences as acespec and is meant to be a guide for people questioning sexual attraction. Overall, you know yourself best and I’m not gonna tell you what you’re feeling or how to identify.)

[elsaismycat]

Romantic Attraction: A Checklist

Way too often I see people wondering if they’re feeling romantic attraction or something else. So I decided to make a checklist based off my own experiences. 

For the average person, aesthetic, sensual, and/or sexual attraction are intertwined with romantic, but I left out all the parts that could fall under other forms of attraction. (Example: many people feel urges to cuddle their crush. But cuddling falls under sensual attraction, so you can want to cuddle someone without being romantically attracted to them.)  Hopefully leaving stuff like that out will help distinguish romantic from something else. But I don’t think I’ve ever experienced platonic attraction so there’s a slight possibility some of these could fall under that too and I just don’t know it.

Like I said, this is based off my own experiences as a heteroromantic, ace woman. Others may experience differently. This is only a guide.

That aside…

You might be romantically attracted to that person if…

- You think about them often. (If it’s major, you may even lose sleep.)

- Whenever you hear a love song, your mind jumps straight to them.

- When consuming romantic media, you imagine the couple as you and that person without meaning to. 

- You “yearn” for them. Imagine something you’ve always wanted, but weren’t able to get. Maybe it was a video game, or a trip to Hawaii, or a dog or whatever. You really really really wanted it, but couldn’t have it for whatever reason. Or maybe someone was eating your favorite food while you’re starving, but there wasn’t any for you so you had to sit there and watch. Multiply that “want” feeling by 3. That’s how you feel about them.

- You feel nervous interacting with them. The same sort of nervousness you’d feel at a job interview, except you don’t need to feign enthusiasm when talking to them. (If anything, you need to stifle that enthusiasm.)

- You get self conscious of everything from your appearance to the way you say “hello.” If you’re more anxiety-prone like I am, you’ll spend a good amount of time worrying that you said something weird and now they probably think you’re a weirdo which is just, BAD!

- You lose your breath when you see them unexpectedly. You may even have to fight back an excitable gasp. Imagine someone surprises you with something you’ve always wanted. It’s like that, though you may also notice your pupils dilating like when you leave a movie theater. This will improve your mood. Doubly so if they acknowledge your existence.

- Your knees get weak. You feel a pull in your chest (again, yearning). You have to force back a goofy smile around them to not appear “obvious.” (If this is happening during COVID times, you will be very grateful for mask mandates, let me tell you.)

- You feel this strange… tension in the air when you interact with them. It’s not a bad kind of tension, but it’s there. You wonder if they feel it too.

- You know how in Disney Channel sitcoms or whatever, where the girl has a crush on a boy, and she and her friends get all jumpy and screamy whenever the boy so much as smiles at her? That’s a big Mood whenever I have a major crush.

- That dopey look cartoon characters get whenever they see the object of their affection? Also a big Mood for me.

- You’re willing to do almost anything (within reason) for them. You’ll go out of your way to help them. If they ask you for a favor, you’ll do it, even if it’s something you normally wouldn’t do for someone. 

- Hell, you’ll go out of your way just to look at them!

- You think about a future with them, mainly as a married couple. You might even wonder what kind of parent they would be. What your children will look like. Even if you don’t want to get married or have kids irl, the thoughts may plague your mind anyway. You wonder what your family will think of them. You wonder what their family is like as well.

- If you’re blessed enough to find their social media profile(s), you’ll find yourself scrolling through posts from 3 years ago. Accidentally clicking “like” on one of them is the stuff of nightmares.

- You have fantasies where they rescue you from perilous situations and/or vice versa. This can range from giving them a ride home after their car breaks down to the full blown “princess locked in a tower guarded by dragons” trope.

- Speaking of tropes, I want you to think about every romance trope you can. If it’s romantic attraction, you will find some of those to be good fantasy material. You will naturally imagine you two in many of the scenarios, no forcing required.

- If you have to force any ~romantic~ fantasies, it’s probably not romantic attraction. The fantasies will come to you whether you want them or not. But you don’t mind all that much because, free dopamine. (Might be different if you’re romance-repulsed/averse.)

Hopefully this helps someone out there!

[elsaismycat]

To everyone who is just discovering asexuality as a label for themselves:

Right now if you feel confused and maybe terrified, I want you to know that it WILL get better. I was so terrified and confused yet relieved at the same time when I first figured out that I was asexual and I thought the feeling (terrified + confused) would never go away, but here I am a year and a bit later and I am so much more comfortable with myself. Even reading ace discourse now doesn't make me upset it just makes me laugh. I promise you'll get there 💜

[elsaismycat]

thinking you’re asexual and then ending up not being ace is not the same as faking being ace for attention. questioning is a valid and important part of the human experience, and realizing the label you were using doesn’t actually fit you is normal and perfectly okay. if you’re not consciously choosing to pretend to be ace, you’re not faking it.

also, you don’t need to worry so much about whether or not you’re actually asexual. if calling yourself ace helps you understand your identity, if calling yourself ace makes sense right now, if calling yourself ace just feels right, you should. you don’t have to be sure a label will be right forever to be able to use it today.

[elsaismycat]

happy earth day! 🌍 💚 💙

[elsaismycat]

i can’t believe people expect me to do anything in my life except reading books, listening to music and crying at every little inconvenience

[elsaismycat]

"The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are. Imagine how much happier we would be, how much freer to be our true individual selves, if we didn't have the weight of gender expectations."

- Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, We Should All Be Feminists