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[eigenblau]

To add to this, overstimulation may cause you to be in a "survival mode" wherein you cannot feel anything your body needs, like hunger or rest, and you would be in a single minded pursuit to do what you planned to do beforehand.

Strictly scheduled rests and meals might help put things in somewhat of a control. Even a skincare routine or reading after a long overstimulating day would help.

...

Spicy-brained friends, I would like to propose an update to the very useful ‘if you hate everyone, eat, if everyone hates you, sleep, and if you hate yourself, shower’ mantra to live by

Have you suddenly become a petty, hateful little gremlin who thinks people should face the firing squad for (checks notes) leaving teabags on the counter, breathing loudly, or daring to exist in the same space as you? Perhaps mundane and reasonable requests like ‘hey, we agreed to hang out now, let’s hang out’ make you want to scream and move to a yurt in the woods.

You. Are. Overstimulated.

People talk a lot about being overstimulated, and the physical/mental effects of it. What I haven’t seen is people talking about what it does emotionally, and it took me an embarassingly long time to link up those nitpicky, resentful emotions with the state of overstimulation/meltdown/shutdown.

These feelings do not mean that you’re a bad person! They probably aren’t how you actually feel about the people around you. They probably do mean that your nervous system is at its absolute limit and any request/demand/stimulus is Too Much and taking you into fight or flight territory.

Go lie down in a dark room for an hour, or find somewhere safe and familiar to stim for a bit. If it’s happening a lot, schedule yourself regular low-stimulation shutdown time

Signed: someone who moved in with their nearest and dearest only to have a massive crisis of faith about Suddenly Hating All of Them. I don’t hate them, it’s just overstimulating living with people. If I can spare anyone else a similar 9 months of suspecting that they may actually be a bit of a shit person, then this post is worth it!

[eigenblau]

I just like the morning sky.

There is just something about ending your graveyard shift or waking up to a picturesque sky.

Makes you think that maybe today is gonna be good to me.

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Don't you just love the dark?

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Wanna know why I like vanilla?

Because I prefer the mundane. You see, my life has been full of false ups and abyssal downs.

In actuality (I have no idea whether that is a word), I just wanna feel normal. The more I spend outside our house, and on the internet forums. The more I realize I am far below normal.

Yeah, I would say house. Because would I always find myself wishing to go home even when I am in my supposed home.

I tried all sorts of escapes from reality I could see others do. Maybe I am just really gullible, and am just making excuses for the bad things I tried. Fortunately or not, nothing sticked to me. I would always feel bored of it after a day or two, a session or two, or whatever... You get the point.

I used to read a lot. As in back in elementary, I would spend every break time reading. Short stories, trivias, customs and traditions of other countries, folklores, mythologies. And when I get home, I would tell my family what I read over dinner.

That is until my biological "father" told me to shut up because my words mean nothing. Looking back, "I" died back then. I became a husk of a human. Doing only what is expected of me. Never knowing when to say no or to disagree.

Highschool came and I thought I was starting to know myself. I didn't. I consume what my peers say is cool or in. The only reason I scored highest on intrapersonal skill on the multiple intelligence test is because I might have copied it from a character I heard that many of my "friends" liked.

I've been bullied in school and our house is not exactly a comfortable place. So when college came, I chose a university far away. Happily ever after? Nope. I had no idea how to deal with people. I have been super introverted that I have been shocked. Away from the familiarity of the school I spent kindergarten to highschool in, I have no idea what to do.

I ended up making a personality. A people person kind of personality. I tried so hard to fit in that I ended up being the class clown. Super far from what I think I am. I tried tried tried hard to adjust to everything. And of course I failed spectacularly...

[eigenblau]

Are you certain you're not hurtin'?

[eigenblau]

With and without my glasses.