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How the Trauma of Road Accidents Affects Us - Neurobiological Consequences and Recovery

Car accidents are often shocking events that can cause physical injuries and profound psychological trauma. Accidents can affect the brain’s ability to function and it’s structure. This article looks into the neurobiological effects of car crash trauma on the brain, the psychological and cognitive consequences and how we can recover from this. Our Immediate Reaction to an Accident. The immediate reaction to an accident is the triggering the body's acute stress response, commonly known as the "fight-or-flight" response. This is where stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol are rapidly released to prepare the body to deal with the emergency. While this response is helpful in the short term at the time of immediate danger to help us to survive, it can also lead to neurobiological changes in the brain which affects how we feel and how we function. Brain Areas That Can Be Affected Several key brain areas can be immediately affected from an accident trauma: 1. Amygdala: The amygdala, which is responsible for emotional processing and fear responses, can become hyperactive following a car crash. This can result in increased anxiety and perception of threat and can encourage us to be hypervigilant where we are overly looking out for signs of danger. These are symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). 2. Hippocampus: This is involved in memory formation and spatial navigation. The hippocampus can be impacted by the elevated cortisol levels from the trauma leading to difficulties with memory such as recalling details about the crash and creating memory gaps and intrusive recollections of the trauma that are symptoms of PTSD. 3. Prefrontal Cortex (PFC): The PFC is responsible for higher-order cognitive functions such as decision-making emotional regulation and impulse control. Trauma from a severe accident disrupts it’s normal functioning which can lead to problems with emotional regulation, planning and concentration. Structural and Functional Changes Traumas can create specific structural and functional changes in the brain such as -  Structural Changes: It can lead to reduced volume of the hippocampus. It can affect and damage to neurons in the prefrontal cortex and increase activity in the amygdala which can create emotional and cognitive difficulties.  Functional Changes: Connectivity between the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex can be altered which can create heightened emotional responses and difficulties in regulating emotions. Ultimately this means anxiety and other symptoms of PTSD are increased. Neurochemical Changes The trauma from accidents can lead to longer lasting changes. Stress hormones such as cortisol can remain increased and alterations in neurotransmitter systems, including serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine, can contribute to low mood and increases in anxieties. Psychological and Cognitive Consequences The effect of traumas on the brain manifest in many psychological symptoms:  Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): Symptoms of PTSD include such as flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, avoidance, anxiety related to what happened and general anxiety. These symptoms are directly linked to the increased of the amygdala and the affect on the functioning of the prefrontal cortex and hippocampus.  Cognitive Changes: Difficulties with memory, attention and functions such as time planning, organisation, stress tolerance and goal-setting are common symptoms which are the result of structural damage to the hippocampus and functional disruptions in the prefrontal cortex.  Emotional Regulation Difficulties: Our ability to regulate emotions becomes impaired where there can be mood swings, irritability, and difficulty coping with stress. This is related to the impaired connectivity between the amygdala and prefrontal cortex. Recovery Process Research suggests that in 66 to 75% of cases, we cover naturally over a 9 to 12 month period with the most symptoms being felt in the first 4 weeks. This is where anxiety is at it’s highest, our safety behaviours of hypervigilance and avoidance are greatest and our ability to function is generally diminished. We may also be having flashbacks and nightmares which can be viewed as a normal response to trauma as it shows the mind is seeking to process and then recover from this. When recovery has not taken place, the following treatment pathways are suggested -  Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT): CBT is a talking therapy that helps in many ways such as being able to talk about and process what happened, develop healthier coping mechanisms to deal with ongoing anxieties and unhelpful safety behaviours, reframe negative thoughts and aid the recovery of brain function.  Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): EMDR is effective in processing traumatic memories and reducing PTSD symptoms by facilitating adaptive information processing in the brain.  Mindfulness and Stress Reduction Techniques: Mindfulness practices can help reduce stress and anxiety, improving emotional regulation and promoting changes in brain function associated with recovery. Conclusion The trauma of a car crash can have profound and lasting effects on the brain, influencing both its structure and function. Understanding these neurobiological consequences is helps significantly to be able to recover effectively. With appropriate therapeutic support, we can harness the brain's capacity for healing and recovery and develop resilience to be able to live freely; free from the restrictions of our past trauma. Read the full article

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What is Mental Health Awareness Week About?

You may be aware it’s Mental Health Awareness week which is all about reinforcing the importance of how our mental health plays in our lives.  We are bombarded about mental health relentlessly through the media where it can wash over us without us really thinking about it. Having a dedicated time to this means we can focus our attention on it and it really does deserve our focus!  Our mental health governs everything such as our mood, relationships, motivation levels, performance at work, our sense of well-being and so much more.  We all, whether we’re aware of it or not, do a great deal to promote our mental health and promote our well-being.  For example, we may speak about our day to another, we may feed ourselves well and exercise.  We may take time to relax and we may work hard to provide for ourselves and others. We also do things that don’t help too and can even self-sabotage.  We may also be faced with difficulties in life that are beyond our abilities to cope with and this can cause us stress, anxiety and low mood. So, for Mental Health Awareness Week, I invite you to do one of the following – - Write down the most important people in your life and why they’re important to you - Notice how you show love to someone you love – such as when you make them food or asking about their day or the hug you give them as normal part if your behaviour - Think of 5 things that makes you happy and ensure you do at least one of them today - Consider what give you a sense of meaning or purpose in your life - Do something that contributes to goal you have in life As always, I hope you continue to find ways to be living well and being you authentic self. Best wishes, Duncan Read the full article

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Teenage Mental Health - Coping With Anxiety When it Causes Nausea.

Anxiety can cause nausea in teenagers (and people of any age, for that matter). When someone experiences anxiety, their body can react in various ways, including triggering symptoms like nausea, stomach discomfort, and even vomiting. Outside of your brain, our digestive system contains the second largest number of nerves in your body hence, some scientists even call your gut your second brain. You’ve probably heard the phrase to trust your gut feelings. When you're anxious, the hormones and chemicals released can cause gut-related issues, including:  Nausea  Stomach cramps  Loss of appetite  Diarrhoea or constipation  Indigestion A problematic consequence of feeling anxious is that it makes us retreat to a safe place and stay in it. This is a normal reaction but isn’t helpful as it can mean that teens do not want to go to school or go out and prefer the safety of home. A consequence of this is it makes the future prospect of going out even more daunting and very quickly a person can begin to suffer with agoraphobia. In teens, anxiety can be particularly common due to the various pressures and stressors they face, including academic stress, social pressures, family issues, and hormonal changes. Its essential for teens experiencing anxiety-related symptoms to seek support from trusted adults, such as parents, teachers, or counsellors, and potentially from healthcare professionals if the symptoms persist or significantly impact their daily life. Anxiety can be triggered by many things especially if something has change as this affects our sense of safety or security. Adolescence is a time of great change, not just physically, but mentally and how young people see themselves and operate in their world. This makes teenagers particularly vulnerable to feeling anxious. Symptoms can be manifested in many different ways often linked to how the young person deals with their stressors. This can include anger outbursts, self-harm or physical issues such as fatigue or nausea. What can create anxiety? Often linked to change and/or stress including school pressures, social world issues and home life; anything that can affect someone’s sense of stability. This can be if a good friend is absent from school, if they’re finding school-work challenging or in their social world has changed or if they’re feeling altered physical sensations. Also, wider world issues that are viewed on social media such as war or climate change. As a teen’s body changes, this can be unconsciously distressing as this is a huge change from how a person views themselves and how others respond to them. All of these things are a movement away from the security of feeling as they’ve always felt. Teens and adults can react to their symptoms which can make anxiety worse. For example, anxiety can create disruptions in the digestive system giving feelings of nausea which creates fears of being sick. One of our primary fears is fear of public humiliation and the possibility of being sick in front of others can be frightening. This is often managed with avoidance where we’ll avoid being anywhere this could happen. This can be dangerous as the reaction to symptoms creates further and deeper anxiety. How do I reduce nausea symptoms linked to anxiety? Managing anxiety-related nausea can involve several strategies. The following techniques can help in isolation or collectively (what works for one may not for another and it’s important to experiment to find what may fit best with the individual): - Deep Breathing Exercises – These help calm your nervous system. You can Click here for breathing techniques and they work so well as they calm the body and this helps calm the mind. - Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Progressive muscle relaxation is where we sit comfortably and tense and relax each muscle group in your body. This helps alleviate tension and promote relaxation. - Mindfulness and Meditation: Mindfulness techniques and meditation allows you to focus on the present and calm your mind. Mobile apps like Headspace or Calm offer guided meditation sessions specifically designed to reduce anxiety. - Stay Hydrated: Sip on water or herbal teas to stay hydrated. Dehydration can exacerbate nausea, so drinking enough fluids throughout the day can be seen as essential. - Eat Small, Frequent Meals: Instead of large meals, try eating smaller, more frequent meals throughout the day. Avoid heavy, greasy, or spicy foods that may exacerbate nausea. - Identify Your Triggers: Try to identify specific triggers that may be contributing to your anxiety and nausea. Once you recognize these triggers, you can work on strategies to address them. - Physical Activity: Exercise can help reduce anxiety and improve overall well-being. - Seek Support: Talking helps as it allows us to express ourselves, it activates the logical parts of our brain and can bring us a sense of clarity. When we’re very emotional, it can be hard to be logical. Experiment with talking to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about your feelings of anxiety and nausea. Sometimes, simply talking about your experiences can provide relief and support and generally, most people like to help, especially those that like us and love us. - Facing our fears is how we get over them but it’s important to do this in a gradual way. Try to be in places where you may have felt a little anxious and when this feels more comfortable, experiment with going to busier and busier places. - Try to remain present in place where you feel anxious. This is to prove to you that you can get through these difficult times and builds a sense of resilience. Avoidance creates further anxiety. - Engage in social interactions with friends and family. If this seems daunting, do the easiest and safest things first. I hope this information helps and inspires you to consider what would work best for You and to be more accepting that anxiety can be present and as unpleasant as this can be, we can cope with it. Seek to live well in whatever way that means to You and your loved ones. Best wishes, Duncan Read the full article

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Breathing Techniques

Breathing techniques to help control panic attacks and can help ground us. Check our new blog post to find out why - www.personalempowerment.co.uk #mentalhealth #wellbeing #healthandwellbeing #anxiety #depression #relationships #support #therapy #mentalhealthsupport #livingwell #mensmentalhealth #mensmentalhealthawareness Read the full article

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Stopping Panic and High Anxiety

Breathing techniques and deep breathing can help calm panic and anxiety very quickly for several reasons such as – - It activates the Para-Sympathetic System (PNS). The PNS is responsible for the body's "rest and digest" response and counters the activation of the Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS), which triggers the body's "fight or flight" response during times of stress. Breathing techniques activate the PNS which promotes relaxation and reduces anxiety. - It mindfully focuses you in the present moment. Focusing on breathing brings your attention to the here and now which diverts you from anxious thoughts and triggers. - It can break overthinking. Overthinking exacerbates the anxiety spiral which is where we have continual negative thoughts that make us feel worse and worse. - Our muscles relax, especially in the top half of our body and as our body relaxes, so does the mind. - It regulates carbon dioxide levels on the blood. When we’re anxious we can hyperventilate which creates decreased levels of carbon dioxide in the blood which increases anxiety.  Breathing helps re-balance this. - Oxygenation of the blood. Deep breathing increases the flow of oxygen to the brain and body, which can help alleviate symptoms of anxiety.  Oxygen is essential for brain functioning and poor oxygen levels can contribute to panic or anxiety. We only need 1 breathing technique to help us and there are many out there to choose from.  It can be so helpful to pick one and practise it when you’re feeling balanced so that when you need it, you’re familiar with it which then makes it much more easy to employ. Here are 3 examples of breathing techniques –

Mindful Breathing - Take a breath in and hold for the count of 3 - Slowly breathe out - Repeat 5 times When you breathe in, focus your attention on your breath and notice the change that your breathing has on your shoulders, chest and stomach.  As you breathe out, notice the air leaving your body. 3-5 Breathing When suffering a panic attack or when feeling anxious, often our oxygen and carbon dioxide levels in our blood alters.  This technique seeks to rebalance us which alleviates the symptoms of panic. - Breathe in slowly to the count of 3 - Breathe out slowly to the count of 5 - Repeat until the anxiety or panic has stopped. This technique is about breathing out more than you’re breathing in.  When a panic attack begins, our breath rate increases which means we breathe in too much oxygen which fuels the panic attack. Deep Breathing technique This is one of the easiest breathing techniques and can play a crucial part in lowering your stress levels as it not only lowers your heart rate, but it brings endorphins into your system. - Ensure you breathe in from your stomach not your chest - Take deep breaths in with your hand on your stomach. - Try to make your hand rise as far as possible and concentrate on that. - Breathe in through your nose and hold it for 5 seconds. - Let it through your mouth slowly by puckering your lips and letting the air out like a balloon. I hope this helps and I’d invite you to practise at least one of the breathing techniques and notice how it alters how you feel. Best wishes, Duncan Read the full article

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Trying to Find Yourself?

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Does Resilience Define How Successful You Are?

Firstly, lets define the terms Resilience and Success to bring a little clarity….. What is resilience? It’s our capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties. It doesn’t mean that we won’t feel pain, upset, hurt, sadness, fear or anger when we experience difficult times but it means we can deal with the difficulties life presents to us. What Is success This is much more subjective, but taking a holistic view, success is defined by us as an individual and influenced by society as a whole.  From an individual perspective, it’s about us living our values and having fulfilment and contentment.  This can vary from each person so the purchase of a family home that gives one person a sense of success means very little to another as where achieving in their field of sports means success.  The influence of wider society link to our needs to be accepted and we can gravitate to doing things that society see as successful which often links to status and living common values.  Maybe write down what Your version of success is.  Maybe journal this and see how this changes over the years. Why does it help us to be more resilient? There’s a strength in being resilient in that we learn from our life experiences rather than feeling hurt and despondent when unexpected or bad things happen to us.  This means we can adapt and move forward rather than being halted; weighed down with some negative and debilitating beliefs that things will turn out bad.  Being resilient helps us maintain a balanced view of life meaning we’re less likely to feel the depths of anxiety and depression.  Research suggests that it helps us to achieve more, become a better leader, have healthier relationships, discover more skills and overall have better health. So, does resilience help us to be more successful? Resilience is definitely an ingredient to us being our successful selves.  It will help us overcome difficulties, learn from experiences, adapt to change and help us to be relatively free from anxiety and low mood to be able to see and utilise opportunities as they present themselves.  It’s important to be self-aware as sometime resilience can be confused with being overly tolerant where the reality maybe that we’re in a situation that we need to get away from. How can we be more resilient? Mindset - Part of resilience is about our mindset.  There are times when we can feel emotionally and mentally more resilient than others and factors that influence this on a daily basis can be about how we’ve slept, whether we’ve had positive or negative experiences that day, what we’ve eaten and our general energy levels.  Wider influences can link to our well-being and general mood so resilience is influenced by how well we look after ourselves and how we interpret our experiences. Finding ways to bounce back means that no matter what happens, we recover from whatever got us down. This starts with accepting what has happened and dealing with it to be able to move forward. When we’ve faced difficulties, taking some time to reflect on what happened and how you dealt with it can be invaluable. It’s easy to get through a difficult time and feel exhausted or relief but taking time to notice what you did, what helped you the most and what you may do differently next time arms you with a sense of reassurance you can cope with life challenges. Having good support structures means that we feel supported and that alone allows us to feel stronger and more confident with the knowledge of having backup. Self-care is central to resilience! If we feel tired, not in control of our lives and unfit increases our ability to feel overwhelmed, stressed and anxious. These suggestions to develop your resilience aren’t exhaustive and as the individuals we are, it’s most effective to find what fits best for us.  The best results come from us experimenting and adopting what we feel works best or adapting them to our personal needs. In the next few hours can you – Make a few notes about what resilience means to you Reflect on 3 difficult times in your life about what you did, how you got through it and what strength you can draw from it. As always, feel free to comment or ask any questions. Best wishes, Duncan Read the full article

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Mindfulness and Blood Pressure

The following news article has been published by the BBC stating how meditation can help with blood pressure.  High blood pressure is very common and we should be aware of our own readings to keep this in check. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-66807432 With mindfulness and meditation having many many benefits, as always, the things we do to look after ourselves are personal to us.  Whether we focus more on talking and relating to others, exercise, mindfulness, relaxation or healthy eating, we can always try something new. If you would like a free mindfulness practise guide to be emailed to you, please drop me a line.  This guide will tell you what mindfulness is, the benefits and what research tells us as well as there being some starting points and exercises to experiment with mindfulness. I hope your day treats you well. Best wishes, Duncan Read the full article

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Social Media – Do We Need To Protect Ourselves From it?

Social Media exploded into our lives a little over a decade ago and while there are many benefits such as increased social interaction and providing inspiration, it can become very unhealthy for us.  We’re social beings and the strength of our relational connections directly affects our mental health.  This makes it easy for us to interact with an app that gives us serotonin and dopamine hits but also puts us in danger of being addicted to chasing these feelings. There have been many studies about the harm social media can cause that cite issues such as: - People being addicted to their phones and social media is a major influence. Seeking distraction or comfort can mean that we do not deal with or process our daily stresses and strains.  This can lead to us feeling easily overwhelmed or stressed which can encourage us to use the same avoidance coping mechanisms causing an ongoing degeneration of our well-being into general low mood. We can be influenced negatively by the distorted views and images we see on social media platforms. Social media posts are geared to grabbing our attention and they are rarely a reflection of reality; they are always distorted or bias in some way.  As individuals we seek to project a positive image of ourselves and most posts are attention or approval seeking in some way.  Organisations wish to attract our attention and often do this by dramatizing or glamourising their posts. Social interactions online are a diluted form of connection. There can be a dis-inhibition affect where people feel less inhibited to express things which has coined terms like keyboard warriors. People (more commonly young people) can use it as a tool for persecution and bullying. It can encourage anxiety and low mood through developing feelings of inadequacy from seeing distorted posts and not being able to distinguish distortion from reality or not being able view themselves separately from others and positively. Spending too much time can create feelings of loneliness and isolation as they are not a replacement for real interactions. We can begin to feel inadequate about ourselves or our appearance. Self-absorption – we can become self-obsessed by posting endless selfies, posts and pictures. We often see the same bad news stories repeatedly which can distort our perception of how safe our world is which contributes to longer term anxiety and low mood People tend to air their views when they’re unhappy with something to express their feelings and process their experience. This means we can see unbalanced views creating distortions in our perceptions. It’s not all bad though as if it were, we wouldn’t use it.  Social media can be great.  It can aid our wellbeing where we keep up to date with relationships and we see pictures of people we love making us feel warm and more connected.  We can connect with people we wouldn’t normally, we can be inspired with new ideas, recipes and music, and it can be an expressive outlet for us.  As humans, we like to feel involved and connected and social interaction contributes to our well-being significantly.   So, do we need to protect ourselves from Social Media? – Absolutely Yes. Should we stop using it?  Probably not, but maybe be aware of how much you use it or take regular breaks from it. With many of our activities, it’s helpful to be aware of the impact of them.  Too much of many things can be harmful to us with social media being a great example of this. Living mindfully and with awareness helps our mental health and well-being tremendously.  The negative impact of social media use often builds up within us rather than having a direct affect so we may not directly associate our low mood with the 4 hours a day we spend noticing how everyone else is living a better, being more successful and leading a more fulfilling life than us because they’ve got more friends, go on more holidays, are more attractive and do brilliant things.  When we’re feeling low or anxious or if we can easily doubt ourselves, this can make us more vulnerable to the negative affects social media can bring. If you feel affected by your social media use you may want to monitor how much time you spend.  Most smart phones have a function where you can view your screen time.  You may want to make a list of other things you’d rather be doing than mindlessly scrolling.  Taking a break can be helpful as we can notice the benefits of not scrolling and if you find that you can’t take a break from it, this is a clear alarm bell that you may want to attend to. I hope this has been helpful and made you think about your own social media use. Best wishes, Duncan Read the full article

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Why Self-Compassion Will Help Your Well-Being

‘The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another’ - William James Berating ourselves and negative self-talk keeps us down.  It's also fundamentally unfair too.  Being self-compassionate where we are choosing to be fairer and kinder to ourselves helps tremendously with our well-being and esteem. Here we look at why self-compassion can be helpful and ways in which you can be nicer to You. What is self-compassion? It’s about being fair and kind to ourselves; to be warm and understanding and to treat ourselves as we would someone we love.  It's about turning compassion inward and being caring to yourself when you’re having a tough time.  It’s being understanding and fair, to show yourself patience and to be accepting of your strengths and limitations.  It’s especially valuable when we’re feeling low.  It’s easy to feel inadequate in a competitive world where we’re bombarded with images and messages of someone else’s view of ideal. Why are we self-critical? Negative-self talk feeds anxiety and depression and causes an increase in stress and reduces self-esteem.  It makes us feel bad about ourselves, takes our attention from the present and prolongs our ability to recover from stress and low mood. It can be very easy to berate ourselves and there are many influences that contribute to how these unhealthy habits are formed.  We learn behaviour from other adults around us growing up.  If we noticed others do it, especially people who are close or trusted, we follow this.  Also, we can be taught that berating ourselves is the right thing to do.  Parents and teachers may be critical as a method of highlighting faults to motivate us to do better.  We then adopt this as a way to motivate ourselves, which can become dysfunctional and we always work so much better with reward than punishment.  There can be a cultural conditioning where it can be viewed as arrogant or conceited to speak or even think highly of ourselves.  This can discourage self-praise and encourage self-criticism. Enquiring as to where our unhealthy habits come from can be useful to help with our understanding, but fundamentally, the awareness of what we’re doing right now and the impact of this is much more valuable.  With awareness, we can begin to orchestrate change. Why being compassionate to ourselves is helpful? Self-compassion increases feelings of happiness and optimism.  It also decreases anxiety, depression, rumination and fears of failure.  These are significant reasons to reduce negative self-talk and develop our ability to be kinder and fairer to ourselves; to be an encouraging and accepting force. The knock on effects of this means we can connect with others and develop relationships rather than being stuck in ourselves or in our own low mood which can create avoidant behaviours.  As we are having an approving sense of self, we’re more motivated for self-care which further increases our esteem allowing us to feel a greater sense of balance and self-acceptance. It helps with our resilience.  When there are stressors and difficulties, where our negative self-talk will put us down and make us believe we can’t deal with something, self-compassion allows to find ways to tackle difficulties and utilise the resources around us as we move towards facing problems with a sense of optimism. How to be Self-Compassionate This starts with awareness – By gaining an awareness of how we treat ourselves.  This is easiest to identify when something has gone wrong or when we’re stressed.  At these times, try to become aware of what you’re telling yourself. Are you being nice or are you being harsh? What messages are you giving yourself – It can be helpful to write these down. What could you say differently? What would you be saying to a friend who was in this position? It’s helpful to become accepting of ourselves which means noticing how we live our values as we express kindness, love and consideration as well as accepting our errors, mistakes and shortcomings too.   It’s ok for us to be human and to treat ourselves as though we’re someone we love. Once we notice how we’re treating ourselves we can look to alter this to be kinder.  Writing can aid this process as this engages the logical parts of our mind and can we consider the kind of messages that we’d like to give ourselves. These links may help you to be more self-compassionate – 15 Quotes to Inspire Self-Compassion and 10 Tips to Practise Self-Compassion As always, please leave any feedback or comments. Best wishes, Duncan Read the full article

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In The News - Sniffing Body Odour is Tested as an Anxiety Therapy

I hope your week has begun well as springtime is fully upon us. A slightly bizarre BBC news story came to our attention over the weekend where apparently sniffing body odour could help with social anxiety.  This link takes you to the 2 minute read – https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-65049739 Does this mean that should we feel anxious, we should start sniffing people around us?  Personally, I would not advise this, as in a social environment it could create also sorts of chaos.  This was in the national news which can be dangerous as people may take this as fact.  The article actually states it’s ‘Their hunch that is the smell activates brain pathways linked to emotions, offering a calming effect - but it is far too soon to say if they are right’.  There aren’t may definites or defined research outcomes here and the word hunch doesn’t really create a sense of scientific certainty. It did make us wonder though if sweaty places become naturally more calming on the basis of their theory.  Were non-aircon bars and clubs of the 90’s actually soothing and does this contribute to gyms and exercise classes being good for our mental health.  We await the further research into this.  In the meantime, we’d advise not sniffing random strangers in social situations just for now. Best wishes, Duncan Read the full article

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It’s Mindful March

The lovely people at Action for Happiness have launched their well-being calendar and termed this month as Mindful March.  Mindfulness can be so so helpful for our wellbeing but we need to find things that work for us – we’re all individual. The smallest of things we do can be so valuable to our well-being such as taking 5 minutes to notice 5 things you appreciate about your world or exercising outside for 20 minutes or doing a 10 minute meditation.  This link sends you to Action For Happiness and their calendar of daily suggestions is above.  Please use and distribute. Best wishes, Duncan Read the full article

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How to Deal With Resentment

Resentment Eats Us Up! - It devours our well-being and leaves us feeling frustrated and low.  In this article we’ll look to define what resentment is, how it affects us and how we can deal with it.  It’s something that you may not even be aware of where we’re holding onto toxic negativity that is poisoning our joy and contentment. What is Resentment?  It’s an underlying feeling of unfairness or being mistreated.  Most commonly we’re resentful of someone or something that matters to us which can be a partner, someone else close to us or an organisation.  The feelings we have can be anger, bitterness, frustration and hostility and we hold these feelings mostly in our personal relationships. If we hold onto these negative feelings, it’s like we’re holding onto a toxic ball of lava that not only continues to burn us, but poisons us too.  Consequently, we can feel powerless and fall into a victim state which affects our overall emotional strength and resilience. So what can we do about? Firstly, awareness is key.  The start of any change has to come from a place of being aware of what’s going on or we ignorantly keep repeating the patterns on auto-pilot which may then include unhealthy self-soothing habits in a dire attempt to make ourselves feel better or to feel that life is bearable.  In the UK, there’s plenty of ways to do that such as the openly abundant supply of alcohol or we can self-soothe with drugs, gambling, shopping, eating etc…… How do we become aware? We notice something is different or is not right.  Using a close relationship as an example, we may feel disconnected and we may feel we no longer want to be as kind or loving as we once were.  We can then ask ourselves why and this may not be easy to answer.  In  doing this, we may notice that we’ve descended to feeling a bit sorry for ourselves and we may also be noticing all the negatives in our relationship and neglecting to see the good stuff.    If it’s to do with an organisation, we may feel anger and feel the need for retribution or if it’s an employer our motivation levels may slip in amongst our negative emotions. How to deal with it It’s important to find ways to deal with your resentment and the first step is to take ownership of your feelings.  These are Your feelings based on Your interpretations and these interpretations maybe wholly accurate or inaccurate but are more likely to be somewhere in between.  You may then want to decide a course of action that could be – Get in touch with the underlying feeling for your resentment. This could be feeling hurt, fearful, abandoned, anxious, betrayed, rejected, unappreciated or something else.  This can allow us to take ownership of how we’re feeling rather than feeling anger towards someone who we blame for eliciting these emotions. Talking to the person involved to express how you’re feeling. Using ‘I’ statements can be helpful here where we express how we’re feeling from our view point such as ‘I’m not very happy with x’.  This differs from ‘You’ statements that often create a defensive reaction as they can come across as blaming such as ‘You’ve made me unhappy because of x’. Seeking a balanced view by talking to someone else about this. This can help us to process our feelings, gain a more realistic view and aid our ability to let go of our negative feelings Be aware of how you may be contributing to the situation. We can easily project our own negative feelings onto others. Changing something which will vary based on the situation. This can be putting boundaries in place to protect ourselves if we’re being taking advantage of, saying no more often or even leaving a person or a job role. Being balanced in your view – When we feel resentful and that things may not be fair, we can have distorted views and focus too much on what’s going wrong or what we’re unhappy about. This can be driven by repeated habitual behaviour where we may have brought some unhelpful negative beliefs from childhood into our adult world.  Common unhelpful and mistaken beliefs are - I’m unlovable, not good enough, life’s unfair etc…  Noticing what’s going well such as noticing how and when our partner shows us love can help.  We can be blind to notice the great stuff people do but be over sensitive to the things that may hurt us.  If we’ve always felt unlovable, we may notice behaviours in our relationship that support this rather than having a balanced view.  The way in which we show love is often how we want to receive love and this can vary from person to person, hence it’s easy to miss when our partner is actually being loving. Seek to be forgiving or at least accepting. Initially to save our own negative feelings we may seek to be forgiving or at least accepting.  Sometimes accepting how things are can feel that we’re resigning ourselves to defeat but being accepting means we can view the situation with greater reality which can move us to making a change or addressing issues more practically. Use it as a driving force – Our emotions are communications from our mind a body and it can be extremely helpful to tune into them. This may mean we position ourselves at work to get what we feel we deserve or we put ourselves in healthier environments. As people we feel and (hopefully) express a huge range of emotions which is core to being human.  Being afraid of them is likely to cause us problems or at a minimum stop us from flourishing.  So resentment, anger and frustration is a part of life, however, if it’s too much and causing us distress, we may want to do something about it.  If we’re resentful with lots of people and lots of things, it’s likely to be our issue than others mistreating us.  It’s helpful to explore ourselves in the same way it’s helpful to seek to define how we want to live.  I hope you can find ways to flourish and letting go of resentment can definitely contribute to that. As always, please feel free to comment or ask any questions. Best wishes, Duncan Read the full article

[duncancounsellor]

Coping Mechanisms for Anxiety

Anxiety is our body’s natural reaction to stress and it can feel distressing and be debilitating when it’s problematic.  As one of the most common mental health issues, it can be so helpful to have some tools and techniques to reduce our symptoms.  We’re going to look at what you can be doing when you’re feeling particularly anxious to directly reduce your symptoms and then what you can do to reduce your overall feelings of anxiety. Here and now techniques. The aim with these methods/strategies/tools is to reduce symptoms and calm us to be able to function in the moment.  One of our biggest fears is public humiliation and the anxious part of our mind often likes to play with this by throwing us unhelpful and anxiety provoking thoughts at the worst time such as ‘what if lose control in this supermarket queue, what if I vomit, what if I faint’.  The common denominator in many anxious thoughts is the term ‘What if’ and we tend to think of negative things.  It’s rarely helpful or even positive thoughts like ‘What if the person next to me loves my top or what if most people around me think I’m ok’.  Our anxieties and worries have a plausibility in that there’s a possibility it could happen.  This possibility is often minimal but our worries and anxiety over inflates it to feel like a probability. Breathing – Evidence suggests the most effective way to reduce symptoms is to use a breathing technique.  There are many but we only need to choose 1 and it’s important to practise it so that when it’s needed, you know exactly how it works.  Good examples are – Simple 5 in and 5 out. Sit down comfortably and breathe in to the count of 5 and out to the count of 5.  If possible, focus all of your thoughts on your breathing and notice how your body moves as you breathe. The 4-7-8 breathing technique is where we breathe in for 4 seconds, holding the breath for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds. This breathing pattern aims to reduce anxiety or help people get to sleep Box Breathing – Breath in to the count of 4, hold for the count of 4, exhale for the count of 4 and hold for the count of 4. Breathing techniques work as it helps calm our body.  Stress, anxiety and trauma has a physical reaction and calming the body helps calm the mind.  Focusing your attention on your breath reduces activity in the part of your mind causing anxiety and stress and increases activity in part of the mind responsible for feeling contentment. Distraction – This works by focusing our mind elsewhere and it can be helpful to break overthinking (which causes stress and anxiety) and to reduce our anxious feelings.  Here are 18 ways to use distraction to reduce anxiety Exercise - Depending on the situation, if you can, do some exercise when you’re feeling anxious .  Whether is dancing about, running, running on the spot, shadow boxing or something else, it’s more than a distraction technique as it burns off excess energy in your body and calms your mind. Writing – Write down what’s on your mind.  This form of expression slows our thoughts down and activates the logical parts of your mind meaning we can see our difficulties with greater clarity and gives a greater feeling of control.  This can be done as simply as having a plain piece of paper or a note pad and writing what you’re feeling and where.  For example, I feel stressed/distressed, short or breath. This is behinds my eyes/I feel it in my stomach.  This can calm us quickly and as with all of the methods within this article, we have to experiment with them to test if they’re helpful for us. Any form of expression – This can be writing, talking, listening to music (better if you can sing along, even better if you dance) and any creative outlet gets our thoughts and emotions out which calms us down. Longer Term Methods to Reduce Anxiety. If we have ongoing difficulties with anxiety, we can seek support to help with this.  Ongoing issues are often related to past traumas and the beliefs about ourselves and others that were created as a reaction to them that consequently fuel our ability to feel anxious.  For example, if some of our needs weren’t met as a child, we may have created beliefs linked to not being good enough or not worth a great deal.  These fuel self-doubts which means it’s easier for us to feel anxious. Keeping a journal - This can be a key self-care activity and it helps to reduce anxiety and stress.  Having a place to offload means we’re processing our stressors and issues as we live which gives us a greater sense of clarity and control.  This activity engages the logical parts of our mind meaning we’re more likely to be balanced in our thoughts. Overthinking creates negative and self-defeating thought processes.  This article ‘6 Journaling Benefits and How to Start Right Now’ might be helpful Talk to people more about how your feeling – Similar to writing, this activates the logical parts of our mind meaning we process our thoughts and feelings in a more rational way.  It also means that we’re facing our issues rather than avoiding them which builds resilience and emotional strength making us less susceptible to feeling anxious. Regular exercise – Any exercise is useful and if this can be outdoors and or involve being with others, then the greater the benefits.  For many people this is a key activity.  Rigorous exercise releases endorphins which are happy brain chemicals that allow us to feel good.  It also gives a sense of control and any activity that’s good for us can boost our esteem as we’re telling ourselves that we’re worth looking after. Meditate regularly – Taking some time, daily if possible, for 10 minutes helps calm the mind and reduces activity in the parts of the mind responsible for anxiety and low mood.  I use YouTube as a resource and have several 10-minute meditations saved in a folder.  The use of apps such as Headspace and Calm is widely popular.  Click her for an article on The Benefits of Meditation and How to Meditate. Ensure that you sleep well – Sleep is essential for us and sleeping well reduces our ability to feel anxious, increases cognitive functioning and emotional resilience.  If you’re finding it difficult to sleep, this article How Do You Ensure You Sleep Well may help. Be aware of what may trigger your anxiety - Being self-aware is key to emotional regulation. Sometimes your triggers are easy to identify such as worrying about money, work stress, increased caffeine or alcohol intake, change in seasons.  In identifying triggers, we can look to limit our exposure to them or understand why we’re feeling anxious.  This can aid our sense of acceptance in feeling anxious or low as without accepting how we’re feeling, we can feel distressed about not feeling good.  We can also look to deal with these triggers before they affect us or learn from the experience to be affected to a lesser degree next time. Engage in enjoyable activities - especially things you’re passionate about or can immerse yourself in.  This helps with our well-being and can bring benefits such as feeling a sense of expertise, feeling productive, having time where we’re not feeling as low or anxious and feeling calm.  This creates greater activity in the pleasure zones in our brain and the more these parts are activated, the more active they can become. Develop your self-awareness to manage your mood - If we’re aware of how we feel, we can find ways to ensure our needs are met and can look after ourselves well. Reduce unhelpful thought patterns (such as berating yourself) - When we berate ourselves or think negatively, it increases our ability to feel anxious. Practise Self-compassion - Having compassion for yourself means you’re treating yourself with the same love and respect you would with others.  It’s about being fair and kind to ourselves and to care for ourselves effectively.  People who are self-compassionate are less stressed, less anxious and less depressed and are generally happier, more motivated, have healthier relationships and greater physical health.  Click here to read about How to be more Self-Compassionate. Notice where you have meaning in life - We all have meaning in life whether it be the value we bring to our work or in the relationships we uphold.  Victor Frankl famously wrote ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ and suggests that as humans we are motivated to seek meaning and this comes from our deeds, from love or from suffering (also viewed as from sacrifice).  For example, doing something that positively affects another such as being a teacher or helping a vulnerable person has meaning.  Soothing your child or showing love to anyone also has meaning.  Working long hours to support your family in a job you dislike has meaning. Have a sense of purpose – This can be linked to having meaning and relates to doing something that matters to you.  This can be goal oriented such as training for a half marathon, completing an educational course or renovating a room.  This aids our sense of competence and encourages us to be more active. Have direction in life - This motivates us to move forward and if this is absent, for some of us this can create low mood and despondency.  Our direction in life can alter depending on our life stage.  For example, in our younger years we’re developing our life and experimenting then in early adulthood we’re building things such as a home or a career.  Whatever our path in life, it can be helpful to be driver with a sense of where you’re heading. Defining what works well for you. Having a list of researched suggestions to help us cope with our anxiety is only really useful if we can actually apply it.  Most of us know how to look after ourselves very well such as by eating well, sleeping well and having regular exercise but whether we do this is a different matter Starting points – 1 - In defining what works well for you, you may want to repeat something that you found helpful before.  You may want to write down some ideas as this often allows us to expand our thinking too. 2 – Having repeated something that worked well, and provided it is still helpful, can you now do this in an enhanced way.  For example, if cycling helped before, can you cycle somewhere new, buy yourself a new bike, increase the frequency or create a fitness plan or routes, timings and distances. 3 – Experiment with something new.  Trying something new takes a bit of courage as it takes effort and we also run the risk of failing.  When trying something new, talk to someone about how you found it or write down what your experience was like. 4 – Hopefully, when you’ve tried a few new things, there will be one or two things that may fit well for you. We all have various ways of managing our emotions and looking after ourselves.  These are repeated patterns that we’re probably not even aware of how they help us unless they’re taken away (and then we miss them or our mood may falter).  Taking this further, you could look to create a self-care plan.  If you’d like a template to use for this, I can send you a self-care plan – simply drop me an email with ‘Self-Care Plan’ in the title and it’ll arrive in your inbox. As always, please feel free to comment or ask any questions. Best wishes, Duncan Read the full article

[duncancounsellor]

Why Perfectionism Affects Our Mental health and What We Can Do About It!

Perfectionism causes us problems as it increases anxiety levels and decreases self-esteem.  It’s often driven by the need to feel good enough and to be accepted.  We then create behaviours that over-compensate for our insecurities.  Understanding what it is and why we seek to be perfect gives us the awareness to let go of the consequential self-defeating behaviours; freeing ourselves to be a little happier and more self-accepting. What is perfectionism? It’s characterised by a person striving to be flawlessness where they can have excessively high personal standards and be overly self-critical. Why do we seek to be perfect? Perfectionism is a defence mechanism to deal with uncertainty and it’s to compensate for a sense of inadequacy.  It’s driven by thoughts that what we do is never good enough which is ultimately driven by feelings or underlying beliefs that we’re not good enough.  These beliefs are often formed on our younger years and we can spend the rest of our lives fighting against them. There are significant environmental and social factors that influence this too which serve to maintain our mistaken beliefs about ourselves.  For example, we’re surrounded by images of perfection in the media and social media especially.  For decades the images in magazines show air-brushed models who are not a representation of normal society and we’re encouraged to aspire to be like these fake images.  Advertisers project ideal lifestyles where they show ‘successful’ people using their product whether it’s hair dryers, breakfast cereal or cars where people look happy and content. In my experience, the only time I’ve ever observed functional families is in Christmas adverts and as they engulf us, trying to tell us what a happy Christmas should look like, it’s no wonder we feel inadequate when our own experience can never match this.  More and more social media has an affect as many of us are guilty of portraying ourselves as perfect by only showing the best photos that are filtered to show us in the best light.  As we do this, we’re fundamentally seeking the approval of our peers but inadvertently we make others feel that they don’t match up. How does perfectionism affect mental health? Perfectionism is self-defeating as it perpetuates negative feelings we have towards ourselves which can influence depression and anxiety as well as eating disorders, body dysmorphia and self-harm.  It can affect all parts of our lives such as affecting performance in our roles whether this be in education or the professional world, it can strain relationships and exacerbate low mood to the point of making us a higher risk for suicide. What can we do about it? Developing realistic expectations of yourself and the demands upon you is essential to help reduce perfectionism and the anxieties that follow it.  This seems a relatively simple remedy but if you’re stuck in an anxious state of uncertainty how do we develop realistic expectations? In most of our roles we can easily feel that we can always do more.  For example, we could give more to work (and work would happily let us), we could do more as a parent, exercise more, eat better …….  The list is endless which supports the view that we can never do anything perfectly.  If we get close to perfection in anything, the sacrifice this requires makes our lives unbalanced.  To be the best employee in the company, we may have to sacrifice time at home or parts of our personal life and some organisational cultures would encourage this pathological behaviour where staying late or sending emails at ridiculous times is revered. As mentioned above, there are a lot of influences that seemingly actively encourage us to do more, have more, be better and work harder which can severely affect our well-being, exacerbate low mood and diminish our ability to trust ourselves and our intuition. So, what can we do about it. Protect ourselves from the external influences. We can begin to consciously notice how helpful or unhelpful some of our behaviours are such as how we use social media.  We can ask ourselves why we’re working late again or reading emails at 10pm.  With awareness we can alter our behaviours. Pursue different things that make you happy. If you were to write a list of the things that you love and make you happy, how much of your time do you actually spend doing these things? Pursue different things that matter to you. When we do things that matter to us, it feels good and we feel happier and more content.  This reduces our ability to engage in perfectionism as we feel ok or even good about ourselves. Avoid procrastination as this is a symptom of perfectionism. Procrastination often centres around the fear of failure so we’ll put off what we feel we need to do for fear of it going wrong which adds more pressure on us and contributes to feeling stressed. Set achievable goals for yourself. Being more consciously defined in what is good and ok can help us reduce distorted thoughts and behaviour patterns of doing too much. Focus on what’s going well. This is essential for our well-being.  We’re hard-wired as humans to notice threat hence we notice the negatives so much more.  We have to be a bit more conscious to notice what’s going well and when we do, we feel better.  Life is generally ok to good and even when it’s not, we cope with it. Allow yourself to make mistakes. You’re not perfect and you can make mistakes.  If we seek to be perfect to gain approval, it actually creates the opposite.  People love us for our imperfections and limitations (which is hard to accept sometimes). Accept that you’re good enough; you always have been and always will be. You seek to be a good person and live with good intention, so you have the right to feel good enough.  This is not to say you won’t make mistakes or even do bad things.  The shadow side of us can easily come out when we feel threatened where we can display anger, envy, jealousy, self-pity etc which is also all part of being human.  You’re unique as there’s never been anyone exactly like you and never will be so you can’t be compared to others. Practising self-compassion and kindness can help with this such as treating yourself as you do someone you deeply care for. I hope you’ve found this article to be helpful and thought provoking and please let me know if you have any questions or comments. Wishing you a lovely day Duncan   Research Links - https://www.health.com/condition/depression/why-perfectionism-could-be-killing-you https://www.webmd.com/balance/features/consequences-perfectionism https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-you-may-be-a-perfectionist-3145233 https://www.healthline.com/health/perfectionism#:~:text=Perfectionism%20can%20make%20you%20feel,relationships%2C%20education%2C%20or%20work. https://oregoncounseling.com/article/10-ways-to-overcome-perfectionism/ https://www.webmd.com/balance/features/how-to-overcome-perfectionism https://www.healthcentral.com/article/anxiety-over-not-being-perfect-why-some-of-us-crave-perfection#:~:text=Striving%20for%20perfection%20is%20one,from%20the%20crises%20at%20hand. https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/shift-mind/200811/the-problem-perfection https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-you-may-be-a-perfectionist-3145233 https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/perfectionism https://www.healthline.com/health/perfectionism   Read the full article

[duncancounsellor]

Why mental health issues are harder to deal with than physical health issues.

Whenever we have any ailments. It’s quite human for us to want to fix them or make them go away.  With our mental health, if we recognise we’re having difficulties such as with low mood, anxiety or anger, the first most common desire (before seeking to reduce symptoms) is to know why.  This is often a much easier question to answer than ‘What do I do to reduce my symptoms?’ With physical health issues, we’re much more accepting of their presence.  For example, if we get a headache or stomach pain or sickness bug, we recognise it and feel confident to take control by treating the ailment in some way.  This can be taking time to rest and keep hydrated and warm or maybe taking some medication.  With most physical ailments, we know there’s a defined recovery process that gives us comfort. When this doesn’t happen; when there’s no clear diagnosis as to why we’re suffering and then no treatment plan or prognosis, we get very distressed.  This is due to no longer feeling the reassurance of a sense of control we’d normally have to believe that the pain or discomfort will go away and roughly when and how.  Lack of control causes anxiety and distress.  Control can give us a sense of security and confidence. With our mental health, we do not have the same feeling of control and firstly seek to know why to be able to understand it and then fix it.  Often, we do not need to look too far to see how our ailments have materialised.  For example, we maybe feeling anxious and in enquiring as to why we’re feeling this way, we may notice recent triggers that have been affecting us to cause a sense of threat.  For example, maybe we’ve reached a stage of not wanting to do our job role anymore, maybe a loved one has been diagnosed with a horrible disease, maybe our child has reached the age where we had traumas at that same age….. Once identified, the key elements of therapy are about reducing symptoms and developing resilience.  This treatment plan is much more difficult than most physical treatment plans as it’s complex and individual.  Treatment for a broken bone or of flu is much the same across the population.  When we’re dealing with our mental health problems, we may become aware that they are influenced by our life experiences that are individual to us such as past difficulties and traumas that can create distorted views, defence mechanisms and over-compensations.  We may have mistaken and distorted beliefs about our competencies or self-worth or how we would expect others to treat us and all of these can increase or decrease the severity or our symptoms in varying ways. For example, if we’re burnt out and very stressed, we may look to notice how much our work is demanding of us.  It’s not just a simple as work demanding more though, it’s our responses to a change in our world and that’s influenced by the deeper drives within.  We may feel a sense of not being good enough, so as added demands are placed on us, we’ve started to work longer and harder to compensate for this.  As we’ve felt more stressed, we may spend less time or energy on our well-being activities which creates a sense of unease.  If our primary coping mechanism is to avoid, we ignore the symptoms and may drink more at the weekend.  We will just keep going and doing more and more as work asks us to, on the basis of having trust in the organisation (which is like a trusted parental figure), it feeds the belief that if they’re asking me to do it, I must be able to do it and it’s expected that I will do it. This is 1 example of how 1 person may respond to 1 issue in their life.  There’s deeper complexities within this example such as why does this person feel not good enough and compensates by doing more and what are the individual influences for this and what can they do to alleviate this, but this post could easily become a book. It’s important to recognise that we’re beautifully unique and complex beings and recovery from mental difficulties often needs an individualised approach.  It’s important to uphold a great sense of belief that you’re capable of self-care, recovery and developing resilience from experiencing your life difficulties.  Looking into how you’ve coped with difficulties in the past will provide evidence that you’re fundamentally going to be ok. As always, feel free to comment or share you experiences – I’d love to hear what you think. Best wishes, Duncan Read the full article

[duncancounsellor]

Tips to Help Boost Your Social Confidence

Feeling unconfident can affect our behaviours significantly and can encourage avoidant behaviours and reduce our ability to freely enjoy our experiences. I’m generally not an advocate of quick fixes, mind tricks and short-cuts as they can often be short lived and can ultimately leave us feeling a bit deflated.  However, some can help significantly especially to help to reduce social anxiety or manage difficult and awkward situations.  The root to confidence and esteem lies in self-acceptance though; accepting all that you beautifully are, warts and all but for quick boosts, these might be of use…. Use the other person’s name.  This is a simple hack that creates a sense of importance and power.  When we hear our name, we turn our attention towards the speaker and we often feel that we are valued by that person.  By using someone’s name it creates rapport and warmth and we feel a connection rather than just being nameless strangers.  As with all of these tips, this is one to experiment with.  This article explains a little more – The Power of Using Someone’s Name. Use the power of silence.  We can find silence uncomfortable and so often we feel the need to fill it.  If we feel nervous, we often fill it with mindless humour or even worse, something stupid which in turn makes us feel even more anxious.  In conversation, if we purposely choose to pause a little or choose not to fill the silence, you’re likely to find that the other person will.  This helps us by reducing the need to fill the gap and the associated anxiety to fill it.  This takes some pressure off us and increases confidence.  It’s one to experiment with and it takes a bit of courage to do it for the first time. Use your body.  By creating a strong and firm posture, our mind then follows feeling the same sense of strength and resilience.  Standing tall, moving your shoulders back and taking a deep breath alters how we feel.  Try this right now and note to yourself how this feels. Stand your ground.  We often mistake defending ourselves as being aggressive or even attacking, whether verbally or physically.  Standing our ground means that we uphold our rights and our opinions at times where others may be disagreeing with us.  Accepting we can have our own thoughts and opinions and others have theirs is central to standing your ground.  If we give in to others demands or let ourselves be walked over, we broadcast to the world that we can be mistreated and unfortunately, there's a lot of people that will choose to take power from us.  The opposite is also true, as we treat ourselves with love and respect, we show others that we feel we’re worth treating with love and respect and they act accordingly.  In standing our ground, we can follow these steps - Stay true to your values. Speak in a calm and stern manner Be aware of your body language – stand tall Know you have the same right as others to be your own person. Refuse to be a doormat or live as a victim. Stand your ground even if it is met with disapproval. Face your fears and step out of your comfort zone. Adopt healthy boundaries.  This is where you communicate what you will and won’t accept from others.  This does cross over with ‘Standing Your Ground’ but includes additional actions such as choosing to not be in a situation or around certain people, especially when there’s an abuse of power.  Valuing who you are and having compassion for yourself which means you put healthy boundaries in place and you hold them.  This may mean that you address a fear of being disapproved of or rejected, however, if someone is going to mistreat you, do you really want them anywhere near you?  When you put boundaries in place, most people will respect them.  Those that don’t may be inconsiderate, abusive or narcissistic.  This article – How to Set Healthy Boundaries may help. Appear confident.  It sounds soooo simple but it’s effective.  Making use of your body language (see above) and slowing and directing your speech creates an appearance of confidence.  We then begin to feel more confident as we feel in greater control.  People react to people so appearing unconfident may mean others will be dismissive, interrupt us or not give us the respect we deserve. Validate others.  As humans we like and need validation from others.  This is not just about mindlessly agreeing with someone.  It’s about listening to others and accepting them as they are.  We may disagree with their viewpoint but accepting others also helps us accept ourselves; to accept that we’re ok being ourselves as is everyone else.  When we seek to validate others, we step out of our need for approval and our attention is focused on the other.  This can help significantly if we’re feeling socially over-conscious in a situation. I would invite you to experiment with one or 2 of these.  When we experiment, it’s really helpful to reflect afterwards how we found it, how we felt about it and what we may do differently next time.  Writing this, especially for those who keep a journal, can really help with this process.  As always, comments and questions are invited and I hope your day treats You well. Regards Duncan Read the full article