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duchesssatinekryzex · 9 years

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;; just give me some time okay? I’m feeling suddenly a wave of insecurity and I’m not sure now to deal with it except to walk away for a few more days. I’ve saved things to drafts and such so don’t think I’m ignoring my tag, my inbox or anything, but I’m not okay with being on this blog right now. I don’t even know. Insecurities will always hit me harder on this blog because of past experiences here and I can’t think of a way to ever make that go away.

#{ ; outofmandalore }

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duchesssatinekryzex · 9 years

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ofxsnips:

“Your Grace.”

“Padawan Tano.”

#[ heeey cutie. ]#ofxsnips #{ thread }#{ v; the clone wars }

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duchesssatinekryzex · 9 years

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legendsinthegalaxy:

As Padawan, every night he would take out his braid and braid it again every morning. The combination if his ponytail with the waved longer hair of his braid made him quite the funny sight to see at night.

#Because I feel like she'd have seen him like this at least once and ribbed the crap out of him #except then later toward the end #she'd take it out for him with gentl fingers every night #and braid it again for him every morning put the rest of it in his ponytail #before going to get ready herself #both of them sitting on obi wans sleep mat in their night wear

Headcanon 003

#[ I love Love LOve this. like I've got far too many feels imagining these two just helping the other #get ready for the day or ready for bed. being so domestic and innocent and yet it's so intimate. gah! ]#{ ;; I’ve loved you from the moment you came to my aid all those years ago }#{ ; what lies within }#{ v; mandalorian civil war }

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duchesssatinekryzex · 9 years

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legendsinthegalaxy replied to your post:How did you feel when you found out you were...

i’M SO???? EMOTINAL??????

[ am I laughing at your pain? why, yes, I am. ]

#legendsinthegalaxy #[ did you send it? ]#{ ; outofmandalore }

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duchesssatinekryzex · 9 years

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How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant and knew it was Obi-Wan's?

; For the purpose of character-building, feel free to send an ask regarding anything you would like to know about my character.

“ I’m pregnant. ”

The words are softly spoken, quieter than the lock to her rooms had been and the heavy release of air coming just a moment after is hardly louder in sound than the former. And yet, oh by the names of those before, do they echo, hitting the walls and returning to her. They press at her legs, making her shake in response and her still face trembles for a moment. She lets her fingers uncurl, the burn of her nails biting into flesh fading as long fingers stretch out to grasp at the velvet encased back of her desk chair. Satine’s lips press harder still, pure force of will keeping them in line when her handmaiden lurches in surprise before her, face a mask of distress.

Venna’leh gains strength before the young Duchess does, rushing to her aid, gentle hands holding at the thin body of her mistress and pulling her to the expanse of her own bed. Satine lets herself be so ushered, the silk blanket to be thrown over her trembling legs and the older woman’s hands to curl over her own. She holds in her voice, frightened of what might spill out, what secrets would leak like dark ink over her skirts, visible for all to see. And so settled, with her head low to look at entwined hands, she can pretend that it was her sister that was holding her together instead; imagine that those hands were Bo’s and that at any moment her sharp-edged sister will bark out a laugh or a curse and then hug her as she had once done when difficult situations had come into their youthful lives. She pretends that the walk from the healers had been not alone, that she’d not heard the news from the animated voice of a machine but a smiling being. Pretends that she has not been numb since the words that had and had not been spoken.

Satine holds onto those images fiercely, but reality comes crashing in as it is wont to when the servant at her side speaks, shattering illusions with her soft and questioning, “m’lady?” And to prevent further breaking, a sharper knife to the spaces between her ribs, she speaks to herself. “I am with child.”

( Obi-Wan . )

And the air in her lungs stills again and is expelled raggedly after a long beat of her heart. Reality burns her eyes and suddenly, surprisingly, she can breathe. His name, uttered silently to finish a sentence he will never hear, fills her up, and gives motion to her limbs. Her hands push at the other woman and she is standing despite protests, walking over to her desk again so that she may look at the full length mirror beside it. And her hands are trembling, yes, as they press lightly to her belly, but they’re alive, feeling returning to her body like water rushing through to great the eager fields where it had once been restrained by dams. Because while new life was frightening, it was part of him and that made it effortlessly easy to love it.

“I could have bid him to stay,” she says, smiling as the well of tears begin their descent upon her face. And that thought, that all it would have taken for him to be here with her right now, his hands beside hers, would have been her pleading word ( stay ), it shreds at her heart like it has done constantly these last weeks. But while it hurts more than anything has ever done so before, torn at her in ways unfamiliar and agonizing, it is the way things are and she cannot change it. Like the murder of her parents, the separation from her siblings, Satine has no control over this. Screaming out her pain or lashing out will have no positive effect, so she has to walk the road of acceptance, no matter how bloody the path behind her is. And she hopes, hands folding over her child, that she might persevere, that her legacy, partially-forged already by the war that has so recently ended, will be enough to start this family upon the righteous path.

So, despite her tears and the aching in her bones, she will stay here, where she left him - for this she now knows to be truth and not the reverse - and she will love and care for what they’ve created; the child and the system. She will nurture them both with as much compassion as she can; use his wisdom, her own determination and she’ll forge a path that someday her child might walk upon without fear. Obi-Wan has already helped her clear the ruble of the Old ways aside and it will have to be enough to keep her sane.

Satine wipes at her eyes with the back of one hand and then motions Venna’leh to her side. The reflection of the mirror gives her sight to reach for the other woman’s hand and she clasps it tight to her own heart. “We’ll have preparations to make,” she acknowledges with a watery smile upon her too thin face. “A life to build for this child. And perhaps–”

– someday he and I shall meet again.

She shall recall their one night, where body and mind were in equal measure shown devotion. She will never cast aside the pleasant conversations and the arguments, the pressure of his hand upon her shoulder and how it cleared her mind of worry for a brief moment. She will use that love, so small but warm an ember to spark further light in her upcoming life. And she will not let their sacrifices be in vain. If they meet again, Obi will be proud of the woman and the mother that she is. He will know that his child was given all possible, all love available and without restraint. What Satine could not do the last year, she will mold herself into, to make lover and child proud.

Satine takes her self-crafted promises and wraps them deep inside her hopeful mind and her battle weary bones, where she’ll use them to give her strength when she wavers and as a guide in the future days to come. The promise to be better, to stay clear of war and its terror will craft her further, become her core belief so that this child of Jedi and Duchess might know peace.

#[ yeah. this is what happens when I invite pain.#damn I love this verse & need ALL the things in it. give me the feeeeeeeeeeeeeels.#ask me all about this verse cuz I've got a thousand ideas for it.#so much love for mamma!satine. ]#{ ; cloaked one }#legendsinthegalaxy #{ v; there's nothing that I'd take back }#{ ;; I’ve loved you from the moment you came to my aid all those years ago }#{ communications }#{ communications; drabble }#[ and yeah it was never a worry about the baby being from someone else. it was all about how she'd deal with being a single parent. ]

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duchesssatinekryzex · 9 years

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traumaboy:

reblog if u got violent urges :)

#[ nobody seems to understand that satine is angry all the time.#she's a volcano of wrath & devious urges but she tempers it so well that it' hardly seen.#her own sister - a part of a violent terrorist organization - doesn't see this & sees Satine as cold & not capable of action.#but that's because Satine wants it that way. she HATES the violence of her people & in herself.#she viciously detests war to the point that she would die rather than even participate in one.#this is because she knows her own wrath & it terrifies her. she's seen it's destruction - how it #tore the people of her home apart -#she has to fight herself daily to keep her calm. to not shove those that oppose her down to the floor #& strangle them with her own hands. Death Watch? she wants to MURDER them all for making her people so scared #she would kill them all - violently - but she knows that violence does more harm than good #even when used for a good purpose & so she tempers her fury. she stills her hands #and hopes with a ferocity that is no less daunting than a being with a knife to your throat.#yeah she's utterly the angry pacifist ever after. ]#{ ; what lies within }

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duchesssatinekryzex · 9 years

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legendsinthegalaxy replied to your post: ; one of you is trying to kill me. death by feels...

-^-

*glares* that better be laughing at my pain and not an admission of guilt because if so..........

#legendsinthegalaxy #[ I sense murder in your future. how much is the question in debate. ]#{ ; outofmandalore }

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duchesssatinekryzex · 9 years

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; one of you is trying to kill me. death by feels is still murder, I’ll have you know. someone has been reading my verses and asked me a very rude question. that I’m not okay with. I’m gonna make myself cry. no doubt about it. I know I said to hurt me, but damn. you’re good nonnie. a real heart-breaker.

#[ oh god. great question. too many feeeeeels. I love you Meanie Nonnie. ]#{ ; outofmandalore }

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duchesssatinekryzex · 9 years

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legendsinthegalaxy:

am not! not when i’m not excluded!

* throws hands up in the air * you’re impossible to please.

#[ you want. you don't. you're jelly baby. ]#legendsinthegalaxy #{ ; we already lost our minds }

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duchesssatinekryzex · 9 years

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legendsinthegalaxy: