dragynwulf

[dragynwulf]

the warrior of light as a game-breaking force of violence

there's a moment, relatively early in dawntrail, that establishes succinctly how out of place the warrior of light (as the savior of eorzea and main character of four successive final fantasy game plots) is in what is essentially the story of fresh new final fantasy protagonist wuk lamat. and it sets up quite nicely how the framework of fantasy video game conflict pulls the warrior of light forever towards violence as the expansion goes on.

spoilers through 7.0 follow

consider wuk lamat's kidnapping and rescue. bakool ja ja holds his blade to wuk lamat's throat, taunting you. his lackeys line up against your party in neat little ranks suspiciously reminiscent of a classic final fantasy encounter screen.

and it simply does not matter to the warrior of light. you stride right through their combat setup because you are beyond that by now. the warrior of light has absolutely no respect for the "we are about to do ATB combat" lineup. the camera even jumps the line for you in one continuous rotating shot, crossing the axis of action as though to emphasize through the disruption of visual convention how far outside the game's boundaries you are.

this is how far you are above the problems of dawntrail's first half. you cannot even be bound by the normal rules of cinematography and video game combat. everyone else here lined up for a good old-fashioned scrap and the warrior of light said haha nope actually. i'm going to stroll through here like a god of war astride this tiny battlefield. your henchmen cannot even raise a hand to me. i don't even have to engage in violence directly anymore. my mere presence is enough.

in fact, not only can bakool ja ja's henchmen not raise a hand to you, he's not even worthy of your direct intervention. he kidnaps wuk lamat and steals her keystones and frees valigarmanda and kidnaps hunmu rruk and none of it warrants the warrior of light so much as raising a finger. he's wuk lamat's recurring villain, that's not your problem. you're just here to take in the scenery.

zoraal ja spends his whole life aspiring to be thought of as his father's equal and a worthy successor to the dawnservant as the "resilient son." all it takes for gulool ja ja to acknowledge you as a warrior on his level is like a five minute sparring match. the acknowledgement from gulool ja ja that zoraal ja hungered for his whole life and would eventually go full cyborg supervillain to get via regicide is something the warrior of light receives casually in a throwaway line after their level 93 solo duty on the way to more important plot conversations.

it really seems for a second, in the first half of dawntrail, like you are strong enough and the problems simple enough for this to be a clean and easy adventure. bakool ja ja? power of friendship'd. mamook? successfully reintegrated, no worries about the crimes against humanity. rite of succession? handily won. nothing can stop you. even duty finder queue times have been conquered: you can do all your duties with trusts now.

all of which only makes it better when the second half has sphene ask you and wuk lamat directly: could your strength have been enough to save alexandria? could you have found a different way?

i know some people get very annoyed we don't intervene in the gulool ja ja fight. now personally i think if you see arthur and mordred squaring up it's rude to intervene, but beyond that, it simply wouldn't have mattered. by the time zoraal ja's forces arrived in tuliyollal, alexandria and tural were already on a collision course and doomed to conflict. your hands alone could never have averted this conflict. sphene was always bound to do what she did—and certainly a gulool ja ja without his reason would not be any more inclined to peace than wuk lamat and koana were.

there's a great little moment just before living memory where estinien, champion at reading the room, is like "okay so if thancred and i stay here that frees up you up, aibou, to do what you do best and save the world and have epic fights. woo!!!" and immediately afterwards you basically have to apologize to alisaie because part of the sort of unspoken premise of this whole trip in the first place was that you were, finally, not going to plunge into mortal peril to save the world. you were finally going to take it easy. you were finally done with that. and she has to sort of ruefully be like nah it's fine bro. i was trying to get you to take it easy and not do insane risky world-saving violence. but y'know these things (interdimensional invasions) happen.

by the time you reach the very last trial, all pretense that the warrior of light could have ever been beyond these problems has vanished. you were, very emphatically, not strong enough to hold onto all that was dear without sacrifice. gulool ja ja and otis and cahciua died. yyasulani was irreversibly changed, physically colonized and culturally decimated by another dimension. you systematically shut down each part of living memory, and all its friendly, charming, loving ghosts, with your own hands. with your own clicks.

not even the vaunted strength of the warrior of light is enough to overcome sphene's inexorable logic of conflict. and so, in the end, she sends away your allies and forces you directly to the table for a proper 8-on-1 trial, and she forces you to affirmatively state you're going to kill her.

did you think you were above it all? did you think you could get away from here with your weapon undrawn, with your hands clean? that for you and you alone the logic of conflict comes undone? wrong. wrong. wrong.

your strength cannot redeem you, says sphene. your friends cannot make these sacrifices for you. if you would play the hero then you must play the hero. no half-measures.

back to the duty finder with ye.

[dragynwulf]

So, something I learnt the other day. So, you know how dinosaurs supposedly can't see you if you stand still? Well that myth is based on real-life lizards/etc and how eyes in general work. So, once my dad starts infodumping, here comes some other cool information. We, humans, can in fact, also not see something unless it's moving. We fixed this by having our eyes constantly shake. And then our brain compensates for us, so we don't have to have shaky vision.

What if aliens don't have this? Like. What if they find out when one of us was looking at something in the distance, and they walk around this thing that's in front of them, and the alien is confused so they bob their head and oh, there's a thing there, but how did the human know that, and then we explain and they're like, horrified.

Humans are apex predators. They can hunt in packs. They can hunt in pairs. They can hunt on their own. They're persistance predators, which is unheard of. They get stronger when they're mad or scared. They have this thing called 'body language' which acts like a type of hivemind, even if they'll claim it isn't. And. They can see you. When you're not moving. They can still see you. If you ever find yourself in a fight against a human, for whatever reason? Run. Run as fast as you can. And hope, pray if you have a religion, that they won't follow.

[dragynwulf]

One of my favorite D&D gags that I ever came up with is part of a oneshot I've run a few times where the party is hired by a young wizard to help clear out a few active security measures in a tower that the wizard inherited from her old teacher.

The first obstacle to be cleared is the re-animated skeletons that the old wizard was using for gardening help. It's a pretty straightforward fight, but during the encounter, players may notice one particular raised bed of herbs that is set back in a corner of the garden by itself.

Upon further investigation, this one raised bed is absolutely shining with magical protections. There are runes carved into the wood of the bed, gemstones inlaid in the top of it, this bed is absolutely protected out the ass... and an arcana check shows that the protections are all pointed inward, attempting to keep what's in there from getting out.

What's growing in that raised bed, you may ask? What is so dangerous that the old wizard felt the need to place all these protections?

Mint.

[dragynwulf]

[dragynwulf]

My Star Trek friends, reblog with your favourite most ‘out of context’ Star Trek image

I’ll start:

[dragynwulf]

tbh it seems like they want us to bring it back

[dragynwulf]

My ideal beginning to a Batman movie:

We start with a slow pan down to Gotham as Oracle narrates

“Ask your average person who Gotham’s most famous citizen is, and you’ll get the same response every time: Bruce Wayne. Everybody’s heard of Bruce Wayne. You’ve probably heard his name a million times before. But there are some things that the average citizen doesn’t know about him. See, to the people of Gotham, Bruce Wayne is a rich kid who never grew up. They think he’s a buffoon, an airhead, a moron. But the truth is…”

*Batman bursts out of a window, screaming, on fire*

*record scratch, freeze frame*

“…they aren’t entirely wrong about that.”

[dragynwulf]

[dragynwulf]

How to Bring Someone Back from the Dead

Make sure that it wasn’t their time to die. If it was, do not try to bring them back.

If you’re sure they weren’t meant to die, start preparing for your journey. It will be a long one.

You will need two coats, a quarter, a white rose, a blanket, a flashlight, extra batteries, lots of food and water, and an object of importance to the deceased (a necklace, a beloved book, etc).

Wait until late spring. You’ll want it to be warm out when you return.

Put on some good hiking boots. You’ll be walking for a while.

Enter any forest. The denser the better. Walk until the sun goes down.

Look to your left when it becomes too dark to see.

You will see a white glow in the distance. Walk towards it.

Be careful where you step. Some woods like to trip you.

Remember your loved one’s name.

Say aloud how much you missed them and why you want them back.

The glow will disappear once you reach it. When it does, turn on your flashlight and sit down.

Place the flashlight next to you and go to sleep. Do not be afraid. If you’ve made it this far, then the forest is on your side. It will not let you be harmed.

When you awake, the sun will be up.

Turn off your flashlight and put it back in your bag.

You will be standing just outside of a fairy ring. Do not enter it.

Take out your food and water. Eat some, but leave the rest at your feet.

Step into the ring and place the quarter on the ground, tails up.

Tell your loved one you are coming for them. They will not hear you.

The quarter will sink into the ground. You may now enter the Underworld.

Put on one of the coats. It will be very cold.

Close your eyes and imagine that you are sinking into the ground. Do not open them until you smell smoke.

When you open your eyes, you will be underground. A tunnel will stretch out before you.

Replace the batteries in your flashlight. It will get dark very soon

Follow the tunnel. You will feel cold. This is normal.

You will soon come across a small house. Knock on the door.

A dark-haired woman will open it. There is something wrong with her eyes. Do not stare.

She will ask you for something pretty. Give her the rose

She will smile at you and invite you in for something to eat. Enter the house, but politely refuse any food.

Talk to her for a while. She likes the company.

She’ll tell you a secret. Pretend that it doesn’t bother you.

Eventually, she will give you an item. I do not know what it will be. It’s different for everyone.

Thank her for being so kind. She wasn’t always like this.

Say goodbye and exit the house. Continue down the tunnel

You will be walking for a long time. If you need to sleep, do so. When you wake up, continue walking.

You will find food in your bag. Do not eat any of it.

You will get to a river guarded by the woman you met before. Do not ask her how she got here so fast.

Say hello and show her the item she gave to you. She will take it and give you your flower back.

You are now allowed to cross the river. Get in the boat. Don’t think about how it wasn’t there before.

Let the boat take you to the other shore. The fog will make it hard to see. Trust me that it’s better that way

When you get off the boat, the fog will be too dense to see clearly.

You will start to come across wandering souls. They will not care that you are here. They are too miserable.

The silence will be unbearable. Hum a song to yourself.

You’ll be wandering around for a while. Don’t give up hope. You’ll find them soon.

When you do, softly say hello.

They will not remember you. Don’t take this personally. They don’t remember themselves either.

Don’t touch them, not yet.

Their eyes will seem far away. It’s alright. They are listening.

Talk to them for a while. Don’t give your name and do not tell them theirs. They don’t trust you yet.

They’ll soon realize you are alive. When they do, answer their questions about the world above.

Ask them if they are cold. The answer will be yes.

Offer them the coat you are wearing. It will already be warm. You have body heat, they do not.

When they take it. Put on your other coat.

At this point, they will ask if you know them. Say yes and tell them their name.

They will like having an identity again. Try not to cry when they smile.

Hand them their item of importance. It will help them trust you.

Tell them your name and ask them if they want to leave.

If they say yes, take their hand. They will feel like a corpse. Try not to let this faze you.

Do not let go of their hand.

Walk back to the river. You will find it. The Keepers don’t like the Living in the Underworld.

The woman you met earlier will be there. Give her the rose again. She will give you back the item from her house.

Get in the boat.

When you reach the shore, exit the boat.

Your loved one will have some trouble keeping up. They are exhausted. The dead cannot eat or sleep, no matter how much they want to.

Keep walking. Try not to notice how hungry you are.

Do not eat the food in your bag.

While you walk, talk to your loved one. They don’t know it, but they’ve missed you.

They will trip and fall at some point. They are very tired.

They will start to cry. Don’t let this break your heart. Instead, tell them they will be able to rest soon.

For now, pick them up and carry them in your arms. Don’t worry, they will be very light.

Try not to notice that they aren’t breathing. It will only make you feel sick.

Keep talking. They will be too tired to respond, but they are listening.

When you see the woman’s house, tell your loved one that you’re almost there.

Keep walking and don’t turn around.

You’ll feel something watching you.

Don’t turn around. Please.

You’ll notice you’ve stopped talking. Start humming that song again. It will help stave off the fear.

Stop walking and place your loved one on the ground. Pull out the blanket and wrap them in it. Pick them up again and keep going. You’re almost there.

You’ll see a light up ahead. Feel the relief flooding through you and run towards it.

When you step out of the fairy ring, immediately place your loved one on the ground.

Encourage them to breathe. They will have forgotten how to.

When they start to breathe again, retrieve the food that you left on the ground earlier.

They’ll want to fall asleep. Make sure they eat and drink before they do so.

They will be very cold. Do whatever you can to keep them warm.

Thank whatever gods you believe in for letting you bring them back.

Go to sleep. Nothing will harm you here.

When you wake, do not disturb your loved one. They haven’t slept in so long. Wait until they wake up on their own.

Take them home. They will not remember you at first, but they will regain their memories soon.

Don’t tell them how they died. It’s best if they don’t know.

Spend time with them. Most people don’t get a second chance.

More guides

How to be a stranger

If your reflection is missing

If you are a researcher or adventurer and want to share a guide, join our subreddit! 

[dragynwulf]

[dragynwulf]

Tarot Mirror - The Fool by TheCosmicHealingShop

[dragynwulf]

“What? Like, a disabled protagonist? How would that even work? How could someone with a disability be the hero in an action show?” local anime trash boy wonders while sitting next to his box sets of Full Metal Alchemist, showing no hint of irony or self awareness. 

[dragynwulf]

[dragynwulf]

Super Mario 64 contains a famous glitch called “Zombie Flying” whereby if Mario obtains a Wing Cap and then loses all health, falling into a cannon without touching the ground first, he will be able to fly around with 0 health since internally, flying is a state that makes Mario immune to death. Only when he lands will he actually perform his death animation and be ejected from the course.

A lesser-known aspect of this glitch is that if Mario performs a Ground Pound onto a block that contains a Power Star during this, he will die during the star’s appearance animation, causing a conflict due to the two events that should never happen together occuring simultaneously.

This will cause the camera to become stuck in its wobbling state it normally assumes when Mario dies, but Mario’s death animation will never complete. Instead, the scene in the bottom image, with Mario unable to move or to truly die, will simply last forever until the game is reset.

Main Blog | Twitter | Patreon | Small Findings | Source: Akfamilyhome

[dragynwulf]

For the last decade or so, I’ve been routinely attending a ride-on lawnmower race. I’ve always wanted to participate, but the high cost of used mowers is better spent on more practical vehicles, like literally anything else. Sometimes, though, the universe sends you a message. And in my case, that message came in the form of an awkward leg of a huge trade-in scam.

Picture, if you will, the humble redneck. They await the approach of big, fast domestic mowers. John Deeres, Cub Cadets, even weird modified Chinese stuff they looted from Aliexpress. There is jubilance, but that soon comes to an awkward hush. An unfamiliar engine note approaches.

My International 1480 combine harvester, all ten tons of it, is barrelling down the highway at a clip somewhere between “tepid” and “jaunty.” Even though I have shown up for a race, I am sandbagging a little bit, making sure that the bets get settled against my vehicle before I show them the might of a fully operational monster such as mine.

Technically, there is no violation. I had looked at the rulebook from every angle in the previous year: it has the correct number of wheels, the proper agricultural intent, and with precise work on the tiller, it can even (poorly) mow a suburban lawn. Is it modified? Oh yes, yes indeed, but I see the nitrous bottles poking out from the rows of Kubotas at the starting line.

And when I leave the starting line, it is a thing of beauty. At least for a few milliseconds. It seems that the wizards at International Harvester simply did not comprehend of a situation in which the frame of their combine would be launched into the air by means of one thousand eight hundred foot-pounds of supercharger-bolstered torque. I had erroneously believed that the loose soil of the rural community would let the wheels dip in, but now I am facing directly into the sky, having twelve o’ clocked hard on my wheelie, shooting flames from my exhaust and whirling vertical blades of death towards the grandstand.

It’s not about whether you win or lose. Sometimes it’s about how many pages you add to the rulebook.

[dragynwulf]

i’m so glad earth only has one moon, if there were more i’d have to pick a favorite and that sounds too emotionally taxing to even fathom