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[dogcatster]

Soundtracks, not Songs

I remember thinking about this many, many times before; maybe even in a facebook status or a stupid blogpost years ago. It’s about the songs, you see, songs you hear in the car, on the ride, on a trip somewhere, songs you have to shazam, songs you hear on the radio when the clouds are moving above you, songs that make you feel like a main character of an indie movie. Well these kind of songs, belong to their ‘habitats’, to the place where you first heard them, to the scene where you first saw them. You can’t seem to take them home with you, no matter how hard you try.

Well, at least that’s the case for me, and I found this somewhat magical, and fragile. And it’s beautiful, because it means you can’t put those moments in a jar. There has been countless times where I shazamed those songs, memorized the lyrics, so I could bring it home with me. But once I play it in my room, in my phone lying on the bed, in our dining room- accompanied by the soft morning light!- I still can’t take the song home with me. The feeling is gone, the world changed, I’m simply thrown back to reality, no longer the main character of my indie movie :’)

It annoys me at times, especially when I fell deep in love with the song. Though not all of them does this to me. Some songs are kind enough to follow me home, to accompany me in my lonely little room. They’re not rare, but they’re not common either. And even so, they’re still not the same. The same Norah Jones I listen on the road, won’t be the same Norah Jones I listen in my room. But in her case, I’m pretty biased because Norah Jones is perfect for everything. 

And I believe, even though I got it on camera- say those sleepy clouds above and James Bay in the background, it still won’t be the same. Because I was with the clouds, and then I was not. It’s simple math really, and now I wonder why I’m wondering too much about this.

It gets even crazier when the songs came from the past, like a faraway past from years ago, when your haircut was different and the people was different and the radio dj back then was still single. You can still remember the colors, the sound, the feeling, and you start to go back in time. These kind of songs are preserved in snowglobes, where you can shake and view them and remember things, but they still feel so far away from you, divided by the glass. But it’s alright because you’re happy enough that you can keep these snowglobes with you.

And that’s why I guess, they’re not songs. They’re soundtracks. Someone out there put it out at the right moments of your life scenes. Defining your mood, capturing your feelings. It’s no use to try and duplicate them -even if you have the original album- because they only come once, and the next replay will be a whole different song to listen to.

[dogcatster]

hey, it’s been a while. Needed to get something off my chest today. I’m currently stuck under my blankets because that’s what every awesome people do in the morning.

I don’t, I’m not even sure what’s wrong with me this morning. I had super weird dreams where my premises were all rejected by my junior and I had to do it over on a completely different topic. And when I woke up to check the clock, I noticed I havent won the giveaway I was so excited about last night. So two and two, maybe those were the simplest answers to my moody mood at the moment. 

But lately it’s getting harder to maintain my emotions. I fear the smallest things, I procrastinate things, I question things. And when I thought those were all just PMS doing her monthly thing, I figured I need to be a lot better than that. Can’t blame PMS forever for these little shits. 

Also lately, I wonder if people write awesome things in their diaries? I mean, how come they write out perfect, poetic words when they have urgent matters to say? Won’t it be like, you know, a bit too polished? Though, I hate the idea of throwing together terrible words, and just slab some cement on them to tie everything together. But those are exactly the things I did back in middle and high school. Slabbing some cement on some poorly crafted paragraphs inside an ugly lined book. But everything I wrote, was every inch of what I felt through those days. Honesty, if you must. Meh. I don’t even know what I’m saying right now.

Listening to Angus and Julia right now, because they’re the sound of my soul at the moment hahaha. So emo. I used to think that music makes people feel better (and yeah, they do most of the times) but other times I just feel like, surrounded by the same people with the same problems whenever I hear a really sad song. Like, it doesn’t help at all. They just pat you in the back and cry WITH YOU. Ugh. But I don’t have the luxury of a better company. I mean, I can’t just text anyone and pour my tears straight to their chat room. Rude much. AND pathetic. Though when I reach my limit, I can do that, 50% of the effort I guess.

Mmm I can’t feel my leg. cramp cramp cramp.

ok back. i cured my cramp with the help of an ancient practice: standing up and forcing myself to walk around. 

i don’t feel like going to work today. hmmmmmmmmmmmm but i know i’ll just be super miserable in my room, not when the family downstairs (the owner of myrented room) try to calm down their annoying siren baby who screams like he’s being tortured or something every other minutes. oh there he goes. can I at least have this moment of posting my heart out in peace? come on, universe. shut up, evil baby.

i never want this post to end now. once i press post, i’ll go back to reality and i kind of in a not speaking situation with it. it’s not even talking to my hand.(ha) 

ok but the evil baby downstairs stopped crying. my life is a little better now.

[dogcatster]

Tomorrow never knows.. It’s Happy Line..

足りない昨日におぼれ 夢に書いた今日 そろわなくても　yeah yeah

夜明け前の瞬く星は 消えて行ったの?　 明日へ行ったの?

[dogcatster]

I like it when everything is still grey and blue, when the trees and the houses are all the same hue, clouded by the fog. In this grey and blue world, you have to make a choice, a simple one that is, between closing your eyes or squinting your eyes open.

The first option is my favorite. Because it’s a place where your dreams linger an episode more, and you feel safe, knowing that your blanket is out there, keeping you far from reality’s harm.

I like this grey and blue world, but not so much when the yellow comes over. Everything I’ve been trying to protect will shatter as the grey surrenders to that warm, bright yellow. And no matter how hard I try to close my eyes, the grey and blue world that was once my everything, will leave me on my own.

And I'll feel cold out in the open.

[dogcatster]

Good Sandwich

Sometimes all you need is a grilled chicken sandwich and a relaxing cafe song playing in the background to face the day. It might not fix everything, but it’s definitely gonna make you feel a little better.

[dogcatster]

Hmmmmm

Could you give us more details about Natasha's character in Civil War? Like how will she deal with the big conflict between her good friends, and also her relationship with Cap? What's her point of view on her old enemy, Bucky?

She is conflicted. This is her worst nightmare. She sees the value to both sides. Her relationship with Cap is very deep and is a continuation of their story from Winter Soldier. But due to very personal reasons they wind up on opposite sides. She & Bucky definitely have an encounter. :) -JR

[dogcatster]

//ded//

who from the marvel cast is the best hugger?

Scarlett. 

-Chris Evans

[dogcatster]

CHRIS EVANS LOVE MEGARA

Favorite Disney princess?

That’s my favorite question so far. Probably Belle or Megara! - Chris Evans

Jasmine - JR

Elsa  -AR

[dogcatster]

Last Post 2015

31 Posts + 11 ‘Director’s Cut’ Drafts + 1 Last Post... yang sedang gw tulis.

Jadi kita tau kalo blog 365 ini jumlahnya ngga 365. 1 Januari setahun yang lalu gw mikir, ‘pasti bakal bete deh kalo 365-nya gagal’, tapi 365 hari kemudian ternyata gw ga menyesal sama sekali blog ini ngga selesai. Mungkin karena banyaknya draft personal yang terlalu personal sehingga gw lebih senang ketika postingan-postingan itu selamanya jadi draft, jadi postingan pribadi gw. Mungkin juga karena kenistaan gw yang sudah senang bisa nyelesein #inktober meskipun telat-telat, sehingga meski blog ini ga selesai pun gw juga masih bisa cengengesan. Aduh, jangan ditiru ya kelakuan ini. In the end, 365 project ini tetep divonis:[GAGAL]

Namun saudara-saudara, apakah tahun 2015 ini sama gagalnya dengan 365 project ini? Sepertinya tidak begitu. Tahun ini bagi gw tuh terbelah dua, belahan pertama dimana gw menghobo menggalau mencari jati diri, dan belahan kedua mendadak gw ga hobo ga galau dan hampir menemukan jati diri. Hmmm.

In a very sketchy sketch, setengah tahun pertama 2015 diisi dengan mimpi-mimpi gw, projects, ide cerita komik, pressures untuk nyari kerja (yeaaa throwin some real shit into this shit!), ketakutan-ketakutan untuk sesuatu yang belom (dan belom tentu) terjadi, tawaran yang tertolak, menawar tapi ditolak, impian cantik yang mendadak harus masuk ke gudang dan jadi sejarah selamanya. Juga di setengah tahun awal ini, gw inget banget setiap hari dihabiskan di beberapa chat room di LINE, untuk menggalau dan menanggapi kegalauan makhluk lain. Gw merasa enam bulan pertama gw, seluruh universe rasanya ikut menopang dan menggelayuti (halah) kegalauan gw. Tentang seorang teman yang saat itu juga sedang manuver besar-besaran di hidupnya to pursue something that he loves, but wasn’t brave enough at the time to actually believe in his decision. Juga hal-hal lain yang mungkin sekarang udah ga vivid lagi di kepala, tapi ikut meramaikan Fear Festival sepanjang bulan-bulan awal tahun 2015. 

Also in a very sketchy sketch, setengah tahun berikutnya di 2015 diisi dengan banyak sekali tokoh-tokoh baru, tempat tinggal baru (meskipun ga seperti yang ada di bayangan gw), pengalaman-pengalaman baru, dan realisasi bahwa berdiri di sisi seberang jembatan rasanya beda banget sama berdiri di ujung jembatan lainnya dimana gw yang masih takut dan ga berani bergerak, ga berani nyebrang, cuma bisa berspekulasi. Turns out it’s not so bad when you actually cross the bridge, you’ll never know what’s gonna be on the other side. Di setengah tahun berikutnya ini, banyak yang ‘pertama-pertama’ terjadi. Kerjaan pertama, Gaji pertama, Konser pertama (CLEAN BANDIT!), Wisuda pertama (haha), Traktir keluarga gw pertama kalinya, Bikin komik pertama kalinya (meskipun belom kelar, peer buat 2016!) dan yang pertama-pertama lainnya yang mungkin terlewat. And in a more fleshed out sketch, highlight yang akan selalu gw ingat adalah ketika gw mencret parah di pagi hari, bertanya-tanya sendiri kenapa gw nekat mau interview hari itu. Dan di tempat itu, untuk pertama kalinya gw duduk bersebelahan sama ratusan orang lain yang mengadu nasib, dan berasa untuk pertama kalinya being a part of something big, something close to my heart and dream, if you must. Dan sekarang gw ga menyesal sama sekali; meskipun masih amazed, gimana nyokap gw bisa magically denger berita di radio soal interview itu, dan juga amazed kenapa gw went along with it. Karena sekarang meskipun I’m no where near who I want to be, I’m exactly where I need to be. Di studio animasi ini gw akan belajar banyak, dan sedang banyak belajar juga. Banyak senior-senior yang awesome, dan banyak buku cantik yang akan gw baca. Banyak diskusi dan obrolan dan meeting yang akan merubah hidup gw, each and every inch closer to who I want to be, and what I want to create in the future. Mungkin mencret di pagi hari itu memang membawa berkah ya~

Juga sesuatu untuk diingat di tahun ini, bahwa apparently, the unexpected always appears out of the blue (you don’t say bruh). So this year, a very kind soul actually went out of his way to surprise me with a birthday gift :’) So thank you, if you ever read this post. 

Hmmhmm, postingan ini sudah cukup memalukan tanpa adanya detail-detail yang lebih memalukan. Tapi ini ada satu lagi bonus akhir tahun #plak yang cukup membuat gw senang :

Jadi Januari 2015 kemaren gw kepikiran pengen nyatet semua film-film yang gw tonton. Dan di akhir-akhir, akhirnya gw tambahin juga series dan kartun yang gw tonton soalnya banyak banget yang bikin gregets. Tahun 2016 gw akan melanjutkan aksi mencatat ini lagi :D Ternyata asik, gw jadi bisa tau mana film yang memorable dari list ini (ya kalo gw baca judulnya dan ga inget ceritanya tentang apa, berarti ga memorable kan :’D). Baiklah sekian dulu catatan ini.  Semoga 2016 berjalan lancar jaya dan baik, semoga gw bisa jadi anak berprestasi seperti idaman seluruh ibu Indonesia #whut. Amin. See you in 2016! P.S: Gw masih ga tau mau keep blog ini atau bikin blog baru. Kalo blog baru soalnya bakal nambah banyak password lagi #plakk. Oh well, we’ll see :D

[dogcatster]

dayum

I just poured my feelings all over the textbox, and my stupid finger accidentally pressed something, and now gone all those words. Not even saved in a draft. 

Oh middle finger.

[dogcatster]

Movie Reviews

Haven’t been feeling creative on my title-making skill lately -not that I’ve posted a lot of blog posts either-, and after all, my later posts are mostly just spontaneous thoughts I wanna post, rather than an idea that goes through a bit of planning in my head, and thus allowing me to think of a better title. 

Wow that first paragraph got nothing to do with what I was gonna say OTL

So, -here’s the real first paragraph- I just finished watching While We’re Young (Ben Stiller, Naomi Watts, Adam Driver) and I went on to search some reviews about it online, I found something interesting. It’s not about the movie anymore, it’s the various reviews that I found that are interesting.

Some wrote about the director’s previous works and compared them side by side, others praised the movie as the movie, others don’t really like it, stating some other movie-references that I’m not familiar with, and I... I’m not even sure if I like this movie or not. For me, it was more like listening to a man telling me his awful experiences as an adult where I would say, by the end as his story, ‘Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind’. 

I know I should’ve realized this years ago, but let me just say that it’s always interesting to find so many different reactions to a single movie. It’s great how everyone resonates differently to one story. In high school, there were times when I was so convinced by one bad review, that my original reaction and opinion toward the movie eventually changed. I’m glad I could slowly move on from that phase and began to believe in my own voice, and that I realized that a movie can be viewed from so many different perspectives <3

[dogcatster]

Semua yang pertama-pertama

Hujan pertama, kamar bocor.

Pulang hari pertama, tepar.

Hari pertama, mau bilang fun iya, mau bilang aneh iya. But mostly aneh.

Pagi pertama, acara live drawing gagal total.

Malam pertama, jyah salah ya- - maksudnya Malam-sebelum-hari-pertama, gw tidur nyenyak. Tapi gw baru tau besok paginya kalo setiap jam 5 pagi, langit-langit kamar gw jadi terang dan gw ga bisa tidur lagi. Hmm. //aftereffect2november2015

[dogcatster]

Dududum

When you were about to give up and you found a quote online saying, ‘Don’t give up, just a little more!’, and it still couldn’t lift you up, that’s when you know you’re tired. Trying to keep your delusional bubble floating high in the sky is proven to be so f-in hard. But I’m trying, and the only option I got is to keep moving forward; even if it’s tiring, even if it’s hard to deceive myself any longer.

[dogcatster]

Never Judge A Day By Its Morning

Just because I woke up with a headache and couldn’t even kept my eyes open for the first 15 minutes in my own room ;and felt like shit walking to my workplace this morning, it doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t be singing and dancing to ‘Ain’t No Mountain High Enough’ later at 6PM.  I think we all need to put more faith into our ‘It’s gonna be a good day after all’ belief :D

[dogcatster]

Bukan Postingan. Ini Cuma Status Yang Nyasar Kemari.

Bokap so sweet mode on itu: mauk nyetirin anaknya keliling kompleks malem-malem gajelas, cuma gara-gara si anak lagi pundung.  Makasih brokap :D #plakk

[dogcatster]

LOLOLOLILILILILALALALA

Ketika masih pagi tapi gw pengen cepet-cepet malem. Gulung-gulung di kasur gajelas, campuraduk. Entah apa juga yang gw galauin. Not sure gw lagi menghindari apa sebenarnya. Ato mungkin ini cuma PMS- - sekarang tanggal berapa sih- - Atau mungkin ini cuma efek laper? Makanan mana makanan.

[dogcatster]

Takut Itu Normal, They Say

Ngelakuin hal yang belom pernah lu lakuin dan takut, itu wajar katanya.

Tapi serius, ngalahin rasa takut itu luar biyasah sulitnya. Ini bukan ketakutan yang meledak selama 5 menit, kemudian pyar, pelan-pelan hilang di menit ke 7. Ini ketakutan yang setiap hari duduk, dan berdiri, dan duduk, dan berdiri, menggeliat gak tenang di dalem perut lu; kadang membesar, kadang mengecil, seenak udel ngacak-ngacak asam lambung gw. Sialan. Satu-satunya yang bisa menyelamatkan perut gw dan segala isinya adalah.. well, kalo gw memutuskan untuk jadi gila, dan nekat, dan sedikit optimis. Dan sebenarnya itu tidak sulit sama sekali saudara-saudara, serius. Cuma karena gw ini manusia hina yang anehnya, malah suka bergaul sama rasa takut. Karena bergaul sama rasa takut itu mudah, dan conversation kita biasanya ngalir terus, tanpa pause, tanpa henti, tanpa mikir. Beda sama kalo gw bergaul sama, si optimis misalnya; rasanya conversation kita gak pernah bisa mulus. Biasanya obrolan kita cuma bertahan beberapa menit, kemudian mandek, dan gw akan lagi-lagi tertarik buat ngobrol sama si takut. Hmmph. 

Berhubung gw sudah berkepala dua, dan seharusnya sudah masuk ke kategori ‘dewasa junior’, mungkin memang ada baiknya gw berusaha lebih keras supaya ngga terlalu banyak bergaul sama takut. Ngga terhindarkan memang, tapi harus terus dicoba dihindari. #bah After all, kalo sampe si takut terus-terusan nebeng di perut gw, kaki gw juga jadi berat, ga bisa jalan kemana-mana. Shoo, shoo.

Hmmm. Baiklah.  Baiklah.

...

...

... “Halo, Optimis? Iya. Oh ngga, Takut ga ikut kok.”