dissociatedclownwife

[dissociatedclownwife]

syscultureis…”huh. I don’t feel like me but I don’t not feel like me. Am I me or am I not?”

*two hours later with a sigh* pk;m new

.

[dissociatedclownwife]

i dislike memory issues :/

like hi brain, do you wanna tell me why i can't remember a whole 50% of my day?

sometimes it feels like i wake up and just de-exist until it hits night time. like i know im apparently still there because i can see discord messages and conversations i've had with friends. but i genuinely can't really fully recall a lot except some time after i woke up and then when i snap back.

[dissociatedclownwife]

Sysculture is being like "I don't have that much amnesia tbh" at first and then realizing just how bad your amnesia actually is...

.

[dissociatedclownwife]

dear systems,

— its okay to have inconsistent amnesia barriers.

- its okay to not recall times when you were fronting.

- its okay to have full amnesia blocks sometimes, and emotional amnesia other times with no identifiable pattern.

- its okay to not have amnesia between switches sometimes.

— its okay to not have gatekeepers.

- its okay to not know if you do or do not have any gatekeepers.

- it is okay to wish you had a gatekeeper.

— its okay to have no control over switches.

- its okay to switch frequently.

- its okay to have a low splitting tolerance.

— its okay to be polyfragmented.

— its okay to have no communication.

— its okay to feel upset that youre a system.

- its okay to feel frustrated that these things are out of your control.

- its okay to not be making any “improvements” in communication or functionality.

- its okay to be angry.

— its okay to be scared.

[dissociatedclownwife]

"Your alters are all a part of you."

We're all parts of a person that could be. Hell, maybe even a person that should have been.

But they are not a part of me.

I'm as much of an alter as they are.

I have parts in me, as in, I have moods and tastes and goals. Those part are not alters.

Alters are their own separate entity, although we are all parts of a dissociated potential whole.

I am an alter. They can't be parts of me if im also a piece of the puzzle.

[dissociatedclownwife]

a comic about clothing

[dissociatedclownwife]

Being a system is so wild. I am supposed to meet up with this person one of us befriended and I don’t even know their name💀 Like…. Should I even ask at this point 😭

-Stephanie

[dissociatedclownwife]

need my dick sucked so bad but i have this stupid ass vagina

[dissociatedclownwife]

some alters hold trauma/memories that they didn’t exist to experience / didn’t front during.

some alters have amnesia for moments they were there for.

like that’s really common. you have a dissociative disorder. you aren’t faking if you remember something you didn’t front for and you aren’t faking if you forgot something that you yourself literally did. our brains are trying to protect us. sometimes it does a good job with the amnesia thing and often times it doesn’t. there’s no real way to make amnesia convenient. like a lot of systems only get amnesia from switches, but a lot of us forget the day prior even if no switch occurred.

and although this post is about amnesiac systems, you’re valid if you don’t have amnesia either, or not very much. everyone is different. every system is different.

[dissociatedclownwife]

little and non-human alters being surprised by the body's hands for the 800th time:

[dissociatedclownwife]

[dissociatedclownwife]

Sometimes being a system is "yes this one person has been fronting alone for the past five hours"

And sometimes it's "there's like 13 people near front and god knows which one of them is actually in control of the body right now"

[dissociatedclownwife]

Plural culture is

Co-con: "I wanna take a picture of the cat" Front: "No she's not even doing anything"

i'm still salty about not getting my cat picture. /nsrs/silly

.

[dissociatedclownwife]

✨I don’t know who I am✨

[dissociatedclownwife]

when you have silly little people in your head wanting too many things at once so u just sit there and do nothing

[dissociatedclownwife]

Taking a picture was extra hard for me because I carry some sad sad traumas of the host (I am a sexual alter) and seeing our face made me realise how broken and sensitive we are, yet wonderful and kind. We deserved better.

~Esther 💋

[dissociatedclownwife]

System culture is randomly starting to dissociate while hanging out with friends. Nothing happened to cause it (i think) but we feel so. out of it all of a sudden

We do that a lot, anything big or fun happens and we dissociate

We think (for us personally) it's probably a trauma response, the brain getting prepared to switch in an advance, because when we were a kid if something was exciting or fun usually it didn't take long to turn very very sour very very fast

So we think there's some sort of amount of time or fun limit our brain has before it starts being glitchy like that

Might not be the same for y'all, but that it's what we think it is for us