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i desperately need a real friend. π
human contact π½
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i have spent so many hours alone
it feels like i cant breathe
i get scared to be around someone, because they always hurt me so much.
im pained on the inside, the outside, im dirty, ragged.
i can function alone better than i can with an abuser
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2020
i wanted to kill myself because i was so alone. people were so mean, no one ever had the time for me. i still have suicidal ideation, but i have a good grip on it.
im starting to understand that those people i desperately wanted to see me, talk to me, they just dont like me and dont want to spend time with me.
i think there are maybe people who do.
no weed, no money 1/4 bottle of hennesey... no friends to speak of
like fuuuuuuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
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well, i forgot i had started this page. so hmm, i had almost 9 months without drinking. but i relapsed for about 5 days straight... i wont go into the shitty details. β
but i made it through some hellish shit.
back on about my sobriety. i do not drink like a normal human being. i cannot stop. once i have the craving fulfilled with it, its game tf over.
it got so much worse because now when i drink im straight up doin drugs too.. π, made for an interesting twist. but an ominous one nonetheless.
i guess this blog is about to be way coolerπ i havent drank for 8 days, so im a fresh piece of shit. haha
but, im still recovering mf'r
πΏ
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my name is jen, im an alcoholic. π½
i smoke bud and am spiritual af π¨π
i want to make a real blog about my story, the honesty, the violence, the desperation.
my experience strength and hope.π
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