dirtyfruit

[dirtyfruit]

oh anyways your yearly reminder i’m on twitter now because tumblr is ugly and not fun Peace i didn’t realize i missed it a lil til i logged back in but tbh the layout’s so bad i can’t imagine comin back for good lmao even using it for a lil bit makes me VS go :(

[dirtyfruit]

oh good god i came back to tumblr and it’s hideous

[dirtyfruit]

Cute story from work.

So this couple walks in- a broad-shouldered man with an accent (Italian, I think) and a man that I can best describe as looking like Cecil Palmer. 

“Okay- weird question. So you guys did our wedding- amazing by the way. And it’s been a month and just about all the flowers in the vases have died by now except for this one thing that’s really holding on in there. And we want to know what that plant is and how to take care of it to keep it alive. And we don’t know how to like… describe it and it sounds kind of weird to go to up to a stranger and say ‘hey what’s this weird wiggly green plant you put in our vases a month ago?’ but I guess that’s what I’m asking.”

“Sounds like curly willow. If you keep it in water it will eventually start rooting and you can grow a new plant from it from the cutting.” 

“That is too cool! What do you suggest we do?”

“Well, you can keep it in the water for now, but eventually you’ll want to pot it in soil because that’s how it’s going to get its nutrients.”

“Can we,” the Italian guy asks. “Can we plant it in the floor?” I figure he means ‘plant it outside.’ 

I nod. “It’ll keep growing.”

“What does it look like when it’s bigger? Does it stay like a wiggly stick?”

“Oh, no, it’ll branch out. It’s actually a tree.” 

The skinnier one turns to his husband and says:

“Did you hear that, honey? They gave us a tree! We have a tree now!” 

Italian man: “It’s our tree. We love our tree.”

[dirtyfruit]

Unexpected Guests Chapter Six: Act Six, Page Four

First / Previous / Next (Coming soon!)

The real lesson here is that you should never take a shortcut while half-asleep.

A bit of a shorter update today, but rest assured there’s plenty more to come!

[dirtyfruit]

I made this and showed it to a friend. She said I should post it, so here we are.

[dirtyfruit]

This whole NSFW situation is exactly like when America made alcohol illegal in the 1920s to combat rampant alcoholism and it 100% backfired and actually made people drink way MORE and actually made it more accessible. They realized what a mistake they had made and repealed that shit.

[dirtyfruit]

[dirtyfruit]

last night my husband said, “i was so inspired by you to write a fanfic that I opened up a google doc and then did nothing with it for six hours.”

he went straight from apprentice to master

[dirtyfruit]

I’m not leaving tumblr until it’s literally unusable because

[dirtyfruit]

iam a dumb ass & an idiot & the sexiest person in target

[dirtyfruit]

Seeing p*rn bots being active under my posts in the last two days when literally everything else got flagged or even deleted 

[dirtyfruit]

November 24, 2018 - Lady Gaga is playing Bayonetta again…

[dirtyfruit]

Has anyone else noticed how, when you have a chronic condition of some kind, that there’s always the basic assumption from people around you that you’re not already doing everything you can?

[dirtyfruit]

real power is going outside knowing you look ugly and also knowing that if you chose to perform femininity in accordance with patriarchal standards you could look attractive, but genuinely prefering to look ugly and not feeling bad about it. feels good feels organic

[dirtyfruit]

me, after indulging in a new obsession so completely i let it consume my every waking moment:

[dirtyfruit]

i'm starting the official Chara Attack Squad

in this squad we stan all the people whose lives that little murderous shitbag ruined

[dirtyfruit]

We need a new bed

Anyways, it appears we made bad travel decisions previously and ended up with bed bugs. Our bed was already horrid. It’s a hand me down that’s probably almost as old as me. It’s busted and honestly it’s sourced for some of my back pain. So, we’re at the decision that it’s not worth salvaging anymore.

But a new bed is a lot of money we really don’t have. And even with saving up it looks too difficult to get the full amount we need. So, if anyone would like to donate to us to replace our bed, we’d be eternally grateful. We’re throwing out this bad one and going to have people spray for bugs before we rush out to buy another one, so there’s a little time to raise the money.

tl;dr version: bed bad, need new one, we could use some help

paypal: blandusername@outlook.com

venmo: @catgirlprincess

Thanks for any help or consideration