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i will die your daughter, i will

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since we got the stills i just want to share my thoughts about the diaz family that make me nervous about how they're going to be portrayed on screen this week 😭😭😭

disclaimers:

**i will be thinking about this in a strictly watsonian way bc i find doylism to be exhausting !!!

also i won't be going too hard on rmon because there is lot of nuance to the experience of bipoc people and immigrants in the united states, as well as the generational trauma that comes from being the target of systemic racism and xenophobia. helena as a white woman tho is free reign to me, a white afab person**

i just have sooooo many thoughts about the diaz family that started w the scene after shannon's funeral... like the way helena and ramon start in on eddie, and his sisters are there but shrink down when put on the spot ("that's why you're all here, isn't it"). 

also i feel like that kind of family dynamic is so nuanced but like. it's clear to ME that helena has been pulling her family's puppet strings for decades, and until eddie got shannon pregnant, everyone was doing what they were Supposed to do, going according to Her plan for them. shannon wasn't oblivious to the manipulation ("your mother? i'm familiar with the tone") which is what made her dangerous to helena's long curated ecosystem. so helena had to cut her out in a way that would be undoubtedly shannon's fault in everyone else's eyes... aka making it clear to shannon that she's not welcome and not good enough for chris under the guise of loving and caring for her grandson. 

when eddie comes back different, and shannon leaves, it's helena's only chance to make sure that christopher and eddie stay in her realm of control-- aka insisting that christopher live w her and ramon. after all, there's no way eddie will continue to develop his own sense of self worth apart from her if she has possession of the core of that process for him: christopher. and this way she can also make sure that this time, her second try at a son won't spin out and deviate from her plan the way eddie did.

it's genuinely a shock to helena that eddie moves to LA tho-- the eddie she knows and molded into a person wouldn't do that. and now he is out of her reach, so she needs to figure out a way to get that control back somehow.

the thing too is that her manipulation is generally SO successful-- her children don't realize that she's actively pit them against each other. they don't realize that she's held the lens to their father, too, influencing the way they think about him. even eddie says in 5.17 (i think) "my family's not screwed up. just my dad" bc his mother has so successfully woven together this family dynamic so that she can maintain control while having a scapegoat for when certain plans don't go the way she wants. 

ramon is not innocent in that he was so absent in his children's lives and is an active participant in the dynamic, while also being emotionally immature, BUT it was very convenient for Helena that he was absent. keeping pawns separate is the easiest way to make sure they don't have easy access to a united front. this way, she can be the perfect housewife-- staying at home with the children, doing everything right, all while her husband isn't around to help. it puts her in the perfect position for sympathy from outsiders and her children.

ramon's shortcomings being so blatant and tangible and him wearing it all at the surface is probably part of why helena selected him as a partner too. she counts on him feeling guilty enough about it to want to make it up to her, but not guilty enough about it to be more present. she counts on it making her look like the martyr in the family.

the way eddie was raised is very strategic-- give him enough responsibility in parentifying him that he is a successful surrogate partner for helena while her husband is gone, while also using his predicted (and understandable) inability to fully rise to those expectations to make sure he doesn't believe he can do it on his own. he feels like he can't do anything right in the eyes of his parents bc that is generally the perfect way to manipulate someone who still seeks your approval. so when eddie is confronted with unconditional love without the interference of his mother (a relationship with his abuela that is physically distanced from that of his parents, a relationship with buck who's entire language of being is devotion, a relationship with his son who for most of his life doesn't see him as a fuckup but instead as a hero and pillar of strength), he's finally able to START working towards his own identity.

with all that said. i am very scared for out texas subplot in 8.12 bc i don't think the writers are very good with writing side characters and backstories consistently and they all get off on making the characters forgive their shitty parents so.

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Imagine loving a guy so much you almost kill yourself to find his baby boy in a tsunami, you claw at the earth when you think you've lost him forever, you crawl under a fire truck to drag his bleeding body to safety with an actual sniper shooting your way, you accept the fact he put you down as his boy's legal guardian in case he dies with barely a protest, you agonise when he quits being your job partner, you take said son to the zoo all the time, you get jealous like a dog pissing on a tree when he has a new friend, you're there when he begs you to fix something you can't fix and you can only hold on to his shoulder to try and shoot the pain, you go to him the second some ugly man dumps you, you throw a hissy fit about him leaving to Texas and sabotage his house showing, and then, you cave. You cave and you give up your housing situation to help him, you move into his house and you let him go. You let him go because you love him that much.

And he looks at you like you set his world on fire and built it back anew, and you hope he looks through the rearview as he drives away, hoping he'll miss you half as much as you'll miss him.

He will. You were struck by the same lightning, you'll forever share a heartbeat.

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buddie smooching💕💕

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For the love of GOD, Tommy Kinnard is not historic lgbt rep. White gay characters with no personality are a dime a dozen on network tv. Even Buck's bisexuality storyline, while is groundbreaking for queer firefighters, it's also not historic since "older guy discovers he's bi" was already done in Crazy Ex Girlfriend. Even Eddie's queer awakening wouldn't be historic, as there have been a few "formerly straight-identifying guys with religious trauma coming out later in their lives" storylines on tv. Not to mention, Michael's journey on 911. 

Now, Buck and Eddie's relationship would ABSOLUTELY be historic lgbt rep bc we've never had a slowburn same sex romance on network tv, especially with two firefighters (don't just take my word for it, go Google and see it for yourself, we don't have anything like that yet), if they were to go canon, they'll certainly create history. As for what we have right now, a boring relationship with the characters saying one or two lines to each other every third episode, is hardly historic.

You wanna know what's 911's contribution in historic lgbt representation, it's our own Henrietta "Hen" Wilson.

A badass lesbian firefighter+paramedic, who's also been an interim captain, she's strong despite the severe workplace discrimination she had to endure and she's a great mother, she almost became a doctor too, what is it that she can't do? As for her relationship, it's one of the three front and center relationships on 911, her wife Karen is a rocket scientist, and one of the most emotionally mature character I've ever seen on tv, and even though their relationship hit a bump in the first season, they managed to get past the cheating and after that they've had a relatively healthy and happy marriage, and we don't see a lot of that on network tv, especially with two Black women. Hen and Karen never get their dues for being a wonderful queer+wlw representation, and it has only gotten worse since EvanTommy fans have joined the fandom.

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sneak peek of buddie college au under the cut but it's long as fuck because i have no self control <3

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Buck & Eddie: The different ways Buck smiles at Eddie

Buck smiles at Eddie a lot and they are special smiles that Buck saves just for him.  He has adrenaline fueled, bashful, blushing, coy, flirty, grateful, happy, joyful, reassuring, relieved, shy, supporting and teasing smiles which always coincide with the way they are interacting with each other.  These are the private and intimate smiles Buck gives only to Eddie whenever they are alone but if someone else is present, they wouldn’t understand the message Buck’s smile is conveying because Eddie is the only one who can interpret it’s meaning (see Buck’s smile in 4x14 “Survivors” because Eddie’s girlfriend had no idea of the message Buck’s smile conveyed to Eddie and thanks to editing software she’s no longer in the scene).  He expresses his emotions through his different smiles; they give Buck and Eddie another way to communicate with each other and the messages Buck’s smiles convey to Eddie are similar to the communications they have whenever they are using their silent conversations (related GIF set: “Buck & Eddie: “Silent conversations”.  Eddie is one of only two people (Maddie is the other one) who truly sees Buck and who knows Evan; therefore Eddie can determine when Buck is about to spiral or is preparing to make a self-deprecating remark about himself which prompts Eddie to say something to Buck that will make him smile (read blog post: “Buck & Eddie: Eddie takes care of Buck” for more on the ways Eddie takes care of Buck).  Eddie will compliment Buck to see him smile whenever he notices that Buck is starting to feel insecure about something and they make eye contact with the other one whenever they start flirting with each other (read blog post: “Buck & Eddie: Touching and Smiling at each other” for more on the ways Buck and Eddie always smile and touch each other). The smiles Buck gives to other people are different from his Eddie smiles because they don’t include intimacy like the smiles that he shares with Eddie.  Eddie’s ability to make Buck smile is equivalent to the way Buck makes Eddie talk to him and that’s another reason why they are perfect for each other (read blog post: “Buck & Eddie: Buck listens to Eddie” (for more on the ways Buck makes Eddie talk to him).

GIF #1 2x1 “Under Pressure” Buck gave Eddie his first adrenaline fueled smile after he and Eddie removed a grenade from a victim’s leg.

GIF #2 2x1 “Under Pressure” Buck smiled at Eddie three times while they were agreeing to have each other’s backs.  He gave Eddie his first bashful, coy and flirtatious smiles.

GIF #3 3x4 “Triggers” Buck gave Eddie a big flirtatious smile when he looked towards Eddie’s direction since they hadn’t seen each other while Buck was on light duty as the Fire Marshall.  Right after Buck smiled at him and turned around to talk to Bobby, Eddie looked at Buck’s butt and Chimney saw him do it (related GIF set: “Buck & Eddie: 11 times Eddie was caught looking at Buck”).

GIF #4 3x6 “Monsters” Buck gave Eddie a blindingly happy smile after Eddie forgave him for filing the lawsuit.

GIF #5 3x9 “Fallout” Buck gave Eddie a huge bashful and grateful smile when Eddie told a victim that he was obsessed with natural disasters because once Buck finished rambling about meteors, she asked him why and how Buck knew so much about them.

GIF #6 3x9 “Fallout” Buck gave Eddie a coy and flirty smile during his second apology for filing the lawsuit.

GIF #7 3x11 “Seize the Day” Buck gave Eddie an adrenaline fueled smile while they were on top of the firetruck trying to save a victim who was caught and hanging down from an airplane.

GIF #8 3x12 “Fools” Buck blushed and his cheeks became almost as pink as his sweater and lips were when he smiled after Eddie teased him about not following instructions.

GIF #9 3x15 “Eddie Begins” Buck gave Eddie a blinding relieved smile after Eddie made it out of The Well.

GIF #10 4x12 “Treasure Hunt” Buck gave Eddie a shy smile after Eddie asked him to partner up for the treasure hunt.

GIF #11 4x14 “Survivors” Buck gave Eddie a blindingly relieved smile after Eddie woke up from his coma.

GIF #12 5x14 “Dumb Luck” Buck gave Eddie three smiles after Eddie returned home from therapy: (1) happy, (2) grateful and (3) bashful.

GIF #13 5x14 “Dumb Luck” Buck gave Eddie a joyful albeit relieved smile when he was preparing to point towards Charlie so that Eddie would look in that direction.

GIF #14 5x17 “Hero Complex” Buck gave Eddie two types of smiles during their conversation about Eddie’s parents (1) reassuring and (2) supportive.

GIF #15 5x18 “Starting Over” Buck gave Eddie a bashful and shy smile after Eddie told him that the way he likes to fix things was good when there are holes in the wall that need to be fixed.

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I think Chris is angry at both his parents, including Shannon in some way, and he knows the Diaz parents will validate his anger? Really scared BC they do not strike me as the right people to help him process this healthily

This also make sense,

I'm feeling a lot more positive about Ramon who while there did seem sympathetic to Eddie and trying to apply his new learning.

However probably the bulk of it will be handled by Helena, who has so far been shown as nothing but dismissive of both Shannon and Eddie parenting, never shown to be apologetic and seem a bit too excited that Chris has asked to come to texas.

Helena and Eddie's relationship is pretty messed up, despite what Eddie has said (probably because Eddie's own belief in his flaws as a parent) and would love a plot around calling out her behaviour, especially by Chris, as i dont like how this plot has the potential to validate her idea, she was always the better parent for Christopher

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verified ways to send aid to gaza directly

Help a Palestinian family directly:

gazafunds.com - Donate directly to a Palestinian family in urgent need of evacuation, medical attention, food, rebuilding homes/businesses etc. (Spotlights 1 verified gfm at a time so if you don't know who/where to donate to just go here and donate to the one they show you!)

Help provide tents (urgent):

The Sameer Project: Currently providing tents for displaced families in Gaza (emergency bc tents in Rafah are being burned as we speak) (paypal) (gfm)

Food, cash & essentials:

Care for Gaza: Working on the ground in Gaza to distribute food, cash, medicine & other essentials to displaced families. (paypal) (gfm)

Direct Aid for Gaza: also working on the ground in Gaza to distribute food, cash & other daily essential suppliess to displaced families. (paypal) (gfm)

Water:

Gaza Municipality's water project: The official Municipality of Gaza needs help rebuilding the water infrastructure in Gaza City to restore access to clean water and waste management services for the people of Gaza. (This campaign only has a couple of weeks left but it's still only at 15%!)

eSIMs (urgent):

guide to buy & send esims for gaza

crips for esims for gaza: If you don't know how to buy esims or don't have the capacity to manage them (e.g. topping up regularly), this team of volunteers are collecting funds to buy & manage gaza esims regularly

Medical Aid

Palestine Red Crescent Society: Provides emergency medical and ambulance services and humanitarian relief on the ground in Gaza e.g. rescuing and treating the wounded.

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inspired by @caroandcats post

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#I think Buck deserves Bobby to call him his son in front of him (insp by this gifset)

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Buck & Bobby | S07E10

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buck + hugs

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6 Times Buddie Went Canon in Spanish

+ 1 Time Buddie Went Canon in Italian

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“platonic age gaps are problematic-“

are you guys really not friends with your parents? your siblings? your older and younger cousins? your professors and teachers and mentors? the regulars at the cafe twice your age? your motherfucking grandparents? open your eyes and your hearts to what a friend can be.

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#Guess who can

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I’m really glad you’re my kid.