dialog-diri

[dialog-diri]

Bila aku mati esok, katakan pd dunia

Deritaku cukup, semoga juangku tak mati

Agar yang lain tak rasa pedih seperti ini

Agar yang lain bisa direstui

Hidupnya

Dan kudoakan setelahku

Tak ada lagi jiwa yang harus sembunyi

Demi menyelamatkan dirinya

Dari celaka dan malu

[dialog-diri]

Ya Allah, kalau gaada apa - apa lagi yang bisa kau ajarkan/tunjukkan padaku di hidup ini.

Tolong ambil saja aku. Aku sudah lelah sekali.

[dialog-diri]

Bjir cape pke bhs inggris pke bindo aja sekali-sekali

Growing up queer as Indonesian itu cape bgt bjirr.

Apalg lo gaada support system, fak lah kt gw teh.

Disaat org lain bs terbuka dn lo masih sembunyi2 itu cape bgt anjir.

[dialog-diri]

What I worried about you, child. There will come a day where someone younger than you came over to you and asks, "what is love?"

And you will put this sour expression in your face. The memories came pouring down like thunderstorms and its shoveling old wounds you buried deep within your mind.

"What is love?" You asked yourself the question that child was asking you before. Your expression is the answer to the question, but you can't expect a child to understand the complexity of adulthood.

In your mind you would've responded with:

"I know enough that love means nothing if you gave it to anyone.

I know enough that love breaks you down,

And sometimes pulled you up again

Love is not perpetual, it will end sooner or later

You can't expect love to return, it is given by God as a gift, not a collection.

If love started to swayed you with promises of heaven. It is a lie, this is the love that will end sooner rather than later.

You can only give love, you can't bound it to you, or force love to change shape. It is not meant to be. "

Instead you replied the poor child with an ambiguity:

"You wouldn't like it"

[dialog-diri]

Maybe I left so many things left unsaid.

Now, there's nothing for me to say anymore. Nothing worth speaking for.

[dialog-diri]

Karena kau tak perduli bahagiaku. Kau hanya perlu aku hidup.

[dialog-diri]

it's not money. you asked my why i haven't brought someone home and i keep lying to you with the answer of money. it's not money. i have enough. but i want nothing more than a pair of attentive eyes, gentle hands, and a handsome face. those things are enough to kill me here. to get me cast out.

seriously i needed to run.

[dialog-diri]

Tuhan, aku takut.

[dialog-diri]

I like all kinds of men, you know. Your imperfections makes you... perfect. Your laugh, your insecurities. I found beauty from that. I love men. And I wish one of you is mine.

[dialog-diri]

Girl,

Both of us are gay 🏳️‍🌈

Religion doesn't matter anymore 😭

[dialog-diri]

[dialog-diri]

I tried to relate, but they're like— old.

Adulting is realizing that aged people you've worked with are holding on to that old world POVs. The new world is different, being queer is cool now but in the old world— it's taboo.

Feels like an outcast for not relating to them, though. But I'm glad I wasn't them. God, they needed an update years ago but never did.

[dialog-diri]

Maaf pak, bukannya mau lancang.

Tapi bapak itu kan contoh ya, berilah contoh yang baik. Bukan malah s*xual har✨ssing dan nyalahin victim. Maaf anda sudah cukup lonte buat ngatain orang lain lonte.

Inget anak lu di rumah ama bini lu njir.