dessiesposts

[dessiesposts]

Make you feel my love pt. 2 (remastered)

A/N: Hey y'all sorry for the late updates a lot has happened. I wasn't happy with the last chapter so it was rewritten. I def prefer this version better. I look forward to releasing part 3 soon! Hope y'all enjoy! Thank you all for the insane love you have been giving the story!

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6 years, 9 months and 15 days before… 

The room was quiet. You and Ellie laid in her bed giggling at another stupid pun. You ended up snorting at her jokes which only egged Ellie on more. When she looked at you it felt like the world was only you two. You felt like the sun revolved for her. She looked so pretty when she laughed, it always made you giddy. You liked her so bad it hurt. You were so scared to tell her, you knew Ellie liked girls but you grew up with her. She saw every version of you, and she loved every version of you. 

You would constantly doubt the girl’s affection for you. You somehow always chalked it up to your friendship bond. There’s no way Ellie could look at you like that. She always followed around other girls but not someone like you. You hated the way your skin started to feel tight. You felt so ashamed of it. You wanted to peel it away and start fresh, to be someone prettier for Ellie. You wanted her to look at you like she did with the other girls so badly. But, she was already looking at you. She was always looking at you. 

“Angel” Ellie cooed her hand on your cheek felt hot. Your breath quickened. You felt warm. You were too nervous to look into her eyes. You were afraid of what she would see. You just nodded in response. It was hard to look in her eyes during these moments. You felt like if she looked in your eyes she would see everything. You always felt bare under her gaze. 

“You know I can always tell when you’re thinking all crazy” she moved close, almost too close. Your eyes widened as you looked up at her. She laughed at your face, she loved your eyes. You were so adorable she thought. She loved the way you looked up at her. She just loved it when you looked at her. 

“Yeah angel. Mind telling me what’s going on hm?” she asked softly. I’m in love with you, that's what’s going on. Instead you shook your head. She scooted closer. Suddenly the energy started to shift. 

‘I’ve got something to tell you. Please don’t go away once I say it. You have to promise angel. Please promise.” she said with need. Her breathing got deeper as she watched you. 

“Ok Els, I promise to never leave.” you whispered. It felt like just saying it was too loud, like it would ruin this moment. You held your pinky out to reassure her. She locked fingers with you paying extra attention to your lips as you sealed it with a kiss to your hand. 

“I- I um, fuck” she stuttered. Her nerves were getting the best of her. She wanted to tell you so fucking bad. She was so scared. She had a crush ever since she saw you move in next door. She remembers begging Joel to take her to go say hi. She remembers your pretty hair all done up in two braids. She remembers following you around every day after that, completely starstruck. You’ve had her hooked since day one. She’s practically gone insane for you. There was only so long before she exploded. Maybe that’s why she needed to tell you now before her heart exploded out of her chest. She needed you to be her girl. She needed you. 

You looked at her. Her eyes just stared right into yours. Her eyes flickered down to your lips. She bet they tasted like cherries. Fuck. She wanted to kiss you so bad. You saw her staring and practically whined. You were hopeless. You needed her. She needed you. You both needed this so bad. 

Before you knew it, the space between you two became so small you could feel each other’s breath. You pulled away too scared to go any further. You quickly sat up. It was too much. Ellie sat up, she was pushing down her disappointment. 

“Let’s go bug Jesse and Dina yeah?’ She asked quickly standing to go grab her converse. You smiled nodding. It was always nice to have a distraction. 

2 days 6 hours and 36 minutes after…

Ellie felt the air leave her lungs. You don’t remember her. You don’t remember anything. She had to swallow back tears. She took too deep of a breath. 

“I’m Ellie. Ellie Miller. I’m your girlfriend.” she said awkwardly. She hated this. There was an awkward silence that seemed to swallow the room. Only the soft beeping of the machine brought Ellie a consistent comfort. She grabbed the cup of water next to her, swallowing roughly. Her fingers toyed with the frayed edges of the old flannel. 

You just nodded. Ellie brought you a sense of comfort although it felt misplaced, maybe even a little forced. She looked like a kicked puppy standing in front of your hospital bed. You felt a twinge of guilt looking at her. Something deep in your soul wanted to comfort her yet you stopped yourself. It felt too soon for that. It wouldn’t be authentic. You did the next best thing. 

“Do you want to sit down?” You gave her an awkward smile attempting to smooth over the tension. It hung thick in the air. Ellie sat down just looking at the floor, silently counting the tile. She wanted to avoid your gaze, it burned her skin. You wanted to look at her. You wanted to stare into her eyes and find the answer to this mess, to yourself. You needed more than the cliffnotes of your life. Your heart is beating fast. 

“So we were dating?”you asked almost sarcastically. Of course you were, the girl just told you.

“Yeah.” Ellie nodded, still not looking your way. She wanted to leave. She needed a drink. 

“How long have we been dating for?” you asked curiously. You needed more. She needed more. 

“About four years.” she responded dryly, rolling her eyes.  She found herself pissed at the situation. She wished she could laugh at this moment. Here she was with the girl she was planning to marry who now could not remember her or anything for the past 19 years. 

You pressed your lips in a tight line. You understood her anger, you felt it yourself. You knew this was hard for her. You looked at her with such a pitiful look, she hated that. She didn’t want pity, that’s all she’s been getting. She wanted her girl but life wanted to laugh at her. She knew that the irony of the situation couldn’t get better. She saw how everyone looked at her. Even her own sister, Sarah could barely look at her. Ellie knew she wasn’t handling the situation as well or maturely. The flask in her pocket ensured that. Her hair was disheveled, she looked like she hadn’t slept in days. She looked empty. You wished you could help her. You wished you could give her an ounce of hope. But the truth is that the girl in front of you was a stranger. You didn’t feel anything for her. 

“I’m sorry” you apologized. You looked down ashamed. Ellie just nodded and stood up. 

“ Me too” she said before she walked out of the room before she could cry in front of you. She felt pathetic. 

1 year and 3 months and 6 days before… 

Ellie stared straight ahead. She felt frozen. Everyone came up to her, Sarah and Tommy giving their condolences. She nodded curtly and quietly said thank you as she shook their hands. She couldn’t feel anything. Time was passing and she was stuck. 

The ceremony was tame. It wasn’t much but it was enough for Joel. She knew he would have liked for it to be simple. She let Sarah handle most of it, she just didn’t have the stomach for it. Plus Sarah had better taste. Yet, in this moment she wanted nothing more than to curl under a mountain of blanket and drink her sorrow away, 

The guilt in Ellie ate her up. She wished she was stronger. She wished she had more courage to face this. But, this was the scariest thing for Ellie. The man who she grew to rely on was gone. He was always there to hold her hand, to guide Ellie on her path, to keep her in the light. He helped her endure and survive. But, he was gone. He left Ellie alone, she had to fight her own battles now. She had to look for the light. Ellie bit the inside of her cheeks hoping to stifle any sobs coming from her mouth. She didn’t want the attention, the babying, she didn’t want any of this. 

Ellie looked down at her beat up converse carefully examining them as the preacher spoke. The casket only a few feet away from Ellie felt too real. She was terrified of looking at it. If she looked at it then it was real, then Joel was really gone. She opted to look at everything but the casket. The preacher seemed miles away as he went on about heaven. Sarah wanted a preacher, she practically insisted on the entire ceremony whereas Ellie and Tommy would have preferred a much more low-key service. It was still nice. 

“Now we call on Joel’s youngest daughter, Ellie to speak”

Ellie’s eyes shot up wide, suddenly snapped out of her trance. She forgot that she had to speak. Sarah had requested that each one speak on Joel’s behalf. Her mouth ran dry. Ellie had spent the week trying to write about Joel, looking for the right words to say yet whenever she wrote anything it ended up crumpled up in the trash. 

She stood up and approached the podium, the preacher giving her a kind smile of reassurance. As she turned, her eyes caught a glimpse of the casket. It was now in her direct line of vision.She couldn’t ignore this. Her eyes watered. She could always be the loudest smart ass yet here she was speechless. The eyes of the church only added salt to the wound. Ellie tried to speak yet the words seemed to be caught in her throat. She couldn’t stop staring at the casket. It felt taunting. 

You saw Ellie struggling, you silently stood up and walked towards her, meeting at the podium. You smiled small, “I’ve got you” you whispered. Ellie looked at you wide with tears overflowing. She just nodded. She laid her head on your shoulder sobbing as you began to read her speech. The memories of Joel consumed Ellie both good and bad. Memories flashed in her mind, some so fast she could barely process. She remembers when he told her that they got approved for adoption. The pure joy on both of their faces. They walked hand in hand to the comic book store, a gift to welcome her officially into the Miller family. By the time you finished Ellie’s words you were sharing tears with Ellie as you guided her back to her seat. She refused to let go of your hand. You didn’t mind though. You both clung to each other. 

You both sat on the cool oak bench holding hands. Even once the ceremony was over, the church empty, you both sat there staring at the casket, The silence all consuming. You wondered if you would ever get your Ellie back, or if she died with Joel. The two of you sat there. 

“Always?” she whispered softly. 

“Always.” you confirmed. 

7 months and 13 days before… 

You heard loud bangs coming from your living room. You carefully got up grabbing the bat you and Ellie kept by your dresser. Your chest filled with anxiety, your mind racing with the possibility of a stranger being in your home. 

Slowly you made your way down the hall to find a very drunk Ellie stumbling in the dark. You sighed as you slipped the switch on the wall halting Ellie’s movements. She bashfully turned around to a very pissed off you. 

“H-Hey Angel” she hiccuped. You rolled your eyes agitated. 

“Again Ellie, it’s 2 in the morning.” you said annoyed. 

“I just grabbed a drink with Cat after work babe, no big deal.” she nonchalantly said. No big deal my ass. This is the fourth time this week. 

You huffed. “I’m tired of you drinking like this all the time Ellie. It’s not good” You looked at the girl in front of you. She looked like the girl you fell in love with but she wasn’t. 

“You can’t keep doing this Els. I know you’re still upset about -” you were cut off rather rudely by Ellie. 

“Don’t” she said. Her moods changed so quickly it almost gave you whiplash. 

You looked at her with sympathy. It was no secret that she was struggling. You just wished she would talk to you. You felt her pulling away more and more. 

“Baby” you softly lulled. You began to walk towards her. Cautiously you put a hand on her cheek, cupping her face. You looked into her eyes trying to find her. You so badly wanted to find her. 

“I’m here for you bubs. Don’t shut me out.” you whispered. Ellie’s tough exterior began to melt. She found your eyes. She was with you at that moment. She was carrying so much pain. 

“I miss him too” your voice wavered. Ellie began to cry as she pulled you close nuzzling into your neck. 

You held her close as she cried. Her sobs ripped through your heart. 

You were scared a piece of her died with Joel. 

4 days, 3 hours and 14 minutes after… 

Ellie entered your shared apartment. It felt cold.  

She walked towards your couch and sat. She could smell your perfume on the blankets. She gripped them tightly as she cried. 

She lost another person. 

4 days, 5 hours and 25 minutes after… 

You were scrolling through your photo album. You came across a video of Ellie throwing you into a lake. 

You both were squealing and laughing. She looked so happy as she held you close before jumping in. You smiled. 

You wanted that person. You felt guilty that you didn’t miss her.

taglist: @efam @randomhoex @uberyellowsheepn @tfuuka @wex--12 @elliewilliamgfooc

[dessiesposts]

THIS SHIT IS NOT TALKED ABOUT ENOUGH THE WAY I FUCKING DIED AND SPENT LIKE 3+ HOURS BINGING THIS SHIT PLS PLS IT IS A MUST

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𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈𝐈

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈𝐈𝐈

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈𝐕

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐕

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐕𝐈

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐕𝐈𝐈

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐕𝐈𝐈𝐈

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈𝐗

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐗

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[dessiesposts]

I FEEL SEEN

i stole this from twitter

[dessiesposts]

Heyy, how y’all doing 🤭

[dessiesposts]

Hiiiii Dessie, I just wanted to let you know that I love and appreciate your work and thanks for sharing your talent with us <3

I wanna kiss you on the mouth stfu you’re so sweet 🥹🥰

I’m planning to drop part 3 soon. We’re going to see the reader’s quince 🤭

[dessiesposts]

HIII DESSIE HOW ARE YOUUUU!!!!!

I’M SO GOOD POOKIE!! HOW ARE YOU !!!!!!!

[dessiesposts]

Babes no need to apologize you take your time >3

Pookie you’re gonna make me cry 😭🤭

[dessiesposts]

I want to apologize for not posting lately. I’ve been super busy but part 3 is in the works currently! Hopefully sometime this weekend it will be uploaded!!

[dessiesposts]

Hiiiii dessie😊

Heyyy cutie 🥰

[dessiesposts]

HEYYY LOVE!!! Hows your day going???

I’m good baby, what about you? How was your day?

[dessiesposts]

Hey love is 💋 anon taken ??

pooks i am afraid that i am taken. i fear that i have been with my lovely girlfriend for four years.

[dessiesposts]

Pookies please send in asks I really like talking to you all! I would love to be moots 🥰

[dessiesposts]

Pookie your writing is so mf good you need sm more hype for make you feel my love!! <3

Stopp pooks I’m literally obsessed with you make out with me rn 🥰🤭😘

[dessiesposts]

Babes, Make You Feel My Love has to be one of the best Ellie fics I ever read. I'm actually in love with you😫💕

Wait stop because I needed to hear this today. I feel like I have been so worried about it. You literally made my day pookie. I plan to come out a new part soon!

[dessiesposts]

I LOVE THIS AHHHH

— 𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬

ellie williams x fem! reader

synopsis: a fun night with ellie and joel leads to something much more between you and the girl when she walks you home.

a/n: hi! another unposted draft from some time ago, haha. I hope it is enjoyed by some people. this is my 2 fic for ellie that i’ve publicly published so opinions would be great. thank u all<3 I hate this one w a burning passion. tell me if u wan’t a second part maybe?

not proof read !

tags - embarrassed! ellie, nervous! ellie, sweet! reader, Soft! reader, Joel and Reader are platonic close friends, ellie and reader are close friends, kissing, descriptions of beginning sex, more idk lol

𖦹 ellie williams masterlist

𖦹 navigation

the familiar laughs that echoed off Joel's front porch caught Ellie's attentions immediately.

her eyes shook from the two conversing Jesse and Dina to the unseeable side of joel’s house, her brows scrunching in the process.

You had said you were heading to sleep, excusing yourself a little more than a hour ago, at 7:30— and Joel had been in his house since around 6:00. Ellie swallowed nervously when she looked back to her two friends. “I’m gonna go, guys. I’ll see you tomorrow.” she announced, earning two smiles and farewells. “Okay, see ya’.” Jesse smirked, glancing to dina who rolled her eyes.

Ellie walked off, a little more speed in her step than she anticipated— the sound of laughter from afar got louder and louder with each passing of her foot in front of the other, creating her curiosity to become unbearable.

finally, after what felt like a millennium, she finally reached the side of the porch.

You sat beside Joel, smiling wildly and laughing as your eyes were trained on a leather book in the palms of his hands; he was pointing something to you— and amused smile on his face as well.

Ellie’s brow rose, an unexpected drop of sweat collecting on her forehead before she took a step onto the wooden floor.

The creak of the old wood attracted both your and joel’s attention to the cause of the sound; and having both of your eyes on her so suddenly send the single ball of sweat to turn into a tsunami engulfing her body.

“Ellie! we were just talking about you.” you said softly, sending joel a mischievous glance when he drown his smile out by taking a sip from his Coffee mug.

“you were..?” she skeptically asked, stepping forward and closer to you both, reaching the railing and leaning on her hip.

“Yes, Joel was showing me some things from when you were younger,” you amused, brushing some hair out of your face in a pitiful attempt to hide your widening smile.

Ellie’s heart dropped. She knew she was an.. interesting fourteen year old, and the last thing she wanted was her crush to see her in that time.

“huh?”

“Joel was showing me some cute pictures of you from when you were fourteen.” You laughed, cheeks turning rosy from the look on Ellie’s face.

“Now— she asked, alright? I only did it ‘cause she asked.” Joel confirmed, clearly trying to defended himself from Ellie’s possible wrath. you laughed loudly, covering your mouth shortly after. “I did ask; guilty. But ellie, you were so cute!”

Ellie covered her eyes with her hand, ducking her head to avoid eye contact as she huffed.

“It’s late— shouldn’t you guys be asleep already?” she murmured out, not missing your laugh.

“oh ellie, now you sound like joel!”

At that, she uncovered her eyes and sent you an unamused look, causing your smile to only widen. “But she’s right, I have patrol in the morning so i should probably check in with Jesse and head to sleep.” You remarked, sending joel a happy smile as you sat up from your chair.

“We should do this more. for an old man, joel, you’re fun to hang out with. definitely more fun than these kids.” you point to Ellie, and joel laughs.

“I’ll see you both tomorrow.” You say, waving bye and walking of his porch. Ellie sent joel a glance before following after you, catching your shoulder. you turned to her, hands intertwined behind your back as you both locked eyes.

“Can.. I walk you home?” she questions quietly, you smile, nodding. “that would be nice.”

The silence between you both was awkward, hearts beating in an unknown rhythm- yet comftorble, warming.

You tried to ignore how every few seconds you could see her head turn towards you, seemingly tracing your face before quickly looking back down. trying to contain your smile didn’t work in your pleasure when a small laugh escaped your lips upon catching her staring.

“what’s so funny?” ellie snarks, a blush raising to her cheeks, you could tell she was trying to make it seem like an angry flush.

“You.”

she groaned, her hands coating her face quickly, though failing to hide her beat red face. You nudged her shoulder once your house came to view, smile twitching.

“You spaz.” you laughed out, watching intently as ellie continued to walk blindly. “will you.. ugh.” she huffed, uncovering her face and angrily crossing her arms.

“relax. I’m here, anyways.” You announced, pointing to your house who’s coming to view from the trees. “Thanks for walking me, els.”

Ellie swallowed harshly, nodding quickly. “Actually— it’s.. more polite to take you to the door, right?” her fact came off more as a question, voice trembling nervously. You rose a brow, eyes staring through her. “Polite? what happened to ellie? where’d she go?” you teased, playfully checking behind her and behind yourself, joking going down the drain when you only received an eye roll from her instead of a laugh.

“oh— shut up.” she pushed your laughing form, quickly walking past you. You caught up, reaching her pace and arriving at your door rather quickly.

She stood beside you, her lips squeezed shut awkwardly when you reached for the door handle. “Thanks, ellie. Goodnight.” you said, smiling at her.

“wait—!” your attention flew to her again, as she stopped you from entering.

“I.. I have to tell you something.” She announced, sweat falling off her like melting ice, blush coating her face whole. you tried to fight the grin at her obviously nervous nature, simply wiping off your smile smoothly and nodding for her to continue.

Ellie inhaled; fiddling with her two hands, her eyes darting anywhere but you. Yes, ellie was awkward— excruciatingly so, yet, you’ve never seen her like this.

“I.. I..” she was completely tongue tied, her brows furrowed, lips being licked over and over, her teeth biting her cheek. you watched; suspicious.

“are you.. okay?” you question, stepping towards her, eyes scanning her. “Yes!” her head shot up, eyes meeting yours before darting down upon seeing your surprise face. “Yes, i’m fine, i just.. I just want to get this off my chest..”

you nod, your arms crossing. another inhale came from ellie before she straightened her back, a view cracks could be heard— you held back a grimace.

“I.. I like.. you..” she confessed, her jaw so tight you were surprised she could speak.

Your eyes blew wide, jaw surely falling open. you? You’ve liked ellie since the first week you had the blessing of meeting her— her auburn hair, her snarky personality, beautiful eyes and strong nature, it allured you, like moth to a light.

“what?”

“I like you— I.. never mind.”

she went to chicken out and run away, but this time you caught her arm. you grabbed harshly, whipping her towards you— and before she could protest, you smashed your lips to hers— a surge of passion, tender yet fierce, overwhelmed you. Ellie surrendered to the intoxicating pull of desire, melting into you as your lips molded together. It was a kiss that spoke volumes without uttering a single word, an intimate language that only you two could understand.

In that moment, nothing else mattered. The world outside ceased to exist as your souls connected, and you found solace and completeness in each other's arms. Ellie’s body shook, not from fear, but from the sheer intensity of emotions coursing through her at this moment. She had fought to suppress her feelings, but now, the floodgates had opened, and your love cascaded like a mighty waterfall, uncontainable and unstoppable.

she grabbed your waist, you reaching for her cheeks as you were deep inside a gaze— clinging to each other as though your lives depended on it.

but it quickly became desperate, heated breaths heaving from you both as your hands became clingy, searching for more than just a single place to rest. Ellie reached behind you, harshly opening the door— pushing you inside your house before slamming it. Your lips didn’t disconnect once, the kiss too deep to back out now. She had been to your house countless times, so her feet knew the rhythm to follow to reach your ocuch.

You got the idea, feet syncing with hers and before you knew it your back met the familiar cushioning of your sofa, yet this time it wasn’t as cozy and sweet as you remembered.

Her hands were roaming— exploring every crease and crevice on your body in the mere time between each desperate breath of air that was forced into your lungs before her lips connected once again to yours.

her hands began to undo your shirt, the pink buttons of your blouse disconnecting from their home.

“fuck..”

you hadn’t expected this to become as heated as it has, but the way her hands were on you— you had not choice but to comply.

[dessiesposts]

i loveeee make u feel my love i just read it and seemed to come at the right time i cant wait for the next part!

Stoppp. I’m so happy you love it 🥺

[dessiesposts]

Make you Feel my Love pt. 2

Ellie Williams x Reader

Modern AU

TW: Angst, sexual situations, cursing, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, mentions of death.

Summary: You and Ellie were best friends growing, practically attached by the hip. One day you finally become more and never look back. Your life seemed perfect until a crash turned everything around. Will you and Ellie be able to navigate this new terrain or will everything you have built crumble?

Chapter Two: I need you now

WC: 1.8K

A/N: Thank you so much for the love that this story has gotten. I seriously am so happy you all love it so much! Thank you!! Please let me know if you would like to be apart of the taglist!!!

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Part One

6 years, 9 months and 15 days before… 

The room was quiet. You and Ellie laid in her bed giggling at another stupid pun. You ended up snorting at her jokes which only egged Ellie on more. When she looked at you it felt like the world was only you two. You felt like the sun revolved for her. She looked so pretty when she laughed, it always made you giddy. You liked her so bad it hurt. You were so scared to tell her, you knew Ellie liked girls but you grew up with her. She saw every version of you, and she loved every version of you. 

You would constantly doubt the girl’s affection for you. You somehow always chalked it up to your friendship bond. There’s no way Ellie could look at you like that. She always followed around other girls but not someone like you. You hated the way your skin started to feel tight. You felt so ashamed of it. You wanted to peel it away and start fresh, to be someone prettier for Ellie. You wanted her to look at you like she did with the other girls so badly. But, she was already looking at you. She was always looking at you. 

“Angel” Ellie cooed her hand on your cheek felt hot. Your breath quickened. You felt warm. You were too nervous to look into her eyes. You were afraid of what she would see. You just nodded in response. It was hard to look in her eyes during these moments. You felt like if she looked in your eyes she would see everything. You always felt bare under her gaze. 

“You know I can always tell when you’re thinking all crazy” she moved close, almost too close. Your eyes widened as you looked up at her. She laughed at your face, she loved your eyes. You were so adorable she thought. She loved the way you looked up at her. She just loved it when you looked at her. 

“Yeah angel. Mind telling me what’s going on hm?” she asked softly. I’m in love with you, that's what’s going on. Instead you shook your head. She scooted closer. Suddenly the energy started to shift. 

‘I’ve got something to tell you. Please don’t go away once I say it. You have to promise angel. Please promise.” she said with need. Her breathing got deeper as she watched you. 

“Ok Els, I promise to never leave.” you whispered. It felt like just saying it was too loud, like it would ruin this moment. You held your pinky out to reassure her. She locked fingers with you paying extra attention to your lips as you sealed it with a kiss to your hand. 

“I- I um, fuck” she stuttered. Her nerves were getting the best of her. She wanted to tell you so fucking bad. She was so scared. She had a crush ever since she saw you move in next door. She remembers begging Joel to take her to go say hi. She remembers your pretty hair all done up in two braids. She remembers following you around every day after that, completely starstruck. You’ve had her hooked since day one. She’s practically gone insane for you. There was only so long before she exploded. Maybe that’s why she needed to tell you now before her heart exploded out of her chest. She needed you to be her girl. She needed you. 

You looked at her. Her eyes just stared right into yours. Her eyes flickered down to your lips. She bet they tasted like cherries. Fuck. She wanted to kiss you so bad. You saw her staring and practically whined. You were hopeless. You needed her. She needed you. You both needed this so bad. 

Before you knew it, the space between you two became so small you could feel each other’s breath. You pulled away too scared to go any further. You quickly sat up. It was too much. Ellie sat up, she was pushing down her disappointment. 

“Let’s go bug Jesse and Dina yeah?’ She asked quickly standing to go grab her converse. You smiled nodding. It was always nice to have a distraction. 

2 days 6 hours and 36 minutes after…

Ellie felt the air leave her lungs. You don’t remember her. You don’t remember anything. She had to swallow back tears. She took too deep of a breath. 

“I’m Ellie. Ellie Miller. I’m your girlfriend.” she said awkwardly. She hated this. 

You just nodded. She felt familiar but you couldn’t place it very well. You offered her to sit which she obliged, limping to the spare recliner in your room. 

There was an awkward silence. You both just sat there awkwardly looking at anything but each other. You felt shaky. You dated this girl? It should feel natural. It doesn’t. You feel like you should make an effort. I mean the poor girl limped her way across the hospital to see you, it’s the least you can do. 

“So we were dating?” you asked in a poor attempt to break the quiet. 

“Yeah.” Ellie nodded, still not looking your way. 

“How long have we been dating for?” you asked curiously. 

“About four years.” she responded dryly. She found herself pissed at the situation. She wished she could laugh at this moment. Here she was with the girl she was planning to marry who now could not remember her or anything for the past 19 years. 

You knew this was hard for her. You looked at her like a kicked puppy. Her hair was disheveled, she looked like she hadn’t slept in days. She looked empty. You wished you could help her. You wished you could give her an ounce of hope. But the truth is that the girl in front of you was a stranger. You didn’t feel anything for her. 

“I’m sorry” you apologized. You looked down ashamed. Ellie just nodded and stood up. 

“ Me too” she said before she walked out of the room heartbroken. 

1 year and 3 months and 6 days before… 

Ellie stared straight ahead. She felt frozen. Everyone came up to her, Sarah and Tommy giving their condolences. She nodded curtly and quietly said thank you as she shook their hands. She couldn’t feel anything. Time was passing and she was stuck. 

The ceremony was tame. It wasn’t much but it was enough for Joel. She knew he would have liked for it to be simple. 

She hated this. She wanted to disappear. She was with him when he died. She knew he was dying and she couldn’t do anything as he looked into her eyes. He was scared too. She was a pussy who just cried as he faded away. 

Ellie looked down at her beat up converse carefully examining them as the preacher spoke. Sarah insisted that there was one. Ellie didn’t care much for the details. She just wanted the whole ordeal to be over with. Sarah wanted each of them to speak about Joel. Ellie spent the whole week crumbling up papers. She had no clue what to say. 

Her eyes watered when she stood up at the podium. She could always be the loudest smart ass yet here she was speechless. Everyone staring didn’t make it any better. She wanted to run. 

“Uh Joel was my dad. He uh” Ellie’s voice wavered. Her vision began to blur. She couldn’t do this, not without him. He was always there to hold her hand. Now he wasn’t. 

You walked up to the podium. You grabbed Ellie’s hand and held it tight. You sadly smiled at the auburn girl. 

“I’ll help you” You smiled through tears of your own. Ellie nodded thankfully. Her tears were running down. 

“ Joel didn’t have to take me in. He didn’t have to be my dad yet he chose to. He saw something in me even when I didn’t see something in myself. He loved me when no one did.” you softly said. Ellie was fully sobbing at this point. 

“H-He has truly changed my life. He taught me that contractors are the best. But most importantly he taught me to endure and survive. I’ll carry that with me forever for you. Thank you. I’m sorry” you finished. At this point you were sharing tears with Ellie as you guided her back to her seat. She refused to let go of your hand. You didn’t mind though. 

You both sat there holding hands. Even when everyone left. You sat with her. You would always be there for her. You pinky promised and you never break a promise. 

7 months and 13 days before… 

You heard loud bangs coming from your living room. You carefully got up grabbing the bat you and Ellie kept by your dresser. Your chest filled with anxiety, your mind racing with the possibility of a stranger being in your home. 

Slowly you made your way down the hall to find a very drunk Ellie stumbling in the dark. You sighed as you slipped the switch on the wall halting Ellie’s movements. She bashfully turned around to a very pissed off you. 

“H-Hey Angel” she hiccuped. You rolled your eyes agitated. 

“Again Ellie, it’s 2 in the morning.” you said annoyed. 

“I just grabbed a drink with Cat after work babe, no big deal.” she nonchalantly said. No big deal my ass. This is the fourth time this week. 

You huffed. “I’m tired of you drinking like this all the time Ellie. It’s not good” You looked at the girl in front of you. She looked like the girl you fell in love with but she wasn’t. 

“You can’t keep doing this Els. I know you’re still upset about -” you were cut off rather rudely by Ellie. 

“Don’t” she said. Her moods change so quickly it almost gave you whiplash. 

You looked at her with sympathy. It was no secret that she was struggling. You just wished she would talk to you. You felt her pulling away more and more. 

“Baby” you softly lulled. You began to walk towards her. Cautiously you put a hand on her cheek, cupping her face. You looked into her eyes trying to find her. You so badly wanted to find her. 

“I’m here for you bubs. Don’t shut me out.” you whispered. Ellie’s tough exterior began to melt. She found your eyes. She was with you at that moment. She was carrying so much pain. 

“I miss him too” your voice wavered. Ellie began to cry as she pulled you close nuzzling into your neck. 

You held her close as she cried. Her sobs ripped through your heart. 

You were scared a piece of her died with Joel. 

4 days, 3 hours and 14 minutes after… 

Ellie entered your shared apartment. It felt cold.  

She walked towards your couch and sat. She could smell your perfume on the blankets. She gripped them tightly as she cried. 

She lost another person. 

4 days, 5 hours and 25 minutes after… 

You were scrolling through your photo album. You came across a video of Ellie throwing you into a lake. 

You both were squealing and laughing. She looked so happy as she held you close before jumping in. You smiled. 

You missed her too.

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@ucannotcompare @mrsromanoff