desi-kappaa

[desi-kappaa]

you pick up the phone and it says it's 2 p.m... next thing you know your mom is calling you for lunch and it's 3:30 and you're still holding that damn phone and you remember absolutely nothing

[desi-kappaa]

the so-called "deficit hawk" leaving conservatives' bodies when trump blows up our deficit. the so called "small government supporter" leaving conservatives' bodies when trump expands federal power to dictate education in public schools.

[desi-kappaa]

i'm going to listen to the album of the artist you like even though he's not really my vibe. i'm going to read the book you suggested even though it's not a genre i usually enjoy. i'll watch the show. i will try the recipe. i will play the video game, or at least watch a deep-dive youtube explaining the really-long lore so i have some idea of what's happening. the movie you suggested is too scary for me, but - i mean, the wikipedia page is kind of interesting - look at the length of the section Controversy.

this is not a burden. i think maybe "burden" and "love" might be oppositional, the way sometimes "love" and "hate" are not opposites. a burden is a dragging. i love you because you brought me to the water, and it is the horizon of your heart. i love you because of your nervous pacing around the edges of the rabbit hole.

often you are right. some songs on that album remind me of the spark in your eyes. the book was really thought-provoking.

more i just want to understand enough that you can talk to me. that you can explain, in depth, why it matters that wheat has shallow roots. i love you, even platonically - your love of this thing leaks into me. i watch you, cautious and dancing, the shy desire for you to smear the colors of this thing into my life, too.

they are your colors, though. of course i want them here, in the marginalia of my life. you matter to me. i want them to crowd the little moments of my day. i want your fingerprints scattered throughout the rooms of my heart.

one time i spent about six months reading and researching a particular author, just so i could talk to one of my friends about him. i never got the chance. she betrayed me, broke my trust, and sided with her abusive ex-boyfriend. standing in the sodden floodplain of what she left over, some bitter part of me asked - isn't that tragic? you have all this knowledge and nothing to do with it.

but i did have all that knowledge, though. when i reach for it, i still feel it glow.

[desi-kappaa]

- on childhood loneliness

@aphexxtween on tiktok/ @mazzystarjpg/ mastermind- taylor swift/ the virgin suicides/ @heavensickness/ if you’re anything like me- taylor swift/ pen15/ @mango-season

[desi-kappaa]

So many songs to listen to but too little time.🤌

[desi-kappaa]

Why are we so hyperfixated on getting things done? I want to just lie down and read a book what do you mean that's uncool-

[desi-kappaa]

[desi-kappaa]

[desi-kappaa]

— Megan Fernandes, “Do You Sell Dignity Here?” from I Do Everything I’m Told

[desi-kappaa]

speaking as an 1st gen immigrant myself, i want to try and explain something.

The h-1b immigration visa is flawed and really fucked up. I'm not talking about the immigrants themselves, but this visa should be removed. What a lot of people fail to understand is that this visa is not as good as the ceos make it out to be. its an excuse for them to pay their employees less. they can pay immigrants less for the same amount of work, and so they get more money while immigrants suffer. i get some people think theyre trynna support immigration by keeping the visa, but speaking as an immigrant myself, all it does is take advantage of workers and exploit them, it needs to be stopped. though, im not saying all immigration should stop. there are a wide variety of other visas, and we can work on creating more. but the h-1b is flawed and from a broken system.

and to those who arent immigrants but keep trying to keep it to 'support immigration,' look, thank you for doing what you think is right, but youre doing the immigrants more harm than good here. the visa was made to exploit immigrants, not care for them.

[desi-kappaa]

you have to stay alive. you're going to be such a beautiful middle aged freak. young freaks will see you in the street and know that things can be okay.

[desi-kappaa]

everything is a canvas

[desi-kappaa]

[desi-kappaa]

productivity day 5/100

daily update:

i’m disappointed in myself again because i was a little unproductive. i only ate 1000 calories though, so i’m happy about that!! :DD

productivity rating: ★★

hours worked: 2.5-3 ish

things i did:

- finished ochem prelecture notes 7

- finished genetics notes

[desi-kappaa]

HELLO THIS IS SO GOOD WHATTTT

I can see through your tricks.

[desi-kappaa]

I need to forget Arcane... just so I can watch it again for the first time ;-;

[desi-kappaa]

do you see what i'm saying?