delirious-travesty

[delirious-travesty]

14th September 2020

Well well well. Here we go again. Same time of year, same weight as the last failed attempt of reaching my weight goal. The weight goal that I have never achieved. I came so close yet fell at the last hurdle. I'll do it this time. I have to get my weight goal at least once in my life or I'll never feel fully accomplished. Now is the perfect time.

[delirious-travesty]

19/10/2019 today for breakfast is an apple 🍎, a banana 🍌, and some zero added sugar strawberry 🍓 yoghurt drink watered down with some semi skimmed milk🥛. High in sugar but all natural and it's actually almost 2pm so I'm skipping lunch🌻 stay safe everyone x

[delirious-travesty]

18th October 2019

So I havent been on here for a very long time because I've put on a lot of weight. I put on a stone of weight (14lbs) from june to now since starting some medication. This week I have slipped back into my old eating habits (or at least tried to) and I've lost around 3-4lbs since the beginning of the month. Life is so different for me, and restricting is hard because I now live alone with my boyfriend and he does amazing gestures like cooking me breakfast in bed and having some dinner ready for me for when I get home from work. He's honestly an angel, but food is just not what I want right now 😔. I don't fit into my jeans anymore and I had to buy some new ones. I've cut my hair and it makes my face look fatter. My thighs are huge and ripple when they move and my boobs feel like they're suffocating me. I feel disgusting, sad, depressed as ever and I hate that I let myself get this way. Why did this happen? How did I allow this to happen? I was doing so well. I was only 3lbs off my target weight and now I'm 14lbs away and my target weight seems impossible to achieve now

[delirious-travesty]

Went on a bit of a cheese binge last night then threw about 60% of it back up uhhhhhh

[delirious-travesty]

Reblog the pumpkin king and you’ll lose 5 pounds this week

(just do it)

[delirious-travesty]

:’)

Damn. A whole 15lbs in less than a week.

Reblog this cute bumble bee for the same luck🐝🖤💛🖤

[delirious-travesty]

Look at me all nice and pale. The anaemia will be kicking in soon 🤞

[delirious-travesty]

Me: googles calories in toothpaste

[delirious-travesty]

Breaking the cycle

After Christmas I always find it difficult to break the cycle of just eating whatever I want. November is always my lightest month. In November 2018 I was at my lowest weight which was 7st 2lbs (100lbs). I was SO close to reaching double figures but now I've put on 6lbs in a month and now weigh 7st 8lbs (106lbs) knowing that I'm half a stone away from double figures now is heartbreaking.

But...

Yesterday I broke the cycle. It was the first day after going back to work after Christmas that I didn't eat any dinner. I didn't go to the shop for a pie or even a bowl of low calorie soup. I went back to having my 40 calories of coffee in the morning and my 10 calorie dinner of a sugar free energy drink sat in my car alone.

Now here I am, sat here again, sugar free energy drink in hand. No biscuits, no chocolate cake, no binge. I am allowing myself 1 meal a day so that I still eat tea with my partner as to not raise suspicion.

I will weigh myself again on Monday and let everyone know how I've done on my first week back on track

[delirious-travesty]

Tuesday 8th January summary

Breakfast: one banana = 105 calories

Dinner: tuna salad with sweet chilli sauce = 150 calories

Tea: smoked haddock with stir fried vegetables and sweetcorn = 250 calories

Gym: 122 calories

Total in: 505 calories

Total out (including metabolic rate): 1782 calories

Total loss: 1277 calories

Go me🌻🌻🌻

[delirious-travesty]

Little vent

I tried to ignore the Tumblr upcoming change. Because as far as I know it won’t affect this blog of mine. But I can’t ignore that facts that 1. The biggest community from Tumblr will disappear. And there is no way tumblr will survive that lost. A community that needs a place to be themselves. And that has been Tumblr for a very long time. 3. Our frustrations were with the porn bots, not with real owners of a NSFW blog. They are not bothering us. 3. People that own a NSFW are not only here for the porn. When I look at my followers I see a lot of NSFW blogs that are here not just because of the porn but also because they feel lonely, because they are struggling, because they want to connect with like minded people. It’s not fair that they aren’t allowed to be here just because anything sexual isn’t allowed. We all (most of us) have sexual thoughts but because they show it on a blog they are not allowed to be here? What is that for kind of bullshit.

If Tumblr knows so well which post are NSFW and explicit, why don’t they make another filter for that. Why not on top of the safe mode a hide NSFW switch. That you can unlock when you are above 18. So you can choose if you want to use tumblr NSFW free or if you are okay with it. You don’t have to delete more than the half of your users and content. There are other ways that won’t kill this amazing platform.

Please think about other possibilities. There are a lot. Without deleting such a big part of Tumblr. And while doing that killing your platform. It’s a shame if this amazing platform gets lost because of this.

[delirious-travesty]

This is my before and after. 30lbs difference🌻

[delirious-travesty]

My hip to waist ratio starting to look unnatural. I reached my lowest ever weight of 100lbs last week. My 'official' weigh in day is Tuesday so might be even lighter tomorrow🌻

[delirious-travesty]

102lbs

[delirious-travesty]

I love how you can even see my hip bones through my dressing gown now💘

[delirious-travesty]

I live off fags and pepsi max

Do you want to know why?

Because it proves to myself that I have some willpower.

Because the rumble in my stomach reminds me that I ACTUALLY stuck to my word.

Because lying down and seeing my hips and ribs stick out makes me feel worthy.

Because the number on the scale decreasing gives me a high.

Because when I do eat, I get full so easily.

Because I can feel less guilty about the food I eat of a weekend.

Because feeling lighter makes me feel more feminine.

Because I feel like it allows me to belong to something.

Because I have an eating disorder, and I am convinced that this is the only way I can possibly lose weight.

[delirious-travesty]

50lbs difference over two months and three weeks

25lbs left to go